Sunday, April 29, 2007

Sunday afternoon

Hey folks. It's been a relatively quiet weekend for a change. The Girl had decided she finally wanted to get her ears pierced, that is until we actually found a place that would do it, then she chickened out.

The Boy is on pins and needles for Spiderman 3, which opens here next weekend. Actually, I want to see it too, that and the next Harry Potter movie.

Remember the peony that I transplanted from Maw-Maw's yard? It has come back again this year and there are actually two buds on it. I am so excited!

We watched Jackass the Movie this weekend (on TV, I wouldn't rent it.) It's like watching a wreck, you can't help it you want to see what stupid things they'll do. Plus Johnny Knoxville is hot ; ) I just can't believe that a bunch of guys actually make money and have become famous by mostly acting like total idiots and doing dangerous, foolish things. (Shut up to those of you who said I do those things and don't get paid for it!)

Friday, April 27, 2007


More true words have never been uttered. Just when I get in a comfortable groove with my job they come at me from left field and knock me back down. One of my responsibilities is planning a yearly conference. Every time I turn around there's something else I'm supposed to be doing that nobody told me about until it's not getting done and then they don't understand why I'm not doing my job. WTF!

So I have a few questions for you and of course welcome discussion/feedback. The Hubs and I have some strange conversations sometimes and last night one of the many topics we touched on was cheating. I can't remember what led to this conversation exactly, but his take on them are that men cheat because they aren't getting their physical needs met and women cheat because they aren't getting their emotional needs met. What do you think?

Along those same lines he's broken it down to the acts--though it's a given that cheating is cheating and not recommended. Is the cheating worse if it's oral or full on intercourse? (He says oral is worse.)

Another topic--how often do most people think about death? For example, it is not unusual for my thoughts to turn to The Hubs death (or vice versa) . With all of his health issues from time to time I worry that he'll be driving down the road and have a heart attack at the wheel. With my out-of-town drinking issues his fear is that I'll drink and drive (wonder why he'd think that, huh?) and get killed, pass out in a bar and get kidnapped/raped/killed or something else along those lines. Are we just morbid or do other people think about these circumstances? And, does our thinking about them actually better prepare us for what might happen? Though it would kill me it would not surprise me to hear he'd keeled over from a heart attack somewhere so am I a little more prepared for the inevitable than the next person?

And lastly, when it comes to your personal demons, is it better to face them and try to work through them or avoid them? I personally like to hide them in a deep, dark, locked closet way back in the corner of my mind and pretend they don't exist. Unfortunately, they are starting to beat on the door and claw to come out and make me deal with them. Dammit. I hate self-improvement.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

ho hum

i'm back from florida. it was fine for the most part. a trade show is a trade show. i have to admit i don't really get the whole orlando thing. i know some adults think it's fun but i went once more than 10 years ago. it's an over priced amusement park and the rides aren't that great. i don't buy into the whole disney hype.

i lost my freaking cell phone while i was there. we went to an industry event at universal and it fell out of my pocket. thankfully they did find it, universal lost and found was incredibly responsive and helpful and they're mailing it to me. cool. didn't realize how lost i was without a cell until i didn't have it--mostly because i don't wear a watch and use it for the time : )

the girl has decided she's "getting ready to start you know what" and has "symptoms." she has mood swings and attitudes--i don't know why, she says. and my stomach hurts and i'm tired she says. man, she so does not realize what she's wishing for. though i have to admit, i think all girls can't wait until they start their periods so they can officially be "grown up."

nothing really exciting or noteworthy, thought provoking to share, not really in the mood, but some of you at least seem to be checking for new posts (despite the fact the comments have dropped off again : ) ) .

things at work are sucking big time and things on the home front have kilter is a good word. i think (hope) that at least is back on the mend. it's weird but when things are going great in your life you don't really think about what you're doing but when they get screwed up you wonder how in the world you're going to fix them and what happened in the first place. also not the best day maker to realize you're probably contributing more to the problem than you thought.

