Friday, July 30, 2010

hello, my name is ck and i'm a spoiled brat

i had an interview this morning, 8:30 am. it went well i suppose. i may have an unfair, negative prejudice about this particular company just because of the things i've heard about it for years. their benefits suck. their pay scale sucks. etc. these are things i have heard, i do not know first hand because none of that was discussed today. the person i interviewed w/ was very nice, i think she was pleased w/ me, etc. it will be a few weeks before i get called back (to interview w/ another person whom i was supposed to meet w/ today also but she was tied up).

i would not hate working there i suppose. i guess my level of interest would depend on the salary/benefits.

however, i realized, driving home, that i am spoiled. the silver lining of being laid off that i don't talk about nearly enough (especially in the summer) is being w/ my kids. summer is hard--being a mom 24/7 and not having the resources to go and do as much as they/i'd like. but i love being here when they get home from school. i like being able to get the house work and errands done so they don't bog down our weekend. though i've been slack lately about the timing of dinner, since being laid off we have mostly eaten dinner earlier, before the boy heads out to karate class at 6pm.

going back to work, though a huge necessity, will change our dynamic again. if i got this particular job my commute would most likely be 45-60 minutes (depending on traffic). it took me 45 mins to get there this morning but w/out traffic it took me 30 mins to get home. my old commute was about half that most of the time.

part of the reason i wanted that garden job (aside from the fact that it would have been cool) was because it was in my town and my commute might have been 5 mins.

going back to work will rob us of family time. it will make our evenings rushed again, even more so since the boy is in karate every night. dinners will be late. there will be late homework and keeping up the house/errands will move back to evenings and weekends.

i know, i know. i bitch about not having a job and then bitch about the possibility of getting a job. oy vey. i know i have to work, but it's going to take some adjusting that's for sure. (to be clear i have not had a job offer yet so i know i am totally jumping the gun.)

however--it is friday. we are having our luau tomorrow and we ended up w/ a bigger crowd than i expected. which is another thing i could bitch about and am never happy either way. i always invite this big group of people (partly assuming from the get go that 1/2 won't come) and then the majority come and i'm so glad to see them all because i don't see people much any more, but then i have little time to actually spend a lot of time w/ any one person. yeah, i'm a spoiled brat. i have said several times that i'm going to pare down my invite list but then i start thinking of people to invite and people i haven't seen forever and the list grows. dammit.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

watch out, the bullets are flying

  • i got a call this afternoon for an interview on friday. it is w/ a company i interviewed w/ earlier this year, though for a different position. this one is a step back position. well, it is a step back from a job i no longer have so i guess technically a job is a step up, regardless of what it is right? at this point, if they offer me the job and the money isn't ridiculously lower than what i was making and there are benefits i will take it. i will probably keep looking, but i will take it.
  • the boy tested for his brown belt tonight. up until now all of his belt tests have been part of the class, but since this was his first advanced belt he tested alone, after class. my bro and gameboy came to watch. up until now the boy really hasn't cared if anyone other than the hubs, girl and i were there when he tested for a new belt, but this one was important to him and i'm really glad my bro and gameboy could come.
  • sweet baby jebus but i think the girl and i are starting to "cycle" together, if you get my drift. today i have had the narcolepsy feeling i typically get about a week before. the girl had a melt down tonight because we have been stuck in the house all summer. despite the fact that we've done a variety of fun things, we haven't gone on vacation, gone out of town, etc. i know it's hard and not fun (god do i know) but there's little to do for it. her friends are vacationing and traveling and she's not and it blows. this is our life right now. not much else we can do at this point.
  • for some reason i am reading two books at the same time right now. i'm not sure i've ever had two books going at the same time. bizarre.
  • there was a whirlwind extended family weekend this past weekend in wv that we didn't make it to. i knew when the weekend was planned that we most likely would not be able to go, which is fine. there was a wedding shower for one of my younger cousins who is getting married in september; there was a surprise retirement breakfast for his mom (one of my aunts) and one of my other cousins had her c-section on monday. my aunts and mom were bubbling on facelibre about all the great things happening in our family that weekend and how they've tentatively planned a reunion for next summer. today two of my aunts were leaving wv and going to ga to one of the aunt's houses and i joked they should stop here (which is on their way and about half way) since they always comment about not seeing us/our kids (they've never seen my niece puddin' who is TWO). but of course they didn't comment or stop or make any gesture. it always amazes me that my extended family is all about some family bonding time etc. so long as they don't have to be the ones to make the effort. never mind that my sil and i have repeatedly said we can't come visit because of the jobless situation, etc. i just shake my head. whatev.
  • i know my kids are tired of being stuck w/ me day in and day out and not being able to go on vacation because they are starting to get on my nerves. of course this might be pms but at least 20 times today i screamed (in my head of course) shut the fuck up! because really, one, if not both of them talked non-stop today. or sang. or just made noise in general. if i go into another room or out on the patio, whoosh, there they are. day. srsly.
  • last night i watched an episode of wife swap. i don't watch this with any regularity but last night...omfg. one couple was a pair of 30-something manhattan millionaire yuppies and the other was an rural nj couple older than me. the ny mom did not work and had a driver, cook, made and THREE nannies (one for each kid i assume) and she TRIED TO CARVE OUT AN HOUR EACH DAY TO SPEND WITH HER KIDS. are you fucking kidding me? she and her husband ate out every night, together, while the nannies fed the kids and put them to bed. holy hell. the nj woman drove a bus, had a wood splitting business and cleaned/cooked for her husband and two kids. shows like that make me insane.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

