Saturday, June 30, 2007


OK, first of all, I'm totally not killing The Hubs with lust, though I can't say as I wouldn't prefer to be killed with lust than say in a car wreck or something.

On the thank you notes---if you open the gift and the giver is there when you open it do you STILL have to send a thank you note?

Just for the record--I'm washing all the sheets and comforters in the house this weekend : ) Although how cool would it be if someone invented disposable sheets? I'd totally buy them if they were comfy.

So far the weekend is going well. We're hoping to finally get in the pool tomorrow. Who knew it took so long to get water chemically adjusted so you could freaking swim in it? Damn.

Friday, June 29, 2007


OMG I have not looked forward to a Friday in so long! With everything going on the last few weeks I've been a basket case. Conference is over, just finished an issue and the happy/hyper bi-polar me kicked in. It's like I just ate a frickin' sugar cube or something : )

Maybe it's because I've gotten too much sleep this week. Typically we don't go to bed until midnight or later but this week I've fallen asleep on the couch or in the recliner by 10-10:30 just about every night. I think my body is saying--WTF?

Big weekend plans include attending my niece's bday party, cleaning house and mowing, laundry, grocery store etc.

So at lunch today my peeps said that The Hubs and I are a horny couple. He would probably disagree with that. I have a dirty mind so naturally when someone says something and I take it the wrong way I might come off as a sex fiend or something but I'm really not. I did lament about the length of my out of town trip last week and lack of activity during said trip.

I mean it's not like we're rabbits or anything. I don't really count, but I'd say 3-4 times a week has become our norm. Is that freakish? After almost 15 years are we not supposed to do that? Trust me, it hasn't always been that way, The Hubs can attest to that.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

What men want

I just saw this article on Yahoo that lists 10 compliments guys like to hear. I'm not quite sure about this list; it seems sort of superficial.

What do you think?

Your arms are definitely looking bigger.
Yahoo says men are just as paranoid about their bodies as women are. Of course if you said anything on a woman was looking bigger you'd get smacked at the very least.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Yahoo says guys value their sense of humor as one of their most important qualities and want to make people laugh. Ok, I get that. Who doesn't like to make people laugh? Plus, humor relieves stress and can be very sexy.

Yahoo says its good to say this when he's getting undressed or after sex, preferably in a whisper; it's the ultimate ego stroke. Ok, I get that one too.

You the man.
Guys say this to other guys but Yahoo says coming from a woman the message is that you're buddies, which is sexy too. Ok, I don't ever see myself saying, You the man. Give me a break.

The kids just adore you.
Yahoo says more than 50% of men say their families are what defines them so any kudos on that front are good. I'd agree with this. There's something incredibly appealing about a guy who's a good dad.

What do you think?
Yahoo says long-married couples engage in cerebral power struggles (duh!) so it's good to say what do you think. I do this anyway, not because I'm trying to give away power but because I actually value The Hubs opinion.

Cute feet.
Yahoo says guys don't typically like being described as cute, but they do if it's a body part that's gross. I'm not a feet person at all, except cute baby feet, so I don't think I'd use this one.

Yahoo says 61% of men think their partners aren't sexually adventurous enough. A little purring can go a long way. I get that too but don't know if I could say 'Meow' with a straight face.

I thought this went with the wow from above but you should say impressive after they've carried something heavy, snaked the septic tank or redone your bathroom. I do this, and not to score points but because The Hubs really is a handy guy to have around.

I want you.
Yahoo says guys don't care if you go on about their hair or eyes, they want to know they're the total package. Yeah, well who doesn't? That seems like a no brainer to me.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Things I wasn't taught

I had this idea last night but as some of you know other things came up and I didn't blog. The Hubs wasn't feeling great (chest pains), almost went to the ER but didn't. I talked to his doc today and she wants to see if the new med kicks in first before we take the next step--angioplasty. This of course raised another issue we hadn't thought of. What the hell would we do if I needed to rush him to the ER at 1 a.m.? My thought was wake the kids, get in the car and go. He doesn't want to do that, doesn't want to upset the kids. Also doesn't want me to call 911 because the ambulance would freak the kids out. Of course I could call my Bro or Mom and they'd come but that could potentially take too long. Donut offered to come and that could be an option--but I really want someone closer. I need a game plan. Anyway, not the topic I was going to cover in this post.