sorry folks, i feel like eeyore tonight. thanks for noticing me : ) (that's a shout out to big t actually.)

i'm ready for the weekend and seriously wondering if i need a new job.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Budding poet

Here's a poem The Girl wrote about her cat. Yes, I'm incredibly proud : )

My Cat
Meow is my cat,
She ripped up my hat,
Meow is black and white,
She gives flies a fright,
Meow is small
But that wo't stop her at all,
I love my baby Meow,
Sometimes I call her Geow,
I love her so much,
She is so soft to touch,
My baby my baby Meow,
Oh how I love my baby Geow,
She is scared sometimes,
But she will give you some fun times,
I cradle her like a baby,
No maybe, she will always be my baby,
She is crazy,
Not lazy.

This, that and the other

It's Saturday night and I leave tomorrow for Florida for work. Look for live from Florida blogs if I have time : )

It's been a rough week. I've been bi-polar and The Hubs has been obsessive/compulsive and when those two coincide it's not pretty. He's been obsessing about the yard and I've been leaping from a good to bad mood, which led to several arguments. Good news though we've realized the problem (we're both a bit crazy) and things are back to good.

We got a lot done today actually. Took the kids to Build A Bear, grocery shopping, yard work and house work.

The Hubs painted his little red (which was faded pink) wagon he bought at the auction last weekend. It's purple : ) He got two other things for the yard at the auction, an aerator and a thrasher. I think he just wanted guy stuff to hook up to the lawn mower : ) Of course I am the one salivating over a John Deere lawn mower with a quick turn radius.

Speaking of bi-polar, my sister called me at work yesterday. I don't speak to her much, actually only if we're at the same family get together. I don't call to chat with her. She called because she was scared and upset because she has to have a colonoscopy. I don't know what she thought I could do for her or tell her, I've never had one. She whined for awhile about why does she have all these problems when she's so young and what if she has cancer because one of our grandma's had stomach/colon cancer (like 30 years ago and she's fine now), yada yada yada. I don't think I was very helpful. It's incredibly hard for me to be sympathetic to her. I don't like her. I'm not her friend. She said, "I know we aren't as close as we used to be but when I get scared or upset it makes me feel better to talk to you." I almost threw up. We've not been close for more than 10 years.

I think she was hoping I'd say, "Hey why don't you come over for dinner and we'll talk. I'll go with you for the procedure and we'll be best friends." I just can't do it. Of course I love her, she's my sister. I don't want anything bad to happen to her, but I just can't conjure up any other feelings for her. She has fucked up so many times and though she's held a job for a couple of years now there is always some sort of drama surrounding her and I can't deal with it.

I know this sounds harsh, the way I feel about her. I'm not saying people can't make mistakes. I'm not saying I don't think she really does have a chemical imbalance or serious mental issues (hell, I think it's genetic in the women in my family) but it's the way she handles things that kills me. It's the way she isn't a mother to her children, that at times in both of their lives she's put them in danger with her drugs/drinking/friends. It's the fact that rather than giving them up, which she had the opportunity to do both times, to a better life/family/environment she wouldn't--NOT because SHE wanted them/loved them/was maternal but because she was afraid of what our extended family would say. It's the fact that from time to time she creates drama or illnesses or strife so attention will be focused on her. It's the fact that my parents think of her and her kids and only her and her kids.

Ok, well I think it's West Wing time.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

The Haircut

Last night The Girl got her hair cut. So what you may ask. Well, she's 10 years old and up until now she's only had her hair trimmed. From time to time she's thought she wanted it cut but once she got in the chair she opted for a trim instead.

She's growing up. She went through with it. I teared up (and saved a lock of her hair). The Hubs actually had to step out of the salon once because he too got choked up, though he won't admit it of course.
Had I thought she was actually going to go through with it I would have had her wait until our next WV trip so Auntie could cut it. The Girl's hair is so fine it's hard to cut evenly. She looks like a different kid, she looks older. Sniff sniff. I'm feeling a little verklempt.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007


I've neglected my word/poem/quote collecting lately so I was wandering through some of my old stuff and found these to share.

