Monday, December 5, 2011

:::tap tap tap:::: anyone still out there?

gah, you go away from your blog for about three months and blogger goes and changes its format! sheesh. i got a fancy new fangled phone at work and i thought that would make me MORE socail media savvy and get back to being on top of things, but obviously that didn't work. our lives are much busier now. i blogged on a regular basis when i was out of work because i had....TIME. before that, when i was employed, i could blog from work or at home in the evenings because i had....TIME. that was pre-karate, pre-high school, pre-soccer. life got full. i'm not complaining. i have so much to be grateful for. so, what's happened since september? i finally got busy at work and six+ months into this gig i like it. i do miss the creativity that i once had in previous jobs, but everything else is good. i get pissed off when people don't meet my deadlines--and now, rather than being an editor that had power over the people writing for me, i have none and that frustrates the hell out of me. but, all in all, it's not a bad gig. the girl is doing much better in high school (socially) than she did in middle school. she still struggles w/ making new friends, but, she doesn't feel like the only brainiac on the planet and is hanging out w/ different kids now. the boy is doing well in middle school and he is now a junior black belt in karate : ) that test involved a family trip out of town for a long weekend, which was pretty fun. we are going to OK to visit the hubs' dad (and his wife, the hubs' aunt) for christmas. the boy is beyond excited about this; the girl could care less; the hubs is happy to be seeing his dad but anxious about spending that much time w/ him and his wife in his mom's house; i think it's a good thing we're going because the hubs needs to see his dad, but i am not over the moon about being away from home for christmas--the first time we've done so in 14 years. i have taken for granted all of the holiday things we do, all of our quirks and traditions and a little part of me is sad that we'll miss that. but, the part that is happy for the hubs to see his dad and my son to see his grandpa is much bigger and outweighs that little sadness. the girl is taking driver's ed. she's in her second week of the classroom portion. it could be a few months before she gets to the actual driving part of it. can i tell you that this freaks me the hell out? the hubs actually had me try to bribe her into not taking it. laptop? $500? nope--she declined both and is taking the class. i know this is part of growing up and i am excited for her. but to me it just means all of those things that happen to your kids before they leave you are speeding up exponentially. those are the big things that come to the top of my mind when i think about the last three months. there have been little things--i made the hubs get rid of his caddy and get a newer car (too many miles, too much work needing done on the caddy); we had a scare w/ the black lab and had to take her to the emergency vet (she's ok now); i went to lunch w/ my mom and she proceeded to tell me she wanted to be closer and happy (like one lunch can erase years of neglect--needless to say i haven't heard from her much since then); the hubs and i celebrated 19 years of wedded bliss (of course we were out of town for the boy's karate test at the time, but still); we visited philadelphia (karate test weekend); i read the help and the latest sookie stackhouse book; we saw breaking dawn (i'm still team jacob); we went black friday shopping (that night, not in the morning) and i was overwhelmed w/ what people will go through to get STUFF. i will try to start reading blogs again and writing here again. i hope you all didn't give up on me completely. i do try to keep up w/ those of you who are on face libre ; )

Monday, September 26, 2011

what to do what to do

the girl has been telling us about some troubling things going on with her friends lately.

first, did you know being bi or gay is the new in thing? well, i didn't. several of the girl's girlfriends say they are bi or lesbian...not one, not two...several. one of the girls has dated boys and girls (she is 14) and last year sort of hit on the girl. the girl admits she doesn't care if they are or aren't but that their talk about kissing girls or detailed talks about it make her uncomfortable and when she says something they make fun of her for being "christian" or a prude. granted, i think a lot of this is just talk--the girls think they're being cool or rebellious or on the cutting edge--and honestly i don't care if they're gay or not. but, it makes me curious that so many of the girls are talking about it. kinda puts me in mind of those teen pregnancy packs that were going around. did i miss something? is this a trend i didn't know about??

second, the girl has another friend who is posting all sorts of freaky stuff on her facebook page. writing and posting dark poems, claiming she's a cutter, that she's suicidal, taking all these dark pictures of herself and posting them online. i don't know her parents. my girl confronted her about it and the girl acted like she had no idea what she was talking about. the girl says she acts perfectly normal at school, is happy, has friends, etc. this particular girl has had issues in the past--in 7th grade she accused my daughter of bullying her, going so far as to make anonymous phone calls to the bully hotline. it was a strange situation. after that she started following my girl around like a puppy dog and now she's acting like this. again--i don't know if this is serious or just for show.

do i get involved? do i call her parents, whom i don't know, and tell them they need to look at their daughter's fb page?

and w/ the bi/gay thing--i know one of the girls parents fairly well (we don't hang out or anything but we run into each other all the time because of our daughters). i don't know if they know what's going on w/ their kid.

i'm hesitant to do anything because for now my girl talks to us and tells us everything. i worry that if i start talking to parents or getting involved she won't trust us and tell us things we need to know about herself.

what would you do?

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

if i only had the nerve

in my head i am a balls out kind of person. i vent. i go off. i call people out on their totally fucktardiness. i am a badass mofo. in my head. in person i nod politely or hold my tongue (except of course w/ my family). maybe i should clarify...

yes for the love of god i do realize that changes on facebook are not the fucking end of the world, but, if i want to get on there and vent because they have made that thing such a fucking chore to use i don't even know why i bother, then don't write some holier than though post about how it's free and i'm not required to use it...blah blah blah. shut the fuck up. instead of writing that comment on fb i am sharing it w/ you here.

my sister has been posting that her middle child, the boy who creates havoc w/ all of the kids whenever we all get together, says he is getting picked on at school and she is fuming mad at the principal. my bro politely commented that his son said the same thing before and in the end they found out he was actually the one causing the problems. my sister apparently is one of those parents who thinks their kid can do no wrong. oy fucking vey. and after reading all of her other posts i'm quite sure her fucking house must be sparkling clean because that is all she talks about. or that someone is sick. or that she's just bought the kids some new cloths. i know i know--it's a free country, people can post whatever they like. but really? shut the fuck up already.

i am getting more into the rhythm of my workplace now and have discovered that i seriously fucking want to get one of those t-shirts that say...just because you waited until the very last minute to fucking get something done (even though i might have been prodding you about it for weeks) doesn't mean it is now my burden at the 11th hour. and while we're at it--omg...please, please please stop using the word ubiquitous. part of me thinks you are being witty by planting it in every paragraph of your work, but then i realize you aren't and it just makes me want to scream. also? can we just teach a class on marketing 101 to the whole fucking company? instead of saying this 12 times today i held myself in check, went out for a smoke, and then spewed all of this stupidity to the hubs on the phone as i was driving home. oh man. i am not a politically minded person by any means. while the hubs is a republican, i consider myself an independent, mainly because i can lean both ways depending on the issue. in a nutshell--i don't think the government has a right to tell me, if i make an ass load of money, that i should have to pay more in taxes because i made more money. flat tax across the board. i don't think the government should preclude people of any sex from getting married. i don't think they should tell churches what they can or can't do (not because i don't believe it in but i believe in the government staying out of the church's business). why should any one else care if two men or two women want to get married? are they marrying YOU? then get your fucking nose out of their business.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

slumping along

ah...fall is here this weekend. i don't know if she's here to stay, but she is here. sporting events yesterday for the girl and the nephew. good. chili for dinner. good. but...i have been slowly walking down this hill into....slump. i told my friend texas about it a while ago--it's like nothing BAD has happened, i am not having an issue (aside from the ongoing head-shaking stuff of my parents/sister). i have a job, even if there are days that i have to amuse myself for fear of falling asleep. those are the longest days. i am just....vanilla.

do you ever get that way? i am not sad over anything. nobody has burst my bubble. no one is being particularly dickish to me. i just feel blah.