Things I wasn't taught
This thought came to me at first when I was in the shower shaving my legs. I was never taught this skill. I snuck and did it when I was in 4th or 5th grade I think, at my Maw-Maw's house. I've never known--where do you stop? Are you supposed to shave above the knee? (I'm not talking naughty bits area, that's a personal preference) but thighs. Are you supposed to shave your thighs? Let me know.

Bedding--what's the acceptable norm for how often you change your sheets? What about reusing towels? I'm not talking for weeks at a time--but my kids use a towel (barely) once and then it goes in the dirty clothes. Is it really that bad to hang it up and use it again the next day?

How often are you supposed to wash the windows on your house? I wash my kitchen window and we clean the front and back door windows periodically, but I've never, ever washed any other windows in any house I've lived in. Dear God, am I channeling my parents?

I also was never taught to send thank you cards or to RSVP to things. Do you send thank you notes to people who are present when you open the present? Seems like a waste to me.


Non sequitor:
I've also just realized that my genetics are creeping in in another way. I forget what news/stories/etc. I've told who, which is further frustrated because of the blog. I write a lot of stuff in here and then have a conversation about it or parts of it. So, if we're every talking or emailing and I repeat myself, please tell me : )

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

No rest for the weary

You'd think after last week I could have at least come back to work and had one slacker day, but no, back to the grind full steam. Gotta get the next issue out by Friday. Worked until 6 p.m. tonight (late for me) and when I got home The Hubs had dinner ready. We ate, the kids got in the pool for a bit and then we weeded flower beds. I love flowers but damn I hate weeding.

Why does stuff grow where you don't want it but won't grow where you do?

We finally got the right directions for the pool chemicals and started the regimen tonight. It will probably be Sunday before we can swim again. I hope this is a one time thing, it taking so long. I know you have to put chemicals in it each week but this initial stuff is ridiculous. This whole pool process has been much, much more involved than we ever imagined. I do think it will be worth it though. The little bit of time the kids have been in it so far they've had a blast.

Evidently it takes quite awhile for more than 8,000 gallons of water to heat up. I've been in the pool a total of maybe an hour between Sunday and Monday and FUCK that water is cold! Needless to say it has not been Christened : )

Non sequitor alert:
What type of traveler are you? When I travel with co-workers I don't mind hanging out with them prior to boarding. Grabbing a bite to eat, sitting at the gate chatting, etc. but once I get on the plane I typically would rather sit by myself. As much as I've traveled I've only actually sat by a co-worker 2-3 times. It was fine but I don't really like talking on planes. It's not the plane or being afraid, because I like flying, but I'd much rather sleep or read.

I hate sitting next to strangers who like to talk. I discourage this from the very start by cracking out my book before the plane even takes off. I'm not stand offish, but when I travel it's always for work and usually going to or coming from somewhere that I've had to be "on" for the better part of the time. At some point I just want to be left alone and gather my thoughts etc.

Sort of like when I come home in the evenings I hate talking on the phone. Email is fine and I like to blog but I really don't want to talk on the phone.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Props to my peeps

It's Saturday morning, the plan of sleeping in was quickly dashed when I got home yesterday. The Hubs had the trench for the electricity to the pool about 3/4 of the way dug. Because of where we had to put the pool it of course meant it wasn't just digging a trench in dirt it was through a hellacious bed of roots. Love my trees in the yard but damn it made it much more difficult.

I have to give him total props for the week though. Aside from the doc visit he had just as stressful of a work week as I did, plus being a single parent, plus having my Mom spend the night Thurs. night so she could take care of the kids Friday and wait for the pool to be installed. I know he was incredibly tired and worn out from the week and all the hard work, but he still managed to take care of business : ) and we were up at 6:30 this morning finishing digging the trench. I could never be a ditch digger, that's fucking hard work.

I also have to give props to you, my friends, for your supportive comments and praise : ) Thank you thank you!