It's all I have to bring today
by Emily Dickinson

It's all I have to bring today—
This, and my heart beside—
This, and my heart, and all the fields—
And all the meadows wide—
Be sure you count—should I forget—
Some one the sum could tell—
This, and my heart, and all the Bee
Which in the Clover dwell.

The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well.---Joe Ancis

Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops.--Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse Five

This has been one of my favorite poems since middle school.

I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud
by William Wordsworth

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.
The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed---and gazed---but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:
For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

Most writers are secretly worried that they're not really writers. That it's all been happenstance, something came together randomly, the letters came together, and they won't coalesce ever again.--Nicholson Bakers

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more. -- Bill Hoest

The dance can reveal everything mysterious that is hidden in music…Dancing is poetry with arms and legs.—Charles Baudelaire

From June to December
by Wendy Cope from Making Cocoa for Kingsley Amis

You know exactly what to do--
Your kiss, your fingers on my thigh--
I think of little else but you.

It's bliss to have a lover who,
Touching one shoulder, makes me sigh--
You know exactly what to do.

You make me happy through and through,
The way the sun lights up the sky--
I think of little else but you.

I hardly sleep-an hour or two;
I can't eat much and this is why--
You know exactly what to do.

The movie in my mind is blue--
As June runs into warm July
I think of little else but you.

But is it love? And is it true?
Who cares? This much I can't deny:
You know exactly what to do;
I think of little else but you.

The novel in my imagination travels with me like a small lavender moth making loopy circles around my head.--Ann Patchett

Creativity is a drug I cannot live without.— Cecil B. DeMille

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times, in life after life, in age after age forever.~Rabindranath Tagore~

The world is mud-luscious and puddle-wonderful.--ee cummings

Monday, April 16, 2007

My babies and the master plan

Last week on the way to school the kids and I realized next year will be the last year until The Boy is in 9th grade that they will be in the same school. For some reason this makes me sad. The Girl will be in middle school by herself, then start high school and she'll be a senior when The Boy is a freshman. I guess this could be a good thing or a bad thing.

So many of the teachers in their school now know of The Boy. He's outgoing, he doesn't know a stranger and he's fearless. He talks to everyone, so even teachers he doesn't have comment on him and how funny, cute, etc. he is. While this is quite flattering I'm sure it feels like over-shadowing to The Girl, who is much more reserved and introverted.

Donut and I have the masterplan for the future however. The Boy decided he wants to be a comic book artist when he grows up. Jelly is plugged into this industry and he will be the writer. Donut and I will edit the copy and I will color in The Boy's drawings. The Hubs can handle the business-side of things and The Girl can help us with the merchandising. There will be plush dolls, lunchboxes, pencils, backpacks, action figures, etc. and of course a feature movie--Train will do the soundtrack of course. We'll be millionaires : )

Sunday, April 15, 2007

We killed Yamamoto

Last night after everyone left we watched West Wing--yeah, I know, big surprise : ) Anyway, this was the episode, title We Killed Yamamoto, in which Amy is jamming to Van Morrison, not once but TWICE. First it's the morning after what we can only assume was a wild love fest with Josh---and she's in the kitchen cooking something and listening to Caravan. Turn it up, little bit higher, that's enough. Awesome! Later she's working at her computer at home and she and Josh have a fight and she's listening to Moondance in the background. Yum. Shut up, I know I'm a dork because this is like double exciting for me, Van on West Wing; I'm easily amused.

I am trying to ween myself away from Van or to at least listen to something other than Moondance of his. It is hard. I think Van music lives in my soul now. It's a thing I go through with music. When I find an artist I like it's like they become part of me. I can like lots of other music and listen to it, but when I'm in the moment with an artist it's like all other music is dead to me.

Through the years I've done this with a few artists--become obsessed with them. Where I listen to the same album, cassette or CD over and over so that not only do I know most if not all of the words but I know what comes next. The first I can remember doing this was with Shadow Dancing by Andy Gibb. I've also done this with Men at Work, Phil Collins, Train and of course Rod. Now it's Van.