a picture's worth...well it's priceless

puddin', the girl, gameboy and the boy
these are four amazing people. watching the four of them together, regardless of whether it's just hanging out, swimming, playing in the yard, or painting at a downtown cultural center, makes me happy. they range in age from two to 13 and while they're wildly different, they also have a lot in common. nothing would make me happier than to know that they'll be as close 10, 20, 30 years from now as they are now.

[i hope my sil doesn't mind that i posted this pic. it's not like you can see their faces ; ) ]

Saturday, July 24, 2010

i could do it

this week a headhunter called the hubs about a possible job. we don't know how headhunters get the hubs' information because we haven't put it out there, haven't contacted any agencies, but over the years he's had a few call him for jobs specific to his industry.

the headhunter said the job was in nashville and though it would be for the same money, it would be a step back on the totem pole. i started researching nashville. started trying to wrap my brain around the whole moving thing and i honestly think i am at the point where if it happens i could do it.

there are numerous things to consider--the fact that this is the only home my kids have ever known, my brother and his family are here and i would hate leaving them--but of all of those things my biggest fear about moving is the house. aside from the sentimental ideas, the thought that the hubs and i would grow old here together and our kids would come here for holidays and my grandkids would sleep in their parents rooms when they came to spend the night, etc., i am petrified of the financial burden of having a house payment here and having rent/mortgage wherever we'd move. we had two house payments before (albeit one was a trailer payment and much less than a house payment, but still) and that nearly killed us. that nearly killed us when we both had jobs.

i was starting to get a little, tiny, tiny bit excited about the thought of nashville--though still filled w/ so many fears because it's a much bigger city, where are the best schools, where are the good neighborhoods, etc.--when we discovered the headhunter said nashville but meant knoxville--200 miles away and much smaller. i changed course and started researching that area. not a great move.

the lure of nashville was that because it was so big there would potentially be more job opportunities for me. knoxville seems to have about the same economy we have here and overall moving for the same money, a step back career wise and similar economic climate didn't make much sense.

the process has made me realize though that i can move. if i didn't have a house payment i'd seriously start looking elsewhere in a heartbeat.

i am not afraid of something new. i am not afraid of taking a few steps back to take huge leaps forward. i just do not want to start at the very beginning. i've come to far to go that far back.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

these things i love...words

if we ever do have to move one of my requirements will be to move to a town with an incredible library. ours is adequate. here are the books i chose today:

collected poems of ee cummings
the prophet--kahlil gibran
best friends forever--jennifer weiner (and no, i didn't pick it just because her last name is weiner and i giggled to myself when i read it and thought that if i had that last name in real life i would have chosen something else as a nom de plume)
the highlander--elaine coffman (it is categorized as historical romance. i'm a sucker for a passionate story that involves plaid. hey at least there is a sword, some heather and a castle on the front not a shirtless rogue and a voluptuous maiden.)