And don't worry about the pool, of course the chemicals will take care of things. You don't REALLY think I'd let the kids swim in that do you? LOL

Thursday, June 21, 2007

i totally rock : )

i'm pretty tired but had to share this good day with you all since i've vented SOOOOOOOOOOOO much about this damn conference. today was excellent. this is probably the best i've felt about this job since taking it more than a year ago. i felt like i did a good job and it was not only noticed but acknowledged by the QofE and other influential people in my work world. i was flying high when it ended today. first thing i did when i got back to the room was call and leave the hubs a voicemail. it went something like---i totally rock and am the queen of conferences : ) i know. i'm not typically a prideful person but damn--I KICKED ASS TODAY : ) the attendees said the agenda/content was great, best conference in a long time. yes, thank you please that was a year's worth of blood, sweat and tears.

the QofE really had me torn up yesterday, nitpicking at seemingly everything, but today she actually threw me a bone and said i did a good job. during our cocktail hour tonight i had a productive, lengthy discussion with her and though i have no illusion that everything is right as rain i do think perhaps she's realized her perception of me wasn't correct. she HUGGED me! LOL

so aside from yesterday being awful because i was nervous and she was nitpicking, the hubs was having his yearly heart check up. (for those of you not up to speed he had a heart stent put in about 3 years ago) recently he's been having some issues, chest pains, etc. and though i tried to chalk it up to stress, in the back of my mind i think the worst. he made it through the stress test but he's going to be trying a new med and may have to go in in a few weeks for a heart cath if his doc isn't happy with this med. plus she wants him to see an endocrinologist for the diabetes. on one hand i'm totally relieved that he wasn't put in the hospital yesterday, especially since i'm not there, but on the other i'm still worried about his health and what we need to do to get him back on track.

and i have to say, it's times like these, the bad, tough days when you really appreciate your friends. big t has been there more than once for me and my family and yesterday was another prime example. she knew i was stressing about the hubs' appt. and the conference and she not only called me yesterday to be supportive but she called the hubs to check on him too. gotta love that woman!

it's been a long, lonely week if you know what i mean ; 0 and i can't wait to get home tomorrow evening. one more half day of conference stuff tomorrow then i'm headed home. the pool should be installed by the time i get home and if it didn't take so long to fill and do the chemical thing i think we'd be christening it : ) LOL (now i'll get a TMI comment from TS) it's hell being away from home for three nights!

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

live from florida

i'm in fla. now for my conference. i'm nervous and anxious, ready to get the whole thing over with.

a few observations of note. we were people watching in the airport today. i always find this amusing because the writer in me can't help but create a story for some people.

there was a couple today that really drew attention. he had to be a retired military man, probably my dad's age which is close to 60. he had on jeans and a tshirt that had some military something on it and a military haircut. you could just tell he was retired military from his stance and his demeanor. his companion was a woman who looked like she could have been russian. she was about 20 years younger than him and at least six inches taller. she was wearing shorts, a black tank top and black hose with sandals. she carried their bags. she was vacant looking. of course it could have been something totally different but in my story telling mind she was one of those russian mail order brides. one of my co workers sat on their row on the plane and there was much PDA going on. so is the mail order bride happy or just filling her role? am i wrong and maybe they met completely by happenstance and are happy? i don't know, but that vacant look about her tells me she wasn't really happy.

next topic. i felt old today. the two coworkers i traveled with are younger than me. they were talking pop culture and i basically had no clue what they were talking about. i didn't know the TV shows, the singers, etc. Pussycat dolls--apparently this is a girl singing group. who knew? and it went on from there. the people magazine issue with the sexiest bachelors? i knew maybe two of them--the others, no clue. driving in the car, they listen to songs and radio stations i have no idea about. i could have gotten upset about being so out of the loop but i like my life.
i don't care that i'm not up on the most popular music---give me van, train or rod any day. TV shows--i don't care that i can probably recite most of west wing and have no idea about grey's anatomy or american idol. i like the things i like. does that mean i'm getting old?

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Saturday in the yard

Busy, productive day. The Hubs hired someone to come and take out some of the bushes and the peach tree in the backyard. His initial plan was to do this all himself and he had taken out a few of the bushes but it was incredibly hard work. The guy he hired brought a bobcat and with one push the peach tree was down. In two hours our yard has been transformed.

Part of it was to make room for the pool and then we just had some things that needed to come out. When we bought the house I was happy to have two peach trees but in four years we've not had one good peach. The trees must have been really old because the years they did bear fruit they rotted before they ripened or the beetles got them. It was just a mess. The yard looks much bigger, of course that will change when the pool goes in.