Playing catch up

I didn't realize it had been so long since my last post. Pull up a chair, let's chat and I'll fill you in on what's been going on.

Last night we had a shower for my sister/friend Donut and Jelly : ) (her boy.) Although not as many people showed up as I thought would it was still nice. I refrained from tearing up like a sap a few times.

She got some great gifts, her first china place setting from our friend Big T, a bake ware set from Guinea Pig (aka Martha Stewart who helped me tremendously with the food/etc.) and some Precious Moments bride/groom statue thing from The Boy. It was hideous but The Boy picked it out at the auction earlier in the day and Donut graciously accepted it. Truly the thing was awful looking.

Co-workers of ours came to the party, actually the person who took my old job and her husband. We suspect she might have been partying a bit before she got here, which is totally fine, but she was a hoot.

At one point in the evening she asked if The Hubs and I always pick on each other like that. I said yeah, and she said, oh so that's your relationship. At the time I didn't think anything about it but it keeps coming back to me. No, that's not our relationship, but yes we do tend to do that a lot, especially at parties. It's our language. This got me wondering about what people's perception of us as a couple is.

We are both smart asses---though he much more so than me : )---add alcohol and of course it will be worse. I guess I could see where other people might think we're picking on each other or even being mean, but we're not, we're playing. I should have written this last night when I was altered because now I'm thinking too much before I write. The teasing is our rhythm, it's our way of showing affection. We are not a sappy sweet couple, though there are times when even we do get this way. I have always enjoyed/been turned on by/gravitated toward people who are humorous and who get my sense of humor, whatever that is; therefore the picking, teasing, bantering to me is actually more intimate more real or exclusive, however you want to phrase it, than normal conversation. (I know, this probably doesn't make sense to y'all.)

For the record, we are not like that 24/7. Also for the record, he is not this domineering, I'm-the-man-so-I'm-in-charge guy that I think many of you think he is. Does he sometimes think that he's the boss of me? Yes, and he acts like it. However, I also sometimes think I'm the boss of him and I act like it. The difference is I'm more subtle about it. He does like to thump his chest, like when he told Donut that no, I can't go to her bachelorette party. Of course I'm going. I have to go, it would be wrong if I didn't.

I guess my point is that things are not always as they appear. He is macho, at times. I like this about him, at times. He is also one of the most sensitive, deep-thinking people I've ever known. He does not show that soft side to many people. He is whipped, at times. I am whipped, at times. And, contrary to popular belief, I'm not the easiest person to live with, love, get a long with. (Neither is he.) But we work and we work well.

Other things: I'm not happy with the gift we gave Donut. It seems so normal. I have this need to give her something incredibly special, sentimental, heartfelt and I haven't found it yet--a cookbook and a steamer just don't cut it.

The Hubs did not get the wood chipper at the auction yesterday so I am safe for another year : )

The Boy actually spoke to Jelly (who is marrying The Boy's woman of his dreams) several times last night. I have hopes that he's over his hatred of him. Though when he picked out the Bride and Groom statue thing he did twist the groom's arm and thump him on the head : ) A voodoo doll of sorts. As for Jelly, I like him. He's seemingly quiet but cracks me up with the things he says and his observations.

My Mom came with us to the auction yesterday. At some point we started talking about retiring etc. and I just flat out asked her, what are you going to do for money when you retire? She said she has a retirement account and I know my Dad has military retirement, but they get that now. They have nothing extra, nothing set aside to prepare for an illness, nothing set aside to prepare for anything. She laughed and said, oh, I'll just sell my house and move in with you. I laughed to and said, uh, no really, what are you going to do. Horrible daughter than I am I could not live with either of my parents ever again.

