Friday, October 31, 2008

double double toil and trouble....

fire burn and cauldron bubble.....bbbbbbbwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhaaaa

meet steve. he's the mummy who stands in our entry way. he freaks me the hell out. he's got a motion sensor on him and he makes noise (we keep it turned off most of the time). the boy named him as soon as we got him. steve. scary huh? bet you don't know many mummies named steve.

this is my pumpkin. i think it's a good artistic rendering of my personality--there's a separate, probably crazy entity that isn't quite me but is attached and inseparable.

here are all of our pumpkins (minus the hubs' cos we never got around to carving his; we just ate the seeds).

we're about to head out to my bro/sil's to have dinner and go trick or treating (i'm keeping on my costume i wore today--pajamas : ) three of us wore pajamas to work today, it totally rocked!)

happy halloween!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

six random things about me

i confess i love this type of thing (it's my secret narcissist coming out i suppose). plus, though some of you know me quite well, some may not. i picked this up on bug-n-bee, who recently stopped by here.

ok, six random things:

1. halloween is my favorite holiday. i know some people hate it and that's fine. i'm not judging. i like it because i like the costumes (though i rarely actually dress up) and the pumpkin carving and the halloween decorations and because it's the least stressful holiday. no gifts to buy, no family dinners to go to, etc. plus, for several years we've done trick-or-treating w/ my sil and bro in their neighborhood and it's become a tradition.

2. i am multi-orgasmic. (ha--i HAD to throw that in for sweet t who totally thinks i'm tmi too much (but loves me anyway) and because i think she thinks i'm all about sex.

3. truth be told, though i acted a little put out that the hubs and kids brought home jasper (the new kitteh), i heart him already and, under the right circumstances (like we lived on a farm or something) i would have an assload of cats and dogs. a frightful number of them to be sure. and some cows. and maybe some sheep. and pigs.

4. i have, on my person, two birthmarks and a tattoo.

5. crayons and coloring thoroughly delight me.

6. i am a gawd awful cook. last night i made tilapia. it tasted like dirt. for real.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

speaking of pigs and bacon

let me preface this by saying the hubs is firmly taken and i seriously would not trade him for anything in the world. however, sometimes, lord, he can be such a pig.

i told him that a friend of mine is going on a second date this week (whoot whoot) and he of course made some sex comment. i said, uh, this is the second date, i seriously doubt they are having sex, especially given the fact that said friend doesn't roll like that. (he says most women do roll that way but i have to disagree.)

i reminded him that when we were dating, you know, back in the dark ages, that he had to wait about a year before i finally gave up the goods. (for the record i was days shy of turning 16)

he said yes, but you have to know that you are the only one i waited for. if we got divorced today and i started dating someone tomorrow they would be (his words, NOT mine) "slobbering on the knob" by the second date.

so, with that bit of wisdom being spoken, i had a brain storm.

i'm going to let the hubs guest post one day soon and let him share w/ you his views on things. so, send in your questions or topics you'd like him to cover. and, to make this all bloggerific i'm going to give a PRIZE if the hubs chooses to write about your topic (there may be multiple prizes depending on what he decides). so, put on your (dirty, perverted, male-skewed) thinking caps and send in your suggestions. you can either leave the topics in comments or email me at


i really, really promise i'm working but damn i just can't not say something about this.

ok, my friend sweet t and i have been emailing back and forth today. it started w/ some lolcat pic she sent me of a dog w/ his boy parts on the leather couch and she said it reminded her of me. then she and our friend broad were talking and porn came up and it reminded her of me. i'm all like, yeah, me=porn.

then there was talk about penguins (cos i love them, so long as people realize WHERE they live, which is NOT the north pole so they have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do w/ christmas and santa and polar bears. they. do. not. cohabitate. with. polar.bears) and then it was me=penguins.

blah blah then she said some other things that made her think of me like strip scrabble and not liking hot weather etc. and THEN she sends me a link to this story and said it reminded her of me and if i was in to this she didn't want to know.

holy cripes! i'm getting a bum rap.

and, for the record, i am not a dominatrix.

i'm so not stylish

ok, so this weekend as i was picking out my boring, professional "trouser socks," and a new pair of textured tights (*i'll get back to the tights in a sec) i noticed these foot-less tights. hmmmm. like leggings right?

i SO wanted to buy them and some skirts and big shirts and ......hold on....didn't we already do that look? like, in the '80s? ah, the 80s. i loved the clothes i wore in high school. baggie jeans, (i even had a pink pair!), big sweaters, flash-dance sweatshirts (you know, holy and off the shoulder), docksiders w/ no socks...oh, sorry, i was tripping down memory lane.

i really really want to wear leggings and a shirt/dress. obviously i can't wear that to work cos you know, people would laugh. but, they are selling footless tights so WHERE are you supposed to wear those?

i must say, i love me some tights. really, i wish i could find the old school tights that are more like socks (as far as thickness) but they're tights. are you following me or am i just disremembering that these things exist/existed? anywhoo---i'm wearing my nifty tights today and this sort of flouncy skirt. it's pleated (and was a hellacious bitch to iron let me tell you) but it has an underskirt (sort of like a built in slip) that gives it flounce. (i think the hubs likes it cos when i bend over there's you know, flounce and he can pretend i'm a french maid or something) the thing is--w/ the tights i can't really tell if the skirt is covering everything it should. i'm ultra paranoid that i'm going to walk out of the bathroom or get up from my desk and the skirt is going to be stuck and i'm going to be showing my tight-clad ass. the thing i don't like about tights is putting them on. and subsequently pulling them up and down all day to pee. they should make crotchless tights.

i'm thinking this is karma because when i was in 10th grade my chemistry teacher (who i actually really liked even though i sucked at chemistry) was wearing a yellow, terry cloth mumu-like dress and got it stuck in the back of her pantyhose. no one said a word. she taught the entire class with her dress stuck in her pantyhose.

feels so good

i know it's wrong. i know it could hurt. but i do it anyway because it feels so good.
i slide it in. further, much further than i should. slide it around a little, to the left, ohhhhhh, now to the right. it scratches that itch like nothing else can. someday, i might go too far. i might pop something. i can only imagine how far i cold go it if was longer; how it would feel even better if it were thicker.


i'm talking about using a qtip you freaks!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

tuesday conversations

today i took cupcakes to the boy's class and ate lunch w/ him. cafeteria food really does suck balls. there is something to be said though for hanging out w/ about 20 people who are at least a foot shorter than you. i felt so tall.

when i got to the cafeteria the boy was already sitting at the table. it was the GIRL table. he was the only boy sitting there. i asked him about it.

his answer? cos i'm the only one brave enough to sit with the girls.

and now for some random snippets of convos from today:
the boy: we had an election in our class today. we were all registrated to vote. i voted for mccain. he won; it was 19 to three. i think the three people who voted for obama just did it because their parents told them to.

me: oh really? and why did you vote for mccain?

the boy: well, because one time when you all were watching the presidential press conference i was watching it from my room and i heard john mccain say that obama never really answers the tough questions.

and more:
me to my boss: did you see my email yesterday about needing help lining up speakers for my conference.

him: uh, yeah. i didn't answer it because we need to talk. there is no money. no money anywhere to pay for that.

and this:
the girl: i'm going to try to be more girly. (she says after letting rip one of the loudest most hellacious farts ever)

and later:
the girl: if i was married to someone hot and they got in a car wreck and were ugly i'd divorce them. (yes, you can just imagine how proud i was of that statement).

the boy: dad, what happens when a bee stings you? do they die?
the hubs: yes because their stinger is in you and when they pull away it rips their ass off.
the boy howls w/ laughter
me: (saying under my breath) uh, could you watch the language a bit?
the hubs: oh, sorry, when the bee flies away it pulls off his glutious maximus.

the girl: mom, i have this bump on my face and it hurts when i touch it.
me: (examining it) uh, yep, you have a ZIT

one more i forgot last night:
the boy: well, we can't move to canada.
the girl: why?
the boy: because of the bacon thing.
the girl: what?
the boy: because. they call ham bacon (the boy does not understand (and i guess i don't really either) canadian bacon. it's ham right? it's not bacon. but, it's yummy) and that's just not right.

happy birthday to the boy

nine years ago today the hubs and i were on our way to the hospital for a scheduled c-section to deliver the boy, my last baby. (it was a scheduled thing because the girl's delivery was....horrific? and ended in an emergency c-section).

we knew he was going to be a boy; we picked this day, oct. 28 because it was my maternal grandma's bday. i think his due date was actually sometime next week.

this delivery was so very different from the girl's. i was lucid the whole time, because it literally took a matter of minutes it seems. i talked to the doctors during the surgery, the hubs was in there with me, as he was w/ the girl, and voila at 11:21 am ben came into our lives. he was 9 lbs 7 oz and 21" (exactly the same as heidi).

i fell in love instantly.

aside from the fact that we didn't have the health issues w/ ben that we did w/ heidi, i think the second time around we were much more laid back about the whole thing.

heidi openly loved her brother back then (and she still does, it's just not as obvious) and initially the only problem was that he had a pacy and we were working hard to get her to give her's up, though she didn't take it as much at that point. she wanted us to call her benny's sissy (we called him benny until a few years ago when he decided he was way too old for that).

and now he's 9. he's taking guitar lessons and growing his hair out. he is so much like the little boy i imagine the hubs was. he's kind and thoughtful and happy. he's tenacious like his dad and has an empathetic soul (like his dad, who of course would deny it). he's artistic and loves music, like me. but, he has the ability to be a much much better artist than i ever thought about if he keeps it up. he struggles with math (like me) but he shows no fear and no pain (like the hubs). he loves babies and nurturing; he's a pig--seriously, he is the messiest kid i've ever known; he's friendly and outgoing and loves to make people laugh. he's a momma's boy, though he's been pulling away from me as he gets older, seeking out the male bonding w/ the hubs instead. it's ok, i know it's part of growing up, but even he tells me he will always be my baby.