and at costco i found eat, pray, love--elizabeth gilbert (yes, i have been sucked in by the movie trailers and it looks like a movie i'd like so i want to read the book first. costco is selling it for $2-3 less than either the evil empire or tarjay)

earlier this week i finished joe hill's 20th century ghost stories and am pleased to report i have found a new author to follow. of course part of me is swayed by the fact that he is stephen king's son, but, hill is a compelling story teller, much like his dad and i didn't find myself thinking about stephen king at all when i read it. the genre may be similar to king's, but, hill stands on his own. last night i started reading his critically acclaimed, the heart shaped box. i'll let you know if i love him as much when i finish this one.

at costco today there was a woman, maybe in her early 30s, certainly younger than me, w/ three little girls ranging in age from about 5-10. my kids like going to costco because of the samples, and i have to admit those samples have influenced us to buy products before. anyway--one of the sample stations had chicken nuggets. i know, not really one of those wow new foods you'd expect to find at a sampling station. the woman's daughters tried the nuggets and while two skipped along down the aisle the other stayed w/ her mom and they discussed the nuggets. my two urchins were talking and so distracting me, but from what i could gather in aural periphery they decided to buy the nuggets and the woman was falling all over herself thanking the sample maker because she finally found something her daughter liked. they are nuggets. one of the staples of the house when you have kids. later we crossed their path on another aisle. she was loading FIVE giant cartons of goldfish (the cracker) into her cart. FIVE. now, we like goldfish here. i didn't think costco's price was much better than what i'd find at the grocery store. why would you buy FIVE giant cartons at one time? is that ALL her picky eater will eat? even so, do you only shop once every six months? her cart wasn't full enough for that premise. i doubt she worked in or operated a daycare because she was shopping in the middle of the week w/ her kids. maybe.....maybe they were aliens. that could account for the fascination w/ the nuggets and the need for so many goldfish. there, mystery solved.

dude..i really don't get it

psst.....i have a secret. i might be the last person on earth who has not watched the big lebowski. i am watching it this very moment (maude just slept w/ the dude) and guess what? aside from wanting to smoke a joint and drink a white russian i don't get it.

Monday, July 19, 2010

wastin' time

i heard this song on the radio the other day, sittin' on the dock of the bay by otis redding, and immediately thought of top gun.

i can't remember when the movie came out exactly, but i distinctly remember watching it on video over and over and over again one weekend when i was a junior in college and living w/ one of my aunts and her husband. this might have been the same weekend i nearly blew up their microwave by over cooking a baked potato, but maybe not.

i loved that movie. loved tom cruise. love goose. loved meg ryan. loved the music and the famous, luscious volleyball scene that included more six packs than a convenience store cooler. (that might have been the scene i watched over and over again, i don't remember). i bawled when goose died. bawled. (and was so happy when he showed up on ER so many years later).

despite the fact that i really cannot whistle i still try to whistle when otis whistles in that song. i can't help myself. it's actually kind of a sad song if you really listen to the lyrics, and yet it makes me feel good when i hear it.

as for tom cruise. i don't even like to watch him in movies any more. risky business, the firm, top gun...i liked those movies. vanilla sky? eyes wide shut? i still don't know what the hell those movies were about. now i can't get passed his antics in real life enough to watch him in a movie. he's turned me off.

are there celebs who you once liked that have turned you off? i have a hard time watching sean connery too (even though i think he was the best 007 of them all) once i read that he was a wife beater.

Friday, July 16, 2010

my sweet baby boy

i just realized i neglected to inform the blogiverse that the boy and his karate girl friend broke up. it happened about two weeks ago.

before class one night she was talking about justin bieber. for those of you over 12 and w/out 12-yr olds in your house you may not know who he is. he's a young teenie bopper who has the most girly looking hair imaginable. the boy made a comment besmirching jb and his girlfriend got pissed. evidently, really pissed. she didn't speak to him for the rest of the class.

on the way home the girl called us and said the boy had a text msg from his gf (he'd left his phone at home). she broke up w/ him because he dissed jb. wow. fortunately the boy took it well and shrugged it off. so much for summer love.