I got a little over zealous with the ratcheting sheers and pruned back a lot of the trees in the front yard. I'm pleased with the progress. Now we have a butt load of stuff to burn. S'mores anyone : )

I'm going to try to push the pool installation back a week or two--too much stuff going on next week while I'm out of town. It's a lot for two people to handle let alone The Hubs trying to manage it all while I'm out of town. Our jobs have never been compatible but this week even less so. He's got store closings looming, his stress test and then if the pool were to go in two days of having to be here for that. I swear I think if someone offered me a comparable salaried job with good benefits that didn't include any travel tomorrow I'd jump at it.

Although I love sleeping in on the weekends (and it will be another week before I get to do so) we got up early this morning (early for us is before 9 a.m.) and have actually accomplished a lot. My Bro and I couldn't work out an agreeable get together with the parental unit so instead the Bro, SIL and nephew are coming over here for dinner tonight so (these are his words) we (the non-fathers) can worship him and The Hubs on their fatherly weekend : )

Friday, June 15, 2007

music memories

ok, i'm such a slack ass today. i haven't done this in a long, long time because this job is a pain in the ass busy most of the time, but today i not only blogged (see below) but actually read a blog i used to read back when i had time. anyway, the topic was a U2 song and the very vivid memory it brought to the blogger.

i find music does this a lot for me. does it for you? there are songs that are sound tracks to certain periods of my life and then there are specific songs that bring specific memories.

for example--rick springfield, loverboy, men at work are on the soundtrack to my junior high years. chicago, bruce springsteen, phil collins, whitney houston, cyndi lauper are on the soundtrack to high school and dating the hubs. hard to say i'm sorry was a powerful song for us back then. i didn't know how to apologize and used that song more than once. almost paradise takes me back to my junior prom and dancing with the hubs. though i'd been to his senior prom and then to mine, junior prom was the best.

comfortably numb takes me back to college sitting on picnic table in a parking lot on a hill in wv getting high and playing some name game. stairway to heaven, also in college, also high, sitting on the floor listening to an acoustic guitar.

hungry eyes takes me to the hubs and driving from ok to nc many years ago. stick shift car so he drove the whole way. we were slap happy by the time hungry eyes came on the radio--we made up our own words, hungry thighs : )

i could go on and on. music feeds my soul.

i hate damn...

coming down to the wire on the conference, it's next week. not much i can do at this point--it will either flop or not. of course this does not stop me from freaking out about everything connected to it. when i'm sitting there with a dazed look on my face i'm really mentally going through my closet wondering what i'm going to wear each day down to the shoes. i hate damn shoes.

today i went and got my hair done--roots were showing. remember when i first started this job and my old boss told me i should get my hair done? yep, that creeps into my brain way too often. i hate damn hair.

i know this weekend is father's day cos i've been pondering what to get the hubs but guess what? i didn't give one thought to MY dad until yesterday when i was talking to my SIL! yep, i'm a good daughter huh? LOL the SIL suggested we forgo the countless blockbuster gift cards we usually give and get him something else, like a massage. the hubs suggested a topless car wash. i'm still thinking. i hate damn buying gifts for my dad.

the first day of my conference next week the hubs is going for his annual stress test and cardiology appt. it makes me nervous to be out of town when he's having this done--what if he has a heart attack? i keep telling myself everything he's going through right now is stress related but in the back of my mind i can't help but think it's not and he'll either have to have another stint put in or something more major. i hate damn health problems.

i guess if this conference does flop and the queen of evil et al decide i'm really not cut out for this job life will go on. i don't know that i'd find a similar job locally but surely i'm qualified to do something else? sometimes i curse the day i switched to journalism school. i should have stuck with my first idea and become an ob/gyn. i wanted to deliver babies but the science and math part got in the way. i hate damn science and math.