Monday, October 27, 2008

productive day--FAIL

1/2 a bag of peanut butter m&ms later and i'm seriously ready to freaking poke my eyes out. it is blissfully fally chilly outside and yet i'm in this office w/ what seems to be the entire floor's heating vent blasting above me and i'm about to start stripping it's so damn hot/stuffy.

another question---how do you typically handle comments on your blog? i tend to respond to comments in the comment section unless something gravitates into a post. i read some blogs where the blogger never responds to comments (or at least not actually in the comments). do you email each commenter individually? i just don't know and am probably spending wayyyy too much time wondering about it.

and for sweet t and broad who commented on the previous post--yes, it is something's gotta give but sweet lord---out of that entire post (peni and everything) THAT'S what you comment on?? : ) so you see dear readers, i really am the freakiest of all my irl friends cos i would have been all over that. kristin described me as "a tad bit racy at times" and that made me smile. seriously folks, i'm not a nympho (the hubs can attest to that) and i don't think about sex or nekkidness, etc. 24/7 (repeat, the hubs can attest to that) but maybe i just talk about it more than most people? i wonder (snarkily) if people follow links on other blogs back here and then quickly click away thinking---omg, she said fuck or peni blah blah or she's talking about the kids and cats again. oh well, it amuses me at least.

this is my brain

it is monday. i am at work. i have read all work emails (note, not responded to them all, but read them). i have opened microsoft word and the word document i was working on when i left friday. by all accounts and outward appearances i am sitting here working my ass off, even eating my lunch at my desk (comfort food leftovers--yum).

i have done nothing really productive today. i've read the latest post cards on postsecret. checked out lolcats (i effing love that site. seriously, it's worrisome how much i love it). visited my regular blogs. played follow the link through comment sections to other blogs (it's amazing the things people post on the internet--i have seen peni today. holy crap).

and can we talk about peni? (that's a word i just made up, plural for penis). it's not even really about peni (ok, well, i guess it is) but more so about men vs. women. when you happen to run across a random penis do you get excited? i don't. i mean i sort of look at them clinically i suppose. like ok, that one is rather fat or wow, that's veiny or something, but i don't look at a penis and think, wow, that makes me hot. whereas i think men look at whohas and think, omg i'd like to be in that. men are more visually stimulated than women. do you agree? or is it just that the female body looks better than the male body?

i get more turned on by what i don't see when it comes to visual stimulation. i can appreciate broad shoulders, that little divet between the waist/leg/torso area--no idea what that's called. i should name it the sexy dent or something. a glimpse of a butt cheek (and no, not a plumber's crack, that doesn't count).

do you think this is a guy girl thing or have i just not had the correct caffeine balance yet today?

do you think you should have to pay the same price for a haircut as you do for a trim? like, if you aren't getting a new style and you're just getting 1/2 to an inch trimmed (or even just the ends nipped off) should you pay the same as a full on haircut? i don't think so. yesterday the family got haircuts. the hubs (holy cow his hair was getting as long as the boy's!) got a full on haircut. the girl (she has shoulder-length straight, fine hair) just got her tips off, like MAYBE 1/3 of an inch trimmed (her hair is all one lenghth) and the boy (who's letting his mop grow out to i don't even know what) got his bangs and sides trimmed. i got about 1/2 inch or so off, just the ends. no new cut. we all paid the same price. i think that's stupid.

i totally fucked up today. yesterday when we were out and about i picked up a bag of peanut butter m&ms. (you know how much i love them). for whatever reason yesterday i also put that bag in my purse. when i got to work this morning i discovered said bag in my purse. i waited until like 11am and then i couldn't stand it any more and i opened the bag. i fear by 5pm i will be in a peanut butter/sugar coma.

i really, really, really cannot wait until next wednesday when our election is over. i am tired of hearing people talk about it. you've either made up your mind or you haven't. suck it up. quit talking about it.

oy vey. another reason i'm being so unproductive and procrastinating up the wazoo today is that it is that time of year again when i have to put together a conference and get speakers for said conference. on the surface, not so tough right? well, uh, but there's no money so can you get some really awesome speakers for free? shurething---let me just pull that out of my areyoufuckingkiddingme bag. i hate working.

for some strange reason i have been thinking about houses a lot lately. we aren't moving or anything, and i like our house, i just have a house in my head that i would love. i've drawn out the floor plan. it's an old house, i don't know what style you'd call it, victorian maybe? colonial? no idea. it would have a wrap around porch all the way around the house. it would be old with genuine wood floors. and, though i've never wanted a second floor and actually probably would hate a house w/ stairs, the house in my head has stairs. you'd walk through the front door into this awesome entry way w/ a grand staircase. to one side is a living room w/ floor to ceiling windows; to the other side is another room either a den or a library or combo of the two. the whole back of the house is the kitchen/family area.
i sometimes fall in love w/ houses on movies. the house that recent movie w/ diane keaton and jack nicholson---dammit, i can't think of the name of the movie (he was dating her daughter, then they hooked up?) a-something (i even have the soundtrack) anyway, i love that house.

shopping challenge

is it just me or do you find it difficult to shop for those you love? i'm not talking friends and extended family (or anyone else you might buy gifts for) i'm talking your significant other?

the hubs and i were talking about this last night and frankly it sucks balls. i have no problem buying for the kids--it's hard not to get excited about that and to find things you know they will go bat shit crazy over.

however, when it comes to shopping for the one that is nearest and dearest to your heart it is like a test. and, it's more about what's in my head than how it's actually perceived. i mean i know the hubs doesn't open a gift and immediately think oh, she REALLY loves me because she bought me this, or, fuck, what was she thinking because she bought me that. but, i get so stressed out when there's an occasion to buy him a gift (like birthdays, anniversaries, christmas) because i want to get the perfect thing that says, yes, i KNOW you and i LOVE you with all my heart and you are the most special person in my life. i expect the gifts i give him to be....i don't know, like a validation of my feelings or something.

do you have these gift giving issues?

Sunday, October 26, 2008

higher love; comfort foods and the sweet girl

wandering around blogs the other day i read this post about getting the girls lifted. now--for the females out there who are no longer 20 something and have given birth you'll know what i'm talking about.

i've never been a proponent of plastic surgery, unless there was a medical reason for it. i don't judge people for doing it, but personally it's just not been something i'm into. however, if i were ever going to partake in it i would totally get a boob job. not bigger or smaller, cos frankly i think mine are a pretty good size. i would, however, get them....adjusted. made firmer and perkier. gravity is not a friend to a 40 yr old woman who has nursed two children. my fear though is losing sensation in the nipple area. serious TMI moment, but i think i could enter my nipples into the Guinness book of world records for being the most sensitive. they are quite possibly my number one erogenous zone. go head, you're sitting there going, but ck, my nips are sensitive too, you are just exaggerating. hmmph. really? well, have you ever reached an O just via nip stimulation? i rest my case. my fear is that if i did have the girls lifted and perkified i'd lose the nipple thing and then i'd probably just have to shoot myself.
would you (or have you) have/had plastic surgery? and, what's your prime ero-zone?

we are having comfort food extravaganza dinner tonight--the hubs is making meatloaf (yes, i love it and he makes the BEST meatloaf, for reals), i'm making homemade mac & cheese and we'll have green beans and yeast rolls. the smell alone right now is about to send me over the edge. what are your comfort foods?

so i forgot to tell you what the girl got the boy for his birthday. i really could not be more proud of her. she'd been doing laundry to earn money to get him a birthday present. some of the things she wanted to get him were a bit too pricey so she came up w/ this idea. she got him a poster (marvel comics) and then painted this little wooden box for the boy to put his guitar picks in. she painted flames on it and on the lid she painted "pick pocket." and she got him some picks. is that not the most clever thing?

