Friday, April 29, 2011

10 day update

wow. i just looked at my blog and realized it's been 10 days since i posted anything. hmmm.

i have been trying to keep up w/ reading/commenting but frankly am finding it difficult to concentrate enough to write a coherent post that isn't whining about not having a job.

in the last 10 days:

...the boy had a run in w/ the trampoline and required stitches in his knee. on a friday. an hour before the dr office closed; two hours before the girl's soccer game and all while the hubs was out of town. six stitches in his knee later and we were headed to the game. i thought i handled it pretty well. no hysterics (which i am ashamed to admit i am likely to do if the hubs is around to be the rock). after all was said and done i asked the kids how i did. did i seem calm, cool and collected? they laughed! they said i wasn't BAD but they knew i was freaking out because i was talking a lot and fast. ha...my attempt to calm them down and soothe them w/ chatter back fired evidently.

....easter came and went. although both kids have forsaken the easter bunny, he still visits. they were up at 6:30 am to collect said basket. really? it's fucking candy dudes. and one of those creepy faux live chipmunks they'd been wanting. we went to pie's (my sil's mom & dad) for easter dinner and it was so nice. pleasant. not irritating or nervous or a chore like it is when we go to my parents' house for anything. of course my parents are on their extended redneck vacation in wv. living in their new camper. posting on fb how much they miss their family. really? then why the fuck did you leave? i am still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that they went out of town (i have no idea when they're coming back) right before a holiday, knowing when they left that it might possibly the last easter they'd get to spend w/ my kids if we had to move. but, whatev.

....for the last two weeks i have been on pins and needles about a job. in the last round of interviews i had, this one was the only one i hadn't yet received a reject letter. now they want me to come in next week for a lunch and to meet one of the company founders. this is a big company (they make things that make technology work--cell phones, computers, space stations, etc) and their benefits are AMAZING. the lunch thing has thrown me for a bit of a loop because i was given the impression that a decision was being made this week. all week i've been thinking i'd get the call that would either end in a fabulous job or end in us once and for all making the decision to move. so...still waiting. still in limbo.

....in the last two days i've also had a phone interview w/ a company that could be interesting. salary was more than i was making and there's a possibility of working from home. however, as good as that sounds, it is for a real estate company, which doesn't seem as stable as a tech company. i also have an interview today for a communications position w/ a local school district (where both my sil and bro work). i am not hopeful about this particular job because unless you are already in the system it's difficult to get a job.

.....flipping through tv channels this week the hubs landed on a show about the judds. while i don't listen to country music much, there are a few artists i enjoy and the judds are one of them. in this episode the mom was telling the daughter about their family history of craziness and abuse and admitted that she was sexually abused as a child. the mom was dealing w/ her own relationship w/ her mother and how she didn't protect her. she talked about how she was trying to learn to deal with the fact that the things her mother did and didn't do impacted her life. you can imagine how surreal that was for me to watch.

....we have had more than our fair share of tornado warnings/watches in the last few weeks. historical numbers is what the local news says. thankfully we have not seen the devastation that so many other states have had. there have been sightings and i think a few touched down, but no where near us. while i love rain and thunderstorms, the tornado warnings freak me the fuck out. our weather has been so strange....pleasant spring weather and then bam, it's 85 degrees, humid, and 75 degrees inside (which means i've had to turn the air conditioner on). i finally took the flannel sheets off the bed until fall.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

i got the scoop

remember when i told you i was intrigued by the girl's soccer coach and his wife and their family dynamic? (he's around my age, she's in her 20s and they have a daughter (who looks Hawaiian) who's the girl's age, a boy my boy's age, another daughter who is bi-racial and a two year old boy).

well, today i got the scoop. i'm sitting at the girl's soccer practice half watching and half reading riding on the bus with my sister (which is pretty good). the coach's wife plops down beside me and asks me if i'm reading that book about the retard. i said, well, this is the story of a sisters and one of them is mentally handicapped. she said she likes watching tv shows about retards because they're funny. OMG. then she asks me if i like retards or something.

the conversation turns to her being in sports in high school and then i nonchalantly ask when she and the coach met. she proceeds to tell me that he was married before (the mother of the oldest two kids) and the woman was a nut job. abused him, the kids and eventually killed herself. i was shocked. i said that's horrible, how old was the girl when this happened? she said, oh, it was long enough ago for her to be over it, she was about six! ok, first of all i don't think you ever get over the fact that a parent committed suicide, but secondly, that was only 8 or 9 yrs ago. sheesh! then she tells me she was on a softball scholarship to college and got knocked up with the third kid in the family (the bi-racial girl) and then about 8 years ago she and the coach met and started knocking boots (her words not mine) and the two year old is theirs together.

i can't decide if this girl is just immature and says the things she does or if she's actually that much of a prejudicial redneck to think the things she does.