i blew up at my family friday after work because of the house. when i was laid off the house was my job. i might not have been the best at it, but i did it. i resented it being taken for granted, but i did it. now that i'm working and the kids have afterschool/evening activities it seems overwhelming. the hubs handles 95% of the evening activities (the boy's karate) so that does count for something. gah, i just need to get over myself and buck up right?

my kids are healthy. they seem to be adjusting well to their first years of middle and high school. their grades so far are great. they are interested in new things (drama and band). the hubs is mostly the best husband ever. i have a job and am getting paid so i don't have to worry about how to pay the bills. so what the fuck is my problem????? i keep coming back to this part in the book the help (have you read it? if not you should, it's a great great read). one of the maids is just perplexed because her boss, who seemingly has everything a person could want/need (except for a child and friends) is blue all the time. the maid says something to the effect of, "it's just like a white person to have everything under the sun and and not be happy." i'm paraphrasing, but that's what i took away from it.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

not the post you'd think today

i thought about posting one of those, where i was 10 years ago today posts, but i just can't do it right now. i've read a few, and there are even more comments about it on fb and i just....don't want to feel sad.

the cookout w/ the whole family last weekend was fine. empty. i told the hubs, it wasn't like when we get together w/ my bro/sil and the kids--happy, relaxing, fun, full of heart/love. i always look forward to any time we get to spend w/ them. i don't even think THEY know how much it means to me. but the cookout w/ the whole family...i actually dreaded it for days. i was not excited about it in any way. like any other time we all get together, it feels forced to me. it feels like we are all gathered out of obligation, not out of wanting to be w/ each other. the kids ran around playing as they always do, and, as always happens, my sister's middle child throws a wrench in things. he is a cute boy. if he changes his attitude and habits he will be a heart breaker some day. but--he is a tattle tale and a whiner and a sneak and a liar. granted, he's only in 1st grade, but my kids and my other nephew struggle to get along w/ him. my sister is also strange in that she doesn't let her kids do anything. my kids and my bro's kids (to include little puddin' who is 3) rough house and wrestle--my sister's kids are not allowed to do this. i was surprised that she let them play out in the yard w/ nerf guns (she doesn't permit gun/death play). i don't get this--how did she grow up in the same house i did? whatever. my mom did not go out of her way to interact with the grandkids--she asked for their birthday/christmas lists--further promoting the idea in my kids' heads that she's not there to love you, talk to you, care about you, just to give you stuff. she fb from my patio that she was enjoying the day w/ her kids and grandkids (all for the benefit of her sisters i'm sure).


I am beginning to realize that this may actually be all there is to my job. Proof reading and juggling due dates. Pushing paper as it were. Waiting on feedback from others. Filling in excel spreadsheets. I have asked for more work. I have done everything but come right out and say most days I am bored senseless. I keep hearing, it will get busier. We’re coming up on our busy season. Hmmm. I’ve been here three months and I’m not seeing it. thank God they aren’t going to hire another person to do what I do, because really? That would be a gross waste of money. People here were under the impression that this was a time-consuming, tough job. Part of me wonders if there is something I’m supposed to be doing, that would take up some time, that I’m not. But, I’ve asked. The other part of me thinks that the person who last had this job had people snowed. Snowed better than any politician could imagine. Snowed more than Antarctica in the dead of winter. Snowed more than Charlie sheen’s glass-top coffee table. I have heard that she didn’t really pitch in to help anyone else out. Really? Sometimes that’s the only work I can get to fill the hours. I also heard that she holed up here in her office with the door shut all the time. Knowing the amount of work she didn’t have I guess I could see that because it would enable the taking of naps. I also heard that lots of guys frequented her office. Digging through some of the old files I have discovered that these guys were previously paid inordinate sums to produce things. Granted, part of my job is to work w/ these people producing things and to request payments for them, but, there is no paper trail to follow to discover how the previous person in this job came up w/ the payment figures. So…..I have some thoughts on this. One, she was padding their payments, doing part and or all of the work, and getting a kickback from them. The dirty minded part of me thinks she was getting kickbacks for other services she may have offered behind her closed office door. I have never spent so much time online, but it’s not even exactly what I’d like to do online because I can’t get to my email from work and I won’t risk actually blogging from work (just don’t know how much Big Brother pays attention) and though I can get to FB from work, I’m leery about being on there too much or posting or you know, playing those games I haven’t played in months. I make lists for myself. I do online crossword puzzles. I shouldn’t complain. As far as the big picture goes, I’m not complaining. I’m grateful to have a job. But the days go by so slowly when you don’t have a lot of work to do.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

where does the time go?

i swear, i blink and a week goes by. but, during that week it feels like it takes forever, like life is moving in slo-mo. it just hit me this week that part of the reason things feel so crazy is because not only am i working again, but, the boy has karate while i'm working. this is a first. he started taking karate when i got laid off. we didn't have the mad scrambling to get people where they need to be like we do now. and the girl's soccer has started back up.

we've always told the kids they could do one thing at a time, i'm glad we did. although, maybe i was kidding myself. both are involved in classes (orchestra, band, drama--yes, my shy little girl is not only taking theatre arts, she's joined the drama club AND tried out for her first play) that require extra time.

what is suffering? my house. i seriously started thinking about seeing how much it would cost to have someone come in and clean once a week. but really--once a week wouldn't be enough. the dog shedding requires vacuuming every day. laundry. etc. i think perhaps i might have to adjust my expectations as to what my house will look like for the next seven years? (until the youngest goes off to college). i'm not a clean freak (far from it) but i feel out of sorts and jittery when the house is out of whack.

labor day weekend is finally here. what does this mean? family cookout. the WHOLE family (yes, my parents and my sister and her family). my bro and his family will also be here but i like them. this was the hubs' idea--giving peace a chance and making an effort and all of that bullshit. i am certainly not looking forward to it, like i look forward to the bro and his family coming over. my parents will sit around talking to the grown ups, and then wonder why they have no relationship w/ their grandkids (well, my kids and my bro's kids). she actually emailed me this week asking for christmas lists for them!? really? ask them yourself today! get to know them! sheesh!


Sunday, August 28, 2011

i didn't feel old until...

....i watched the vmas tonight. today's my birthday. it has been a wonderful day--hubs and kids made breakfast (kids even picked out turkey bacon (nasty) because a few days ago i said we needed to get back on a healthy eating track); i got some kick ass presents (some of which you can see above); hubs grilled steaks; we shared a bottle of wine. perfect day.

then we watched the vmas. i didn't recognize many of the names. i shook my head at most of the performances, even lady g. i saw a commercial for...i can barely say it...a remake of footloose. what the hell is the world coming to? people accepting awards w/ the baggy pants and underwear showing. people dressed up w/ stuffed animals as accessories. i am old.

i have to admit a secret though...i have a bizarre crush on russell brand.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

oy to the vey

i am beginning to worry about my son. dude does not fucking listen to anything. he is not a bad kid. he's not mean or hateful. he's very respectful, creative, intelligent, caring, loving. but, oh, my, gawd he doesn't listen. he has no focus.

i can tell him something right to his face. three times. and it's like the words i am saying are going in one ear, and he hears me talking, but he cannot comprehend what i am saying.

for example--tonight he asked me, hey mom, do you know a jane doe? me, no, why. him, jane doe sent me a friend request on fb. is she a friend of yours? me, no, i don't know a jane doe. him, so are you friends w/ her? is she on your fb page? do i know her? me, SON, i do not know anyone named jane doe. him, didn't you used to work with someone named jane doe? SON!!!! i do not know anyone named jane doe!!! him, ok, ok, you don't need to yell. so, should i accept her friend request? hole.e.hell.