Saturday, October 25, 2008

you may now genuflect

i don't even know what to say. i'm so giddy, like a school girl. i got an award. from sherendipity. holy crap. it's my first time. i'm a blog award virgin. i have to tell you, it feels good. really. i might need to have a smoke it felt so good.

seriously. i mean, I know i rock the casbah with my writing. i amuse myself. a lot. i think i'm clever and poignant and snarky and sometimes a bit naughty. i write from my heart and soul. i struggle, especially lately, with what my blog is. it has always been (basically) an online journal. sher also wrote a post about blogging and, though she didn't put it this way, selling out on your blog to appeal to more people. i guess part of my brain would love it if more than a handful of people read me (and commented) but i don't think it would change my writing. plus, if i ever logged on and had like 20 comments i'd probably shit my pants and then freak out. i'm so paranoid.

part of the thing w/ receiving this award is that i have to pass it along to seven people. uh, well, i give it right back to sherendipity cos i love her blog, but i don't have seven people i read that regularly or that i would feel comfortable awarding. there's like maybe one or two that i lurk on and you can't just up and award those types of blogs.

so, that being said, i'm awarding the following blogs cos i read them religiously.

trish at black and gold cos she is one of my best irl friends. she doesn't post every day and she mostly writes about something i have no understanding of (football).

guinea pig at broad minded cos she is another of my best irl friends. she's a great writer and a bit snarky. she writes about politics (another thing i don't understand) and even if you don't sway to her side there's some great discussion going on there.

kristin at kristin's four kids cos she's become one of my best blog friends and holy crap--i have to hand it to any person that left a "real" job to stay at home and raise four kids (toddler twins) and not become a meth addict ; ) we have a lot in common, both struggle with being moms, both wonder if we've made the right choices, etc. (kay-kay--i hope you know i'm kidding about the "real" job part cos you know i don't think like that.)

astarte at the muddled sage cos she too has become a blog friend and i challenge any of you to save as much money grocery shopping as she does. she is the fucking queen of coupons and grocery deals, etc. plus, she sounds like a pretty cool mom and her kids are close to my kids' age and she's a good writer and i'm often very impressed w/ her advice and spin on things. she certainly is a sage.

bday party: a nice 1 akshully

today we celebrated gameboy (my nephew) and the boy's birthdays. aside from the fact that the hubs and i busted out ass (we always do this, why why why) last night to clean the house since we had the party here, it went off nicely.

my SIL's parents came; the boy's best friend came; my granny came; my folks (and they even dressed up in halloween costumes!) and my sister and her family. once again, i don't think i heard jose speak a word (more on THAT whole situation in a second).

watching the boys's bittersweet. they have always been close, they're two years apart. when they were a bit younger you didn't really notice the two year difference, but i think there will come a day when two years is a difference. maybe when the boy gets in middle school and gameboy is still in elem? i don't know. but they still get along very well, have similar interests, though they also both have their own separate interests, and, as gameboy was leaving this evening the boy ran out to the car to give him a hug. i love that.

the girl can't get enough of puddin (my niece). she's six months and i'd forgotten how quickly babies change. my kids don't change drastically from month to month, but man, puddin does. i blink and she's grown up!

so, during the party, everyone was milling around, in and out, etc. the hubs was outside, the kids were on the trampoline and my sister started asking him for advice apparently things are not all rosey and shiny happy in married-land for her and jose. gee, i can't imagine why seeing as how they've been "together" for about what? MAYBE 3-4 months and have been married for two of those? yeah. she previously made the comment to the hubs that married life would be better w/out the kids (uh, yeah, should have thought about that before beeotch). today she asked the hubs if he and i fought when we first got married (uh, yeah, how about 2-3 times a week for about 10 years?). she said they fight a lot and when they fight he leaves and doesn't come back until the next day. and his ex girlfriend is still calling. hhmmmm. the hubs said, well, ya know 1 out of 3 marriages end in divorce. (i don't think the bro and sil are getting divorced and the hubs and i aren't so you do the math). whatev. i was thinking they'd make it a year but perhaps not. if they aren't going to make it i sure as hell hope she doesn't have a baby before they split up (which would be totally like her to do).

here kitty kitty kitty

i so wish i was one of those bloggers who could throw pictures and videos etc. up with such ease, but alas i'm not. it takes me forever and thus i don't do it often. however, here, as requested, are pictures of the new addition to our family.

[preemptive vomit while the pics are uploading. the hubs is in qvc heaven this weekend--it's christmas stuff all day every day--right now they're hawking a set of two soy bean candles [side note i'm a whore for candles] but get this--one of their stupid selling points is that buying soybean candles supports us soybean farmer. gag me with a fucking spoon. that is such a stretch for a selling point and so manipulative that would make me NOT buy the damn things.]

i know, isn't it cute it looks like he's smiling for the camera. nope, he just got some salve put in his eyes (he's got a wee infection)

this is little jasper.

he has a pink nose. he could totally be meow's baby boy w/ his coloring. i think, if leah (our black lab) doesn't eat him, he'll be fine.

this is princess meow meow--the girl's cat. yes, the cat is wearing a baby's outfit. the girl does this. the cat lets her. go figure.

Friday, October 24, 2008

let's stay together

things are starting to click again and i think, for the most part, the veil of indifference has lifted once again. i'm sitting here at work listening to on my computer and this al green song came up, prompting me to post. not that there was any danger of us NOT staying together, but i've always loved this song and it says so much about how i feel.

a huge part of that comes from the fact that the hubs and i talk things out. he recognized, way before i did, that i was unplugged. back in the day this would have led to an argument or a particularly bad spot in our relationship, but this time around it was more like, ok, this is what's going on and we'll ride this wave until things get better.

and, it's not like we talked about things and the next day it was all sunshine and roses. it's a slow process. life gets in the way. things happen. stress. jobs. etc. but, it's a wink here, a hug there. it's the unspoken connections that bring us back to good.

i can't remember where i heard this (probably on a movie or tv show, yeah, i'm that cultured) but it's the string theory i think. there are these invisible strings that connect us to everything/everyone. i think sometimes my strings just get knotted up or something and i have to fix them.

i will, hopefully, post some pics this weekend of jasper (aka batman), the piano the hubs painstakingly toiled over for more than a week and refinished, our pumpkins and maybe some other stuff.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

meow and a swf update

ok, we all knew i couldn't NOT blog for very long huh? what can i say? even if nobody was reading and even if nobody ever commented i'd still do this because ultimately i guess i do it for myself.

i am going to try not to be as obsessive about it though.

so this week i'm working away from the office at a trade show, though not out of town. typically when we work trade shows we divide and conquer so we can cover more ground. this is one of my employee's first time working this show though and i don't feel right just throwing her into the fray w/out any direction, so she and i have been spending most of the day together. then, ditto has decided to also spend the day with us so since sunday i have literally had two shadows all day every day. i do not work well that way. working the show is emotionally and physically draining enough w/out having them tagging along.

plus we've had a car issue this week. the hubs' car has had problems. something got fixed ($$$) and then today he opted not to get the heat fixed (more $$$) because the car is a kabillion yrs old with a kabillion miles on it.

then there is the thing about my cat. rebel is 17 yrs old and i'm honestly surprised he's still around. he is quite skinny and old and has issues getting around. he's senile. he's like the crooked old man that walked a crooked mile. the end is near, i know this but i've had him for 17 yrs.

today, when the hubs and the kids picked me up (cos his car was in the shop and he was driving mine) they had a kitten in the car. someone had abandoned it at the kids' daycare. he's teenie tiny, maybe six weeks old, and black and white like the girls' cat (princess meow meow). the kids have named him jasper. he has pretty large ears for such a small cat; he looks like a bat in the face. i'm thinking maybe his name should be bruce wayne or maybe batman. i suppose he is now living with us.

i asked the hubs how he got sucked into breaking down and letting the kids keep him. he said the thought we needed him. he thinks meow will need him (a companion) when rebel dies. and, the kitten was in a box on the door step at daycare and it's getting down to freezing tonight. nobody else would take him.

and a swf update? as i said, ditto has been one of my shadows for the last three days. just about every day she makes some reference to lolli. yesterday it was about how lolli always carries fireballs around in her purse and now ditto likes them and bought a tub of them and is addicted to them. today she was commenting about some new outfit lolli was wearing yesterday and how lolli always has nice clothes and looks good. ditto needs serious help.

this saturday we're celebrating the boy's and my nephew's birthday. the nephew's bday is the 27th and the boy's is the 28th.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

vanilla, my least fave flavor

not much to post folks. i added a little movie review on the side (yawn. it amused me in my head but may just fall flat on the blog).

so i'm thinking about taking a sabatical on the blog.

it's sort of like this; things are vanilla in my head right now. it's like there's this thin fabric veil hanging between me and the rest of the world and i need to take that down.

it's like a guitar amp. you have all these places to plug things into right? well, all my things are sort of plugged in, but you know with one good jiggle they're going to fall out and screw everything up.

the thing of it is it's not just one thing that's rattling my cage, it's just about everything.

i feel like i'm rambling on about much of nothing here, which didn't used to bother me but for some reason now it does. this place used to be just about whatever the hell i wanted to spew out of my brain, but i don't/can't do that any more. maybe not posting every single day (or more than once a day) will help me focus? i don't know.

knowing me this won't last long (like, by tomorrow night i'll be all like, wow, i have to post this or that). but maybe not. who knows. maybe i should challange myself to stay away from the blog for x number of days?

i'll still be reading though. i'm such a voyeur i couldn't NOT read what's going on with everyone else.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

chop sticks and more

despite the fact that we decided not to do anniversary gifts (cos we got laptops for our bdays recently and most likely will be getting a flat screen w/in the next several months) the hubs sent me flowers at work yesterday. : )

i don't know if you're like me but i LOVE that shit. seriously. do i know it's a huge waste of money? uh, yes. but i love love love getting flowers. ahem.

we went to dinner last night at one of those japanese steak houses that cooks the food in front of you. this is the first time the kids have gone out w/ us on or anniversary (i thought they'd like the restaurant experience). they did. the boy was quite excited about the fire. both kids enjoyed the "show." they didn't like the soup, ate the salad, didn't like the veggies, ate some of the rice and liked their chicken.

we're up so early this morning because the hubs has some work work to do and i couldn't go back to sleep after waking him up. my mom called about 9:15 to ask me once again what to get the boy for his birthday. my mom has always done this. now that i think about it she did it when we were kids too, but i guess that's a bit different. i feel like telling her, you know what? just give him money because if you don't know him well enough to pick out a fucking birthday present then you don't deserve for me to give you a good idea on what to get him. beeotch. i'm sure my SIL is getting a similar call today seeing as how my nephew's bday is a day before the boy's. we're having a combo birthday party for them next weekend for the first time. they boy will be 9 and gameboy will be 7.

