Wednesday, October 15, 2008

ck and the hubs--the next step

today is part deux of this fun little trip down memory lane. yesterday was the beginning.

the summer of '86 my family (sans me) moved to texas and the hubs' family moved to oklahoma (both of our dads were still in the army). the hubs started working at a bank and i started college. we long-distance dated most of my freshman year and then i got all high and mighty and decided i needed to "find myself" and date other people. the hubs was not amused but what choice did he have? i really was quite the hoity toity bitch about being in COLLEGE.

we still talked on the phone all the time; we still wrote (this was before texting and email and cell phones folks, you know, back in the DARK ages). when i'd visit my folks in texas (i was in college in wv) i would also visit the hubs. we were still best friends. i don't know why i was so adamant about not dating him because i certainly didn't date anyone else that year, or the next year.

during those years i was in college i treated the hubs pretty horribly. i'd tell him about my dates, guys i liked etc. we were friends i told him everything. at that time i really didn't see how that could possibly be a problem (i don't claim to be the smartest relationship person).

by the time i graduated my folks had moved to nc so that's where i moved. i had no real "plan" at that point. i was out of school. that was about it. the hubs and i still remained friends, still talked on the phone all the time. he dated others; i dated others. finally he gave me the ultimatum of either trying to make our relationship work as more than friends or he was done. he couldn't be just my friend. i was shocked at first. but quickly realized that even though i had no idea what would happen, i knew i could not go through my life without him in it. so i moved to ok and we lived in sin for awhile.

i'm really not proud at all of the things i did in college or the way i treated the hubs. he wasn't lily white of course,but i was the one who turned away from us, not him. those were dark times for us and they'd get much darker. however, college was a huge developmental time for me (not just in the sex and the drinking, etc.) but in finding out who i was. learning what type of person i was. discovering different thought processes. it really was like the butterfly emerging from the cocoon.

the thing about those years is that no matter what, no matter how hateful and hurtful i was, i KNEW the hubs would still be there. i knew, no matter what, i could call him day or night and he would listen. i knew he'd be whatever i needed him to be. and i don't say that like, i'm all that and a bag of chips, he'll do whatever i want. i say that like i felt it, in my soul, that we would always be bound to each other, whatever our relationship was. so when he gave me that ultimatum--come to me or i'll cut the tie that binds, there really was no choice. i had to go. he had to be in my life; he was already a part of my soul.

1 comment:

Sherendipity said...

He sounds like a keeper to me.