Sunday, August 14, 2011

so much too say

thursday of this week i called the hubs from work. i was all excited because...omg...i was BUSY. yes, BUSY i tell you. (this phenom remained in tact on friday as well). when i have work to keep me busy (even if it is not the most sexy, creative work around) i am much happier. when i called to tell him this he was hanging out at my parents' house.

why in the hell would he be doing that you might ask? he's been carrying around this footlocker of anger/frustration over them most of the summer because of their lack of involvement in our kids' lives and the fact that they are shitty parents/grandparents. we spent hours rehashing his conversation that night, but basically he feels better, got a lot of his chest and they (once again) say that they want to be better, blah blah blah. i get the feeling that this might have been a repeat of a conversation my brother had with them about a year ago about communication and how they don't do it. whatever.

yesterday we went to a local karate tournament that the boy was competing in (didn't know we were doing this until the last minute). since starting karate two years ago he's been to half a dozen tournaments and i am perplexed. you'd think a sport/hobby/discipline as focused as karate would lend itself to an organized event. NOPE. i have never been to one that started on time or was organized well or that didn't have starts and stops as the organizers tried to figure out what they were doing. i don't understand that at all.

i also took the girl to get her school-do on. purple highlights. as much as i like our cool little hairdresser girl and her shop atmosphere and the others who work there, every time we leave we are not fully satisfied w/ the service we've received. the girl expressly told the hair dresser how much purple she wanted and where (because the last time she got blue and didn't specify, she didn't really get as much as she wanted). again...not as much purple as she wanted. and even though i was sitting there the whole time, i'm trying to figure out how such little coloring took two hours. the last time i got my hair highlighted there i was also underwhelmed. sigh, i fear i might be time to find another hair place. i hate that.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

what the hell is happening?

riots and fires and vandalism in london

for the first time in history the country's credit rating has been downgraded

three FUGITIVE siblings were caught in colorado after committing crimes in fl and ga

comprehending the debt the country is in is impossible

stephen hawking outlined exactly how the big bang created the universe and said that meant there was no need to say a god did it therefore there is no god

sadly i have gone against my nature and, out of boredom, i read the news more often now. why? there is nothing positive in the news. the world is falling apart. seriously. falling apart. and? i read an article yesterday that basically said the japanese government didn't properly evacuate people after the reactor meltdown because they didn't know where to send them because the people who were supposed to be able to figure out the technical data about where that shit was blowing didn't know how to read the data. REALLY?

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

zzzzzzzzzz....wait...what? it's 5pm?

i will preface this post by saying, yet again, that i am unbelievably thankful that i have a job. i am working for a good company. the people in my department are cool. it is laid back. i am thankful for a paycheck that allows me to pay the bills and actually start rebuilding from the last two years and planning for the future. i have friends who are still job hunting. i know the fear and anguish they face.

BUT...i have never been so freakin' bored in my life. i go in every morning am i going to make the things on my to do list last all week? when i do have tasks to perform they are...boring. i am a paper pusher. the creative juices get drained at the door. there is no need for them. today i completed several online crossword puzzles and a sudoko puzzle between proofing ads that consist of one line of text and part numbers. i am editing a q&a article and trying to prevent myself from rewriting the whole thing just so i have something to do. part of my job entails creating (i use this term VERY loosely) blurb copy for weekly online newsletters. i am not only caught up on this task, i have all of the work for august done. my boss is on vacation this week, which makes it even slower for me. she keeps telling me it will get busy. there is scuttlebutt that we will be hiring more people in our department in the fall. i am wondering why.

i would rather be running around w/ too much on my plate than sitting there trying to figure out how to fill the day. it drives me nuts. i am cautious about playing around too much on the internet, which would fritter away a lot of time, because i don't know how closely this company monitors such things. i did, however, notice that when i've gone to talk w/ our graphics person about ads we're working on, she is either on fb or shopping online.

the hubs asked me today if everything was ok. i told him i am bored to freakin' death. but, still, glad to have a job. very glad to have a job. and i'm not looking for a job.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011


you know how most bathroom stalls are pretty standard? you have the toilet paper dispenser on the left side and usually a shiny metal trash bin on the right. well, in our work bathroom stalls there is another receptacle beside the tp dispenser w/ little bags for disposal of "necessary items" as it is labeled. there is also a paper toilet seat cover dispenser. some of the stalls also have a sign on the door, so when you sit down, you can read..."blood-born pathogens can be harmful. please wrap all necessary items and dispose of them in the bags before placing in the trash can."

there are also bigger, brown paper bags in the shiny metal trash bin on the right of the stall wall.

outside the stalls, on the wall, there is a necessary item dispenser (like many bathrooms have) but these are free.

today is day three of my needless period and i did not pack enough supplies to get me through the day. i don't know whether it's age or what, but i require both a pon and a pad, industrialabsorbancy in both.

now, since i have two "necessary items" to wrap and double bag every damn time i go to the bathroom (so i don't contaminate anything w/ blood-born pathogens) it takes awhile and it is noisy. i feel like i should be wearing a damn hazmat suit.

today the free supplies in the dispenser just weren't doing the job so at lunch i went out to the grocery store to pick up the industrialabsorbancy supplies i needed, so i wouldn't have to reload every damn hour.

i enter the grocery store and voila--there's a bogo sale on pepperridge farm cookies. snag, in the basket they go. i have to walk through the deli so i snagged some sushi to take back to my desk for lunch. i am circling the store (not my local grocery) to find the industrialabsorbancy items i require and find myself in the frozen food aisle. of course they aren't there, but there are bogo ice cream sandwiches. i snag those to take back to work to share w/ my co-workers. finally find the pons and get to the checkout--i look down at my basket--two bags of cookies, two boxes of ice cream sandwiches, a thing of sushi and a box of industrialabsorbancy pons--yeah, that's a period shop for ya.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

hello? is anyone still here?

i haven't posted in a long time...not because there hasn't been anything to write, but because i have less time than i used to.

the new job (how long are you at a job before you quit calling it the new job?) is going well. i have days of feeling completely overwhelmed. days where i feel like i must have been living under a rock for the last decade because there is so much i have to learn. days when i feel like if i have to attend one more meeting my head very well may explode. but, most of the time, i like it. my rose colored glasses are slipping down a little in that i don't think this is the picture perfect company i thought it was, but that happens w/ everyone doesn't it? the people in my department are mostly cool. the quiet ones are coming out of their shell a bit. i think they were probably shell shocked from the last person who had my job, from what i can gather. i think she was a bit of a bitch and they dreaded working with her. it's always good to come in behind someone others didn't love to death.

the summer is flying by, although i cannot wait for this heat and humidity to be gone. it makes me cranky.

last weekend we escaped the heat w/ my brother and his family. we took a day trip a couple of hours away along the blue ridge parkway. it was perfect. we found a picnic table by the stream and we enjoyed playing in the water. it was about 20 degrees cooler there. a breeze. shade. perfect. later in the afternoon it started thundering so we packed up and headed down the parkway. we stopped at a historic house along the parkway and sat on the huge wrap around porch overlooking the valley and a lake while it drizzled rain. it was sublime. it was the most relaxing, best day we've had in a long time.

i will try to be better about posting. i miss reading and being read. i hope you are all doing well. oxox

Sunday, July 10, 2011

sleepy random post

*the boy spent the night at a friend's house last night and the kid's dad just brought him home. otherwise i would still be asleep, like everyone else in the house.

*the hubs has had a summer cold for the last couple of days....hacking, headache, feeling like crap. i've been dosing him w/ nyquil in the evenings and mucinex during the day.

* i am sporting not one but three friendship bracelets made and given to me by the girl. i think there is an unwritten rule that if your 14 year old kid gives you a friendship bracelet you pretty much have to wear it for the rest of your life, even if you have a big meeting coming up on tuesday.

* the meeting isn't really THAT big of a deal, more like a pain in the ass. i have to organize said mtg. the head honcho likes to meet w/ a dozen or more people throughout the company each month (from all levels and divisions) and i have to make sure a dozen or more people are there and have not been there before and all of the computer equipment is set up and the agenda is ready and there are name plates, etc.