Friday, October 17, 2008

ck and the hubs--16 years ago

16 years ago today i married my best friend. though we'd been living together for more than a year i spent the night at my parent's house the night before, and the hubs stayed at our house w/ his dad. he got stopped at some police road block on the way to the church and was nervously looking for his ID/registration etc. until he explained why he was nervous etc. and the cop let him pass. in packing my stuff the night before i forgot to pack underwear FOR MY WEDDING and the hubs had to drop them off at my parents.

we had a small wedding, one that we paid for ourselves basically. my parents like to rewrite history on this (as well as my college education) by saying they paid for it or helped pay for it, but they didn't. we had the credit card bills to prove it : )

the music we picked to have played at our wedding--bryan adams' everything i do i do for you and chicago's your the inspiration (shut up, we're products of the '80s!)--mysteriously did not work on the sound system the day of the wedding. to this day i'm convinced it really did work but the minister of the baptist church we got married in (we were new to the area and didn't go to church and just picked a church at random) probably thought it was way too secular.

we wrote our own vows, which i sobbed all the way through. on the video i don't even know if you can hear what i was saying. (in case you didn't know, i'm emotional!) soon after the reception we drove to the beach for our honeymoon. i think this is perhaps one of the reasons the beach holds such power over the hubs and i. it was the first time he'd seen the atlantic ocean and the first time we'd ever been to the beach together. we found the german restaurant we still go to to this day. he got his ear pierced that weekend; we danced to eric clapton's wonderful tonight at a restaurant on a pier; we walked on the beach at night. it was awesome.

16 years ago i could not fathom what married life would be like; or, if i did it was certainly an idealistic vision of sunshine and roses and a white picket fence and babies. i didn't really have a clue what marriage was about. i knew i was in love. i knew he was the one. but other than that i wasn't prepared.

i don't know if this is true for all married couples, but for us, those first years were not the time of our life. we fought a lot. we are both hard headed. even though we knew each other, probably better than a lot of people who first get married, being married and living together (even though we'd lived together) was different. we had stresses just like everyone does, though maybe not the exact same. i wanted a baby (badly) and it took five years for that to happen. that caused a lot of stress. we each went through job changes. stress. my family. stress.

but, i can honestly say, i wouldn't change a thing. (the hubs used to say he thought we'd be each other's second marriage)i think our marriage is better now, for the last couple of years, than ever. i don't know if that's because we're older (presumably more mature) or that after awhile you learn what's really important and what to let go. marriage is a lot of work; it's compromise; it's communication--deep, meaningful communication not just how was your day shit. it's about working toward the same goal and enjoying being together even if you don't have a thing to say. we both go through times when we might not like each other (yes, even now) and there are times when we aren't as plugged into each other, but, i can't imagine my life any differently.

and, even though now the kids come first and they absorb most of our time, we are not all about them. i know that when the kids leave the house (sob, sob) we will not be that couple that sits there looking at each other going, hey, who are you? uh, so, how's the weather?

Thursday, October 16, 2008

single white female

ok, you remember that movie w/ bridget fonda and that other girl right? the one where bridget puts an ad in the paper for a roommate and this girl moves in and slowly starts taking over her identity?

well, this is going on in my office. one of my friends, lollipop, is a very stylish, snappy dresser. she always looks put together, nails done, hair done, blah blah. and not in a "my shit doesn't stink" kind of way if you know what i mean. she's cool. (and i totally just told her about my blog today!)

then there is ditto. lord, i can't even begin to tell you about ditto because most of the time she gets on my last fucking nerve. i work very very closely with her. she is one of those women who sort of looks like she was rode hard and put up wet. she needs a verbal editor. in meetings she repeats things over and over again. she goes on and on and monopolizes every conversation she is in. i digress.

ditto thinks she is as stylish as lollipop (fail--she's totally not--this is a woman who wears...wait for it....WHITE TIGHTS/PANTYHOSE....ALL THE TIME). ok, i quit wearing those in 1988 folks.

this summer ditto cut her hair to resemble lollipop's. lollipop got a different haircut. ditto soon did too. ditto is always commenting on lollipop's clothes as well. i mean yes, from time to time you might tell a friend, hey, that's a cool outfit or you look good in that color or whatev, but you aren't like, hey, where did you get that cos i want to get one exactly like it and in the same color and everything. (it should be noted that lollipop is much hotter than ditto ever thought about being and though she might THINK she has the body to wear the same clothes lolli wears, she doesn't.) i'm just sayin'.

so today--as we're outside having a smoke break, lolli is talking about clothes she's giving to goodwill etc. and ditto is like hey, give them to me. lolli was perfectly nice but i could totally tell she probably wanted to say (if she was evil like me) bitch!! get your own fucking style and quit trying to be me.

at that moment, when ditto asked for lolli's cast offs, i thought--holy hell this is just like that movie single white female.

lolli needs to watch her back!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

shoot me now please

seriously, they should have stopped at the one presidential debate because the longer this shit goes on the more i begin to hate both of them.

i call bullshit on everything. i'm sick of the ads; he said this; well he said that. bleh. grow the fuck up. this goat rodeo, combined with wall street which goes up and down faster than a whore on crack doing a basketball team, has the rest of the world looking at us like---dude! what the FUCK happened?

i'm so so so over all of this. i'm really looking at moving to luxembourg. did you know their per capita income is $80,500 (highest in the world) and their population is like 500,000? fer reals (thank you 6th grade social studies homework). they speak french, luxenbourgan (who knew?), german and english. i can totally dig that.

the hubs thinks the answer is for everyone to write him in on the ticket so he can rule the world. fucker! he just said if he got elected he'd keep palin on the ticket and there'd be many late night oval office meetings. ASS!

i had an epiphany tonight--i'm a nick namey person. the kids, the hubs, the pets--all have nicknames. it's not a conscious thing. the hubs does it too. my kids do it to us (the girl calls me mommy salami sometimes). i do it to my friends--if they have two syllable names i cut it to one; one syllable i add an eeee to the end (bethie, trishie). i don't do this every time i speak their names, but i do it fairly often. do you do that?

ck and the hubs--the next step

today is part deux of this fun little trip down memory lane. yesterday was the beginning.

the summer of '86 my family (sans me) moved to texas and the hubs' family moved to oklahoma (both of our dads were still in the army). the hubs started working at a bank and i started college. we long-distance dated most of my freshman year and then i got all high and mighty and decided i needed to "find myself" and date other people. the hubs was not amused but what choice did he have? i really was quite the hoity toity bitch about being in COLLEGE.

we still talked on the phone all the time; we still wrote (this was before texting and email and cell phones folks, you know, back in the DARK ages). when i'd visit my folks in texas (i was in college in wv) i would also visit the hubs. we were still best friends. i don't know why i was so adamant about not dating him because i certainly didn't date anyone else that year, or the next year.

during those years i was in college i treated the hubs pretty horribly. i'd tell him about my dates, guys i liked etc. we were friends i told him everything. at that time i really didn't see how that could possibly be a problem (i don't claim to be the smartest relationship person).

by the time i graduated my folks had moved to nc so that's where i moved. i had no real "plan" at that point. i was out of school. that was about it. the hubs and i still remained friends, still talked on the phone all the time. he dated others; i dated others. finally he gave me the ultimatum of either trying to make our relationship work as more than friends or he was done. he couldn't be just my friend. i was shocked at first. but quickly realized that even though i had no idea what would happen, i knew i could not go through my life without him in it. so i moved to ok and we lived in sin for awhile.

i'm really not proud at all of the things i did in college or the way i treated the hubs. he wasn't lily white of course,but i was the one who turned away from us, not him. those were dark times for us and they'd get much darker. however, college was a huge developmental time for me (not just in the sex and the drinking, etc.) but in finding out who i was. learning what type of person i was. discovering different thought processes. it really was like the butterfly emerging from the cocoon.

the thing about those years is that no matter what, no matter how hateful and hurtful i was, i KNEW the hubs would still be there. i knew, no matter what, i could call him day or night and he would listen. i knew he'd be whatever i needed him to be. and i don't say that like, i'm all that and a bag of chips, he'll do whatever i want. i say that like i felt it, in my soul, that we would always be bound to each other, whatever our relationship was. so when he gave me that ultimatum--come to me or i'll cut the tie that binds, there really was no choice. i had to go. he had to be in my life; he was already a part of my soul.