today the kids and i were swimming and lord knows how, but they started talking about life science and how the boy would have to learn about this stuff in 5th and 6th grade. the boy then admitted to us that, before our pool convo the other day about feminine hygiene, he thought everyone had a penis. (i'll let that sink in a for a minute).

back? yeah. my 10 year old son just recently figured out that not everyone has a penis. i don't even know what to say about that. it blows my mind.

i thought of only a movie today because not long ago she told me to make a list of what i wanted out of a job. just write it down. i didn't do that exactly (but i will). but today i did post on fb...friday, bring me something positive. this afternoon one of the places i sent a resume to called and asked me a few questions and asked me to send some writing samples. i am not not not not getting my hopes up. i'm really not. but it was something positive. i asked for something positive and got it.

move along, it's just more bitching

oy vey. if you are tired of reading about me whining (i know i am) move along.

so i already wrote about failing that online copy editing test, i'm still reeling a bit from that, because, really, it's what i've been doing for the last 15 yrs or so. yes, i know i don't always have the best grammar, punctuation, etc. HERE, but when it comes to real work, i do.

i got another rejection email this morning--second or third one from a company i've sent resumes to since getting laid off last year.

i'm so tired of the rejection emails--really, tell me exactly why it is that i didn't get the job. you hated my resume? i'm over qualified? not qualified? WHAT am i doing wrong???

then there is the party i mentioned. i am probably making too much out of this and really, if people don't come i suppose it serves me right since i've been an absentee friend for a long time. we invited the normal crew plus a few new faces and up until today all i've had were nos. i know it's summer and i know people have plans and really, i'm sure all of their reasons are legit. i think i'm just ultra sensitive about rejection right now because of the job stuff. my friend sweet t is the first bright spot on that as she is hopeful they can come.

this also could be chalked up to my ultra sensitivity/paranoia, but my sister posted this on FB today:

"I am so thankful for all the things I have. I am thankful that my husband and I are not materialistic people. I am thankful that even though his car broke down the other day, he was able to fix it. I am thankful for all of my family and friends. Sometimes I think I forget about how great my life is. I might not have the biggest house or the best car, but I have what I need, who needs more?"

reading it w/out knowing any better you'd think, wow, she has a good outlook. i read it and think...she's totally digging at us and the hubs is going to be really pissed. i base my thoughts on the fact that...that is how my sister/mom operate; the hubs recently made FB comments talking about the car being in the shop and the possibility of us relocating; being that i'm 12 yrs older than my sister and have actually worked all my life for what i have i do have more stuff and a bigger house but i honestly do not think i'm materialistic. i certainly don't have the best cars.

our house is bigger than my sister's apartment, but it is not extravagant, we have no spare bedrooms or unused bathrooms. it's a 1970s ranch for god's sake. before we lived here we lived in a trailer (which when you live in one you call it a mobile home, like that sounds any better) for about 10 yrs. of course when we were living there she was still living at home and having babies from different daddies and spending time in the hospital when things got too tough.

i don't think it's materialistic to want to be able to send my kids to college and give them experiences and things i never had. of course this is totally snarky and hateful but i don't really think she has to worry about her kids going to college. (yeah, i know, it's bitchy).

gah---i need to shake off all of this wallowing and negativity. seriously, i'm making myself sick of me, i can only imagine the eye rolling y'all must be doing when you come here. blech.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

busted and a few random thoughts

the kids and i had been stuck in the house all week because one of the cars was in the shop. we got it back last night so today we actually got to venture out (don't get too excited it was just to tarjay and the grocery store).

since we'd been house-bound all week i bypassed my normal garb (shorts and a t) and actually put on a skirt and summer top (yeah, i'm sooooo wild!).

before we made it out the door, the hubs popped in from work for a minute. who knew that skirts were such a turn on? one thing led to another and we had a little behind-closed-door session. i'd forgotten what nooners were like since the kids have been out of school.

when we emerged from the bedroom the girl totally busted us.