Oh, the millipede has moved!! Yeah! Earlier this week The Girl and I were sitting in my rockin' recliner, such a sweet moment, and she said I'm tired of the millipede. Of course I was ecstatic because the thing really creeps me out. She said she was bored with it because it's not like our other pets, it doesn't do anything. Uh, it's a bug I said, what did you think it would do? She said she's forgetful and doesn't want to take care of it and doesn't want to be responsible if it dies. I said OK, maybe I can give it away--because I sure as HELL didn't want to let it go in MY hard on the off chance that it lives and grows to 15" long! Not in MY yard!! She suggested I give it to my friend B's son who showed a passing interest in it the weekend before when they were here for the house party. I don't know if B's son was genuinely interested in the bug or not, but the thing now lives at his house instead of mine! Yeah!

Guess what? Last night, at the shower (say it like, one time, at band camp) people actually sat in my den! I know! I was so excited. It might have been because we broke the ice and ventured into the room when Donut was opening presents. If this is the case this means that the next time we have an event at the house someone's going to have to sit in my recliner and open a present so people will come in and sit in the den! LOL

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Wound up and restless

I've been wound up all afternoon. Antsy, jittery, restless. Happy and all but wound up. Wired. I stayed up and caught most of The Lakehouse with hottie Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. It's a love story but sort of bizarre. I missed the first part, which would have been helpful to see. Apparently the two correspond some how through time. She lives two years in the future although their paths crossed several times. Strange. So I watched that until almost 3 a.m. and then over slept--woke up at 10 til 8.

The movie did make me want to read Persuasion by Jane Austen though. I'm a total sucker for the unrequited love story.

The Boys are at Scouts and The Girl is playing her recorder. I could pick up the house or do something productive but I don't think that's going to help. I need more yarn to crochet The Hub's blanket. I realized last night that it really is way to wide for a blanket, guess that's what happens when you don't follow a pattern.

The Girl has learned to knit, pretty impressive. She's knitted a few scarves actually. Maybe she could teach me.

I think the weekend went well. Saturday night was fun. I still do not understand why we always congregate in my kitchen where there are only four chairs instead of the den. Maybe it's because it's more fluid. Like if we were in the den we'd all just be sitting around staring at each other? I don't know. What do other people do at their parties? I can't wait for it to warm up so we can have something outside, use the fire pit and roast marshmallows or something.

Donut's wedding shower is Sat. at my house. I can't believe the wedding is only a few months away. It seems like we just started working together yesterday. She's such a private person so I won't go on and on about her but I am incredibly happy for her and excited for her to have babies so I can be an "aunt." : ) She better let me be in the room or close by when they're born!!! No, she's not pregnant I'm just getting ahead of myself.

My mind works that way a lot, sometimes making it difficult for people to follow my train of thought I think.

I wonder what Stephen King does when he gets wound up?

Monday, April 9, 2007

More things you might not know about me

1. highly ticklish

2. have two birthmarks

3. had one side of my hair shaved extremely short in college

4. sing in the car all the time

5. don't like liver

6. worry that because of the sunburn i'll get scars or skin cancer

7. like coffee flavored ice cream

8. sam is my favorite character on west wing

9. our road trip music runs the gamut from The Judds and Prince to Neil Diamond, Train and 80s mixes

10. love to dance

11. have a flat spot on the back of my head

12. hands and feet are always ice cubes at bedtime

13. twirl my hair all the time; my nephew does this too

14. love both cats and dogs but after my first dog, Chloe, died i've never bonded quite the same way with any other dogs; will be devastated when my cat dies--he's 15

15. high escalators freak me out

16. love starbucks

17. would like to grow an apple tree from seed

18. have never had a professional massage

19. love thunderstorms

20. thinking we should take the kids to see Rod in May because they may never have the chance again.

21. considering the job i have it's ironic that i'm a bad speller and hate using punctuation.

Saturday, April 7, 2007

I stayed up

Yep, I've been up since 5:12 a.m. this morning. I blogged for awhile, checked emails, checked my evites to see if anyone decided to come today at the last minute. Famous and Hutch called and they're coming, though I think Hutch is really coming to see The Boy. I think for the most part my friends tolerate and possibly like my kids (there is that special bond between The Boy and Donut) but Famous and Hutch genuinely seem to LOVE my kids like their own family, not just an extension of me. Of course that makes me love them even more.