it's the little things

this morning i was driving to work, minding my own business, normal stuff.

there was a little road construction going on and the left lane (the one i needed) was closed up ahead--like right after you go through the stop light. so i go through the stop light and hit my turn signal to merge into the lane to my right, like most people are doing. then this stupid bitch behind me pulls around me on the left side (in the turn lane) to jump in front of me. really? are you REALLY in that much of a hurry that you need to jump in line in TRAFFIC? stupid whore.

so i'm sitting there fuming, still w/ my turn signal on and a nice driver lets me merge into the right lane. the stupid bitch that line jumped me is still in the left lane and nobody is letting her merge. i get just about even with her and totally resisted the urge to wave/flip her the bird as i drove past her. ha! take that.

i make it through the construction and am waiting at the light to turn on to the highway and the bitch pulls up behind me. i almost cackled out loud. now who's in front bitch? : ) ha. i wonder if she realized i was the one she tried to cut in front of? stupid whore.

but i won and that's what matters. like i said, it's the little things that give me satisfaction.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

just some stuff

the girl was home sick today. last night she was complaining of a stuffy nose (she takes allergy meds regularly) and stomach cramping.

a few weeks ago she told me she was having some TMI MOMENT discharge (did i tell you this already?) anywhooo---that's a precursor to GETTING HER PERIOD. i know the stuffy head has nothing to do w/ the period, but i'm seriously thinking in a few weeks, maybe a month or so, the girl will start. not sure that we're ready for this.

plus,this morning at 6am when she said she didn't feel well (and had already complained the night before) i was all for going back to bed myself.

she's doing just fine and will head back to school in the morning.

astarte (muddled sage) has started an online book club (look at the link over there). i'm going to TRY to be in this book club, though really i don't read nearly like i used to, what with blogs and all : )

last week i emailed my resume to a local school system for this communications job. today i get a letter that tells me they got it but i had to go online and fill out an application. for real? people still fill out applications for jobs that aren't like fast food related? ok. so i went to the web site. omfg (that's oh my fucking god for when omg just isn't enough). that was the most convaluted application process i have ever been through. they asked for my freaking college gpa. really? i graduated college in 1990. is my gpa REALLY relevant at this point? and for previous jobs? uh, not just company name, your title, boss, blah blah blah, but the actuall street address AND zip code AND actual date (not just month and year) you started/ended. hmmm, hope they don't check too closely cause i just made some dates and zip codes up. that is so fucked up. it took me like 45 minutes to fill all that shit out. when it asked if i had any family members that also worked in the school system i just listed my brother not my mom. she's a fuck up and i certainly don't want any opinion they have of her to influence whether i get an interview.

the poll has closed and the majority of the respondents like porn : ) new poll is up now.

ck and the hubs--in the beginning

it was the summer of 1983 and my dad was stationed in germany. initially i was devastated. i had been at the same school for 7-9th grade (one of my longest stints of being in the same school) and i was heart broken to leave my friends.

after a brief encounter w/ a boy i'll call ralph (cos, yes, that really was his name) i was in full 10th grade mode and had become very good friends with the hubs. (though he was the one who fixed me up w/ ralph to get back at me for not recognizing his greatness). school started in august and it was this exact time in october that the hubs and i actually started "talking." he probably remembers everything word for word. my memory isn't as good as his. i remember that our first real date was to the school fall carnival, we even have a Polaroid pic of that night. me with my short, winged hair; he w/ his auburn, newly permed hair : ) quite the couple. it was roughly oct 17 (that's why we got married on 10/17).

these are the things that drew me to him then, and still do now. he was always so self assured (some---including me---might say he was cocky). he was (is) rebellious, not in the i'm going to go out and purposely do bad/harm, but in the i'm not necessarily going to follow the rules kind of way. this appealed to my goody two shoes heart. he wasn't afraid of authority (at that time my parents) and acted like he was every one's equal. and he was sweet. omg. he gave me flowers; we wrote each other poems; he scoured almost the whole country to find me the last cabbage patch doll (when they were all the rage in the states you can only imagine how impossible they were to get in germany) for christmas one year. a little auburn haired boy. (i still have it). he was sincere and honest and spoke his mind. it was like he already knew me. i could talk to him about anything. we were close friends before we actually started dating, and to be honest, i think that is probably one of the biggest reasons we're still together.

the high school years were, by no means, all sunshine and happiness. we argued a lot. i broke up with him. a lot. i would get crushes on other boys and break up with him. he would stalk me (though i didn't know some of that until much, much later).

but we did have tons of fun too. we fooled around in my room (w/ the door open cos my mom figured nothing could happen if the door was open). we fooled around at his house. we went on trips, sometimes day trips alone, sometimes with his parents. we visited neuschwanstein castle; we knocked around downtown nurnberg. he took me to paris on my senior trip.

paris was magical. we went w/ a tour group but it was like we were alone. i remember the sites, the smells, the chill in the air. of course the first thing we did when we got there was check into the hotel room. though we'd been alone, mostly, before, we'd never been ALONE like that. we visited the louve and notre dame and versailles and took a nighttime boat ride on the seine. now we talk about regretting that we didn't go to the moulin rouge, but if i remember right, i think we opted to spend the night in our hotel room instead.

even back then the hubs put up with a lot from me. and from my family. my crazy-ass sister was only a toddler then and i often took her places w/ us and wondered aloud of people thought she was our kid. (god forbid!) my brother (six yrs younger than me) would catch us making out and tell on us. he did that once and the hubs convinced my mom my brother was lying and he got a spanking.

and my folks. my mom adored him. she thought he was mature and responsible, etc. though she told me, after we'd been dating a year or two, that she hoped i didn't have sex in high school but waited until college. (the hubs has never forgotten this). my dad. oy vey. one night the hubs and i came home from the movies and when i opened the door my parents were having sex on the couch under a blanket. my dad poked his head out from underneath (he was obviously drunk, big surprise) and was wearing either his underwear or my mom's on his head. i was MORTIFIED. the hubs stuck w/ me anyway.

the summer of 1986 came; i graduated high school and we moved back to the states. the hubs' family was still in germany and came back to the states later that year.

thank the dogs

you have leah and keely to thank for this post. i fell asleep on the couch sometime around 10. the hubs woke me up to go to bed sometime around midnight. i've laid in there drifting in and out of sleep since (it's now 1:40) and the dogs barking just now made me get out of bed. there must be an oppossum or vole or something running around in the backyard. i did notice the moon is especially bright tonight; don't know if it'a a full moon but i snapped a pic. too lazy to put it up right now.

i had grand plans of posting tonight but failed. i don't normally have any trouble w/ insomnia (hello, love to sleep here) but tonight work projects keep running through my mind and i can't turn them off. (i haven't heard anything from the resume i sent in last week. when i sent it i was like, eh, i don't care one way or the other, but it's times like this where having a new, different job wouldn't be such a bad thing.)

i also had grand plans about starting a series of posts on the hubs and i in celebration of our anniversary coming up on friday, but again, fail. plus, we had a wee bit of a "discussion" last night that carried over into monday morning and left that bad after-fight taste in my mouth. we made up by going to lunch and talking some more. yes, even after 16 years there are still speed bumps. though god knows they are NOTHING like they used to be. seriously? we used to have some ugly, ugly arguments. not physical, but incredibly mean and hateful. i'm the yeller/cusser, stomp off and slam a door type. though, once the kids came on the scene it became harder to do that.

but, everything is ok. the dogs are back in. i've finished my glass of milk. i'm going back to bed.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

tmi on sunday

ok, that other post might have been a bit too vanilla (yawn) even for a sunday night. so here's another tmi post (from that web site i told you about 'member?)

1. What is the strangest thing you have ever inserted or seen inserted (in a sexual manner) in person? aside from sex toys?....grapes

2. Have you ever had sex anyone whose name started with a J?

3. Have you ever been outside completely naked?
yes (does it count if you were in a pool?)

4. Do you prefer music, tv, or other noise in the background when you have sex?
well, under ideal conditions i think music would be nice. we don't often have planned sex, i mean like, where you have the time to set the stage and all.