"now that you've finished your booty call are we ready to go?" (yeah, it doesn't get much more mortifying than that)

we totally denied it (though i doubt she believed us). my question is---how do the duggers ever get enough alone time to produce 19 kids? kids really crimp your sex life.

random stuff
i've started making a concerted effort to offer more healthy eating options in this house. a few weeks ago i stopped making sweat tea, limited the kids soda intake, etc. i'm reading this book, cook this, not that and trying to get ideas from that as well. we all need to get healthier, but incorporating that into our life isn't as easy as i'd thought. and, why are the healthier options always more expensive? i don't get that at all.

yesterday i took a copy editing test online for this freelance web site. i submitted my test--it was just correcting grammar, punctuation, etc. they emailed me last night--i FAILED. wtf??? really. i can copy edit in my sleep. no, i'm not the best speller but i know how to use a dictionary. but really? that was a blow i didn't need at the moment.

out of the blue the hubs and i decided to have a party in a couple of weeks. it's something to look forward to. he said, not so jokingly, that it's our last hurrah. i'm not going to think like that. i haven't seen anyone other than the hubs/kids for months (except for the bro/sil/kids once in awhile). that can't be good for anyone.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

hypothetically speaking

if you could live anywhere you wanted...where would it be?

what brought you to the place you live now?

these discussions are happening more and more in our house these days. i don't know what the future will bring, and when it doesn't resemble anything you hoped or planned for it is...terrifying? what's an extreme word for worrisome? unnerving? how about it scares the shit out of me?

i'm the reason we ended up in nc, basically forcing the hubs to move here. we were living together at the time in OK and i told him i wouldn't get married unless we moved to nc (where my family was). at that time the economy in OK was tanking and in nc it seemed to be booming. of course we were young, not yet set in a career path so looking that time we probably could have moved anywhere and found jobs. there were fewer strings then. no kids, no house.

i honestly don't know where else i'd like to LIVE. there are tons of places i'd like to see and visit, but i'm not sure about setting down roots. it is not that i am so enamored w/ nc that i can't think about leaving. i just really don't even know where to start thinking about being.

Monday, July 12, 2010

why my future dil will hate me

(note--yes, this is two posts back to back. when i am frazzled this is how my brain works. i flit from one thing to the other. it's just after 1 pm and i've already played a few games of scrabble slam w/ the kids, cleaned some windows, changed the kitty litter and started cleaning both bathrooms, completed two loads of laundry and showered.)

if the boy remains on the course he's currently on, my future dil will loathe me. he is a pig. last week he spent the better part of two days, off and on, cleaning his room. it should be noted that he took on this chore w/ no prompting from me. i can only assume that once things get to a certain point even pigs feel a need to clean. he organized. he put things away. it looked presentable (except i'm sure there was a whole world under his bed that didn't get touched)...for about an hour.

he leaves a trail throughout the house. cracker wrappers. empty glasses. shoes. wrestling figures. sketch pads and pencils. i am forever telling him to clean up any room he's just left.

just so my future dil knows, i am constantly working on this.

the hubs is in charge of the hygiene and bathroom habits. he's constantly telling the boy---either lift the seat when you take a leak or have the courtesy to wipe the piss off of the seat when you're done. hopefully as he gets older his aim will improve. he is also reminded to wipe the toothpaste out of the sink when he brushes. if i could put toothpaste back in a tube i could make a new tube from the crap he spits (and leaves) in the sink. would it be nasty? hell yes, but i could still make a tube.

the icing on the cake spewed forth from his mouth yesterday. the boy, hubs and i were in the pool. the girl does not swim during certain times of the month because she has not yet become comfortable w/ certain feminine hygiene products. she loves grossing her brother out, so when he asked why she wasn't swimming she told him. the boy was grossed out. swimming around in the pool he informed us that when he gets married he is going to send his wife away whenever she is on her period because he doesn't want blood in his house. i informed him that this would be approximately one week out of every month. he graciously amended his statement to say that when she was on her period he would go to maui for a week.

i have much work to do.

monday monday

the hubs accurately described our feelings as of late, it's sort of like the phases of mourning. right now we seem to be in the anger stage, we have not yet moved into the acceptance stage (acceptance of our almost certain demise---not bodily of course but way of life). i think i actually have one foot still in denial and the other planted in anger. he is in full on anger mode.