Monday, April 18, 2011

clue to the less

that is my mother. when i get to the point where i think nothing she does will surprise me....she pulls something else out of her hat. she and my dad retired in feb/march. granted i'm fairly certain they've run through most of the money they inherited from my gma and i doubt they have any plans for the future (savings, emergency fund, etc.). after getting the money they bought a camper that sits, year-round, on a site in wv. my mother decided it wasn't enough so they recently bought a newer, bigger one and are going to sell the old one. from day one my mother has told me she could not be the grandma to my kids that my grandma was to us because she worked and my gmas didn't. one of her goals, she said, w/ retiring was to spend more time with her kids and grandkids. since retiring she has spent part of a day of the kids' spring break with them. she has come to a couple of weekend soccer games. she has not called me or tried to interact w/ me at all since retiring (not that i would relish spending time w/ her but if you say you are retiring to spend time w/ your family you'd think you'd try to spend time w/ your family). a few weeks ago the hubs told my parents that things were coming down to the wire and that we might have to move to find me a job. he said we'd discussed it w/ the kids. my parents first wanted to know if i knew about the situation. you see, a marriage built on communication is a foreign concept to them. my mother has not said anything to me about this, called to discuss the fact i might be moving, nothing. why? well, she email the hubs at work and told him she hadn't said anything to me because she didn't know if i knew he'd told them. way to have my back mom. again w/ the lack of understanding a marriage of communication. i'm pretty sure if my son-in-law told me my daughter and grandchildren were possibly leaving the state i'd hop in my car and be knocking on my kid's front door. so they are off to wv to camp again, a week before easter. they did at least wait until the day after my niece puddin's birthday party (they didn't last year). they will be gone for weeks. and, for all she knows i could be moving before she gets back. my mom emails me this morning....asking how things are; asking about the boy (who had a run in w/ the trampoline friday afternoon and had to get 6 stitches!) and asking what we're doing for easter. really? you leave the family you wanted to spend time w/ to camp in wv and you ask today what we're doing for easter? such a clueless person. i told her i'm fine, starting to weed through things and clean out stuff in case we have to move; the boy is fine but worried about hobbling around on his field trip and that we're going to my sil's mom's for easter (pie asked us last week and i couldn't be happier). what kind of response did i get from my mother? "k"

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

i've never...

I have never watched Grey’s Anatomy or Dancing with the Stars I’ve never read Moby Dick or the complete works of William Shakespeare I’ve never had a massage…at least not one done by a professional I’ve never been to Alaska or New England or Montana I never wrote for my school or college newspapers, even though technically I am a journalist I’ve never taken black and white pictures even though I love black and white pictures I’ve never played golf…unless it involved shooting a colored ball into an animal’s mouth I’ve never been in a helicopter but I’ve flown across the Atlantic six times I’ve never worn a mini skirt or a bikini I've never watched a whole Monty Python movie or TV episode I’ve never not liked coloring or reading I’ve never enjoyed solving math problems I’ve never gone to the movies by myself, nor have I ever lived by myself I’ve never broken a leg I’ve never been a good speller I’ve never owned a blue car and I’ve never driven a jeep or ridden in a convertible I’ve never been in a fist fight I’ve never taken a hot air balloon ride, but I think I’d like to I’ve never been able to understand how people can purposely, physically harm other people (aside from siblings of course) I’ve never been able to walk in high heels, and this doesn’t really bother me I’ve never been to a poetry reading, but I have been to a drag queen show I’ve never been in a boat on the ocean I've never read A Wrinkle in Time or The Great Gatsby I’ve never been skiing, but would love to go to a ski lodge I have never seen the Grand Canyon, Mount Rushmore, the nation’s capitol or the Pacific Ocean I’ve never understood the deal with Schr√∂dinger’s cat or how one Dalmatian could possibly have 101 puppies I’ve never ice skated on an actual frozen pond and I’ve never been a bridesmaid I’ve never understood the meaning behind Stairway to Heaven, though I love the song I’ve never liked brie or caviar and never got the point of toast points I’ve never sold anything I made with my own two hands I’ve never spanked my kids with a belt or washed their mouths out with soap I’ve never gone to church every Sunday for a year I’ve never read the Bible cover to cover I’ve never gone hunting, though I had to take hunting safety as part of my 7th grade science class in Pennsylvania I have never seen a whale in person I’ve never been able to easily go to sleep when the hubs is out of town I’ve never understood why they can’t make a comfortable bra I’ve never had a bacon sundae and I don’t think I want to I’ve never been much of a wine drinker, even though the hubs likes collecting wine based on if the label is funky or not I’ve never liked gin I’ve never worn pasties or learned how to pole dance I’ve never ridden in an ambulance, and frankly never want to I’ve never understood not liking someone because they are a different color or religion or because they have a different sexual preference I’ve never bet on the ponies or played craps or sat at a gambling table…though I’ve been to Vegas more than half a dozen times I’ve never turned the radio station away from a Rod Stewart song I’ve never understood how Jackson Pollock’s paintings can be so critically acclaimed when they look so incredibly simple, although I do really like his work I have never willingly eaten liver or deer or rabbit or rocky mountain oysters I've never witnessed an animal being born but I have witnessed a baby's birth I have never sewn a wearable outfit I've never thought of myself as pretty but I think I have a few nice features I have never been divorced or a twin or stabbed I've never run for the pleasure of it I've never snorted coke I've never not paid my taxes I've never fallen asleep at work but I did buy a j from a co-worker in the bathroom I've never learned how to play chess or the guitar or bridge I've never stayed awake for 24 hours I've never been on a sports team