*at what point do you stop making people do something they don't want to do? my SIL is being the peacemaker in our family and has invited my folks and my sister to her house today to hang out. while normally we jump at the chance to hang out w/ my SIL/bro and the family groans when i tell them the rest of the guest list. at what point to i stop making them go to these get togethers?

*i have started investigating the prospect of visiting the FIL this year. in my perfect world we would board the dogs at cool kennel and fly to OK. price? $1800 before ANYTHING is done but flying/boarding. so...looks like we will be driving to OK this year. how do families afford vacations that require flying and/or staying in a hotel for more than 3 days?

* i am becoming desperate, desperate i tell you, to be at the beach, even if it is only for a 3-4 day weekend. actually, that would be just fine for me. i want to go so badly i can taste the saltwater in my mouth.

*we watched just go with it (which i keep wanting to call just do it....thank you nike) last night (adam sandler and jen anniston). good movie. laughed out loud a few times; love the actors, etc. i hope this isn't a spoiler---but they end up going to hawaii (a big group). so...sandler's character is paying for six people to fly and stay in hawaii. he didn't book ahead (so this is last minute pricing) and the two rooms he books are $8,000 and $12,000 a NIGHT. yes...i realize this is a movie and it is not a central part of the plot in anyway, but i fixated on that part. yeah, i'm weird.

Monday, July 4, 2011

it sneaks up on me, even in sleep

i just had what felt like the longest and most realistic dream i've had in a very long time. my mom and my aunt were throwing a party for my sister. tons of people were there and although we were obviously at some one's house or apartment, i've never been before. there were lots of rooms and the party flowed inside and outside; it was a two story apartment so there were lots of decks and patios too. for the most part i wove in and out of these rooms, avoiding my mom and my aunt and my sister. i would go from room to room doing something---making sushi (which i cannot do) in one room, where the voice of my mom or aunt complained that you couldn't see the shrimp in it. i'd move on to another room to do something else. even if i didn't see them, i'd hear their voices and it would annoy me. eventually i decided to leave, just sneak out. but, the place was a wreck and while i didn't mind leaving my mom and aunt w/ the mess, i didn't want anyone else to think i'd ducked out w/out helping. so i was speed cleaning rooms. tossing plastic cups and plates, etc. then i got to the kitchen, and there they were. my aunt was washing dishes and bitching because my mom had invited my dad. i guess in this dream they were separated or something. my aunt's grandkids were dancing around in this kitchen w/ my mom, who was swinging them and laughing with them, enjoying them. then i exploded. i went off on my aunt and my mom and it was venomous. and then i woke up and i have tears in my eyes.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

plethora of friends

i hate that i've not had time to post anything here. i hate worse that i've not been around to read blogs much lately. while i love that i have a job now, i miss the quiet time and time with the kids and just time in general. but...i like being able to pay our bills and not worry about where the next round of money will come from. i like knowing that soon we will be saving for the future again.

the job is going well. i have so very much to learn. and....i fear that any creativity i may have used at work in the past will not be needed in this job. but...i will try to remain optimistic and maybe one day that will come too.

my friend texas came to visit a couple of weeks ago, over father's day. the hubs....who really is the most incredible man i know...practically shoved us out the door to go to dinner, alone, on father's day because we haven't been alone since we've reconnected. it was so good to just sit and talk. even though we email all the time...there's just something about sitting across the table from a long lost friend and sharing your thoughts.

in the same week we went out to dinner with a group of friends--five couples and our kids. we hadn't seen one of the families for several years (they moved out of state). the rest of us see each other every couple of months, but it was fun to have us all together again. it was amazing to see their kids and how much they've grown and to slip right back into the familiar jokes and stories and interactions.

today i caught up with another good friend big t. we don't see each other nearly enough, even though we live in neighboring towns. i have started describing my friends in emails to my friend texas. i want her to know the people who are important to me. i described big t as an older sister (although not that much older i should point out.) big t has been my lifesaver on more than one occasion. she is the friend who would come to get you out of jail; chastise you for being a dumbass if you'd done something stupid to get put in jail; and still give you a hug and stand by your side. she is often a voice of reason...but also filled with so many ideas and so much knowledge. she's an incredible woman. and i think if i weren't friends with her the hubs would be anyway because they are peas in a political pod.

i don't have nearly the time for blogging and reading and visiting with friends as i'd like to, but i hope they (and you) know just how much i value these threads weaving the tapestry of my life.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

quiet in the house

at least for a little while. everyone is still in bed. this is another thing i miss about being home. quiet time in the house. when i was home alone i never turned on the tv (except that one time i watched precious because i knew nobody else here would want to or should watch it).

last weekend we went to a karate camp for the boy in another city, about an hour and a half away. before going back to work it was just going to be the guys going, so we wouldn't have the expense of boarding the dogs. but, since i went back to work and got my first paycheck last week, we all went.

i have never thought of myself as a hotel/restaurant snob...but i think as i get older and wiser about how i spend my money, i expect certain things for a certain amount of money. we stayed at an embassy suites. the hubs and i had stayed at one once before, for one night for a wedding party. you don't get a feel for a hotel after one night, especially when you are partying. based on this weekend, i'd never stay at another embassy suites. the room is clean and nice enough, comfy bed. but...the lounge/bar/bistro food sucks. they do not have free wi-fi, and really, i'm not paying $10 a day for wi-fi. they did have a nice complementary breakfast, but it seemed like afterwards, their floor was sticky all damn day. only two elevators and one or the other was broken the whole time. it was an inconvenient far as getting in and out w/ your luggage or parking etc. blah. but, the weekend itself was good. the boy enjoyed all karate all the time (although his instructor is really bad at organizing stuff like this and we probably won't do it again). the girl and i went shopping and she fell in love with the container store. it was good to get away for the weekend.

THIS weekend, i lucked out. my friend texas was to have a work meeting this coming week and it was up in the air about where it would be. in the city we just spent the weekend in or another further north.'s in the city near me! sooo.....she is flying here tomorrow and the hubs is driving her to her meeting city on monday (on his way to an out of town work trip). twice in one year i get to see her! how amazing is that?

my mom came to the boy's graduation tuesday and wednesday they left to go back to wv, taking two of my sister's kids. my parents are not on a schedule....they could have spent the rest of this week here...maybe doing something with their other four grandkids since school is out. maybe waiting until after my niece puddin' had oral surgery on friday. nope...they hit the road. my sister's kids will be up there with them until after july 4th. they will celebrate my oldest niece's bday there (my sister may or may not go up for it). my mom and sister apparently do not think there is any reason we can't or shouldn't go to an out-of-town birthday (5 hrs away). i'm sure she wouldn't see it this way, but to me it is glaringly obvious that my mom will no make an effort to be a grandma HERE, but she will fall all over herself to do it in wv where she has the audience of her sisters.

honestly i don't even get mad or care anymore...but it just confounds me. i will never understand what makes her do the things she does.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

i survived

tuesday was a big milestone for us. the boy graduated fifth grade and the girl 8th grade. we are saying goodbye to elementary school. it makes me sad. there are teachers i will miss and i realize that everything will start moving at warp speed now and i will blink my eye and four years will be gone and the girl will be off to college and the boy will be finishing high school.

monday night i was a nervous wreck. i was testy and snapping at the kids. it wasn't pretty at all. i apologized later, i knew it was nerves. the girl's mood wasn't much better; she was afraid she wouldn't get any awards. she did of course. the boy took everything in stride like he always does.

i wish i wasn't that mom that got so emotional at these types of things. i wish i was the mom who could just enjoy the moment and be happy. i do enjoy the moment and my heart soars with pride over my kids....but there's the other part that bawls like a baby because they are growing up so fast and each milestone like this takes them further away from me. yeah, i know...i'm a nut.

the hubs took off the rest of the week to hang out with the kids and next week they'll go to summer camp.

the new job is going well, though i don't know that i have quite the same enthusiasm i did those first couple of weeks. i am perplexed as to what it is i am to do day to day. my boss has given me pieces and parts of what my job entails, and people tell me to enjoy it right now because i will be swamped...but i just don't see how. i didn't have the benefit of my predecessor still being here when i got here to show me the ropes. this is a company that loves to have meetings and i suppose outlook calendar will become my best friend. i knew i would have a learning curve about the product, but didn't expect not to fully understand my role. i think i need to have a talk w/ my boss.

despite the fact that the company is huge, my department is small, 13 people. so far most of them seem really nice and they all seem to work well together, although there are obviously people who are better friends than others. there are 8 women and 5 men. the women seem to have paired off as far as who they eat lunch w/ etc. while the guys are usually the ones who ask everyone to lunch. strange dynamic. but...outside of our department i think the company is predominantly male. when my boss and i go to meetings outside of our department we are generally the only women there. this is such a different environment for me.