Around 7 a.m. I got the bright idea to call Auntie. She rises at the butt crack most mornings and she's woken me up a time or two. I figured she'd be surprised as hell to hear from me before 10 a.m., plus we haven't talked in a long time. The tables were turned and I woke her up! She has this caller ID thing where you have to say your name before they answer--I always make up something crazy or I'm Mother Goose or something. Today I was Morning Glory. I called, got no answer and then she called back and before I got the phone The Hubs woke up. It was around 7:10. He was dazed and confused. He poured a cup of coffee and ended up on the couch dozing. The house was quiet--rarely is it quiet. I had a good visit with Auntie (which is what my kids call her not me, although she is my favorite aunt, only 10 years older than me). Then I joined The Hubs on the couch until The Boy woke up and started watching TV.

I crawled in bed with The Girl. There's nothing better than snuggling with your kids when they're asleep and being good : ) The Girl's cat meowed at me like uh, what the hell are you doing disturbing us. The Girl soon woke up and we started the day.

The dust bunnies have been evacuated, thanks to The Hubs and his trusty Fantom. The house has been prepared for guests. The Easter egg hunt came and went, the kids had fun. They're watching TV and The Hubs is napping. I think I've worked him too hard this week.

It's a weird thing to have people come to your house, at least for me. On one hand I truly love it, I love hanging out with my friends and the one part of my family. On the other hand I feel like it's a test of sorts. Like is my house clean enough and did we make enough food and are people going to have fun or leave thinking, damn that sucked. OK I don't feel like that with everyone but when there are larger groups I freak out a little. Stupid huh? I have friends that are much better house keepers than I am, much better cooks than I am and generally are the Martha Stewart types. I love and envy them dearly but on things like this I feel inadequate.

Emptying my head at 5:12 a.m.

Yes, it's fucking 5:12 a.m. and I'm awake. I could be sleeping for another four hours but noooo. It could be that the sunburn, though still tender but not feeling like someone is peeling the flesh off my body, is turning into the itchy-scratchy-peeling stage. For the last four nights rolling over in bed means there will be pain so tonight we've added itching. I must have rolled over once too many because I woke up and sometimes when I do that and hear The Hubs snoring it's hard to get back to sleep.

This evening we went to The Bro and SIL so the kids could color eggs together and we had dinner. Before you think that we were being mean and excluding The 3rd Child it should be known that she, her kids and our Mother went out of town to visit family for Easter, and left my sick Dad at home. : ) He'd planned to go (though the last 2 Easters Mom's abandoned him like this) but is sick. Yeah, this opens a whole other can of worms, but I don't know that I'll get to that in this blog.

Some of you know my Bro and SIL and I have to tell you (and not just because I know they read this) over the last several years we've become much closer. The SIL takes awhile to get to know. She seems very shy and quiet, which she is, but once you really get to know her she too can be a smart ass! She's funny and I really really do like her. Anyway, also not the point.

There was a time that our families did not speak. It was a least 6 years ago or more and lasted for maybe a year. No contact. The fight or fights were over things going on with The 3rd Child and our Mother didn't help the situation. What brought this to mind tonight was that I was looking through one of the SIL's scrapbooks for my Nephew and realized how much of his life I missed. We weren't on speaking terms when he was born, but I did go to the hospital and looked at him through the glass. I can't remember the first time I held him and that makes me sad.

The Hubs and I often talk about how our kids really got the short end of the stick when it comes to having grandparents. The FIL lives too far away and my folks are...well, hell you read this, they suck. Because of this I've always consoled myself with the fact that my kids have my Bro and SIL and that my nephew (though he does at least have one set of grandparents that rock) has us.

