Thursday, August 28, 2008

expectations vs. reality

this is what i EXPECTED my bday evening to be like:

come home from work, the hubs would make dinner then we'd do the usual--homework, baths and i'd do some laundry/get ready to leave for the beach tomorrow.

this is what ACTUALLY happened:

the hubs called me on the way home to confirm that he'd pick up the kids, though he was going to be a little late.

i got home before them. i walked into the kitchen and hanging from the light above the table was a note that said: hello pretty lady. we would just like to say we kidnapped your hubbi. for more info call this number (the hubs cell) signed heidi and ben (aha--another name for you).

i called the cell and heidi answered it. she said, if you want to see your husband again you must follow these directions. ben then got on the phone and told me to go to the computer desk where i would find the gps with further instructions. then they hung up.

the instructions w/ the gps said: turn on gps; on screen touch where to; go to favorites; pick where we are at. you better be right the first time because you don't have much time. there was a listing that said lisa (that's me!) go here.

so i followed the gps directions to a mexican restaurant and there the kids were w/ the "kidnapped" hubs.

this totally surprised me and blew me away. how cool is THAT?? it should be noted that i'm really the only one in my family that really likes mexican food. the kids love tacos at home and they like some stuff at taco bell, but authentic mexican food, not so much. so we had dinner, complete w/ the birthday singing and sombrero wearing w/ dessert. it was really very sweet and cool.

when we got home i promptly fell into a mexican-food-induced sleep coma for about 30 mins : )

earlier in the day i received a few ecards, email well-wishes, and the hubs called me about every other hour to wish me happy birthday. lunch was up in the air--i'd been out earlier in the week w/ friends and next week i'm going w/ other friends so today i thought i was on my own. the hubs was in climax (yes, it really is the name of a town) and he finished climaxing ; ) in time to take me to lunch.

what a great 40th bday! : )

(psst--oddly enough, i did secretly wish that someone would have decorated my pod at work in black crepe paper or something but my friends that would do such were either out of town or do not work w/ me any more)

*****added on friday*****
the hubs told me that the girl wanted to put her own twist on the whole--we kidnapped your husband theme--while they were waiting for me in the restaurant parking lot she wanted the hubs to get in the trunk of the car : ) he he he (he did not).

also, right after the kids went to bed we were sitting on the patio. the hubs went in to get something then told me to come in and look at the boy's finger cos he had a splinter. i walked into the kitchen and there were cards and a baby birthday cake (i told him i didn't want a cake cos we're leaving for the beach today and a cake would be wasted) just large enough to hold the big 4 and 0 candle. so they sang happy birthday : ) awesome night....all the way around ; )

things i've learned in the last 40 years

that saying be careful what you wish for is so very true. there are dozens of things i've wished for or wanted in life that in hind sight were not so great. moving near my family for example (except for my brother's family). certain jobs i wanted and then hated not long after i got them.

mixing different liquors and beers in the same drinking session really isn't a good idea.

time really does fly when you're having fun and it really does go by faster as you get older. for example, my sixth grader was just cut out of my uterus yesterday.

when people try to tell you they have fond memories of being poor, they're lying. the hubs and i have been poor, not destitute, but poor. poor as in eating hamburger helper and kool aid every night for dinner; digging for change in the sofa for milk money (or cigarettes); selling a car to pay the rent; using all of your change to pay gas money to drive across the country poor. this is not to say we did not have some happiness then, but they certainly were not the good old days.

using credit cards is bad. i think they are actually evil. in the last year or so we are finally getting out of more than a decade of credit card hell. my downfall started in college when they swarm the campus and give a card, or two or three, to any idiot (yes, me) that would sign up for one.

don't put all of your eggs in one basket, whether that basket is friends, finances, dreams or what have you. i'm learning that the hard way on some fronts.

though i loathe confrontation, like, it's in my top ten things of loathing (which might make a good post on it's own--10 things i loathe) sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it. things may not always (hardly ever) turn out the way you'd like, but it still (in some instances) needs done.

presentation is important; and it does make a difference. this can be in a meal--make it LOOK good and somehow it does taste better--or even in how you approach topics with your kids. the hubs is better at both of these things than i am, lots better. but i recognize the importance and strive to master the skill.

eating too many spoonfuls of peanut butter late at night when you have the munchies might alleviate your craving for meat but it does not feel well the next morning.

the hubs is a much better judge of character than i am. it has always been this way. we can meet people and w/in 5 minutes he knows what type of person they are. too many times i have ignored his thoughts only to find out later, sometimes years later, that he was, after all, right. i need to listen more.

long fingernails may look pretty/sexy/whatever, but they're a bitch to type with (or to pleasure oneself with)

guys dig long hair

my lack of self confidence has impacted every aspect of my life. i don't know how to change this.

it was recently pointed out to me that i start everything under the premise that i'm not good enough and then any comment or suggestion made about anything i do is automatically viewed by me as criticism. this, sadly, is true.

though i like my hair longer and think i look better with long hair, i am most comfortable when i put it up and it's not in my way.

when i was young, like in my teens, i assumed that once i became an adult that would be it. i'd know what i needed to know and i'd just live my life. now i realize that i'm constantly learning and discovering things about myself and facing my demons and that's not always a bad thing.

regardless of how much you say you are not going to be like your parents, you are to some degree. i swore i'd never say, because i said so. i say it. i also employ the parental--maybe, when in actuality i know it's no and i just want to avoid the confrontation at the moment.

despite all of my hopes and dreams for myself, my biggest hope is that i raise kids that like and love me when they are adults.

peanut butter really does get gum out of hair. we tested this a few years ago w/ the girl.

chocolate and peanut butter anything really is the best flavor combination in the world.

green olives DO NOT taste good the second time around

there really are people you are meant to be with and when you are not with them part of you is missing

you don't know everything you think you know in your 20s or even 30s (sorry to anyone in those decades) i didn't understand older women until recently when they said things get better as you get older. i think it's a blossoming sense of self perhaps

you really do need to pick your battles. i can't really say i've learned this lesson well. i KNOW this to be true but i do not always remember it

star trek the next generation is not just for geeks

even fair-haired, non-hairy women get random stray hairs as they age (i'm considering getting my chin waxed)

humor can almost always make any situation better

mary jane is NOT a gateway drug

i can french braid hair

i'm stronger (mentally) than i thought i was

being a writer does not automatically mean you know how to spell

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

more things you might not know about me

more stuff about me. stay tuned tomorrow for my post on things i've learned in the last 40 years.

one of my legs is a little shorter than the other. i do not have a limp and had a chiropractor not told me this several years ago i'd have never known. this was the only time i'd been to a chiropractor. i had a hellacious kink in my neck and basically couldn't turn my head. so i had a few visits, shock treatments, heat, it went away, ta da. but during the initial consult he said i was a smidge out of whack and my alignment was off cos of the short leg. he said it actually is common in women who have kids--it's not that your leg is actually shorter but that your hips get knocked out of alignment in childbirth. who knew?

one of my ears is pierced twice. my best friend in high school and i got our second piercing together. when the hubs and i were on our honeymoon i told him guys with pierced ears were sexy--he got his ear pierced that night : )

most any time i am talking on the phone, watching tv or doing something that does not require the use of my hands i am either twirling my hair or doodling.

i am fascinated by tattoos. not tons of all over body tattoos, but simple, elegant tattoos. i toy w/ the idea of getting another (i have one), but doubt i ever will.

i regularly gag when i'm brushing my teeth/tongue


i should totally be working but fuck i'm just not into it today. i have blog envy for kristin's new look and have spent way too much time looking at free blogger templates today instead of writing some stories. i want a blog template that's unique and represents me and looks cool. and i don't want to pay for it. i've found a few i like and the directions say just download it. however, i'm not that techno savvy and can't imagine it's as easy as just download it. anyhoo---don't be surprised if there's a new look here soon.

it is pouring like a mofo here in nc. we need the rain but it prohibited me from putting my sweet little darlings on their buses this morning. i just couldn't see them standing out in a down pour waiting for the ark bus to pick them up.

i've decided that the worst 30 minutes of the day will be from 5:30-6:00 am. the alarm goes off. my eyes open and immediately rebel and and i hit snooze. it goes off again and i think--the girl cannot be late to her first week of school. so we get up, get ready. after i'm up and things are moving along i'm ok. i'm not LOVING it by any means, but it's not as bad as the first 30 awake minutes. this morning i even cleaned out the dishwasher, loaded it and picked up a bit before taking the boy to school.