not that long ago (though right now it seems like a lifetime ago) we were very near financial ruin. part of it was because of bad judgement and bad habits, part of it because of medical bills that piled up after the girl was born. we busted our ass to get out of the hole we'd dug ourselves and while times were tough we knew it was our fault and we could see the light at the end of the tunnel. it didn't make those stressful times easier to deal w/ but we always knew there was an end in sight. we could see the bills decreasing w/ each payment, etc. we climbed out of that dark hole and were actually starting to build something for the future (college, retirement, etc.), starting to feel good about things when the layoffs where i worked started. a year before i was laid off we were preparing, though honestly you're never really prepared for that day. much like death--you're never really prepared for it.

with this situation we're in now the worst part is not knowing when it will end and what we'll look like when we get there. it is frustrating and more and more makes me angry. i don't know what else to do.

earlier today the fil called the house, thinking he was calling the hubs on his cell. when i got off the phone i had the fleeting thought that maybe the fil was calling the hubs to let him know he was going to send him $10,000 (no idea why i had THAT number in my head, but i did). of course that was NOT why he called; he called because they were going shopping for these special socks (yes, i said SOCKS) and wanted to know if the hubs wanted some. really? hey fucktard, no we don't want socks.

don't get me wrong...i really do not expect his dad (or my parents) to come bail us out. i know some people's parents do that sort of thing, but, ya know, not ours. but i really am sick and tired of hearing how they spend their money. since we don't talk to my folks now i thankfully do not have to hear how they have blown through the money they inherited from my gma. the fil---that's a different story. they are always taking trips or replacing perfectly good cars, electronics, etc. it makes me want to hurl.

i wake up every morning and my first thought is---go back to sleep. what's the point in getting up? you're just going to have the same day you did yesterday. look at the same job postings, send out your resume and still not get a job. you're going to clean house, only to have it dirtied again in half the time it took you to clean it. you aren't going to be able to take the kids anywhere (especially not today because the hubs's car is in the shop and he has mine) because every time you spend money it chips away at what little there is left.

i keep having these dreams that i'm calling the hubs and telling him we're going to disney world because i just got a job. i wish i had a history of having premonitions so i could get excited that these dreams are premonitions, but alas i don't.

i know we are luckier than some. we haven't lost our house, yet. we can still pay our bills, for now. i KNOW these things, but dammit, we've worked SOOO hard for what we have and i really cannot wrap my brain around the thought of losing everything and starting over. fuck.

Friday, July 9, 2010

thoughts from my brain

*i asked the boy if he wanted to go to the library today. he said, no, not really. it's complicated. i have this weird thing where i don't like to check books out because i know i have to read them in a certain amount of time. then i have to take them back and i really like to OWN them.

*we have sunk more money into the cars this week than i really care to even think about. two tires for each car. brakes and rotors for the hubs' car. oil change and tranny flush on mine (sounds dirty huh?) and, the hubs just called me saying the driver's side window on his car will not go up (thank you non-working power window). apparently sending good karma out into the universe by donating the car we had to replace was an epic fail.

*last night the hubs said he read an article about australia recruiting emigrants. their population is aging and they need people. i googled it. there are all kinds of pro-aussie web sites looking for workers. a tiny part of my brain got excited about the idea (there is a wanderlust in me) but damn that's far away.

*i have had a little bit of freelance work the last couple of weeks. one of the jobs was writing a slew of press releases. to me this is perhaps one of the easiest writing tasks ever--it is basically slinging fluff about stuff. it is also perhaps one of the writing tasks that i hate above all others. but, it meant a little money and right now (see car repairs above) that's a good thing. the other job was an article for a local publication on a new business. this pub crawls all over my journalism ethics because the only businesses they write about are businesses that buy ads in the mag. the articles have to be approved by the business owners. it's kind of like whoring in journalism. again, not something i enjoy, is what it is. plus, i'm pretty sure i make more money whoring in journalism than i would just whoring.

*i am trying desperately not to hate people who are vacationing (a guy the hubs works w/ is on a two week trip to egypt and other places, ending in paris---yeah, i hate him. but not really because he's one of the few nice people the hubs works w/). i am also trying desperately not to stick hot pokers in people's eyes who say---oh i would love to be home enjoying the summer. or, hey why don't you come visit us? it wouldn't cost anything. uh...gas, food, dog boarding--that shit ads up.