The Bro recently had a come-to-Jesus talk with our Mother. Back in the day this would have turned into an email war that she would have involved us all in, however, since she's been banned from personal stuff at work and I think realizes that I just don't give a shit anymore, I hadn't heard about this yet. So The Bro sat her down and laid it on the line, your house/yard/life is a mess. You two need to get yourselves together, get your house/yard together or I'm going to come in and do it for you (basically). He's had the unfortunate issue of having his boss know where our parents live, which I'm sure is embarrassing.

I know there are probably a ton of black marks against my name for this and I don't think The Hubs or my Bro believes me on this but I really do not care about them anymore. I feel sorry for my Dad that she left him this weekend. I feel sorry for my Mom that he drinks--though if it didn't bother her enough to get out when her kids were part of the equation then shut the fuck up and deal with it now. I rarely call them. I have as little contact with them as possible.

Oddly enough I probably feel the most compassion for my Dad in all of this, which is weird because on one level he's probably the one that has hurt me the most over the years. Aside from a few things, I think the reasons I don't like him are just because he's an ass. You know what you'll get from him. But with her it's all about betrayal and manipulation and self-centeredness and it just makes me sick. I don't believe a word she says or trust in the sincerity of anything she does.

Off that subject. Coloring eggs. I love to color eggs. When you have little kids though it seems to be more about how many they can color in the shortest amount of time not really how good they look. I think even when I'm an old lady I'll be coloring eggs and carving pumpkins. (One of many reasons why I think I'll be a kick-ass grandma!)

Progress has been made this week. Aside from fun at the beach The Hubs has tackled the yard and cleaned the carpets and I ventured into no-man's land and tackled the kids' rooms. Between their two rooms I had six bags of garbage (OK not like kitchen garbage but you know broken crap, papers, etc.) a load of stuff to put in the attic (sniff sniff---The Girl is giving up Barbies, my baby is growing up) and probably a trunk load at least of stuff to take to Goodwill. You can actually see the floors in their rooms and make sense of what's in them.

Shall we take bets on how long it will take them to trash them again? I'm guessing less than a week.

We went to a Tenebrea service at church last night. This is how little I know about the Bible and religion and what's going on. Before last night I didn't know Maundy Thursday was the night of the Last Supper and that Good Friday was actually the day Jesus was crucified. Why in the world is it called Good Friday? Why didn't I know these things? I think at this point in life my kids probably know more about religion than I do, which is good, they can pray for me because I'm surely going to hell.

This is also bothering me. Religion. I believe in God and Jesus, but I'm skeptical on everything else. The Bible, the stories, the rules etc. Last Sunday the sermon was on our mission as Christians, which is to tell other people about Christianity. We were supposed to ask ourselves who God put in our lives that we were supposed to reach. Again, I'll get bad marks for this, but the whole time I felt like I was drifting in and out of a Jim Jones sermon and my mission is to get others to drink the kool aid. Um, if God is omnipotent why would he need us to tell people about him? Does God really need a PR department?

The Hubs is excited about an upcoming auction. One of the items up for bid will be a wood chipper. Have any of you seen Fargo? So, if The Hubs gets this small wood chipper next Saturday and if at some point in time I "disappear" I expect all of you to launch an investigation : ) The SIL said don't forget The Girl is a CSI buff so she may be of some assistance.

Global warming is starting to creep into my thoughts. I joke about it but given the mild winter we had, if you can even call it winter, and now it's April and we're having this freak cold spell (it will really piss me off if all the flowers The Hubs has planted--yes he gets most of the credit for the aesthetics of the yard--die) and I fear this summer will be unbearable--or would that be bare-able because it's too damned hot to wear clothes? What's going to happen in the next decade or two? Have we fucked up the planet beyond repair?

So, 6:08 a.m. Do I make coffee and actually commit to being awake for the rest of the day? We've got an egg hunt and a cookout (which may turn into a cook in with the freakishly cold weather) today and we have a few things to finish up on the house first. I could make some coffee and clean off this computer desk area. I think there's a family of dust bunnies living here, an extended family, and you know how rabbits multiply.

I'm looking at The Girl's MP3 player sitting here--still have no clue how to put music on the thing and it's four months after Christmas.