i called my mom last night to see how the sister's JOP wedding went yesterday. she said it was fine. they went to lunch afterwards. my niece spent the night with my folks so they could take her to the first day of school today (which was actually yesterday but my sister let her miss the first day to go to mommy and daddy's wedding--gag me w/ a spork) and the sister's friend kept my nephew. so, since that was their "honeymoon" (i'm horking right now) i didn't want to call and interrupt them. plus, what do you say to that? hey, congratulations on making a huge life mistake? i'm sorry, i thought i'd be ok with this but i'm not. and it honestly has nothing to do with his nationality or his lack of personality.

it has to do with how in the fuck do you bring someone you've "seriously" dated a month home to live with your small kids? what do you REALLY know about someone after a month? especially if that someone barely speaks??? and, why oh why do you encourage your children to call him daddy? i can only think that my sister is like my mother in this regard and puts herself before the welfare of her children and then convinces herself that what she's doing is in her kids' best interest.

i can't throw too many stones, i know i have some of my mother's (and father's) bad genes, but i never put myself before my kids. ever.

what else can we talk about so i can further avoid work?

the hubs was out of town last night and we tried out the webcams for the first time. shut up and get your minds out of the gutter. having the camera on while you're talking on the phone is weird but comforting at the same time i have to admit. the kids were popping in and out of the screen as they made faces and tried to be funny. he'll be home tonight though.

ok, it's almost lunch time : ) here's a little laugh for today--michael phelps, the early years....

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

food fight

it is no secret that i do not like cooking and meal planning. i am jealous of those who are. my sil for example actually has a menu on her fridge (or at least they used to) of the meals for the week. i can't think that far ahead. my friend broad is like martha stewart with the things she makes. i am green w/ envy over the both of them.

one reason i hate these two chores is the kids. i have two of the pickiest eaters. i know i'm not alone. i read other blogs. my kids are not unusual. for awhile i internally freaked out about this. they aren't getting enough fruits and veggies, where's the fiber, etc. but then i figured they're both healthy, they aren't starving and every once in awhile i get something besides junk and meat in them.

take the boy for example. he will eat most meats but he doesn't like in marinades, rubs, etc. he wants plain meat and he'd rather it didn't have grill marks on it. he eats no condiments. sandwiches? dry. meat and bread. when he was a toddler he would eat jelly and cheese sandwiches. i have no freaking idea where he came up with that, but that's the only sandwich he'd eat for years. he does not eat butter. on anything. he does eat fruit but veggies i have to force. salad? he'll eat w/out dressing. and, he is the only child i've ever met that will not eat mac and cheese. he doesn't like cheese cooked in anything or melted on anything.

the girl doesn't like homemade mac, only the orange stuff from the box. she goes back and forth on meat. a few years ago she didn't want any meat. we'd go to the grocery store and in the meat department she'd say, look at all those poor cows. she would live on chips if i let her. she begrudgingly eats fruit and is a little better w/ the veggies.

lots of times for dinner we'll have the meat and side (the boy also doesn't eat most sides to include rice, potatoes (unless they're fries), pasta salads, noodles etc.) and the "healthy" stuff comes by way of raw carrots or applesauce (but only if it has cinnamon in it) or salad.

i've tried smoothies and they don't like those. i had spinach in salads and they've found me out. i even push that v8 fusion juice when i can get away with it cos it has the daily recommended stuff.

what tricks do you use?

3:57 pm

by my computer but the phone says 4:01pm. i officially checked out of working about an hour ago when sweet t sent me this link about cake disasters. go on, enjoy.

she told me this joke at lunch today that i cannot get out of my head, though some people just don't get it. it probably doesn't work reading it, you have to SAY it. here goes:

what do you call a brown chicken in front of a brown cow??

(it's all in the delivery people)

answer: brown chicken brown cow (you have to say it fast and in a porno music voice)

go on, enjoy that too : )

so the hubs has a last minute over night trip tonight. fucker. ok, not his fault and he's not the fucker, his stupid company is.

but, i am getting through this day and this week with thoughts that friday i am going to get my hair done (that sounds so old lady-ish) (hair--getting my high lights touched up and getting a trim)and we're leaving for the beach.

aside from looking at the cake disaster i've spent the last 30 minutes trying to follow the directions on how to access a copy of my recent pay stub on our stupid company intranet since our company decided to go paperless this year. i swear to all that is good in this world--sometimes technology blows big time. why can't i just download or copy the damn thing? nooooooo i have to go through no less than 6 steps to register through the paycheck company before they will email me a password so i can then go back to the web site and go through another 4-5 pages of online crap so i can print out my fucking paystub. can they MAKE that any more fucked up complicated? i think not. bleh.

aside from the cake link and the funny joke sweet t also gave me a piece of orbit mint mohito gum at lunch. despite the fact that it tastes like minty nastiness it is now 4:09 and dammit if i'm not still chewing the hell out of this gum. wtf?

also, my sister is now married. yep, she and jose tied the knot earlier today at the justice of the peace (or in her case piece) god i crack myself up sometimes.

and the hubs, who's a total instigator but somehow delivers it so well that it comes of as concern, called my mom to ask her about it. he called and asked her if she was sad. so she sent out this email (and copied me) to say what a wonderful son-in-law he is. SUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPP. ; ) then he called my sister to ask what her new last name is. they both took these as wonderful displays of concern by the hubs. again i say wtf? so i suppose i should call my sister tonight and congratulate her on trapping a man.

questions answered

first day of school:

don't want to bore you w/ a blow by blow but overall things went well. the girl let me walk her to class yesterday morning (i had to kiss her in the parking lot though, NOT in school). she forgot her lunch so the hubs dropped it off in the office on the way to work. they did not get it to her. she had to eat a prison lunch voucher lunch--which is what they give kids who forget their lunch or money. it is a hamburger bun (no meat), green beans and mashed potatoes. she ended up knowing a girl in her science class (the class they go to lunch w/). it's a girl she was best friends with the daycare before this one, they were toddlers together but went to different elementary schools. the girl said classes were fine but she was a little nervous about the bigger kids on the afternoon bus to daycare. ok, the mexican boys on the bus who were harassing the sixth graders. she said they cussed a lot.

needless to say the hubs went to school this morning to have a few words with the secretary about the lunch. he also requested a bus stop change for the girl since the existing stop is on the main road at someone's driveway who doesn't have a kid in middle school. we'll see how that goes.

the boy let me walk him to class and kiss him goodbye and everything : ) on the way to class he said the sweetest thing--he said mom, i'm sort of sad the girl isn't here because now nobody will say hey, aren't you the girl's little brother? sniff sniff

the boy had a good day as well. his homework for AG was to find 4 things that tell something about him. so what does he take in this morning? a spiderman comic book; a picture he colored of spiderman; his build-a-bear's spiderman costume and his iron man action figure. marvel much?

the other questions:

ok, i found out what the "other" position was from the poll. someone told me. it is a twist, literally, on doggie style. you start in doggie style position and then twist your waist a little bit sideways. it is not uncomfortable like it sounds; at least that's what i've heard.

lap dances--there were two lap dances; at some point there was heavy breathing. that's all i'm sayin'.

Monday, August 25, 2008

mid-day meme

here's a meme cos i got up at 5:30 and i've been writing/working/proofing pages forever today and my brain is fried and i'm tired : )

A. Attached or single? attached. in october it will be 16 yrs.

B. Best friend? the hubs (seriously. i have several VERY good friends, but he's the one)

C. Cake or pie? mmm, depends on the mood. hot pie is yummy and i love the crust.

D. Day of Choice? preferably the days when i'm not at work.

E. Essential Item? though i hate it i'll say cell phone cos i want the hubs/kids to be able to reach me anytime anywhere.

F. Favorite Color? green

G. Gummy Bears or Worms? i'm picky w/ the bears--have to be real german gummi's (haribo); also like the worms, cherries, smurfs and coke bottles.