5. Have you ever used ice for sexual purposes?

Bonus: Have you ever been propositioned for group sex?
not that i know of, though admittedly i am oblivious to this type of thing. more than once the hubs has told me of situations i was totally unaware of.

sunday night wrap up

i haven't touched the computer since friday. that's like some sort of record or something! : )

friday night the boy and i went to lego club. whoot whoot. : ) actually, it's not that bad. it's a group of (mostly) elementary age boys getting together to build stuff out of legos. the majority of the boys come with some elaborate thing already built and they they spend the time modifying it or playing w/ it. the boy always brings this tub of legos and just builds stuff on the fly. he doesn't really play w/ legos much at home on his own. and, though we've bought him the sets that show how to make stuff, he doesn't really like that.

saturday morning we got up early cos the hubs was moving more of my grandma's stuff out of her house. he, my brother and jose and my sister, moved a bedroom suit and washer and dryer to my folks house and a piano and dining room set to our house. while he was doing that the kids and i picked up the boy's halloween costume (cos the one we got off of ebay didn't fit); the girl bought some arts & crafts stuff; we went to the library (where i checked out the almost moon by alice sebold--i've just started the book but so far the main character has killed her decrepit, out of her mind mother) and then the boy had his first guitar lesson. he told his instructor his favorite bands are the naked brother's band, queen and train : ) he he he

saturday afternoon the hubs and i started trying to clean about 40 years of nicotine off of the piano. omg. (just for the record, though we both smoke we haven't smoked in any place we've lived since the girl was born). what we thought was going to be an hour's worth of work has turned into something else altogether. we're using murphy's oil soap and along w/ the nicotine, the finish is coming off. i'm convinced it's because the finish simply eroded under all that nicotine or something. anyway, it's going to be a long process and then the hubs will have to refinish it.

saturday evening we went to my folks house for dinner and bday cake for my SIL. my sister and her family were not there for whatever reason. puddin (my neice) is as cute as ever. omg i just can't get enough of her. gameboy and my boy asked my dad to play football w/ them outside. he wouldn't. the hubs asked if he'd come over and help him move the piano from the middle of our den floor to the garage since it was going to take more than anticipated to clean. he wouldn't. (remember above when i said they moved all that stuff to my folks house? and set it up? and my dad was at work so he couldn't help. like he would have.)

last night i watched passion fish. i can't believe i've never seen that before. it was really a great movie.

today? we SLEPT in. i'm talking NOON! ok. the kids got up around 8:30; i got up at noon. the hubs got up close to 1.

overall, good weekend. i'm starting to have a little rumblings of getting pissed off at my family again, but what's new. (and by family i mean my parents/sister).

it's going to be a busy work week (getting ready for another big trade show, but at least i don't have to go out of town for this one) and friday will be mine and the hubs anniversary : ) 16 years! : ) so this week's posts might be filled w/ trips down memory lane and mushy stuff. sorry.

Friday, October 10, 2008

first boyfriends

the other day my friend trish told me about a middle schooler who has a girl in her class, 13 yrs old, who is dating at SEVENTEEN year old which the girl has described in detail in gym to her fellow classmates.

holy fucking shit.

this made me think of my first boyfriend. and i use that term loosely. it was 7th or 8th grade. i don't remember how it actually happened, i'm certain i was not like my daughter; i didn't just walk up to him and tell him i liked him or something as brazen as that. and i don't think it was a lengthy relationship--it might have lasted a week. i know we walked to classes together (we had all the same classes) but i don't even think we ever held hands. cos gosh, then everyone would SEE us holding hands and what would they say? the pinnacle of that relationship was that one of the possibly two times we talked on the phone we...omg...this is SO ridiculous...we each put our guinea pigs up to the phone and let them "talk" to each other. (hanging head in embarrassment)

and that's how we rolled in 1981/82 in middle school. not having sex w/ 17 yr olds.

i didn't have a boyfriend again until i was 15, getting ready to start 10th grade. (aha! i just figured out wtf i need labels for posts! i was trying to find the post about that boyfriend and how the hubs set me up w/ him and i simply can't) that one last about a month. he was my first kiss. my first FRENCH kiss. and he felt me up. then i started dating the hubs and all hell broke loose. ; ) well, you know, not IMMEDIATELY.

the first time i had a crush on a boy i was in third grade. since i'm an army brat we moved around a lot but our home of record was wv. so, anytime we were between bases or my dad was on an unaccompanied tour (like when i was in 3rd grade) i went to school in wv. i went there for part of 1st grade, all of 3rd, part of 4th and part of 6th. that boy was always there and i always had a crush on him. years later, when i was going to college in wv, he was the first guy i slept w/ in college. fucker gave me crabs!

not the boy's best day

it was pretty much all about the boy today. my very soon (as in 10/28) to be 9 year old had a rough day. this morning the hubs and i had a conference with his AG teacher. the boy is sucking wind in math. we've known since the first week of school he was having math issues (i think that came from my side of the gene pool). the hubs works w/ him every night. when the first round of graded papers came home i talked, at length, w/ his AG teacher. i heart her. i really and truly do. she's been teaching for maybe 15-20 yrs but she still has the philosophy that kids are kids. she's not militant w/ them (like i think his homeroom teacher might be) and she's just a good, caring teacher.

during the first conversation i asked if she thought he needed to leave AG, if it was too much for him. no, she didn't think so. she wasn't giving up on him. when school started this yr i really looked for AG to be a huge problem solver for the boy. he had the same teacher in kindergarten and 1st and she loved him. she was new to teaching (as in her very first year) and she forgave a lot. she would tell me casually he was a talker, but we didn't get the angry notes and phone calls. well, except that first day of kindergarten when he was talking shit to the fifth graders and neither that sweet new teacher, her wise assistant, nor the vice principal could get the boy to back off and shut up so he was in the principal's office. second grade he had the teacher from hell. i don't know the full story so this is totally mean on my part, but she had a mental breakdown and was in and out of school most of the year until they finally got a full time sub about the last month of school. the boy missed out on A LOT of learning concepts last year, things that are just starting to become obvious. and the mental break down teacher was always mentioning his talking.

anyway, i thought the challenge of AG would solve that problem. and it does. in that class. in regular class he still has too much time on his hands and goes through periods of running his mouth too much.

(god i'm rambling!)

today's mtg was brought on because his grades in math aren't getting better. she works w/ him, the hubs works w/ him and it appears he grasps the concept and then the light bulb flickers out. before the boy wanted out of AG but now he told the hubs he wants to keep trying. his teacher also wants to keep trying and will have a helper in her room starting next week who's going to work w/ kids in small groups and/or one on one to go over concepts. it's just math he's struggling with. in reading he's on a 6th grade level. this lovely teacher also commented on his awesome personality. she says he's quite a character, so funny and animated.

she also taught the girl and though she loved her too she said they are as different as night and day. you're telling me?

so that started the day.

then, right at 2oclock his teacher calls. he's fallen off the monkey bars and hit his head and side. fairly hard. when i talked to him he was crying. now, as much as the boy can be a cry baby when he and the girl argue, he's a tough kid. this is the kid that catapulted off our bed, knocked a huge hole in our wall with his head and got up and walked it off. so, i knew he was upset and in pain. the hubs and i both picked him up. my first thought was concussion or he'd ruptured something internally. we took him to the doc and she sent us for xrays. they just called and said he's fine. whew.

he has lego club tonight and starts his guitar lessons in the morning.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

spandex, xmas clubs and pepper

this is the first year i'm not driving two kids to the same school. you'll recall that we get up at the ASS crack (and to me that is any time before 8am) of dawn to get the girl to the bus stop at 6:30ish right? i then drive the boy to school. this morning i realized how very peaceful this is now. when i was toting them both to the same school, each morning brought a new argument, either between them or between me and the girl. it was always a hellacious way to start the day. now, however, it is nice. the boy isn't as rambly talkative in the morning as the girl is and sometimes we'll ride all the way to school just listening to music (he's stuck on train's ordinary now). however, sometimes he imparts some of his random thoughts to me. take this morning for example.

him: mom, which is your favorite (something)1 or (something) 2?
me: hmm, what are you talking about?
him: which is your favorite iron man model? the silver one or the final red and yellow one?
me: the yellow and red one
him: did you know iron man is the only super hero who doesn't wear spandex?
me: really? no, i didn't know that.
him: well, the hulk doesn't either but that doesn't count.

whoot whoot
the hubs just called and his company release the christmas club checks today! schwing! mama's going christmas shopping soon! i'm giddy w/ anticipation. i know odd, since i hate shopping. but i LOVE me some christmas shopping.

joke my over-the-pod-mate told me
him: (telling me this after i sneezed like a kabillion times)did you hear the joke about the woman who had an orgasm every time she sneezed?
me: (laughing as was my other over-the-pod-mate) uh, no
him: she went to the doctor and explained what was happening. the doctor asked, so, what are you taking for it? she said....pepper.

achooo indeed!

too loud?

if you are driving down the road listening to justin hottie timberlake singing sexy back and your rearview mirror is vibrating is the music too loud?

if you are a 40 year old woman dancing in your seat with justin timberlake vibrating in your mirrors and belting out dirty babe, you see these shackles? baby i'm your slave. i'll let you whip me if i misbehave. it's just that no one makes me feel this way are you certifiable?

i'm just asking, not that i DID those things this morning or anything.

also, i've officially added sherendipity to my blogroll. i just started reading her recently but this sentenced clinched it for me "I’ll make apple dumplings and french vanilla coffee, and we’ll sit on the couch watching a Breakfast Club, Pretty In Pink and Sixteen Candles marathon."

holla if ya hear me!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008


i heart these things. i shamelessly stole this from someone's blog so feel free to do the same : ) enjoy!

What side of a heart do you draw first?
the right side (probably because i'm right handed) i'm not a big heart-shape lover though

Can you dive without plugging your nose?
i can't "dive." i can jump in the water and yes, i have to hold my nose.