Monday, June 6, 2011


how about some eye candy? ok ok, in the truest sense of the word i suppose the following will not make the list of the top hawties or sexiest men, but i find them yummy. hmmm...i wonder what this says about me that i find these people attractive? LOL who's your unconventional crush?

vincent d'onofrio. mystic pizza. MIB. and of course svu. i think i actually fell for him because of svu. the way his character's brain works blows my mind. even all grizzly like this i think he's attractive.

ah..jean luc picard...i mean patrick stewart. he's a slight man, but the accent, the commanding, the bald head. nice. make it so indeed. (and for the record is is a kabillion times better than kirk.)

ah jack. he's teddy-bear cute. and we share a birthday. and he's funny as hell. and seems to be good with kids (hell, he's always hosting something on nickelodeon).

sofia vergara. modern family is one of my fave shows; i love all of the characters. but frankly, if i swung this way...omg. she is my girl crush. i wish i had her body.

frederick weller. marshall plain sight. again, i love the way his character's brain works. he's geeky but smart and funny. that equals attractive.

oddly enough the one with the best body is the one i'm most embarrassed about. john cena. yes...of the wrestling ring. my son watches wrestling. it's worse than reality tv in my book. this boy has an amazing body. do you SEE those abs?

Sunday, June 5, 2011

good weekend

flowers are starting to bloom, well, have been in bloom, but this hollyhock finally started to bloom this weekend. i planted it a couple of years ago and this is the first summer it's bloomed. so excited. makes me want to plant more. they are soooo tall, 3-5 feet! we also made s'mores in the backyard this weekend, always yummy. saw the new pirate movie starring my boyfriend johnny (also yummy) and basically had a great weekend.

it is sunday night and i'm not dreading going to work in the morning. that's a good thing. i wonder if/when that will go away. before i got laid off i liked certain parts of the job i did, not the office politics or the bosses or the travel, but the actual day to day i mostly liked. although, admittedly i had been doing the same thing (although not always for the same magazine) for about 10 yrs and i was a bit bored with it. i think it will take me awhile to get bored at this new job.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

growing pains

we've been going through growing pains this year with the girl. she is ready to start spreading her wings and we (meaning me more so than the hubs) are not quite ready to let her. while the hubs isn't ready to push her out of the nest, he is more realistic, knowing that we can't keep her with us forever.

i think we've been pretty fair--we let her go to a boy/girl party; she went to the folly one night w/ just her friends (no adults); we've dropped her off at the movies, etc.

last night was the 8th grade semi-formal dance. months ago she talked about going, with her friends, and was excited to pick out a dress. weeks ago her group decided not go to to the dance, rather they'd go to the movies or someones house. they poo pooed the dance, it would be lame, nobody was going, etc. yeah middle school, god i'm glad i'm not in middle school.

i've been asking the girl for days what the plan was---movies? going to someones house? etc. she said she and another friend were going to a friend's house and the movies. THURSDAY--you know the day before friday--she presents this plan: a friend's mom (whom i know well and like) would pick her up around 3pm and take them to another friend's house (while her mom was still at work and an older brother or sister may or may not be present). that parent would come home at 5 and be there until the evening ended at 9pm.

i have never met this parent and my kid had never been to this person's house. i was opposed to her going there before the mom got home from work (plus this would leave our boy home alone for a couple of hours). we vetoed the idea but said we'd take her over when we (and the girl's mom) got home from work. she pouted and of course hated this idea.

the hubs got home before i did and took the girl to her friend's house. i went to pick her up at 9pm. a tall, teen aged boy answered the door (apparently the older brother). the mom was not there. at 9pm. i collected my kid and started backing out of the driveway. just then the mom pulls in behind me, and then drives through the grass around my car to park in her driveway. never says boo to me.

so....apparently the mom was there when the hubs took the girl over. the older brother was mostly at his girlfriend's house, though my girl is not really sure how much of the evening he was home. after the mother fixed the girls dinner...she LEFT with a friend. LEFT them alone until 9pm. i told the girl this particular friend is welcome to come to our house (and she has) but that i seriously doubted i'd be letting her go to that friend's house again due to the lack of parental supervision.

my kid of course thinks this means i don't trust her or that i think she and her friends are going to do something bad. i have told her a million and 12 times that it is not that i don't trust her or her friends, and that 9 times out of 10 nothing would happen and all would be well....but accidents are called accidents for a reason....that one time someone could get hurt or something could go wrong and no adult would be there. and frankly, i do worry about kids whose parents are so casual (at least in my mind) about their care.

people say we're over protective...and maybe we are. what do you think?

Monday, May 30, 2011

the end of a good week/weekend

my first week back to work was great. my first three day weekend was great.

for the last two years that i've been unemployed we have been in such a limbo...i sort of feel like we are butterflies now, emerging from our cocoon. this weekend we planted some flowers in the pots on the patio (love me some clearance annuals for 50 cents. usually all they need is a bigger pot and some water), worked on the pool so it will most likely be ready this coming weekend and hung out with friends and family.

saturday evening we went to a friend's stock the bar party (they got a new bar). i got to hang w/ a couple of former co-workers and chill out. it was good. going to gatherings like that makes me appreciate the spouse i have even more. he is not perfect (neither am i) but he's perfect for me. i love to observe people and when you get a bunch of people together and there is alcohol involved, you can learn a lot about people and their relationships.

we got the kids' swimsuits this weekend--and surprisingly it was not a nightmare event finding a suit for the 14 yr old girl. she is over the moon happy about her suit. all is right with her world now. my bro and his family came over today to hang out. we hadn't seen them in awhile (he's working a lot) so it was good to reconnect with them. in a perfect world they would live in my neighborhood and we could see them all the time. hell, in a perfect world lots of people would live in my neighborhood and i could see them all the time.

i am still filled with these feelings of giddiness and shock that i am again a working girl and that we will not have to lose our house or move or rebuild our lives from nothing again. the hubs said my whole attitude has changed, as has his. this gigantic weight has been lifted from our shoulders and the loss of that burden makes it easier to deal with most anything right now. obviously life isn't perfect, but now there is more positive than negative. for so long the scales were tipped the other way it was hard to enjoy the good.