*we watched the princess bride the other night. the girl hated it (she said it was predictable); the boy liked it only because andre the giant was in it. ah...some day, some day they will appreciate the things i do. at least some of them.

*three weeks ago i stopped making sweet tea. i was an addict. i'd make a pitcher and drink it all in a day or two. i have switched to water. i did make a pitcher of tea over the 4th of july weekend and did have a few glasses but i actually dumped almost half a pitcher out today. i have reduced the kids' soda consumption as well. this all happened around the time i went to the dr for my eye. since then i have lost three pounds.

*i am hoping something, anything, good happens to prevent this weekend from being me wallowing in angst and self pity.

Monday, July 5, 2010

signs of summer

tiki torches by the pool

cooler weather, at least for a few days

dead soldiers from july 4th

strobe lighting fireworks make for interesting pics

lush vegetation at the zoo

lion eyeing the zoo keeper who's about to drop a snack into his habitat. nom, nom, nom.

flamingos! (i may be the only person i know who would really put a plastic pink one in their yard. kitschy but kinda cool. i don't have one, but some day i might.)

interesting flowers at the zoo--look like pink pineapple

it's july already!

how did it get to be july already? really?

the last several days we have had the most amazing weather---70s during the day, breezy. if this was how summer was every day i would LOVE it. alas, it is not. the cooler temps did allow me to get the yard back under control. the riding lawn mower is in the shop, hopefully to get the blades replaced so when it's hotter than hell outside we won't have to push mow.

we had a good july 4th weekend. went to the zoo saturday w/ my sil, bro and the kids. weather was nice, we got to see them feed the lions and the kids had fun. they've added lemur island to our zoo, however there are only 3 lemurs and we could barely see them. i like the fact that our zoo (rated one of the best in the country) has wide open natural habitats for the animals, however, sometimes (like saturday) you don't really get to see much of the animals.

sunday the bro and his family came over for fourth celebrations. we went against the grain and didn't cook out and have all of the typical 4th foods--we had seafood gumbo instead : ) then instead of going into town and watching the fireworks we put some off at the bottom of our driveway instead. the hubs picked up some REAL fireworks in sc this week when he was working there (our nc fireworks are ok, but they can't go up in the air or be the type that you can throw etc.). it was pretty fun. good, relaxing day and evening. puddin' declared it to be "HAPPY FIREWORKS!"

the hubs and i stayed up talking late into the night. there are car repairs to be done, bills to pay, we speculated on the future and how much longer we can hold on. it was one of those long, all over the place talks we haven't had in a long time.

we talked about my folks and the hubs shared a theory he has about them. he thinks that at this point in life my mom would probably get mad if my dad quit drinking. because of their work schedules and his drinking when he gets home from work in the afternoon, she probably only sees him for about 20 minutes a day during the work week. then he's off to bed and she can stalk people on fb and watch tv. they might see each other for a few hours on the weekend, but i doubt they actually spend much time in the same room. if he were to have an epiphany and sober up she'd actually have to talk to him and do things w/ him. i never thought about it that way, but it does make sense. plus she wouldn't have her family feeling sorry for her because she's married to a drunk.

we talked about jobs and how i still haven't found one. one of the vps in the company the hubs works for also owns his own mexican restaurant. he asked the guy if he needed any help because i could wait tables and the hubs could work in the kitchen. the guy laughed and said no, plus the fact that we are not mexican (uh, neither is he.) so i got to thinking---you never see a caucasian working in a mexican or chinese restaurant. why is that? why is that accepted? how can they say they are equal opportunity employers? hmmmm.

today we are having tires put on the cars and some other maintenance done. so much for any financial breathing room we thought we might have this month. the girl is fussing because we never do anything or go anywhere (apparently it was her clone that was hanging out w/ us this weekend). she is bored (doesn't want to swim or jump on the trampoline or go ride her bike). EVERYONE she knows is either going to the beach or san fran or some place cool and she's stuck here. boo fucking hoo. i do understand that they get bored and they want to do something exciting during the summer or go on a vacation or do something that's not local, but they also know i'm not working, we're trying to watch money etc. it's hard being a kid (especially when they forget whatever they've just done and they fun they've just had) but it's also hard being the parents.