If you sit on the patio and close your eyes, the wind rustling through the leaves in the trees ALMOST sounds like the waves at the beach.

The Hubs' cell phone is beeping. I don't think he's gone one day without at least one call this week of vacation. How much does that suck?

I'm leaning toward making coffee and seeing a sunrise.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Back from the beach

We're back from the beach. I wish we would have stayed longer. I'd forgotten how relaxing and fun it can be. The only down side is I came home with a bit of a sunburn. Torture is riding home in the car for four hours wearing a bra over your sunburned back and shoulders : )

Random thoughts from the beach.

The hotel we stayed at was right on the beach. Oceanfront room with a balcony. We slept with the patio doors open so we could hear the waves. It had an indoor lazy river, which was pretty cool even for grownups, an outdoor heated pool (also good this time of year but I hope it's not heated in the summer) and....drum roll please...a friggin' hot tub. One of those in-ground huge ones. I LOVED that thing. The kids even liked it. Talk about relaxing.

We spent the days either on the beach or in the pools. The beach was great. The water was freezing but after awhile not too bad. I like looking for shells and playing in the sand the most though. We built a sand castle and dug holes. There's something entertaining about digging holes on the beach. You never know if you'll find a cool shell or something and your always fighting a losing battle against the tide. The ocean has a way of making you feel totally insignificant.

My observation of waves--its like the lacy ruffle on the bottom of a skirt.
The Hubs' observation--they're like life; they start out small and smooth, building up until they peak, so full of themselves, that then they explode as whitecaps and slowly wind down, making their way to the shore until in the end they're little more than foam.

On the way to the beach we saw this billboard: Size Does Matter visit Dick's Pawn. How hysterical is that? : )

Going to the beach with kids is interesting. The first night we had seafood (hello, beach, seafood, it's a natural) and the kids were like, uh, OK. They'd much rather eat fast food. What's up with that?

A few updates--I don't think I blogged about this but about two weeks ago The Girl and her best friend (the little girl I liked) made up and The Girl and The Boyfriend broke up. Thankfully The Girl was not devastated over the boy loss and took it pretty well. She said he was cheating on her, holding another girl's hand at recess. I told her boys aren't worth worrying about (at least not in the fourth grade!).

Without much thought I also signed a permission slip saying she could adopt a millipede. It came on vacation with us. OK, I was going to put an image of it up here but looking at them grosses me out. It's fatter than a worm, black and longer than a worm with like lots of legs, though technically not a million. The Hubs research them after she brought it home. Turns out the things can live for 7 years and get 15 inches or longer!!! It really, really grosses me out!

Sunday, April 1, 2007

April Fool's

I called The Bro this evening, slurring my speech a little and asked if he could come and pick me and Donut up in HP : ) He laughed and said yes and where were we, where should he pick me up etc. I let it go on a little bit then April Fooled him : )

I was going to try to April Fool you all and tell you I'd had a dream last night that I was pregnant--some of you know that whenever I've dreamed of someone, including myself, being pregnant it has come true. Alas, no I'm not. Sometimes, like when I hold other people's babies I totally could see having another one, then reality hits and I'm glad I don't have another.

I found a bathing suit today that I think I actually like and might even consider wearing around people I know. We'll see. We're in cleaning/packing/laundry mode getting everything ready for tomorrow.

Dogs to the kennel, run by post office and then we're beach bound! Wahoo!

The Hubs and I were talking today and he admitted that he thinks I'm bi-polar like my sister--even to the degree she is. Not a comforting thought. I've joked about it here but in the dark corners of my mind I'm not certain that I'm not. Mood swings, highs/lows, depressions (though not nearly like I used to get, actually I've not been blue or depressed for a very long time now). He said he thinks my will and him are the things that keep me from being like her though. And, if I let it happen I could be or am an alcoholic. Not that I drink every day, I don't. I don't really even drink that much at all but when I do I don't know when to stop. Sobering thoughts. : ) Pun intended.