Friday, May 27, 2011

etiquette question

so, now that i am back to work (thank GOD, no, really THANK YOU GOD), i don't have the freetime i once did. i cannot access my personal email or face libre from work (not that i've tried to get on fb at work, yet, but i can't even get to my yahoo email).

now when i do get a chance to look at fb i realize that i am friends w/ a lot of people i never talk to. i may comment on their posts from time to time (whether they comment on mine or not). some people have friended me and we've never even "talked" or caught up or said boo to each other.

i just pruned my friend tree. there are people on my list who friended me and seriously we never interacted. some i have tried to make comments on their posts and never get a response. so. i am being ruthless.

have you done this? how do you handle it?

also---possum....thank you for your comments : ) if i had your email addy i could respond...i always respond to comments via email. i need to add you to my blogroll too! : )

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

am i dreaming?

i feel like i am in a dream. it scares me and makes me paranoid. i think this has the makings of the most excellent job ever working for the most excellent company ever. (remind me of this post 6-12 months from now when i'm sure i'll have found something to bitch about).

i have worked for big companies before, and i think maybe the last company i worked for was as big? but it was a dutch company and things seemed quite disconnected. i am working for a company w/ 3000 national employees and my office is in the hq building.

after two years....good things are happening for us. well, not just yet because i don't get paid until june 9, but i can see the light at the end of the tunnel now and i know it isn't an oncoming train.

the kids are coming home afterschool---not going to afterschool care or anything. it is bittersweet for me. i knew it would be hard on me. i keep trying to get an idea of how they feel about it, but it's only been two days. when school is out they will be going to a summer camp (daycare type setting) because i just can't think of them being here 24/7 all summer, alone, doing nothing except possibly killing each other.

when i came home today the girl had emptied the dishwasher i started before going to work, vaccuumed and started dinner. i was stunned! the hubs and i had discussed w/ the kids that they'd have to step up their game when i went back to work, and w/ that might come a bump in allowance. we'll see how long this lasts. i think we're all still in the honeymoon stages of it.

i really think i'm going to like the job...though to be honest i'm still finding out what it is exactly i'll be doing. i am swimming in a sea of technology and acronyms the likes of which i've never seen.

tomorrow our department is taking a team building field trip to the zoo : )

part of me feels guilty because i have a couple of friends who are still out of work; a couple of friends (and a hubs) who have jobs they hate hate hate; and a couple of friends who are working but are still struggling. i want to swoop them all up, to include my bro/sil, on this wave of good fortune we're getting ready to ride. in a perfect world i would get settled into this company and find out that they're hiring and the people i love would be perfect for the jobs.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

a phone call from bubba ass

ah gentle readers, i have just had a conversation with bubba ass. i don't know how many of you were reading me back then, august 2005; if you weren't you have to read the bubba ass post to get the full beauty of his amazing character. i couldn't have made this guy up if i tried. he is my bil (married to the hubs' sister).

since that visit in 2005 he has been to my house one other time. i looked for the blog post about that time---it too was a doozy as several of the hubs' family were visiting at the same time. one evening during that visit bubba got to me so badly i actually locked myself in our bathroom and smoked a j. then i emerged and ended up telling bubba ass that the only men i'd ever seen carrying around a mini dog like he'd just bought at the flee market (god help us) were gay.

flash forward to tonight's call. we'd just walked in the door (non sequitor---the hubs' boy and i were out running errands, the last being at the evil empire (walmart) and it was around rapture time. the hubs thought it would be oh so ironic if i got raptured at the evil empire of all places. i said if the ground starts shaking i'm at least driving next door to target.). the phone rang and i saw it was the hubs' sister so i picked it up.

me: hello?
them: hello, who is this?
me: uh, ck, who is THIS?
him: oh, it's bubba ass. you're actually who i wanted to talk to. (funny, since i'm the one you called.)
him: i wanted to ask you some questions about filing for unemployment.
me: ok. i'll answer what i can but the rules/regs in your state may differ from mine.
him: so you were out of work for two years?
me: yes.
him: how many jobs did you have to apply for each week?
me: once i signed up for unemployment i had a form to fill out and had to apply for two a week, though i applied for way more than that. i had a friend who had to apply for three. it might depend on what type of job you're looking for.
him: what type of job were you looking for?
me: in publishing or marketing.
him: and you couldn't find one in two years?
me: no. i freelanced, but no full time job.

he asked me lots of other questions like what do you do if you are offered a job and the pay isn't good. i said i was at the point where i would have taken anything so i had never turned a job down. he asked how you knew how much unemployment you'd get each week. i said it depended on your salary from the previous year. then he asked what my salary had been. of course i declined to answer that. then he asked what kind of company i was going to work for. i told him and said it was in the marketing department. he said, and you can do that? i informed him that yes, while my degree was in journalism i have a minor in marketing and that while most of my career has been in publishing i have also worked in a couple of marketing departments.

once he finished picking my brain about unemployment, thankfully the conversation ended. i wished him luck and hung up the phone.

i am still calling him bubba ass.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

supporting the girls

starting a new job in a weeks means i need some new clothes. i went bra shopping the other day. i hate bra shopping, but omg, i fell in love w/ the bras i got. nothing extravagant mind you, they're playtex, but they are so damn comfortable.

i have never spent much money on bras (these were on sale for under $20 each) and had never considered the big bolder bras. you know the ones, those that looks like tatas are in them even when they aren't? they're a little padded. i never considered them because i thought, hey, the girls are big enough on their own and i don't need padding and those big bolder bras look weird. i have always been an underwire girl---the girls need the support and the older i get the more support they need. the bras i had were at the point where it was like, ok, which one of these is going to hurt me the least, because all of the wires were poking out and stabbing me.

i got the padded, full cup bras and they are like heaven. seriously i have never felt more comfortable in a bra. the girls look perkier than they have in 20 years and i'm not being pinched or anything! love them! i seriously thought about taking a pic of the girls and posting it but thought better about it.

if you are a full figure gal or have bodacious tatas i highly recommend the playtex secrets line of overtheshoulderboulderholders. they even have pretty colors : )

Saturday, May 14, 2011

You shit your pants this year, isn’t that enough?

While I’m not a huge sex in the city follower, this one scene from one of the movies keeps running through my mind. Charlotte stops running when she finds out she’s pregnant, even though the doctor said all is well. When Carrie confronts her about it she confesses that she’s scared something bad will happen because she has everything she wants---blissfully married, a child, another on the way, life is filled w/ rainbows and unicorns etc. while one friend got left at the alter, another is talking divorce and a third broke up w/ her long term bf.

Charlotte is scared to death something bad will happen because her life is so good and nobody ever gets everything they wanted.

That is how I feel. I feel like someone is going to pinch me and I’m going to wake up from this dream. I have a job. I start a week from Monday—giving me time to take care of a few things I have put on hold because of not having a job. Getting the washer fixed so I don’t have to babysit it to keep it from overflowing when it drains; getting the dogs their latest round of shots (they’re only a month behind), etc.

I know no company is perfect, and my boss (omg I have a BOSS) alluded to roadblocks and frustrations we’d face, but everything I’ve learned and heard about this company screams awesome. When the hubs told his CFO where I’d be working he was blown away and said it was nearly impossible to get a job there and everyone wanted to work there because it was such a great company, great benefits, etc.

Aside from the tangibles—insurance is half of what we’re paying w/ hubs’ company; pay is more than I was making when I had a full-time job; matching 401k, etc. etc.—the company climate seems amazing. Dress code? Jeans—and not just on Fridays. (Although I went shopping for jeans yesterday and frankly, it’s going to be harder than I thought to find jeans I think I look halfway decent in.) Pranks? When I was meeting w/ them on Tuesday they were discussing what to do to part of the team’s area when they are at a conference this week. Team building? Two days after I start, my department is taking a fieldtrip to the zoo for team building and fun.