H. Hometown? bfe west-by-god-virginia : )

I. Indulgences? starbucks

J. January or July? january (i hate hot), plus the girl was born in jan.

K. Kids? 11 year old girl/8 year old boy

L. Life isn't complete without? coffee

M. Marriage Date? october 17 (hallmark has since named this sweetest day; but we picked it cos it's the date of our very first real date oh so many moons ago)

N. Number of Brothers & Sister? one of each; i'm the oldest, six years later came the bro and six years later came the devil spawn, i mean our sister

O. Oranges or Apples? i dig both actually

P. Phobias? hmmm, is there a phobia for suffocating or down escalators? if so--i gots it

Q. Quotes? ah--i collect them. i have thousands. here's one: Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia. ~E.L. Doctorow

R. Reasons to smile? seeing my niece puddin laughing and cooing yesterday

S. Season of Choice? fall

T. Tag Peeps: those of you who want to : )

U. Unknown facts about me? 3rd grade was a rough year for me; my dad was on an unaccompanied tour in korea so we lived with my grandparents that year; i threw up in school (the one and only time)--it was orange juice; i stapled my finger in art class and my mom took me to a shrink cos i hated my brother : )

V. Vegetables? asparagus; green beans

W. Worst Habits? smoking and procrastinating

X. X-ray or Ultrasound? since i'm not in the baby having stage anymore i'll take x-rays

Y. Your Favorite food? just one? really? hmmm, i'll say cheese.

Z. Zodiac sign? virgo

Sunday, August 24, 2008

tomorrow changes everything

the bookbags are packed (crammed full); clothes laid out; lunches and snacks are packed and waiting.

tomorrow is the first day of school and for me it is bittersweet. the boy starts third grade. it's a transitional year in elementary school. more work; higher expectations and he starts AG (academically gifted) classes for the first time. it's the first year the kids can be in chorus, try out for the school talent show and are supposed to be more mature/responsible. i am worried, so very worried about the boy. he is gifted in so very many ways (he's smart, out going, funny) but he's so unfocused. even for simple things i have to repeat myself. he hears and listens but doesn't follow through.

and his hair. he's decided to let it grow long. we aren't sticklers about hair. well, within limits. if our kids want to express themselves w/ a haircut or black tips (like the girl did at the end of last year) we let them. but the boy's desire to look like one of the naked brothers w/ their longer, unkempt hair, is driving me crazy. it looks like he doesn't brush it ever.

now to the girl. middle school. i have to admit, i'm scared to death. what if she can't find her classes? what if she gets lost? it's a huge school. what if the older kids pick on her? what if she doesn't make new friends? she has deemed to let me take her to school tomorrow and actually walk her into the building but absolutely no kiss goodbye. i think she just wants me to take her in so i can carry all of her crap. the top most thing on her mind right now is getting her locker, decorating her locker and putting her stuff in her locker.

they've both gone to bed; we'll be getting up at 5:30 am. i have butterflies enough for both of them; they seem to be excited and not a bit nervous.

before he went to bed the boy said: hey mom, when neil armstrong went to the moon why didn't he go through heaven first? good question.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

my best friend

i met him about a month before i turned 15 and he turned 18. he was the bmoc in our neighborhood, though at the time i didn't know it. he was older; more mature; rough around the edges and cocky but at the same time there was a sincerity and understanding to him that called to my soul.

in a few short weeks we became friends. i felt so comfortable around him, able to tell him anything in the world. a few weeks later we started dating and my best friend became my world. my first REAL boyfriend. my first going steady. my first love. my first making love. my first heartbreak. my everything.

whenever you tell someone you married your high school sweetheart they go, awwww, isn't that nice, or something else equally as trite. i'm here to tell you, it wasn't always nice. it's hard as fuck to stay with the same person for nearly 26 years. granted we weren't a couple for every one of those 26 years (we were apart about 4) but a relationship (and people) change and grow a lot in that time.

i can still say he's my best friend. he makes me laugh. he knows me inside and out and for all my fuckedupedness he still loves me. he's still cocky and a rebel (i seem drawn to that) and our views on many things are totally opposite; he challenges me. he's strong. and at the same time he's so sweet and caring and childlike (not childish, though he can be that too sometimes). different people in my life get different parts of me, but he's the only one that gets about 95% of me, and still stays my friend.

he's not perfect; we're not perfect; i'm not perfect but i know in my heart there was a reason i met him 26 years ago and there's a reason we're still together.

But Im the only one
Wholl walk across the fire for you
Im the only one
Wholl drown in my desire for you
Its only fear that makes you run
The demons that youre hiding from
When all your promises are gone
Im the only one

i love you michael. happy birthday.

pole dancing; school shopping and house cleaning

oh friends...i am wiped out i tell you.

tomorrow is the hubs (43rd) bday. for about a month i was trying to think of something to surprise him with. i couldn't do a party like he did for me last year, mainly because until today i would have sooner poked my eyes out w/ a hot poker than have someone enter this house. it. was. a. wreck. but i'm getting ahead of myself.

my bday is four days after his and since we already got our presents and we're going to the beach next weekend our actual bday celebrations are going to be low key.

a week or so ago i asked my mom if the kids could sleep over. they haven't done this for a long while (not that my kids ever ask to go) and this time they were actually the only two grandkids there, which is a switch. also, getting ahead of myself.

the kids spent the night w/ my folks and then the hubs and i went out to dinner. not a HUGE surprise, he probably figured that much out about the evening. we went to carrabba's. the food there is wonderful.

then the surprise. i took him to a strip club. we'd been once before a year or so ago but he was totally not expecting that last night. we had a blast and i think he was genuinely surprised and pleased.

i don't know how many of you have ever been to a strip club--so if you haven't and have questions let me know. i guess it's really a "gentleman's club" cos the girls don't actually strip totally nude. they come out on stage in skimpy outfits, dance around, do their pole tricks (seriously, pole dancing could be an olympic sport; some of those girls could totally audition for cirque du soleil) and then take off their tops and dance some more. it's not even really a strip tease; they take of their tops nonchalantly and then dance.

and if you ever have body image issues? go to a strip club. seriously. not that there is any way in hell i'd get up there and dance even half nekkid, but aside from maybe 2 girls in there i had the biggest boobs (and mine are real). one of the girls could have easily played a mary kate or ashley double because she was so skinny you could see her ribs. it was scary.

people watching in a strip club is pretty interesting too.

we had a great time; the hubs was surprised and happy; all is well.

today we picked the kids up, mostly finished up school shopping and FINALLY got the house back in order. the hubs and i busted our ass until 10pm tonight. i feel soooo much better though. i really do feel like crap when the house is a wreck.

tomorrow we're having family over for cake and ice cream for our bdays and then getting the urchins ready for the first day of school on monday.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

poll results

ok, so half were for top, half for from behind and one for bottom. the one "other" has me curious : ) i don't know what i had in mind when i put other as a choice--so confess, wtf is other? curious minds want to know. you can go anon w/ your answer in the comments. please share! the only thing i can think of involves a number between 68 and 70.

also, while you're anon in the comments, share any tips you may have for adding a little something something to adult recreation time : )

middle school milestone

to celebrate our attending the middle school orientation today i will share with you my incredible girl's name : ) heidi.

the hubs and i met in high school in germany, so when it came time to name our daughter he immediately came up with heidi (yeah, i know the fictional one was swiss but still). there was no question, we knew that was the perfect name for her.

today heidi and i went to her orientation (school starts monday). folks, i think i had more butterflies in my stomach than she did. it just does not seem possibly a) that i can have a kid old enough to be in middle school and b)that my sweet little baby girl can be OLD enough to be in middle school.

she would have been perfectly happy if i would have just dropped her off at the door and left but i couldn't. parents were allowed to "shadow" their kids. first it was home room. the teacher passed out their locks--first year of having lockers. i resisted the urge to laugh out loud because when she passed out those locks you would have thought it was christmas morning. i've never seen kids get so excited over something so small and normal. i can only imagine it's like the first time you hand the car keys to a 16 year old. then she gave them instructions on how to open the locks. THAT was funny. it's something we take for granted, knowing how to open a combination lock right? they spent A LOT of time practicing on that. their "homework" is to learn to open it quickly so then they can pick out their lockers on monday. that over shadowed pretty much everything else for the rest of the day.

so heidi has gym, advanced spanish (cos she had it in elem), math, science (they get to disect owl pellets this year, ooo, ahh), language arts, keyboarding (aka typing back in the day), orchestra (yeah, she's never played an instrument in her life but she wants to try) and social studies.

about 3-4 elementary schools feed into this middle school and she knows at least one person in all but science class. that might be a challenge. of all the teachers, that one was the worst. i liked all of the others, but the science teacher? remember ferris bueller's teacher? : ) yeah, it's a woman but total monotone and zero excitement.

this is the first year the middle school has smod--standard mode of dress. what can they wear? collared shirts (polos or button down) and khaki or navy pants or spirit wear t-shirts. yeah, i waited till the last minute on this and now we're having a bit of a time finding something other than khaki pants and white shirts. they can wear navy, gray or white.

so i had a deja vu moment as the kids were practicing opening their locks. the little boy sitting in front of me farted. loudly. thankfully the kids were excited about the locks and either didn't hear him or didn't pay attention. the poor kid looked around and i could see the back of his ears getting red w/ embarrassment, but nothing happened.