What color is your phone?
black and silver

Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?
the hubs cos we could talk, sleep, have sex; lather, rinse, repeat

Where are you right now?
sitting at the kitchen table. the hubs just finished helping the boy w/ his math homework

How do you feel about carrots?
i like carrots. i prefer raw carrots. some cooked carrots are ok. i like using a carrot peeler too.

How many chairs at the dining room table?
dining table fits 6; kitchen 4

Who is the best Spice Girl?
i hate the spice girls

What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator?
probably scream; panic and scream some more.

What’s your favorite kind of gum?
right now i'm into stride (though that five gum is yummy too) i prefer minty flavors; though sometimes i want juicy fruit or clove just to mix things up

Do you use words that you don’t know the meaning to?
there are words i don't know the meaning to? surely you jest. ha. but no, i don't use words i don't know the meaning of. i might not be able to adequately define the word so others could understand it, but i know what it means. make sense? also, i might not always get the correct spelling. not bad skillz for a writer/editor eh? lol

Do you like to sleep?
oh, yes. i LOVE to sleep. i like falling asleep. i like being sound asleep. i like stealing sleep (like when you hit snooze even though you know you need to get the hell up). i also love naps.

What’s something you’ve always wanted?
the food replicator from star trek. oh and a library in my house.

Do you wear a lot of black?
yes. it covers a lot of flaws.

Describe your hair
shoulder length curly mass of blonde/brown that i can either put up to look "professional" or do nothing too and it looks fairly unkempt and wild. the hubs prefers the latter : )

Are you an adult?
technically yes though i don't always act like it

Who is your best friend?
the hubs. he's been my friend longer than anyone i know and he knows me better (and still likes me for god's sake) better than anyone.

Do you have a tan?
i have tan lines, does that count? i don't think anyone would look at me and see that i have a tan, but thanks to that end of summer beach trip i have tan lines.

Are you a television addict?
hmmm, i guess i'd like to think no, but maybe i am. i have shows i really enjoy, but if i don't get to watch tv i don't whither away and die. so, no. i'm more addicted to the computer.

Do you enjoy spending time with your mom?

Are you a sugar freak?
i love sweet tea. otherwise, my sugar addiction comes in cycles

What is your favorite movie?
i don't know that i could pick just one movie. seriously. that's tough. maybe out of africa because there are so many different elements i love about it; the story, the language, the actors, the cinematography, the soundtrack.

What’s your sign?
virgo baby

Where do you wish you were right now?
i wish the hubs, kids and i were touring germany right now

What brand of shirt are you wearing?
no idea; it's one of the hubs' old sweatshirts

Have you ever smoked anything?
ugh, well, i have a bad cig habit. also, i love mary jane : ) and smoked gouda.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

straight from the hubs

he's sitting here watching the debates, i'm blogging and not paying attention.

out of nowhere he says "my question to senator mccain would be how well does palin give a blow job because she's got that look."

me: what??

him: she's got that look like she could suck a mean dick.

me: whaaaaaaaaaaaaat? what is THAT look?

him: i don't know. you've got that look too.

me: (grinning) ok, but what IS that look?

him: i don't know. but you two have it.

me: ok, so which of my friends have that look? no, seriously, i won't get mad.

him: (after much prodding and promising i won't get mad, cos i won't, i'm just trying to figure out what that look is. i think it's a guy thing.) ok, that one friend of your's (a girl i worked w/ two jobs ago--sweet t--you know who he means). i agree w/ him, i still don't know the look but i know her.

him: sweet t (because he totally thinks she has a secret side) and broad cos ....wait for it broad....cos she's a liberal and they'll swallow anything. (don't hate the messenger!)

here's what i've been reading

ok, i'm going to kink it up a bit by sharing with you some of the links i've been lurking on lately.

do you ever wander around the internet? read a blog, click through to someone else's blog from the comment section, scroll through their links, etc? well, i do from time to time and these are some of the things i've been finding. some i might actually start following, others were just like wtf?

waiter rant--sweet t reminded me of this blog. pretty interesting, good writing, not kinky.

word oyster--uh, the current post is about a threesome. high kink factor

fabulously out there i skimmed this one because she's german (though living in the us) not so kinky i don't think

sorted books project this is cool--you tell a short story by stacking book spines.

cool personality test--this has the coolest, seriously coolest, online tests evah. this takes you to the main site but all the tests are listed on the right--way fun!

tmi tuesday--tmi and tests--what's not to love; and, they aren't always sexual in nature. like today's--it's on virtues. eh.

it's sherendipity--cos she's pretty cool and i think she might start doing half nekkid thursdays.

views from the backrow--this is the guy that started half nekkid thursdays. and sherry, i just don't think i can do this : ) i thought about it and once i snap my feet, hands, eyes, ears, arms and legs, then what? : ) he he

the s spot--this one rates sex toys and it has a weekly cockblogging post--yes, pictures of the one eyed monsters : )

file under sex and marriage--this is where i found a quite interesting post on winning blow job techniques.

so, that should keep you happy for a little while unkay?

and here's my response to one of the tmi memes, though it's not today's cos that required a little more thought than i have to give right now.

1. What do you feel is the difference between sexy and erotic?
sexy is unintentional; erotic is intentional

2. Do you believe there is one right person (i.e. soul mate) for you out there in the world, or that there can be many different potential mates that you could live blissfully with?
i think one might be happy (for awhile) with anyone, but i think each of us has one person we are meant to be with forever; without that person you might exist, but you don't LIVE

3. Do you need to hear "I love you" or similar words on a regular basis from your partner?
hmmm, tough question. i did not grow up hearing this much so it was like a gift when given; when the hubs and i started dating and became serious and he said that on a regular basis i was skeptical; how could it MEAN anything if he said it all the time? but, i've come to need it. we say it (to each other and the kids) all the time; and i mean it all the time. i do need words, these and others, on a regular basis.
4. What feeling do you have the most difficulty expressing?
i'm pretty emotional and usually have a hard time hiding any of them; hard to express? purhaps empathy, sympathy--i mean i feel them and express them (i think) but you never know if what you're saying is helping really. like at funerals for example--you can feel sorrow for the family, but how do you really EXPRESS that?
5. What is worse - physical, mental or cyber cheating?
the hubs and i have discussed this at length over the years (though not cyber cos really? wtf is that?) physical, if it's a quick fuck is bad, but not as bad as an emotional/physical thing. that is the worst.


god i love my friends. but, you know YOU are the fucked up friend in your group when you get emails (at work no less) like this one i just got from sweet t:

she emails: Bad joke I just read, and thought of you:

Did you hear about the disaster at a major U.S. University?
A team of scientists were cloning monkeys and one of them blew up.
The researchers are now trying to determine what went wrong by sifting through the Rhesus' pieces.

i almost spewed coffee from my nose. i can't quit smiling. that's fucking hilarious. i will probably tell 50 kabillion people that joke today.

Monday, October 6, 2008


i am restless. the hubs is restless. this is not typically a good combination. when we are both restless at the same time we usually buy something. big. like a flat screen tv or something. we've been stalking them.

i am restless about my job. i'm bored, yet oddly comfortable. i put things off for the adreneline rush (self-imposed stress) i create by working on a tighter-than-i-should deadline.

i am restless about my blog. i don't like the way it looks. i feel it has become boring not only in how it looks but the content. i blah blah about the same old same old. i have been lurking on several new blogs that are quite different from my usual haunts. there's a tmi blog--they post questions every tuesday about tmi stuff. combining my two fave things--tmi and memes. i found another that outlines sure fire blow job techniques. yes, these are the things i've been reading lately. there is that naughty side of me that has a lot to say as well but i've mostly gotten away from saying a lot of that here, oddly enough because of my audience. but, if i'm to remain true to myself (how many fucking times have i written THAT?) i can't NOT talk about sex and naughty things right? how many of you would quit reading if i did?

i am restless w/ all the decluttering i totally need to do in my house. for real, my closet is embarrassing. i cannot shut the doors. there are shoes, too many shoes, littering the bottom of it. the hubs and i share a closet. when he runs across clothes he doesn't like (they don't fit, have a stain, rip blah blah and should be thrown away) he just tosses them to the side of the closet. we have too much luggage in the closet. and a tv. and a huge metal tin full of wires. for real? oh, and my foot locker full of memories.

this week many of the hubs' financial planning efforts are coming to fruition and i am excited about the opportunities and progress that will bring. we actually bought stock for the first time ever. ok, well, you know, not A LOT of stock. but still. if you want to help--buy a lot, truck loads, of kelloggs products : )

procrastination meet creative kerfuffle

you know when you go to type in the title of your post--procrastination--and about 4 titles pop up in the auto-fill box you have a problem.

i have been working on the same story for about a week now and it is killing me. i do not want to write it. bleh.

we had a loverly, mostly-do-nothing weekend. there were naps. there was sex (hooray!). there was movie watching. friday night we watched iron man and baby mama. i have to say i think i liked iron man best. i am ambivalent, mostly, about the super hero movies, despite the fact that the boy is ALL about them and i think the hubs is too (secretly). i have issues w/ the whole batman series because i liked the old ones and can't bring myself to like the new, darker ones and i don't like christian bale (is that his name?). but i love me some robert downey jr. and he was really good in iron man. i liked it. they totally left it open for a sequel. baby mama. eh. not as funny as i expected. i think they wanted it to be a SNL funny kind of movie but they got caught up in the emotions. they should have picked a feeling and stuck with it. i think it could have been hilarious or poignant, but not both at the same time.