It has been a long, long two years of unemployment. You have been there every step of the way, reading post after post of whining and complaining and for that I thank you. There have been good things about these last two years—being with my kids more, being a mom, taking care of things and learning who my real friends are. I don’t think anyone will ever know just how much that means to me.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

I have

I have stood atop the Eiffel tower and the Empire State building
I have met Rick Springfield, a former Joint Chief of Staff and the founder of Build A Bear
I have crocheted a blanket
I have read Gone With the Wind and The Bell Jar
I have visited the Louve
I have known four of my great-grandparents
I have found my soul mate
I have been published although none of it has been creative
I have touched a snake and it wasn’t as bad as I thought
I have spent the summer camping in a platform tent in Texas
I have ridden on a motorcycle and a Greyhound bus and a train
I have tipped over in a canoe
I have broken my arm and have had stitches in my head and gave birth twice
I have a crescent shaped scare on one of my toes
I have a birthmark
I have a lovely pair of rose colored glasses that I wear way too often I’m told
I have written a eulogy…it was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write
I have visited Gettysburg
I have appeared on tv…admittedly it was when I was in third grade and my Brownie troop was on a local afternoon cartoon show
I have a tendency to be hateful, defensive and a bit of a hermit
I have taken a boat ride on the Seine and crossed the Rhine on a ferry
I have an acute allergy to poison ivy
I have realized I love being a stay at home mom, though financially it isn’t feasible
I have two siblings, one of whom I consider a best friend
I have the ability to burp on command
I have a mole beside my ear and my son gives it names
I have wasted a lot of time
I have loved penguins since I was in high school
I have lived in NC 24 years of my life (not consecutively) but still consider WV home even though I only lived there for nine years (not consecutively)
I have found true friendships in places that have surprised me
I have had chicken pox, pneumonia and a broken heart
I have rolled a joint
I have stapled my thumb
I have sat in a hospital fearful of the survival of my husband and daughter
I have lost a friend to cancer, another to a car wreck and several because we grew apart
I have visited three zoos
I have been on a bowling team
I have stood in awe at the beauty of Notre Dame
I have stood in silent despair in a concentration camp
I have seen the Grassy Knoll
I have a tiny bit of Cherokee blood in me
I have had dreams that people were pregnant that came true, including one about myself
I have slept on a waterbed
I have a flower tattoo
I have cried over a tv commercial….and greeting cards…and people making enchiladas
I have to have something to drink with me when I’m in the car…even if it’s just riding around town
I have been laid off three times but never been fired
I have a wild hair that springs from my upper arm occasionally and it is almost always about two inches long…overnight
I have to say every letter of the word sincerely in my head when I’m writing it
I have eaten snails
I have much to be grateful for, even though I don’t always remember to be grateful
I have a fear of going down escalators (but not up); suffocation; and getting a call that someone I love has died
I have slept in the car at a highway rest stop
I have been incredibly lucky in the good that’s been in my life, despite being unemployed for two years
I have a yen for Chinese food, homemade mac & cheese, brownies, asparagus and cheesecake
I have dug in the couch for change to buy something
I have a small window of time between a nice buzz and being shitfaced
I have a desire to be recognized for my creativity even though I haven’t a clue on how to start
I have to pinch myself sometimes because I am so lucky to have given birth to the most amazing people on the planet
I have a hand-washing compulsion
I have a J.O.B!!!!!

Friday, May 6, 2011

and so it begins

....the end of childhood. i've been trying to prepare myself for this year for a long time. the year my daughter graduates middle school and my baby boy graduates elementary school. it will happen in june but we're already starting down the slippery slope of them gaining more independence and becoming teenagers.

well, technically the girl is the one spreading her wings right now, but it will just snowball and then they'll both be going off to college and leaving me.

last weekend the girl went to a boy/girl party. at a boy's house. i knew half of dozen of her friends who were going. girls. turns out there were like 10 girls there and the one boy. don't you find that odd? i do. she had a blast. watched scary movies (which she never does at home).

tonight she is going to a carnival/fair type of thing in our town. her and two friends. w/out parents. for the first time. i am .....scared, sad, nervous. i don't worry about her and her behavior or actions....yet. i worry about all the crazy fuckers in the world. i know she has a good head on her shoulders. but she's growing up. she wants to go out and do things w/ her friends. i will slowly lose my influence on her. i will have to trust that the hubs and i have done our jobs to prepare her. teach her. good lord this part of parenting is hard. i read this quote the other day about motherhood:

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone

i think the older my kids get the truer this statement becomes. i know i will be a blubbering idiot they day of their graduations. and yes, i know they are still children, partly, and this is nothing compared to high school graduation and college and omg....weddings. if i think about it too much i don't think i'd be able to stop crying. up your kids folks....even when they're being annoying pains in the ass. because you're going to turn around one day and they'll be off on their own living their life. SOB!

Sunday, May 1, 2011

love me some colin

firth that is. although i didn't watch the live viewing of friday's wedding (i caught a recap that night) i did watch the king's speech last night. i love colin firth. although i don't think he is considered among the "hotties" i find him sublime and charming and personable and handsome. above hot if you will.

the movie was spectacular really. sad in many ways. i realize it's a movie, but the glimpse into that royal life is always mesmerizing. i had always had a more romantic, doe-eyed notion about edward giving up the throne for his true love, but in actuality he was a bit of an ass, she a bit of a player, and it's probably better he gave it up. i think england would be a much different county if he hadn't. i love the fact that although george vi's own parents were hands off and of that aristocratic age that didn't really take care of their own kids or show them love, he and elizabeth seemed to be loving parents.

i watched a recap of friday's wedding---though all those years ago i remember watching that wedding live and being touched and awed. looking at the clips of that now, i don't see the glowing love and affection that i thought i did then, things that were so obvious in this wedding. i liked the nods to di and the personal touches the couple put on their special day.

the hubs and i were talking, after watching the king's speech, and wondering what the english government will do this time around. not only is the next king divorced, he's remarried to a divorced woman. i think times have changed enough that this won't be an issue, but it was only two-generations ago that it was. interesting.

i like the fact that the new future queen doesn't have a royal drop of blood. i mean after all of this time i'd say they need to expand the gene pool right? and don't you know when william eventually watches this coverage he's going to come face to face (if he hasn't already) with the fact he's got a huge bald spot and harry has a nice full head of hair? wouldn't it be cool if kate's sister and william's brother got married?

Friday, April 29, 2011

10 day update

wow. i just looked at my blog and realized it's been 10 days since i posted anything. hmmm.

i have been trying to keep up w/ reading/commenting but frankly am finding it difficult to concentrate enough to write a coherent post that isn't whining about not having a job.

in the last 10 days:

...the boy had a run in w/ the trampoline and required stitches in his knee. on a friday. an hour before the dr office closed; two hours before the girl's soccer game and all while the hubs was out of town. six stitches in his knee later and we were headed to the game. i thought i handled it pretty well. no hysterics (which i am ashamed to admit i am likely to do if the hubs is around to be the rock). after all was said and done i asked the kids how i did. did i seem calm, cool and collected? they laughed! they said i wasn't BAD but they knew i was freaking out because i was talking a lot and fast. attempt to calm them down and soothe them w/ chatter back fired evidently.

....easter came and went. although both kids have forsaken the easter bunny, he still visits. they were up at 6:30 am to collect said basket. really? it's fucking candy dudes. and one of those creepy faux live chipmunks they'd been wanting. we went to pie's (my sil's mom & dad) for easter dinner and it was so nice. pleasant. not irritating or nervous or a chore like it is when we go to my parents' house for anything. of course my parents are on their extended redneck vacation in wv. living in their new camper. posting on fb how much they miss their family. really? then why the fuck did you leave? i am still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that they went out of town (i have no idea when they're coming back) right before a holiday, knowing when they left that it might possibly the last easter they'd get to spend w/ my kids if we had to move. but, whatev.

....for the last two weeks i have been on pins and needles about a job. in the last round of interviews i had, this one was the only one i hadn't yet received a reject letter. now they want me to come in next week for a lunch and to meet one of the company founders. this is a big company (they make things that make technology work--cell phones, computers, space stations, etc) and their benefits are AMAZING. the lunch thing has thrown me for a bit of a loop because i was given the impression that a decision was being made this week. all week i've been thinking i'd get the call that would either end in a fabulous job or end in us once and for all making the decision to move. so...still waiting. still in limbo. the last two days i've also had a phone interview w/ a company that could be interesting. salary was more than i was making and there's a possibility of working from home. however, as good as that sounds, it is for a real estate company, which doesn't seem as stable as a tech company. i also have an interview today for a communications position w/ a local school district (where both my sil and bro work). i am not hopeful about this particular job because unless you are already in the system it's difficult to get a job.