this was not the case when i was in 10th grade english glass and this guy we called fuji (he gave himself that name actually) farted quite loudly in class. people laughed of course (kids are so mean) and he got up and left the class and didn't come back. i think he went home because we didn't see him the rest of the day. jabba the hut--our teacher--didn't even acknowledge that he got up and left. we called her that because she really did look like jabba, except she had hair. long, gray hair that she pulled straight back in a partial pony tail. she had to be in her 60s or better and she either still had acne issues or she cut herself shaving because from time to time she'd have one of those mini band aids on her face. she was so not a nice woman. she threw an in box (you know those you have on a desk?) at me once. me! the hubs described me as a "parent's wet dream" in high school cos i was such a goody two shoes. i NEVER got in trouble. jabba threw the in box at me for talking.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

two fer tuesday

this week our daycare is closed (week before school starts) which is a total pain in the ass. the hubs was able to take off this week but this is one of my busy times, right before our biggest issue closes and right before our biggest (and last) trade show of the year, so i could not take off the whole week w/ them.

monday they went to dan nichols park (where we went camping w/ the boy scouts last fall). they have gem mining there, a little zoo, huge playground, water fountain/park thingy and a mini-train and carousel. they had a big day of it. while i was at work.

today the hubs had meetings most of the day so i attempted to work at home. then we were going to the local lake to paddle boat, but events of the morning transpired to nix that. first i had technical difficulties most of the morning. sometimes i could check work email on my laptop, others not so i was working back and forth between the computers. it was horrid. then i made the mistake of actually asking my dear sweat children to clean the hellholes they call bedrooms. the attitudes ensued. they fought with each other; the girl fought w/ me. it was an ugly, ugly time. a time that made me realize that if i did indeed ever have a job where i worked at home i would probably harm someone. so, because of the bad morning i nixed the fun afternoon. probably too hasty w/ that punishment but i was fried by that time.

this evening we did a tinie bit more school shopping. we haven't really started on the girl's clothes since she has a dress code this year and at her orientation thursday we'll see a "fashion show" of what she can wear. we did, however, buy bras. she has been wearing (and needing) training bras for about a year now. these were those bras that are really just tankini type tops that slip over your head. no hooks, etc. tonight we got "real" bras. they are slightly padded. they have hooks. the girl is SO incredibly excited to have moved up to REAL bras. the hubs is beside himself.

i got a wireless mouse! omg, i love it. a week or so ago i picked up a mouse for the laptop because i really, really don't have the dexterity for that pad thing. the first mouse i got was the wrong kind, i didn't know there were kinds. anyway, the hubs picked up this wireless one tonight and it rocks.

i have come to realize that towards the end of summer we fall apart. it's usually after my last summer trip and before my last trip of the year (coming up). we lose control of the house and yard and the hubs and i are so burnt out and fried that we get little done. i feel (and i think he does too) out of sorts when things are in such chaos. plus we haven't seen my bro and his family forever it seems. tonight i mentioned to the hubs that after this upcoming trip i'd like to see if the sil and bro will let us keep gameboy and puddin for the night : (hint hint SIL) the girl overheard this and is now all over the prospect of babysitting. she and the boy have decided the things they want to teach puddin as she grows up. the boy said, mom, you and the girl and the SIL can teach puddin how to be a lady and i'll teach her to play video games. i said i figure gameboy (her bro) will teach her that. so the girl said she wants to teach her to sing, knit and do crafts. the boy wants to teach her to play video games, how to draw and how to be a boy. : ) he he he

tag i'm it

kristn tagged me : ) whohoo

Finish the sentence.

Maybe I should buckle down and CLEAN my house.

I love the smell of coffee, bonfires, gas, puppy breath, babies, markers and lemony scented lotions/candles.

People would say that I i have a dirty mind.

I don’t understand why cats actually get clean by licking themselves.

I lost my virginity in high school.

Life is sometimes overwhelmingly hectic, but i am where i'm supposed to be.

My past is riddled with bad decisions i hope my kids don't also make.

I get annoyed too easily sometimes.

My idea of a good time is varies depending on my mood.

I wish i had more self confidence.

Twins are something i thought would be cool to have until i actually had kids. then i realized there's no way in hell i could have done it.

Dust bunnies hold family reunions at my house and invite their cousins, the dog hares.

Tomorrow I’m going to go to work while the hubs and kids hang out. i'm jealous.

I have low tolerance for my sister.

I’m totally terrified of the hubs dying; screwing up my kids; down escalators and suffocating.

I wonder why grape/blueberry/cherry flavored things taste NOTHING like the fruit.

Never in my life have I...uh, nope, did that, uh,....hmmm...bungee jumped.

High school was an incredible time in my life; i met the hubs; i lived in germany and i started becoming (though it would take much more time) my own person.

When I’m nervous in front of a crowd i talk fast and probably say um too much; when i'm nervous in a small group i tend to say nothing.

One time at a family gathering my dad pulled out a bag of sanitary pads and asked if they were mine; it was in a room filled w/ all my uncles; i had JUST started my period for the first time; i was in middle school.

Take my advice: even though the grass may SEEM greener on the other side, it's probably just astroturf.

Taking a good picture isn't as important to me as capturing the moment.

I’m almost always late. i can't help it. this does not mean i don't respect you or any psycho babble like that--i am just that unorganized or prepared.

I’m addicted to blogging, coffee and herbs

I want someone to pay me to blog and write books for a living.

i tag broad, trish, astarte, and sue. for those of you w/out blogs who read this--email me your answers : )

Sunday, August 17, 2008

how'd you get that name?

do you ever wonder how bloggers get their names or the names of their blogs? i do. i'm always curious about that, at least the ones that aren't obvious.

as for me it was sort of by happenstance.

a few years ago my friend trish send me the merriam webster word of the day (she does this from time to time cos she knows i like that kind of stuff). the word was kerffle--meaning a fuss or disturbance. then she challenged me to use the word in one of my articles and if it actually got published she'd by me lunch. i of course did it : ) she's done that another time or two i think.

i immediately liked the word---it's fun, sounds like fluff, etc. and in the back of my mind i thought that someday when i wrote my memoirs i'd call them creative kerfuffle. i actually have that thought, like so many other random things, jotted down in a journal somewhere. so, that's where it came from. how about you?

sitting on the patio

it's after dinner sunday night and the hubs and i are sitting on the patio w/ our laptops, which, btw, are our birthday presents to each other : )

yesterday we took the kids to carowinds. it's an amusement park here that straddles the nc/sc border. we've been once, years ago, i think before we had kids. we tried to take the girl there either before kindergarten started or when it ended and had a total chevy chase wallyword moment because we drove all the way there (almost 2 hours) and the damn thing was closed.

when we left saturday morning we kept it as a surprise for the kids. though the day could have been much, much better, i think we all had fun despite the park. the lines for rides were atrocious. we didn't get to ride any of the big roller coasters--the lines for those had to be at least two hours long. we rode two or three rides, waiting as long as an hour at those. the park also has a huge water park and i think that's really where we had most fun. there's a wave pool, lots of water slides (lines too long there as well) water parks with flowers or things shooting water all over the place and one in particular that had a little water slide and a factory type set up w/ pipes shooting water, buckets dropping water, etc. we all enjoyed it. just as that part of the park was starting to close it starting clouding up to rain. we left the park around 7 or 7:30 and actually got out of the parking lot and on our way home about an hour later. it was a giant parking lot cluster fuck. we got home around 11 last night, totally wiped out.

i don't know if it's because it's the only park around here or because it's older or what, but the service and amenities were horrible. seriously, the people who work in the park could not have been less friendly or helpful. i expected over-priced food and was ready for that, but we ate lunch in the park and for the four of us it was $50. for crap! you can't bring in outside food/drinks of course so you are a hostage. i just wonder if all amusement parks are such a total rip off?

anyway, they had fun, we had fun and overall it was a good day. not too hot or humid or anything.

today the hubs and i slept in. normally i'm up on the weekends by 10 but i actually slept until 12:30. i woke up sore though--don't know if it was from being thrashed around in the wave pool, each of us trying to hold on to a kid on an inner tube, or what, but i felt each of my almost 40 years : )

this afternoon we went to my grandma's house and my folk's house in a (vain) attempt to collect more information for the family tree the hubs is working on.

lord---maw-maw couldn't remember diddly squat, and the information she did remember wasn't correct. she tried to tell us that my grandpa was going to volunteer for the navy and then after going on a cruise (uh, really? a cruise?) the FBI came to get him because they thought he was a deserter. unkay. she also tried to tell us that her great grandparents were the ones who immigrated from ireland and england (when the funeral home records we found say otherwise).

