Thursday, December 13, 2007

thanks, i've had enough now

you know how the proverbial they say god only gives you what you can handle? well, in case he's reading--uh, thanks i'm done. my cup runneth over.

the fil isn't doing as well as they'd like. he's on the verge of pneumonia, which is really not a good thing at this point. he doesn't recognize people. well, he recognized the wife; thought the hubs was his grandpa. later this evening he recognized his daughter and asked where her mother was, that he needed to go where she is. it's not good.

the thing that's killing me is not being with the hubs through this or whatever else happens. he's torn between staying and coming home (more bad weather expected over the weekend between here and there). as much as i want him to come home so i can do something, anything, i really want him to stay there. he needs to be there. i can hear it, whatever it is, in his voice and i hate not being able to comfort him.

after talking to him this evening i pretty much lost my shit. i called my brother. i guess some people would call their parents or a friend but i needed to talk to my brother. not that he can fix anything but he always knows what to say. it's strange isn't it, or maybe it's me, that when we're really in the thick of things we turn to men. i rely on the hubs and my bro a lot for emotional support. i know for the most part it is because of who they are and what they mean to me, but i think too it's an intrinsic (again, at least for me) or instinctive thing to turn to a man. ok, that sounds weird, not turn to just any man, ah hell, if you don't know what i mean i can't explain it.

the whole issue with the girl and her being upset about the student council thing played on my mind today too. it's not just this incident, this was just the icing on the cake, coupled with the fact that i dealt with it on my own. she's always lamented about not being popular. she's so incredibly sweet and smart and beautiful and (can be) thoughtful i just can't imagine why she's always had such a rough time socially in school. i so try to encourage her to embrace who she is, be happy with herself and be herself, but i don't know how to make that happen. i don't want being popular to be important to her, but it is. today at lunch i went christmas shopping. as much as i hate labels and the importance kids place on them i bought her some clothes at old navy. i convinced myself it was because they were on sale and she needed them (despite the fact that they'll be christmas presents) but i could have just as easily bought them elsewhere.

this has been my day since 5pm:
1. reporter from sister pub comes to me to let me know his story mentions one of our vendors, and not in a good way--the same vendor i had issues with less than a month ago who threatened to sue us if i didn't remove a story from our web site

2. roadmap for the issue that ships to the printer wednesday keeps getting changed majorly by sales dept.

3. spent 15 minutes on the phone trying to fix #1

4. spent 30 minutes on the phone w/ my publisher discussing #1 and #2 (both of these while picking up the kids from daycare)

5. sat in the parking lot at tarjay wrapping up #4 so we could buy a present for the birthday party the boy is going to tomorrow after school.

6. arm is starting to act up again. guess the cortisone shot wore off.

7. oh, and it's dec. 14 and we don't have the tree up yet and i'm no where near finished christmas shopping.

now for the rest of my evening--it's thursday night so the kids are watching csi. i have an ass load of laundry to do but will be happy if i get one load done so the boy has some pants to wear tomorrow. i have to wash my comforter because one of the cats hacked on it. i need to change the litter box before i throw up. oh, and i need to eat something for dinner (the kids had frozen pizza).

the kids are calling for me to come watch the show with them. i guess the litter/laundry can wait an hour.

pass the dutchie please.

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