yes, guinea pig (see comments on impending doom) there is so much guilt associated with the holidays.
it is much like my sil says. we go a month or so without hearing from my mom and then she likes to make believe we're this one big close happy family for her sisters. i do feel guilty because i don't really like my parents and don't really want to spend the holidays with them.
i keep thinking there's something in me that should forgive them for being the parents they are and that if i were a better person i would just accept them, but i can't.
sometimes i feel like the hubs and wish we could just invite people we like to our house for thanksgiving. the only family that would involve would be the bro/sil/nephew. i don't just say this because she reads the blog, but really and truly they are the only part of my family that i truly enjoy being around and i miss it when i don't see them.
i don't know how to escape the guilt. sometimes i wish i were strong enough to say, you know what, this is how i want my holiday to be this year and i'm sorry but it doesn't include you. you do not add joy to my life, it does not make me happy to be around you and i am so very very tired of the phoniness that oozes from you during the holidays. don't spend money you don't have buying my kids toys they don't need because that does not make up for the fact that you otherwise suck as a grandparent.
i think this is probably another reason halloween is my favorite holiday, fewer expectations.