she also is concerned that houses are going to burn down because they don't have enough insulation in the attics so we need to put asbestos in them.

i can only assume this is dementia since she's never been diagnosed with alzheimer's, but my other grandma did have alzheimer's (as did a great grandma) so i'm fairly certain there's no hope for me in this regard.

in 11 days i will be 40 years old. i'm working on a post for that auspiscious occassion. things i've learned in 40 years : )

Friday, August 15, 2008

officially tagged

omg! i've officially been tagged for a meme by astarte. i feel like a rock star or something : )

ok, so here goes:

8 TV shows I Love to watch: (i'm assuming these have to be current?)
in plain site
john & kate plus 8
csi (vegas)
law & order: criminal intent
cooking shows--good eats; ace of cakes; that andrew zimmer weird food show
family guy

8 restaurants I love:
recent like: east coast wings
u.s. sushi
ranchos (local diner)

8 things that happened today:
woke up late
sat in a few meetings
ate lunch w/ my ex-employee
dropped my kids off for their last day of daycare for the summer
took my last dose of antibiotic
talked to the hubs on the phone
did a phone interview for a story

8 things I am looking forward to:
5 o'clock
going to an amusement park tomorrow
september 12 because then my work travel for the rest of the year will be done
labor day beach trip
getting my hair done
getting over this sinus infection
getting my house/yard back in order
starting christmas shopping

8 Things I Love about Summer:
the fact that we don't have to be to school at a certain time in the morning
unhurried (aka no homework, dark quickly, etc.) evenings
hanging out on the patio
flip flops/sandals
that fall is right behind it
that my birthday is in it
(summer is my least favorite season)

8 Olympic Events I want to see:
bleh i watched some swimming and gymnastics the other night but nothing really i WANT to see

8 things on my wish list:
a clean house
plasma tv for the den (when the current tv dies)
hardwood floors
kitchen makeover
a bike
to find a good mop--one that really and truly works well
a weekend getaway for me and the hubs
taking the kids to disney

8 people I want to do this same thing:
any of you that have blogs that read this : ) otherwise, email me your lists OX

mmmm, friday

random thoughts from me, who'd've (aka who would have) thunk it? enjoy

though i'm feeling better than death after a week of antibiotics, i am still pretty congested with this damn sinus infection. today a female co-worker told me, i'm sorry you feel bad, but you sound sexy. bwwwaaaahhhhaaaa. i wonder if it's the plegmatic coughing or the constant nose blowing, which has left me with serious chappage. (stop, i'm not picking my nose, it's dried skin. no, it's not bleeding, it's just that fucking red thank you very much). and the lips? umm, yeah, kissably luscious. you know that lusciousness that comes from not being able to breath out of your nose so you're always breathing out of your mouth and your lips are dry and cracked and you keep licking them? yeah, nice. so---sure, i can see the whole sexy thing.

so with our sexy new laptops came this family tree software unkay? i honestly haven't even looked at the extra software that came w/ our bundles, but the hubs is all over the family tree stuff. he's put hours into it. it's actually pretty cool. i started looking up some stuff online last night as well. it's interesting to read the names and where they were born, lived etc. i had vague knowledge that on my mother's paternal side we're of german stock and on my dad's maternal side there's irish/english ties and some cherokee indian in there somewhere (though you couldn't really tell this from the looks of any of my immediate family). i found where part of our family immigrated from prussia. the hubs, who i thought was mostly german/cajun/french, has a lot of immigrants from ireland (hmmmm, explains the auburn hair in his family). it's just fascinating.

the girl finally got her class assignments and bus schedule for middle school. we are so incredibly screwed. i've always taken the kids to school in the mornings but this year w/ them being in different schools that's not going to work. the girl will be catching at bus between 6:32 and 6:54 am! that's AM people. it's going to be dark a lot of the time she's getting on the bus. that means getting my house...on a regular FIVE FUCKING THIRTY IN THE MORNING. i think i need to make nice as soon as possible with the principal and teachers at this new school cos i see A LOT of tardies heading our way. ok, no, i can't let her be tardy. but fuck!
(the boy hasn't received his info yet but i know his school starts at 8:20 like always)

uh. i just did the math. for the next 6 years i will have to get up at 5:30 am.

since we've not had the time for a family vacay this summer the hubs and i have devised this plan. tomorrow we're going to a local amusement park for the day. aside from the town carnival where the rides are sedate, my kids have never been to one. this should be interesting and exciting. though there is so much to be done at home (housework/yardwork etc.) i'm sort of looking forward to tomorrow : ) then, labor day weekend we're going for a quick beach trip. i'm TOTALLY looking forward to that.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

wait, come back, it's still me

i made a few changes. i'm beginning to think i might move the blog--blogger just doesn't have very creative templates and i'm not savvy enough to build my own. so anyway, i rearranged the living room sorta.

don't you wish it was this easy to rearrange your house? try new colors? move things around. easy and quick.

i got off

so, we went to court this morning for my speeding ticket. here are a few observations.

1. traffic court and the cops who give you speeding tickets for minor traffic things are a scam. yes, i know i was speeding. i was doing 47 in a 35 zone. it was not in a neighborhood; there were no kids on the road, etc. yes, i came to a rolling stop at a stop sign where i could easily see 1/2 a mile either way and nothing was coming.

2. the hubs went w/ me, thank god, cos shit like that makes me nervous. the last time i was in that court house for a speeding ticket was when i was in college and i almost lost my license.

3. you stand in one of those snake lines, weaving around people for more than an hour then you walk through this door and hand the woman your ticket. she asks nothing other than are you paying this today. i asked if it would help to see a copy of my driving record--it's clean now. : ) that's when the hubs said he wanted it reduced to faulty equipment (for the rolling stop). she reduced it to faulty equipment and five miles over rather than the 12 miles over. so i don't get points on my license but we did have to pay the $170 fine and court costs. (SCAM)

4. while i'm totally glad that it got pled down, i just think it's wrong and a scam (though as i said, i'm happy i benefited from it). if you're speeding you're speeding, end of story. however, i think what causes the scam is that people will do just about anything to avoid those damn insurance points--insurance, another fucking scam.

5. and people wonder why i have such a cynical apathy toward politics and all that surrounds it.

6. also, holy crap on the people at the courthouse. seriously. we're standing in line and i'm looking around. people, i'm not a shallow person by nature. i don't judge people by their looks (unless they're stupid) but fuck, 99% of the people there were butt ugly. seriously, if that's a cross section of the population at large, there really are few good looking people. one rarely gets to see things from this perspective. the people you see day to day are often your friends and family, and while you may say so and so is beautiful, you don't (or at least i don't) often think people are just flat out ugly. but looking at a bunch of people you don't know allows you to be objective and i'm telling you, there were some really, really ugly people there. and their outfits? hell, i don't feel like such a fashion don't now.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

how not to be a ho

so, as you may know, the girl starts middle school in a few short weeks. i (we) need to start now on how to raise her not to be a ho cos frankly, neither my parents nor the hubs' parents did a very good job of this.

the hubs is the youngest of four kids. his eldest brother married his high school sweetheart pretty much right after high school so he had no ho-ing time. plus, he's the ugly sibling so he wouldn't really have gotten laid anyway. next is the hubs' sister and she's a total ho. his other brother really wanted to be a ho, and maybe was a little in high school, but he was too crazy to be much of a ho. then there's the hubs. lord help us. before me, he was a ho. when we were friends but not dating, he was a ho.

my family. (he he--i bet the SIL is glued to the screen now!) : ) my bro, not so much a ho (at least that i know of) though had he not married the sil he might have been one. my sister--it goes without saying.

and now me. hmm. i used to defend myself and dispute the fact that i was a ho. i didn't want to admit it to myself because it's just so sleazy. but as i'm raising a daughter i want to do the exact opposite of whatever it is my parents did raising me. granted, (and much of this ties into the whole what would i talk about in therapy post) some of the things that happened in my childhood will never happen in my kids' lives. i can't speak for my bro, but looking back, i don't think we were raised with a healthy view of sex. at least for me it was forbidden, dirty, taboo. and despite my attitudes now (i still harbor a lot of these issues) and what you may think of me, i'm not a sex fiend. i love dirty humor. it cracks me up. i have a horribly dirty mind.

what type of views on sex were you raised with?

my sex views were heavily tied into my self worth, self confidence. so, in college, when i had sex w/ guys i did not (at that time) see it as one night stands. i saw it as them liking/caring about me. obviously now i know that is not true, but i was so naive. you may say, well, everyone goes a little wild in college. unkay--you know you've gone too far when at one point you try to write down the names of all of your "dates" and one ends up being the guy with the baseball hat.