Monday, June 11, 2007

I love the rainy nights

sorry for the eddie rabbit ref but i simply love thunderstorms and rain. summer thunderstorms especially since they cool things down. it's almost 7 p.m., dinner's simmering, no homework to get done, no scouts, the thunderstorm we just had was loud and powerful and the wind was blowing. i turned off the air and opened all the windows. i love the sound, smell and feel of rain almost as much as snow.

i love the rumble of the thunder--powerful.
i love the crackle of the lightening--flashing.

not a bad day for a monday i must say.

remember this post---when i compared marriage to the menstrual cycle? i still think it is like that and we're winding our way back into a happy good place i do believe. i think part of it, at least for me, was the wedding this weekend, the vows, the sentiments etc. sometimes you forget about those mushy things. (this despite the fact the hubs commented on the abundance of cleavage at the wedding reception.) gotta love him.

i think, for a married couple, we talk a lot. i mean not just the day to day getting through life crap, but real conversations. i know couples who don't talk (my parents for example) and i wonder why they bother being together. i think if i had to give donut a marriage tip (aside from give lots of bjs and swallow) it would be to talk even when you think you've talked a lot talk some more. the hubs and i still, even though we're good communicators, have communication issues, i don't think you can avoid it. and you can ever think that you're home free because you made it x amount of years.

we talked this weekend about influences in life. every person, ok, not EVERY person, but lots of people, especially your friends, influence you or leave their fingerprints on your life, so why wouldn't the person you live with 24/7 have an influence on the person you are? politically we've pulled each other from our extremes, emotionally we've pulled each other a little too--he's mushier now than he used to be (of course having kids does that too), i don't know that i'm less mushier though i'm fairly emotional--like you didn't notice right! it's funny because at donut's wedding one of my co-workers said he didn't realize i was such an emotional person. really? he must not be very perceptive cos i'm a fruit loop most of the time.

so, ok, just feeling good, wanting to share, loving the rain, getting ready for dinner. i'm going to crotchet on the hub's blanket tonight, watch some west wing and love on my family.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

effing transformers

this post might be lost on some if you didn't grow up playing with transformers or have kids who play with transformers.

whoever invented these hellacious morphing fucking robots should have every bone in their bodies broken and then rubik's cubed into a folding chair or something because these toys are a pain in the fucking ass.

i suppose i am getting retribution because my nephew has been into transformers longer than the boy has and i've quietly smiled inside whenever he brings the transforming spawn of satan toy to my SIL and says mommy fix this. she, like me, has no clue how to fold and unfold these pieces of plastic that require a 10 page booklet filled with unreadable diagram instructions to get them to morph from a robot to a truck.

a mere four hours or so ago the boy bought one of these fucking pieces of dung with his allowance and i didn't bat an eye. now i've been sitting for the last 2o minutes while the hubs is making his family calls trying to figure out where the damn removable arm parts from the robot fit into a truck body. the pictures are no help. they're damn line drawings with arrows pointing every fucking way--no words, no instructions. i hate mother puss bucket transformers.

bastards. i think one night some fucking high college kids were sitting around with a bucket of broken plastic toy parts and started putting them together when one of the bastards had the bright idea to turn them into toys. not having any kids themselves (since they were in college) they thought little plastic pieces of evil that rotate and snap and click and look alike and turn from motorcycles to cyclops robots or boats into flame throwing robots were cool. mother fuckers. so they made the damn things, sold them to some fucking body like tyco or something and then the rest was history.

i hope the shit heads that invented them now have kids of their own and have to suffer the same fucking stupid torture they've inflicted on the rest of us. may they rot in toy hell.

i am making a pact with my SIL that we will not give transforming fucking toys for the boys' birthdays. if these disappear and are lost forever i will not cry.

long live real super heroes and their costumes and action figures!

Wedding weekend

My friends Donut and Ninja are finally married : ) It was a gorgeous wedding. Aside from family weddings, I've not been to many and this one was simply the most elegant and beautiful.

It's a given that I was verklempt much of the weekend. Donut is the younger sister I wish I actually had instead of the one I do but she's also one of my closest, dearest friends. During the rehearsal on Friday my first bout of tears came when I saw her rehearsing with Ninja. The second bout came at the rehearsal dinner with the gift and card she gave me.

(I just realized this may be a bit disjointed, it's 9:30 Sunday night and I'm drained.)