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

in limbo

the hubs and i have decided we can probably hold on until may. if i don't have a job by that time we're going to have to start getting rid of stuff, closing up shop and hitting the road. we've discussed it and while in theory moving in w/ his dad in oklahoma would be a good idea, realistically it probably wouldn't be. too much tension; too much emotional bullshit; too much angst. we would have made this decision--when to move--sooner i suppose but lately there have been more jobs to apply for and i've had more interviews. i haven't talked about them for fear of jinxing them, but apparently that's not working either. i had another interview about a week ago and i walked out of it feeling good. one thing about being unemployed for so long is i've started to feel pretty worthless. for someone who has always questioned their abilities anyway, getting a reject letter based on a resume sucks, but getting a reject letter based on what you thought was a good interview sucks even worse. i keep thinking things could be worse. i could work in a city where 41 people were killed in a 24 hour time frame; a wife of one of my husband's coworkers could have been kidnapped in the same city; my brother-in-law could have committed suicide and i could have just found out my mom has cancer. all of these things have happened to people i know and not to me. for this i am thankful but sad and scared for them. ********************* the girl has brought home paperwork to sign up for driver's ed over the summer....a summer that may find us in another state altogether. the bulb catalogs and trays of flowers at the garden centers taunt me. i won't buy or plant anything until i know we'd be here to enjoy the fruits of our labors. though we've cut the grass, mowed, weeded, etc. (and i've got the poison ivy to prove it) we haven't brought out the fountains or the hammock. limbo. out conversations are peppered with....when you get a job we'll do this; if we move we'll have to get rid of this. looking around the house/yard i am overwhelmed. where will i start? obviously we won't be able to take everything if we move. maybe i should just tag everything for sale and open the floodgates. we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. i feel like i say that a lot, if not out loud, certainly in my head. we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. *********************** the boy and i watched 127 hours this weekend. interesting how they turned that incident into a full-length movie. james franco still creeps me out. it was good. the cinematography was breathtaking, however i'm even more convinced that you will never catch me hiking in a canyon, even if i'm with other people. the natural beauty and wonder would be breathtaking, but i'm pretty sure i'm too much of a wuss to be in that environment.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

spring?

what's better than roses on a piano? tulips on an organ.

yes, i know it's a horrible joke


the kids' spring break last week kicked off w/ snow (which quickly melted). the week also brought rain, gray skies and chilly weather. we had a day of sun and then a beautiful, albeit windy, weekend. yesterday was another gorgeous day and after our weekend of yard work i had to say it looks really good. last night a storm from hell. while i do love me some thunder storms, i don't love wind and tornado warnings. we're supposed to have frost this weekend so i thought i should take a pic of the tulips before they're gone. i have green buds all over the place, but the tulips are the only blooms so far. i really do love spring, just wish it would warm up a tad.