it is nothing i'm proud of. i don't feel more experienced or knowledgeable about sex for it. frankly barely any of it happened when i was sober. none of them got me off either. it wasn't about the physical pleasure for me, it was about the perceived feelings they had for me. all of this is hindsight of course.

so, not quite the scintillating entry you were thinking eh? my concern is that i don't want the girl to be another me. i have to believe we're on the right track w/ trying to instill in her a sense of self confidence. i think that's the biggest thing. (i had NONE). and for her not to succumb to peer pressure. and for us to be open about sex in general and not make it seem like such a secret, bad thing.

so--what are your thoughts on not raising a ho?

the cats and the bees

last night i took my codeine cough syrup thinking it would certainly knock me out. ohhh nooooo, we went to bed at midnight and my little brain was buzzing. i had no less than five blogs posts written in my head. i was tempted to get up and write them but realized how late it was, how late it would be when i finished and how much i needed to rest.

when we went to bed the girl was still awake (she's always been the hard kid to get to sleep, even as a baby). i asked if she wanted to come to bed with us, she said she was too old for that. i checked on her 20 minutes later and she was lying down, rather than sitting on the end of her bed, but still not asleep. i told her to wake me if she needed me.

at 3am she crawled into bed with us; she'd had a nightmare. so i cradled her, petted her and tried to give her other things to think about other than the dream (i didn't ask about it, not wanting her to have to relive whatever it was). she started talking about the dream. bees. it was about the fastest bee in the world attacking her. since she got stung on the nose (her first sting ever) a few weeks ago, she's been inordinately petrified of bees. i tried to explain that bees aren't malicious, they don't sting you on purpose and aren't out to get you. she talked about it for awhile. we got up, went to the bathroom, got a drink of milk and went back to bed.

then her cat started meowing, looking for her. my cat was curled up behind my legs, the girl was in the middle of our bed and the hubs was snoring like a banshee. the girl signaled her cat--she has two signals--one is a sniffing noise the other is a psst noise. her cat responds to this no matter where she is in the house. so her cat (who's gained a bit of weight since being spayed this summer) comes charging in the bed and walks up the girl and rubs her face to the girl's face. it was as if to say, i have found my girl, i am marking her with my scent. she purred a minute then moved to the chair in my room to guard the bed. it was incredibly sweet and totally took the girl's mind off the bee.

i need to help the girl get beyond this bee fear. oddly enough this summer was also the first time the boy had been stung. twice. his reaction was completely opposite. there's a strip of clover in our yard and though i tell them both to wear shoes, they don't, and he's been stung twice. he doesn't cry, doesn't flinch, nothing; just casually walks up and says, i think i got stung. and he's not thought a thing about it since.

so--curious as to the other five posts roaming through my head? look for these in upcoming issues : )
1. how not to be a ho
2. things i think about my grandma (the one that's dead)
3. things i would talk about if i were in therapy

damn, i can't remember the other two.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

when did you become an adult?

here's the question of the day folks--when did you become an adult? and, for my purposes here, that means when did you get a "real" job?

this topic was brought up today in an email convo my friend broad and i had.

did you start your "real" job--meaning the one you planned on having when you grew up or what you studied in college--right after high school or college? did you automatically become a mature, responsible adult after high school or college?

in my case the answer is no.

i graduated college june 1990. to be honest i don't think i really knew what i wanted to be when i grew up, even at that point. when i first started college i wanted to be an ob/gyn simply because i love babies and wanted to deliver them. after two weeks i knew that was not going to work. i hated and sucked at science and math in high school. so then i figured, hey, liberal arts? i can take art and writing and all that creative stuff and that counts as a degree? sweet! i'm in. plus i loved writing and at that point i was envisioning my childhood dream of being darren stevens and writing advertising copy. in the school of journalism or j-school as nerdy types are wont to call it, you had to explore all the stupid categories, or at least most of them. i studied pr (blech), advertising/marketing (which in retrospect really are two different things) (loved them), magazines (oooohhh, so glamourous--little did i know), news reporting (zzzz could there be anything more boring?) and that might have been it. ok, so i'm rambling (thank you codeine cough syrup). ok, graduated w/ that liberal arts degree in journalism w/ a minor in marketing.

graduation comes. i have no plan. not a one. i should mention that back then i still liked my family and was not around them much at all while i was in college. they lived in another state. i was naive and young and still thought my parents knew best. (i laugh, sadly, now that i was so stupid). so, i really didn't have a plan other than moving to where they lived (which is how i ended up in nc). i waited tables all summer, still went back to wv to hang out w/ my college friends on the weekends, and basically led my college life of partying and not planning anything until april 1991 when the hubs gave me the ultimatum that took me to live w/ him in oklahoma. the plan was that i'd look for a "real" job when i got there. hmmm, yeah, that didn't happen either. i transfer to a restaurant out there (red lobster if you must know) and waited tables once again. we partied, scraped by, played house but weren't really grown ups yet i don't think.

that fall we moved back to nc (because i forced him too, once again because i wanted, stupidly, to be near my family). we eventually rented a house and got real jobs and later got married. i guess that's when i became an adult with a real job, more than a year after i graduated from college.

how about you?

please just put me out of my misery

since 10pm saturday night i have been battling a sinus infection. on the way to my parents' house saturday i felt the signs, tickling in my throat, slight cough, watery eyes; i took an OTC sinus pill. no luck. the pressure kept building and i went to bed at 10pm.

sunday i was down for the count. really, i haven't felt so wretched w/ a sinus infection in years. weak, chilled, delirious. oh, and of the possibly 60 minutes i was awake the whole day i was a total bitch to the hubs. yeah, i'm so fun to live with.

monday i dragged (or drug?) myself to the doctor. my doc was out sick so i saw this new guy. i waited forever. really, i thought i was going to fall asleep in the exam room. i debated about crawling up on the table and lying down. so we do the exam, yada yada and he starts writing prescriptions. an inhaler, cough syrup w/ codeine and a zpac. hallelujah! then, the dumb ass tells me, so i'm giving you this prescription for an antibiotic, but wait a few days to get it filled. let the infection run its course and maybe it will clear up w/out the antibiotics because you know the more antibiotics you take the more immune your body gets to them. uh, yeah dude, i know that. i just shook my head in agreement and rushed to the drug store, got that puppy filled and started my zpac immediately. wtf? like i'm going to feel like death for two more days before i even START medicine? fuck no.

if you are one of those people who doesn't believe in medicine or who'd rather take a homeopathic course, good for you. everyone is free to choose. but for me, give me drugs and the faster they work the better. i don't use a lot of prescription medications. once a year i end up w/ a shot for poison ivy and once or twice a year i get a killer sinus infection. that's pretty much it for me. so bring on the meds.

today i am feeling somewhat better but still not peachy keen. since saturday i've had that uncontrolled runny nose. you know the one where it just runs, free will and all, at the drop of a hat? you can't control it. i just want to stuff kleenex up my nose (or maybe a tampon) and call it a day. it's not as bad today, thank god cos i'm at work, but sunday and monday? lord. it was gross.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

another quiet dinner

today we went to the folks house for a cookout, thanks to the prompting of the hubs last weekend. once again, the frito bandito (as the hubs has named him) spoke very few words. like maybe 5. wtf? seriously folks, how can you sit in a room full of people and not speak?

when the sil first joined the family she was reserved but she still joined in conversation. but frito? even when people try to draw him into the conversation it is a simple yes or no answer. he does not engage, does not respond. i just don't get it at all.

my dad cooked ribs, which were undercooked (not good for pork products) and then secluded himself in the den as usual.

the bro and sil escaped this wonderful evening. i personally could have done without it too.