Anyway, the setting for the wedding was sort of like a castle, complete with bridge to the huge wooden door, stone building surrounding by ponds and fountains. The ceremony was impressive from the harpist and the vows they chose to the blessings and music. I made it through the reading without completely breaking down but I did have a few moments I thought I wouldn't make it. I did fine until I looked up and Donut was looking at me then I just about lost it. Back to reading straight from the notes without looking at her and I finished without too many tears.

She looked simply beautiful, despite the fact that it was hotter than hell and of course she was a bit nervous, though I don't think you would have been able to tell if you didn't know her well.

The reception was in something called the Crystal Gardens, which looked like a huge glass green house except it wasn't a green house. They danced to Into the Mystic by Van, of course I about lost it then, what a great choice of music. (They also played Crazy Love by Van at one point--another good choice.) When she danced with her Dad and Ninja danced with his Mom I couldn't help casting myself 20 years into the future and picturing The Hubs and I doing the same thing. I honestly think I'll have to have a Valium or something before my kids' weddings because I'll be a blubbering idiot.

Getting married is such a huge milestone in life, the next step. Oddly enough it's really just a blip on the map once you've been married almost 15 years and it becomes one of many happy, joyous milestones.

After the reception dinner the kids' danced a little bit before The Hubs took them to spend the night at my parents' house since we'd gotten a room at the hotel where Donut/Ninja, wedding party were staying. We rarely actually get a night out so it was pretty fun. The Boy and Girl were quite impressive on the dance floor. I really have no idea where The Boy gets his dance moves because it's not like we watch MTV or he's hanging out at dance clubs, but he's certainly got rhythm. So does The Girl--she's more graceful and he's more hip hop mixed with John Travolta. Very fun to watch them both.

After the reception we partied some more at the hotel in Donut's parents' room. Her parents are pretty cool, this being the first time I'd actually met them. There were probably 15 or more people, mostly younger, hanging out in their suite drinking and smoking for a few hours and they didn't bat an eye. I don't know what time we actually made it back to our room, The Hubs said something like 3 a.m. but I know we didn't make it to the 9:30 breakfast this morning. We did see Donut and Ninja before we left though--they head off for their honeymoon tomorrow. She'll be gone a week. I won't see her for 2 weeks (I'll be off to my conference as she's getting back.).

I can't believe she's actually married : )

total non sequitor but the hubs and i were talking the other night about my blog and the fact that it has evolved from what it started out as. initially it was more like a journal and then as i started letting friends/family know about it it turned into something else. i've talked about this before but knowing the people who read it naturally i censor myself and what i write.

i thought about this and i guess if i really just wanted to throw caution to the wind and write honestly i'd shock and maybe offend some people. if i wanted to write openly and honestly i'd keep a journal, but i've found i like the interaction of the blog. i wonder what you think about the things i write. i know not everyone comments and that's fine. i'm sure lots of times you're bored to tears when i ramble on and that's fine. but i do like thinking (and don't burst my balloon if it's not true) that sometimes i make you laugh, make you think something you might not have thought before or maybe make you reflect on things.

another non sequitor---my kids are smart. i know this and i do take partial genetic credit and some credit for how we've raised them, but i can't take all the credit--they're just smart as hell. today when we picked them up from my mom's house the girl was talking about this and that. i know she watches things other kids don't or maybe shouldn't--CSI, discovery health etc. she knows where babies come from, she's watched it on tv and we answer any questions she has about any of it--sex, babies, death, etc. the hubs still shakes his head because by the time both of my kids were two they knew the correct names for ALL of their body parts. i got tired of hearing my pee pee this and my pee pee that to describe everything so i told them the names for everything--the boy doesn't quite have this down pat though because he says fuhgina. anyway, the girl is talking about menopause with my mom (!) and periods etc. and telling us she gets to watch "the" movie next year in 5th grade. my mom said i watched it in 5th grade (which i don't remember) and that she was surprised at some of the things we learned about. like what i asked--she mouthed the word masturbation. the hubs said the word masturbation. the girl asked what is masturbation. is that sex she asked. sort of the hubs said. somehow the conversation turned to something else and she didn't press for an explanation. the whole time i'm staring at him asking wtf! why give her that word to worry over and ask about. i'm not ready to have that conversation with her. i don't know how to have that conversation with her. i want to at some point because i do think it should be talked about with girls since it's such an open thing with boys. but i don't want to have that conversation with her right now.