.....flipping through tv channels this week the hubs landed on a show about the judds. while i don't listen to country music much, there are a few artists i enjoy and the judds are one of them. in this episode the mom was telling the daughter about their family history of craziness and abuse and admitted that she was sexually abused as a child. the mom was dealing w/ her own relationship w/ her mother and how she didn't protect her. she talked about how she was trying to learn to deal with the fact that the things her mother did and didn't do impacted her life. you can imagine how surreal that was for me to watch.

....we have had more than our fair share of tornado warnings/watches in the last few weeks. historical numbers is what the local news says. thankfully we have not seen the devastation that so many other states have had. there have been sightings and i think a few touched down, but no where near us. while i love rain and thunderstorms, the tornado warnings freak me the fuck out. our weather has been so strange....pleasant spring weather and then bam, it's 85 degrees, humid, and 75 degrees inside (which means i've had to turn the air conditioner on). i finally took the flannel sheets off the bed until fall.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

i got the scoop

remember when i told you i was intrigued by the girl's soccer coach and his wife and their family dynamic? (he's around my age, she's in her 20s and they have a daughter (who looks Hawaiian) who's the girl's age, a boy my boy's age, another daughter who is bi-racial and a two year old boy).

well, today i got the scoop. i'm sitting at the girl's soccer practice half watching and half reading riding on the bus with my sister (which is pretty good). the coach's wife plops down beside me and asks me if i'm reading that book about the retard. i said, well, this is the story of a sisters and one of them is mentally handicapped. she said she likes watching tv shows about retards because they're funny. OMG. then she asks me if i like retards or something.

the conversation turns to her being in sports in high school and then i nonchalantly ask when she and the coach met. she proceeds to tell me that he was married before (the mother of the oldest two kids) and the woman was a nut job. abused him, the kids and eventually killed herself. i was shocked. i said that's horrible, how old was the girl when this happened? she said, oh, it was long enough ago for her to be over it, she was about six! ok, first of all i don't think you ever get over the fact that a parent committed suicide, but secondly, that was only 8 or 9 yrs ago. sheesh! then she tells me she was on a softball scholarship to college and got knocked up with the third kid in the family (the bi-racial girl) and then about 8 years ago she and the coach met and started knocking boots (her words not mine) and the two year old is theirs together.

i can't decide if this girl is just immature and says the things she does or if she's actually that much of a prejudicial redneck to think the things she does.

Monday, April 18, 2011

clue to the less

that is my mother. when i get to the point where i think nothing she does will surprise me....she pulls something else out of her hat. she and my dad retired in feb/march. granted i'm fairly certain they've run through most of the money they inherited from my gma and i doubt they have any plans for the future (savings, emergency fund, etc.). after getting the money they bought a camper that sits, year-round, on a site in wv. my mother decided it wasn't enough so they recently bought a newer, bigger one and are going to sell the old one. from day one my mother has told me she could not be the grandma to my kids that my grandma was to us because she worked and my gmas didn't. one of her goals, she said, w/ retiring was to spend more time with her kids and grandkids. since retiring she has spent part of a day of the kids' spring break with them. she has come to a couple of weekend soccer games. she has not called me or tried to interact w/ me at all since retiring (not that i would relish spending time w/ her but if you say you are retiring to spend time w/ your family you'd think you'd try to spend time w/ your family). a few weeks ago the hubs told my parents that things were coming down to the wire and that we might have to move to find me a job. he said we'd discussed it w/ the kids. my parents first wanted to know if i knew about the situation. you see, a marriage built on communication is a foreign concept to them. my mother has not said anything to me about this, called to discuss the fact i might be moving, nothing. why? well, she email the hubs at work and told him she hadn't said anything to me because she didn't know if i knew he'd told them. way to have my back mom. again w/ the lack of understanding a marriage of communication. i'm pretty sure if my son-in-law told me my daughter and grandchildren were possibly leaving the state i'd hop in my car and be knocking on my kid's front door. so they are off to wv to camp again, a week before easter. they did at least wait until the day after my niece puddin's birthday party (they didn't last year). they will be gone for weeks. and, for all she knows i could be moving before she gets back. my mom emails me this morning....asking how things are; asking about the boy (who had a run in w/ the trampoline friday afternoon and had to get 6 stitches!) and asking what we're doing for easter. really? you leave the family you wanted to spend time w/ to camp in wv and you ask today what we're doing for easter? such a clueless person. i told her i'm fine, starting to weed through things and clean out stuff in case we have to move; the boy is fine but worried about hobbling around on his field trip and that we're going to my sil's mom's for easter (pie asked us last week and i couldn't be happier). what kind of response did i get from my mother? "k"

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

i've never...

I have never watched Grey’s Anatomy or Dancing with the Stars I’ve never read Moby Dick or the complete works of William Shakespeare I’ve never had a massage…at least not one done by a professional I’ve never been to Alaska or New England or Montana I never wrote for my school or college newspapers, even though technically I am a journalist I’ve never taken black and white pictures even though I love black and white pictures I’ve never played golf…unless it involved shooting a colored ball into an animal’s mouth I’ve never been in a helicopter but I’ve flown across the Atlantic six times I’ve never worn a mini skirt or a bikini I've never watched a whole Monty Python movie or TV episode I’ve never not liked coloring or reading I’ve never enjoyed solving math problems I’ve never gone to the movies by myself, nor have I ever lived by myself I’ve never broken a leg I’ve never been a good speller I’ve never owned a blue car and I’ve never driven a jeep or ridden in a convertible I’ve never been in a fist fight I’ve never taken a hot air balloon ride, but I think I’d like to I’ve never been able to understand how people can purposely, physically harm other people (aside from siblings of course) I’ve never been able to walk in high heels, and this doesn’t really bother me I’ve never been to a poetry reading, but I have been to a drag queen show I’ve never been in a boat on the ocean I've never read A Wrinkle in Time or The Great Gatsby I’ve never been skiing, but would love to go to a ski lodge I have never seen the Grand Canyon, Mount Rushmore, the nation’s capitol or the Pacific Ocean I’ve never understood the deal with Schrödinger’s cat or how one Dalmatian could possibly have 101 puppies I’ve never ice skated on an actual frozen pond and I’ve never been a bridesmaid I’ve never understood the meaning behind Stairway to Heaven, though I love the song I’ve never liked brie or caviar and never got the point of toast points I’ve never sold anything I made with my own two hands I’ve never spanked my kids with a belt or washed their mouths out with soap I’ve never gone to church every Sunday for a year I’ve never read the Bible cover to cover I’ve never gone hunting, though I had to take hunting safety as part of my 7th grade science class in Pennsylvania I have never seen a whale in person I’ve never been able to easily go to sleep when the hubs is out of town I’ve never understood why they can’t make a comfortable bra I’ve never had a bacon sundae and I don’t think I want to I’ve never been much of a wine drinker, even though the hubs likes collecting wine based on if the label is funky or not I’ve never liked gin I’ve never worn pasties or learned how to pole dance I’ve never ridden in an ambulance, and frankly never want to I’ve never understood not liking someone because they are a different color or religion or because they have a different sexual preference I’ve never bet on the ponies or played craps or sat at a gambling table…though I’ve been to Vegas more than half a dozen times I’ve never turned the radio station away from a Rod Stewart song I’ve never understood how Jackson Pollock’s paintings can be so critically acclaimed when they look so incredibly simple, although I do really like his work I have never willingly eaten liver or deer or rabbit or rocky mountain oysters I've never witnessed an animal being born but I have witnessed a baby's birth I have never sewn a wearable outfit I've never thought of myself as pretty but I think I have a few nice features I have never been divorced or a twin or stabbed I've never run for the pleasure of it I've never snorted coke I've never not paid my taxes I've never fallen asleep at work but I did buy a j from a co-worker in the bathroom I've never learned how to play chess or the guitar or bridge I've never stayed awake for 24 hours I've never been on a sports team