Friday, August 8, 2008


hmmmm, did all of you realize the olympics started today? i have to admit that i've not followed them since i was a kid. is it just me or have they lost their grandeur? i'm not talking about the dog and pony show part of it, cos i'm sure with technology and just the evolution of entertainment THAT part of it has become more over the top.

i'm talking about the...excitement maybe? pride? anticipation? national attention? i don't know. it's just not the same any more.

are you olympic followers?

if i had a million dollars...

i'd buy a silk balloon
and drift above the countryside
each summer afternoon...

i can't remember the author but it's one of the few poems that sticks in my head. i envy people who can understand and quote poetry.

it is friday and it could not have come any sooner. i'm getting that panicked feeling again with work--so much to do, so little time, yet here i am blogging rather than working. oy vey.

i told you about the speeding ticket i got a few weeks ago right? well, monday (i think) i either need to pay it or fight it. the hubs is going w/ me to fight it. i'm nervous about that.

then there's the whole birthday thing looming. last year the hubs blew me away with a surprise birthday party. i'd never, ever had one and it was incredible and he was awesome, etc. things have been super hectic this summer (as they seem to be all the time for us) and my birthday is around the corner (his is four days before mine) and he is trying to figure out what i want to do this year. i have no idea. the house is a wreck and we haven't given it the attention it needs so the idea of throwing a party just seems like a lot of work. our laptops are our birthday presents, which is a good thing. but the celebration itself, i just don't know.

last night we went to an end of summer open house at the daycare. they sang songs they'd learned this summer and did a little skit. i must say, my kids need to be in drama. they're awesome. really. the girl said they'd only practiced once and the boy was asked right before the thing started to stand in for someone else (he'd not even had the one practice). later the hubs asked if i thought we had exceptional children. and i'm not bragging or taking any credit for this because i honestly think it is genetic, but really we lucked out in the cool kids department. seeing as how i'm prejudiced against stupid people it's a good thing both of my kids are smart. and not just marginally smart, they're intelligent. they each have different talents but they're quick and full of humor and i see them both as being great performers. the girl could totally be an actress; the boy? stand up comedy.

ok, i'm seriously going to get to work now.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

color me impressed

so i'm sitting here, typing my first blog post on my laptop : ) and i have to tell you, though i said the hubs isn't techno inclined, dude totally figured out how to hook up a wireless router and get us both online. it is so very cool.

it really is a matter of our brains working differently. he figured out how to make this all work but he has no clue about using word or setting up his folders etc and documents. his brain just doesn't work like that.

so, we're watching edward scissorhands. i didn't realize that johnny hottie depp was not always johnny depp, his name is johnny garcia. did you know that? this is the first time my kids have seen this movie, i've seen it a kabillion times. they're trying to understand that edward scissorhands is the same person as captain jack sparrow.

i love the sounds the little laptop keys make when i type : ) ok, so they didn't come with a mouse, which i totally need cos that little scroll bar thing? yeah, i don't like that so much.

tis little friday

(a girl in our office calls thursday little friday--i thought it was cute)

so just a bit of morning randomness as i'm drinking my coffee and gearing up to actually work.

the hubs got to come home yesterday after all--so i slept very well thank you. he even brought us a much needed herbal remedy that we'd been lacking for some time now.

my new laptop came in. holy crap it makes me realize how little i actually know about technology. it's not yet hooked up to the internet. it's pretty though : ) it's red. the hubs' is supposed to arrive today and he knows even less about technology. i think we'll have to get my bro to come over soon and teach us how to use our computers : ) he he.

aside from really needing his for work at this point, the hubs also wants to start writing. he has two books in mind--life with creative kerfuffle and the world according to the hubs (these are just working titles mind you). i told him it would be truly funny if he ends up being the one in the family to be the published author rather than me. if that does happen we would be living the other's dream. when he was in high school his dream was to become a journalist. my life dream is to write a good book.

i have to give a few shout outs--my friend trish just celebrated her bday. happy bday big t. she's been a rock in my life (as in someone i can always turn to) for quite some time and i love her a lot. the other shout out is to broad's son, the spawn, who just turned three. he absolutely has the most gorgeous curly hair and blue eyes i've ever seen on a little boy. plus, when i'm around him he acts like he likes me so that's a plus ; )

i liked astarte's comment (see one of the recent posts, i can't dig it up right now) about life not being half over at 40 cos basically nothing really counts until 15 or so : ) i'm really not lamenting turning 40 so much. i mean yes, it does stick in my mind cos society has programmed that in to all of us--the milestones as it were. but i don't feel 40--not that i know what that would feel like. i guess more than anything it just makes me realize i have so much left i want to do in life and why oh why am i wasting it doing what i'm doing? (cos i'm a chicken shit and don't like change and am scared i can't do anything else and have insurance and get paid for it or that it will be even worse than what i'm doing now).

so--another thing i haven't written much about but that i think about every single day is that there has been no reconcilliation between me and my friend. it's like the proverbial white elephant in the room that nobody wants to talk about. i really do not know what else to do and honestly folks, at this point i'm not even sure i want to do anything about it. i'm not trying to bad mouth her at all and the thing i hate is that we have many common friends (and i don't think it's a huge secret at this point that we aren't talking, people pick up on things like that. i just haven't spilled the beans about the reason) and i don't want them to be in the middle of any of this, but for me it's really gone beyond what the arguement was about and now it's about the fact that our friendship means so little to her that she's not willing to make any effort to work it out. if i were being true to myself (and to the fact that i started this blog to journal in) there would be myriad posts about this because it really is always in my thoughts. but i'm sure vomiting all of that out here where my IRL friends (and possibly she) would read it just would not be good. suffice it to say i go between being heartbroken, pissed off and stunned.

to end on a lighter note---
yesterday when i picked the kids up from daycare the boy had to show me his chalk drawing on the daycare patio. he is quite the artist, for real, he can draw. so he drew this he-man looking guy, big muscles, small torso, loin cloth with a strong stance. the boy was proud. until we looked down and someone had drawn a penis coming out from underneath the loincloth with a stream of blue chalk shooting out of it and puddling at the he-man's feet. the boy was PISSED. "i even signed my name to it and now someone put a penis on it and the counselors are going to think i did it!" he said. "they put a penis on my drawing!"

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

go to bed already

ok, i apologize. i just realized i posted the same thought (about the hubs being out of town) twice today.

when he's out of town i always have these lofty thoughts. my plan is always to come home, clean the house like mad, do laundry, etc. you know, get things done so we can enjoy the weekend. and then i flop on the couch with the kids and my brain turns to mush.

i watched two hours of tori and dean tonight. good god. what is life coming to that that becomes entertainment? and that i LIKE it for god's sake.

and i'm so incredibly tired and my brain is spinning w/ all the work involved w/ with in the coming weeks and yet, when he's out of town i can't get to sleep. it's the same when i'm out of town typically. i'm tired, but actually getting to sleep is a chore when he's not there w/ me.

the dogs aren't right when he's gone either. they're in and out more than their usual, like they'll find him in the back yard or something. and at bedtime? oy vey they're in the bedroom then out then back in. standing by the bed--i can feel the black lab's hot breath on me--as she's looking for the hubs.

non sequitors
are you blanket people? at our house, even in the summer, we lie around w/ blankets on the couch. what's up with that?

i'm a horrible parent sometimes. obviously i love my kids to death and am often amused and amazed at how their brains work and i think they're both gorgeous--but sometimes i watch videos or look at pictures of them at 6 months or 2 years and am just totally blown away by their complete CUTENESS. especially the girl (cos we have a lot more footage of her) omg--if you knew her at that age you'd have nommed her all the time (shout out to the lolcats). she was soooo cute. she's beautiful now and lord help the hubs cos she's going to be even more so when she grows up. but the cuteness is gone.

this month the girl will start middle school, i will turn 40 and my sister will get married. wow. i'm not sure which of those things disturbs me the most. actually, i'm not that bummed about turning 40. last week a woman i know told me she thought i was 28. ha. i think she may have been pulling my leg but she certainly didn't think i was 40. however, in all practicality my life is half over. THAT is not a pleasant thought.

do you ever just want to play hookie on life sometimes? like totally call in sick to work, keep the kids home (or send them away if they're usually w/ you at home) and totally goof off the whole day? like, not even do a load of laundry or lift a finger on the house, just do something fun? i need one of those days.


ok, this is one of the many reasons i hate summer. work trips. i fucking hate work trips. life gets turned upside down, we never have time for a vacation and then poof, it's time for school to start.

so, i got home thursday night from my trip, the hubs had to leave sunday night for a work trip and then around lunch time today he found out he had to go out of town tonight and tomorrow night. barf.

also, did i tell you we're getting laptops? the hubs found a great deal on laptops so we're both getting one. he really needs one for work and his company is too cheap and stupid to get him one. i just want one : ) so aside from the great deal and the fact that he needs one, do you know what really sold him on the idea? (stand back girls, he's all mine)---they have web cams on them. i'll let you figure it out.

the annual

the females in the audience will relate more to this post, and for the males (are there any?) perhaps it will provide insight.

having your annual exam for a woman is a pain in the ass. ok, at least it is for me. granted it's not THAT bad, but just having someone with their face in your whoha that isn't the hubs about to pleasure it is a little discerning.

since i'm not in the baby making stage any longer and i like my regular doc (she's a pa actually) i just have my appt. there and not at an ob/gyn.