does that involve a tutorial? do you have to give instructions? is there a book? i don't know about this stuff, i mean i don't know how to talk to her about it. i think everyone discovers it on their own but i don't want her to think it's wrong or bad or dirty. i want to raise my kids with a healthy regard for their bodies and sexuality---not to be promiscuous---but not to think they'll go blind or go to hell for something natural.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

slow mo

thursday afternoon (sneak blogging at work--bad girl) and i'm moving in slow mo to the max. stressful week--lots of school stuff going on, donut's wedding coming up saturday and work has been a bitch and a half.

today's drama was with the girl. the kids had their end of year picnics this week and i warned them last week that i would not be able to sign them out and bring them back to work with me this week--partly because it's been a busy week, partly because of the stuff last week and the threat of a pink slip looming over me.

so the hubs and i leave work to go to her picnic and dammit if she didn't sit there and pout the whole time and then cry when we were getting ready to leave. of course i'm sitting there feeling like the worst mother on the planet. the hubs (i think in part because he knew i was feeling awful about it and in part cos the tears work on him too) signed her out and took her with him for the rest of the day. i'm sure the boy will be pissed when he finds this out since he didn't get signed out on tuesday when we went to his picnic.

i don't ever remember my parents coming to stuff at school during the day but there always are a lot of parents at my kids' school stuff. when does the guilt end? when do you stop feeling like you never do enough for your kids even though you know you do a lot more than other parents? i just took a day off last week or the week before for a field trip with the girl---doesn't that count for something????

oh and last night i decided--though the hubs disagrees---that i'm not really bi-polar. i tend to think my highs/lows, heightened arousal and mood swings can be attributed to PMS rather than being bi-polar. the hubs seems to think that these symptoms occur not just during PMS but at other times, which would dispel my explanation. i'm sticking to PMS, it makes me feel better : )

the pool will be installed the day i get back from my conference. whooooohooooo. i'm going to get a tan this summer : )

Monday, June 4, 2007

a few more things

i have to give props to my bro for getting us back up and running. he's going to do some more work on it but i really don't know what we would have done if he wasn't a computer geek : ) (luv ya bro--LOL) seriously though he knows his shit.

i can't do email though. don't know if it's a yahoo problem or just my computer. that sucks.

i forgot to tell you about the fourth grade field trip i went on with the girl. it was last week, we went to raleigh. the whole fourth grade. we went to the capitol building, legislative building, nc museum of history (zzzzzzzzzz) and the natural science museum. i have a vague memory of doing this when i was in fourth grade and my dad was stationed in fayetteville--i think it's a nc fourth grade thing. i have a leaf in a scrapbook somewhere, probably in my trunk, from the tour i took of the grounds of the legislative building.

the kids of course were bored to tears by the government stuff but had a blast otherwise. it was hot though and quite a long day. though we travelled as one big group, in the museums we split up and each chaperon was in charge of 4 kids. i had the girl and one of her friends and then two boys. it's so funny to just sit back and watch kids sometimes. the girl's friend was really nice, that was the first time i'd been around her for very long. i was only a little disturbed when she was looking at one of the displays in the natural science museum and she informed me that adam and eve were 15 feet tall. i said, uh, no i don't really think so and she said yes because she'd read it in such and such religious book. i had a moment of pause over that one.

this is the last week of school and the week of donut's wedding. lots going on plus a busy work week.

did i mention how happy i am to be back online??? ; )

I'm back....I hope

We got the computer back tonight! Ten days without a working computer--omg I just about died! I didn't realize how much I use this thing. The first weekend it was worse, I was restless, nervous, didn't know what to do with myself. It got a little better but I'm glad to have it back. It's not 100% yet and is running incredibly slow and I get booted offline at random moments--once so far while writing this.

I do have to set the record straight though. My Bro said The Hubs' moment in porn land wasn't the whole problem. Apparently there were a lot of things going on in the background (and still are) but that was like the straw that broke the camel's back.

So let me fill you in. I feel like my head will explode with all the things I want to tell you guys : )We're getting a pool. Yep, swimming pool in the backyard. We talked about it last year, sort of just said yeah, sometime soon it would be cool to have a pool (above ground pool). Then Memorial Day weekend we went to a friend's cookout and she had one and the kids had an absolute blast. They got out once to eat quickly and then right back in. Within the next 3-4 weeks we'll have it installed. We're thinking of having a Fourth of July Pool Party!