i quit procrastinating and sent my resume out for a job. aside from being a procrastinator i do not do well with big changes, like jobs. and though i love bitching about the one i have, i can think of myriad ways it could be worse. we'll see. i might not even get an interview.

i posted saturday about how awesome my parents are right? well, when the hubs got home from helping w/ the door (his next 2-3 saturdays are booked btw--helping more w/ the grandma stuff) this is what he told me my dad had to say about their weekend plans being changed. my dad said they didn't go because my mom would worry too much about my nephew being sick; but if it had been one of the other grandkids (meaning my two or my bro's two) they would have gone. uh, ok? wtf? i guess he could tell by that you-are-such-a-stupid-fuck-look that the hubs gave him that that MIGHT not have sounded right. so he tried to clarify. he said they worry because jose and my sister are so stupid (i don't know that those were his exact words) and don't know how to take care of kids (hmmm, ok) and they don't worry about us or my bro/SIL being able to take care of their kids. so, the hubs asks, if you were worried about the SICK kid, why is the WELL kid spending the weekend w/ you? whatev--my parents are fuckknobs.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

wow--my parents are SUPER

(remember, october is SARCASTIC month)

my parents were supposed to go out of town this weekend. i found that a bit odd in itself, seeing as how they planned on going out of town TOGETHER and my mom had taken to going either by herself or with my sister. it isn't anything extravagant mind you, it's usually a trip to either wv or ga to visit her sisters where she can extoll on her virtues and talk about what a terrific mom and grandmother she is. anywhoo--they didn't go this weekend.

you know why? um, because my nephew (not gameboy) has pneumonia so my mom had to keep my neice for the weekend. huh? first of all, my aunt, who works in the dr's office my sister uses says he doesn't have pneumonia, he's got a little crud and is on antibiotics. second, even if he did have pneumnoia, why would my mom need to keep my neice for the weekend? my nephew is not contagious. and there are now two adults in the household since my sister got married. hmmm. thankfully my kids don't get sick a lot (really, thankful for that) but if one IS sick i don't ship the other one off somewhere. wtf?

the story coming from my mom will no doubt be how she sacrificed her weekend away to stay and take care of my niece and then how on top of that they had to help with my grandma this weekend.

the hubs gave up his sleeping in morning today to help my uncle take the screen door from my grandma's house and install it on her new garage apartment. i'm sure my parents are present, though not doing anything to help, and i'm sure that will be part of the excuse as to why they didn't go out of town as well.

i don't get it. i really don't. i've been doing a lot of thinking lately about my parents and my feelings/attitudes toward them. it started w/ the kiss the girl gave me at the bus stop that morning. recognizing the power she held over me and assuming that power will only grow as she gets older, i wondered how i might have the power to make my relationship w/ my parents better.

also, i have so many friends who are dealing with aging parents. they are either taking care of them in their own homes, making the tough decisions to put them in a nursing home or dealing w/ a parent that doesn't want to do either but obviously needs round the clock care. and, it isn't necessarily done once they've died. one friend, who was excluded altogether from a parent's will, was contacted about being sued for the balance due on a house that was left to her sister for god's sake. i can sympathize with them because they are my friends but in the back of my mind i always think---not going to be me because i'm not taking responsibility for my folks, my sister (yeah right) can do that.

and then i think of maybe how wrong i am toward my parents. i have held them, and my sister, at arms length for years. admittedly it is a defense mechanism because i really can't take any more shit from them. i sometimes think i'm being too hard on my parents because some of the ill i feel toward them stems from my childhood. and lord knows my greatest fear in life is that i will have the negative impact on my kids that they had on me. i sometimes try to make excuses for them thinking, you know, they're only human, they did the best they could. they were young (they got married at 19 and had me at 20). but that can't excuse everything. but, can i really judge them?

however, it's not like after my parents "grew up" they started making the best decisions or changed their points of view and became stellar parents and grandparents. their selfishness (for that's where SO much of their problems stem from) continues to this day.

Friday, October 3, 2008

bitch? meet sweetness

see folks, this is why i think i'm fucked up. all that heightened emotion from yesterday's post has dissipated. not saying it couldn't rise to the surface at the drop of a hat, but for now i'm back on an even keel. so, because my brain is flitting around like a lightening bug wondering where the last days of summer went--a few random thoughts:

1. it is friday. fall is finally here. the weather could not be more gorgeous--sunny, little wind, fall smelling, 70ish i think, or not, i don't guess temps well, light sweater weather.

2. i had lunch today w/ my friend that i've been on the outs with most of the summer and all is well. i'm not going to try to analyze it any more, what's the point? life is short and screw the rest of it right?

3. we are red boxing iron man (at the boy's most vehement request) tonight and we are totally sleeping in tomorrow morning.

4. i got some black and orange jelly beans in a press kit. i ate them today--jelly bellys. i forgot how much i like jelly beans. but not generic jelly beans, just the fancy ones. i'm a jelly bean snob.

5. did you know there is this thing on the interwebs called half naked thursday? yes, every thursday people who participate in this (it's been going on for years) post a picture of themselves showing some skin. naturally there are all kinds of pictures from just artistic interesting ones to full out erotic. so, would you ever consider doing that? i've thought about it (no, not the erotic stuff) but like a hand or eyeball or something. artistic photography. hmm. google it. tell me your thoughts.

6. can you BELIEVE there are only 3 months left in 2008? wtf did the time go?

7. hold me now...ooooo...warm my heart....stay with asked if i love you, what can i say? you know that i do and this is just one of those games that you play---bonus points if you know the artist/title. (i'm listening to at work homies)

8. if you could only eat one fruit for the rest of your life---which one would you pick? i think i'd pick...hmmm...strawberries.

9. looking for something to celebrate? october is cookie month; eat country ham month and, my FAVE SARCASTIC month! REALLY? hells yeah!
by week: week 1 Get Organized Week (uh, fail)
week 2 Pet Peeve Week (i've TOTALLY got that covered)
by day: today Techies Day (awww) it also is Virus Appreciation Day (wtf?)
oct 6 Mad Hatter Day (i'm all over this day)
oct 7 Bald and Free Day (hmmm, take this as you will ; )
oct 12 Moment of Frustration Day (i bet i'll celebrate that)
oct 21 Babbling Day (i can also do this)
oct 28 Plush Animal Lover's Day (also, the boy's bday)
oct 31 Increase Your Psychic Powers Day

10. Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting. -- John Russell
Correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't the fine line between sanity and madness gotten finer? -- George Price

Thursday, October 2, 2008

i'm a bitch...

you know that alanis morissette song...i'm a bitch i'm a lover...blah blah blah?

well, i'm totally the bitch part of that these last couple of days. omg--for real and i'm fessing up to it--not that that excuses any of it or makes it better mind you.

this past weekend i was the narcolepsy queen (nap much? yes thank you); monday and tuesday all i could think about was sex and the fact that the hubs was not reading my mind or the subtle hints i was dropping him (uh, how subtle is a text msg that says i'm horny?). [in his defense--not only has he been going through a hellaciously stressful time w/ work these last...oh...i don't know...three weeks? remember--phone ringing off the hook all the time? meaning working 7 days a week and he had to be at a store at 5:30 am yesterday morning AND i think he's getting sick] today i hate all the clothes in my closet. and by that i mean i don't want to wear any of them because they touch my body. i just want a pair of pajama bottoms and a big t-shirt and no bra.

so--brainiac that i am i have deduced that i am pmsing. yeah fucking yeah.

**for those interested in the rest of the i'm a bitch lyrics (since i don't know how to embed youtube videos)

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am

This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

***and yes, i am a goddess on my knees. perhaps this is why the hubs puts up with the bitch part.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

things that move me

i have always loved art and drawing and creating things. i'm a master colorer and crayons were/are always a fave gift for me.

i was formally introduced to art in high school and quickly developed opinions, preferences, favorites and loves. i adored my art teacher. she was incredible. i will always be grateful to her for opening that world to me.

Morisot's The Cradle (morisot was one of the few female impressionists)

Cassatt's Children on the Beach (cassatt also was one of the few female impressionists and the only american)

Monet's Bridge Over a Pond of Water Lilies (monet speaks to my soul.)

Van Gogh's Cornfield and Cypress trees (of course i love starry night and the sunflowers but the movement of van gogh's brush strokes is powerful--you can almost taste his passion and turmoil in every stroke. i heart him as well, poor tortured soul.)

Renoir's The Luncheon of the Boating Party (i always wanted to be hanging out w/ these people. like they just came off the lake and settled in for the afternoon of wine and food and conversation)

Degas' Absinthe Drinker (i don't know why i like this, because she's so sad and it reflects how i feel sometimes when i'm just like--fuck it? i don't know)

Manet's The Picnic (we studied this in school--i can't remember the significance but i always wondered why the men were clothed and she wasn't)

Degas' Little Dancer (love all of degas' dancer works, but this is so sweet)

Munch's The Scream (because, hell, who doesn't feel like this once in awhile?)