so i do the weight thing (i've lost 7 lbs since may when i had poison ivy, thank you), blood pressure good, pulse good, etc. she gave me about a five minute talk on quitting smoking, like i don't know i need to do that. then the exam. breast exam and pelvic. i understand the purpose but really, having someone stick a speculum in your vagina is really not the most comfortable thing. then there's the poking around to find the ovaries and voila, done. guys are SOOOO lucky they don't have to do this. sitting there w/ your legs spread open while some one's fiddling around with your naughty bits and trying to make pleasant conversation to take your mind off of it is just weird.

plus, and i think i've mentioned this before, i hide my bra and underwear under my clothes--do you do that?

then it's blood work (which i can't watch) and the urine specimen. here again, guys have it so much easier.

in other non related news---i got back into town thursday, the hubs was out of town sunday night and now he'll be back out tonight and tomorrow night. sometimes timing totally sucks balls. and, because of his prompting, we're having a cookout at my folks on saturday and my bro/sil are getting out of it because it's her dad's birthday. nice. it's all the hubs' fault! ; )

Saturday, August 2, 2008

linkin' logs

(its the coffee--i'm drinking it, at night). actually, i just caught up on a few blogs and then got a little self absorbed. sometimes i go back and read my blog entries from years ago. i thought, for those of you who haven't been w/ me since day one, i'd link to a few interesting posts. : ) god, could you be any luckier? ; )

ponderables--from dec. 31, 2005

this one explains my pet peeve re: combining penguins and polar bears

one of my whines about parenting

things you might not know about me

my list of good things from 3 yrs ago (i need to update this)

cos it's just that funny

i am....

the first time i...

the boy and his balls

notes from the plane

flying out to vegas sunday i finally got the full effect (or is it affect, i always confuse the two, you'd think i should know better, but i don't) of my mp3 player.

first, going out there was a surreal experience. at the airport i ran into two people i worked with at the job i left to come to my current company. one is the president and the other was a co-worker. the president is an incompetent, pompous, male chauvinist ass who has been disgustingly nice to me since i left, mostly because of where i now work. i hated that man. the last straw, and the final thing that sent me out the door was when he asked me, after we'd redesigned our magazine, if we had any MEN look over the design. ok, so they were on the plane. then sitting in my very row was a woman i'd worked with before THAT job. so bizarre. i guess it's not really that weird cos we're all in the same industry, but running into people like that always seems strange to me.

and a couple other things before i share my notes from the plane. i told you i had to give a presentation right? well, i didn't realize how much they were marketing it. they always post stuff about all the seminars in fliers etc. but when i got there there were vinyl clings on the elevators and in the area where i was giving the presentation w/ my picture on it. stepping into an elevator that has your picture on it is weird. freaky weird. i have never, ever, liked the...exposure? that comes w/ my job. i'm a writer, i like being behind the scenes. i don't like being out there. it was disconcerting. the first day there some of my vendor friends who had showrooms in the area where i was giving the presentation asked if i was going incognito (since i'm sporting these new, nerdy glasses).

the presentation itself actually went really well. even at 8:30 am in vegas i had about 15-20 people there, though most of them were people i knew. the night before i wrote all my notes in long hand and dammit if i didn't even use them. at one point during the seminar i felt like i was looking down on myself and i thought, holy shit, she's actually talking like she knows what the hell she's talking about. i even answered questions and everything. very weird.

ok--and one more thing (hey, i made a pot of coffee at 8:30 tonight, can you tell???)--last night i had a dream that i had a baby girl with curly blond hair. yeah, i know, freaky huh? some of you know the thing about me and baby dreams. both times i was pregnant i dreamt it before hand. i've also done this w/ two different co-workers, down to the point where one's wife was pregnant w/ twins. of course this cannot be true (i've been spayed) but...i can't help but have that sticking in the back of my head.

on to the notes. no lie, i totally jammed out to my mp3 player on the way out to vegas. i was fucking lip syncing the whole flight and probably dancing in my seat. i wrote notes on my napkin--here they are:

*blister in the sun---very hard to dance to
*how can you hear dave matthews sing crash into me and not want to have sex?
*i'd forgotten how much i heart (yes, i drew the heart) phil collins
*rick springfield--do you remember working class dog? daddy's pearl? dude had some cheesy songs even though he was HOT
*remember the song beth from kiss? it's the only time i liked them--peter criss, the cat
*why is that who song called baba o'riley?
*having an mp3 player on the plane is tough cos i wanna sing out loud!
*i'm gonna crank it up and dance in my room (i didn't)
*there are newlyweds on the plane--how could i tell? she had hair/toes/nails that were "wedding done" you know the look i'm talking about and she was hanging on him like a school girl.

and no, i didn't drink on the plane.

on the way back--nothing. i didn't listen or read or anything. i conked out before the plane even taxied off the runway.

guess who's coming to dinner?

tonight we met my sister's fiance and saw her new apartment.

when we walked in there was a woman and two men and four kids (other than my sister and her two kids).

i knew one of the men was her fiance. there was one younger guy--20s maybe early 30s, hispanic, close-shaved head. the other hispanic gentleman looked old and battered; he was wearing a ball cap and said very little.

desperation thy name is a 28 year old with two kids from two men who's seen the inside of more treatment facilities than most (okay, i think it's only been two or three but still). yes, the old guy is her fiance. she said he's five years older than her but i'll kiss your ass if he's not 10 years older. ok, saying he's 10 years older than her would make him my age, but he seems even older than me. and even that, under some circumstances, wouldn't really matter. he has a glazed look in his eye--you know like when you look at my old cat (or any old animal) and they have those milky, cataract filled eyes? that's the look he has. and i swear to god--we were there for a little over two hours and i MIGHT have heard him say five words tops, mostly yes or no. when people talked to him she answered for him.

so, glutton for punishment that she is, my sister had beer there. hmmmm, let me think, let's get my dad, my brother and the hubs together in that sort of tense situation and throw beer in the mix. my dad said very little and didn't have a beer. my brother had a beer or two and then occupied himself w/ puddin' and didn't say much either. then there's the hubs : ) (just for the record, we don't drink much. really. smoking? that's another story. but it's not like we come home and toss back a few every day. we buy beer when people come over to hang out and then if it's not gone it lingers in the fridge for months.) however, the hubs had some beer and tried desperately to draw jose out of his shell. the hubs is actually a very personable type person and really did try to engage him in conversation.

the other couple there? that was the sister's boss and her husband, the pair that introduced my sister to jose. they talked and were social. not jose.

normally i'm totally not one to put stock into the exterior of a person because i've found that the people i really like on the inside are beautiful on the outside to, or at least they seem so to me. anyway, jose has no personality, from what i can tell. and he's ugly. his hair hung in a pony tail down to his ass. not a hot sexy pony tail, but a long ass horse tail. and then there were the glazed eyes. and no personality. i don't get it? i really don't. why, why is she marrying him? what can they POSSIBLY have in common other than desperation??

and, get this. she's telling the kids (who are 8 and 4) to call him daddy! you've been seriously dating a guy who doesn't speak for a month and are marrying him in 20 some days and you're having your kids call him daddy? wtf??? really folks, wtf??

this post sounds like i don't like old people or hispanics--that's not it at all. of the dude had some semblance of a personality it would be ok. if i could see maybe a light on behind those cloudy eyes, maybe that would be ok. but it's just like there's this shell of a person there, taking up space. how is that going to be good for my niece and nephew? how is that anything other than my sister saying, yeah, i finally got a man that' not going to just fuck me but that's going to actually marry me? now i can play house and have a husband and (seem) be normal like everyone else. it's incredibly depressing to me.

my boyfriend

ok, i have, between two cameras, about 100 images and a couple of videos : ) i thought i'd just share a few cos i'm pretty sure i'm the only one who really cares enough to look through all 100 : ) so i pretty much told you the whole story i think. i didn't realize it at the time, but my new employee used her camera to video tape my reaction when rod came on stage. i was screaming like a 12 year old at a jonas brothers concert (my daughter's words, not mine). yeah.

trish asked what i did when we made eye contact and waved--i waved back of course. at some point during the concert i did yell i love you rod. however, i was not nearly as bad as the late 40 early 50 something woman in the sundress in front of me. if she would have had a pole she would have been right at home. she was shimmying up her skirt and standing on her chair at one point, desperately trying to get his attention. someone did bring him a bottle of water from the crowd and another person brought him a bacardi and coke (which he requested) from the bar. someone threw their market pass on stage when he sang maggie may and he put it on. later, in pictures, we realized the name on the tag was maggie too. he was incredibly gracious as people came up the aisle and had their pictures made, he'd wave and smile.

there were three wardrobe changes : ) it was hot, he got sweaty. he played for an hour and a half. however, he didn't do an encore, which i though was kinda weird.