Donut's bachelorette party went well. I had no idea what to expect and actually was a little nervous about the whole thing. I wanted to prove to myself (mostly) that I could go out and have fun and not have to get totally drunk to do so and I did. I did drink, but I was responsible. I do have to admit I was quite surprised and impressed by my friend Guinea Pig's pole dancing ability though : ) The club we went to had one of those Saturday Night Fever dance floors and then three smaller round platform dance floors with poles. (No, I did not get on the pole, I didn't have that much to drink and I didn't want to humiliate myself.) It was interesting at one point in the evening when a guy got up there to pole dance and security made him get down. Frankly I would have screamed sexual discrimination--why the hell shouldn't a guy be able to get up there? That was just sexist. The club played 70s and 80s music (they even played Jessie's Girl) so not only did I get to dance I sang along : ) In the back of my head though I was sort of laughing because I'm fairly certain few of the other girls in our group were barely even born in the 80s.

Work has been a total bitch. My former boss retired and her last day was last week. The day before she told me "they" (meaning the powers that be, especially the Queen of Evil) were not happy with me and while she didn't think I'd be fired the next day I needed to step up to the plate. Obviously I was stunned and shocked. I didn't cry in her presence though, which is a big step for me. I'm such a cry baby most of the time, especially at stuff like that. I came home, vented to The Hubs and generally felt better. In the past when work shit has gotten me down he has tried to step in and "fix it" rather than just listen. (I think it's a guy thing, a sweet thing, but not necessarily what I want at the moment.) This time he listened, let me vent and waited for me to ask his advice. He also brought me back to reality with the fact that this is just a job and if they did fire me we'd survive, we always have. He outlined our contingency plan, offered to have the Queen of Evil offed and gave me some good advice. Anyway, that was last week and I've since talked to my boss and have a game plan. My old boss meant well I'm sure, but she is rather abrasive at times. And, while I think the higher ups do have some issues (though most of it is more based on perceptions the Q of E has) I really think my old boss was just trying to have a Come to Jesus meeting with me and scare the shit out of me. All is semi-OK now I guess. Though more and more I'm really hating anything corporate related. People could accomplish so much more on a daily basis without corporate politics and red tape. Power to the little people!

The thought has crossed my mind to look for another job, but despite the bad things the benefits are better than alot of the publishing companies in the area. Maybe I just need to get out of publishing altogether. I'm certainly discovering I'm not that great as an editor as I (think) I am as a writer.

I'm sure there are other things I'm forgetting that I wanted to blog about but I'm just happy to be back : )

Friday, June 1, 2007

The Perils of Porn

Some of you may have noticed I haven't blogged since LAST Friday. Are you wondering why???? Well, let me tell you.

Friday evening The Hubs and I are having a conversation and porn came up. I don't know how, we have lots of random conversations. Anyway, I told him I didn't have a problem with him looking at porn on the computer (just don't pay for it). I guess at one point in life I had problems with porn, degrading to women etc. but I figure they're getting paid to do it and nobody is making them do it so have at it right? Not 10 minutes later he was on the computer. Not 20 minutes later he was saying, uh, some thing's wrong.

I tried, with my limited tech knowledge, to figure it out and couldn't. Sunday my Bro came and worked on it for a couple of hours, the patient was too far gone so he took it with him. It should be noted that the porn was not the MAIN reason the thing crashed, but it didn't help matters : ) So it's now a week later and still no computer at home.

I didn't realize how much I used the thing. No paying bills, no Bookworm, no blogging, no emails, no looking things up on Google. It's killing me. Over the weekend I really was having withdrawals, like it was a drug or something (yes, another one of my many addictions.).

Cross your fingers, I hope to get it back this weekend. I have lots of other things to blog about--the 4th grade field trip with the girl, getting a pool, trying jello shooters for the first time, a work nightmare and, after this weekend, Donut's bachelorette party : )

I had to at least post this blog though so you would know what's up. I hope to be back blogging over the weekend--I miss it! My head's getting too full of stuff ; )