Sunday, December 30, 2007

a thought-provoking list

i found this big ass list on someones blog this morning. i'm not going to answer all of the questions but will leave them here for you to ponder and pass along if you wish. some just aren't me and others i probably just can't remember back to the beginning of the year to include everything.

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
played on inflatable bouncy stuff.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
see here, i've gone over this already.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
4. Did anyone close to you die?

5. What countries did you visit?

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
inner peace

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
august was a big month cos my girl started her last year of elementary school and the hubs threw me a surprise birthday party.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
hmmmm, not sure i really achieved much other than keeping my head above water. oooh, surviving a freezing cold night camping in a tent? does that count?

9. What was your biggest failure?
not quitting smoking

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
the arm--i think it's ok now, but damn it hurt.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
hmmmm, windows/siding for the house and a pool

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
the hubs. i know i keep going on and on about this but the surprise bday party is like one of the top things he's ever done for me. and i had absolutely no clue at all. he totally rocks for that in so many many ways.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
hmmm, can't think of anyone.

14. Where did most of your money go?

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
my sil and donut being pregnant : )

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
can't say. i heard sexyback for the first time this year but i doubt it will actually remind me of 2007. music doesn't sit with me like that anymore. i still need it and it touches me but it is not in the same way it did when i was in middle, high school and college.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
 a) happier or sadder? 
b) thinner or fatter? 
c) richer or poorer? i would have to say happier, thinner and richer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
taken more days off work and taken more vacations, even if short ones

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
same thing every year, procrastinate.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
i've blogged about this ad nauseum already.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007? i fell deeper in love, if that's possible.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
little people, big world and john & kate plus 8

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
mmm, nope, i think i hate the same people this year that i did last year

24. What was the best book you read?
the one that sticks with me is kite runner

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
hands down---van Morrison

26. What did you want and get?
moondance, post secret book, windows/siding for the house

27. What did you want and not get?
anais anais

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
i can't remember what we've seen this year--we are marshall? memoirs of a geisha? i liked both of those

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
39 and i've gone on and on about the awesome surprise party the hubs gave me : )

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
more time off

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
 uh, i don't do fashion well. i did discover that red is not a horrible color for me, which i had always thought it was.

32. What kept you sane?
weed and the hubs

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
i guess this year it's van Morrison, not for looks or hotness but for talent/soul

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
i haven't really gone political on the blog and i probably won't, for several reasons. i'm politically ignorant for one and for two, i usually go with my gut feeling or emotions on these things and don't really look at any thing else.

35. Who did you miss?

36. Who was the best new person you met?

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
hmmmmm, this sounds like a cliche really and i didn't really learn it this year but i'm trying to wrap my brain around it right now---be true to yourself and who you are.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. oddly enough, me lover of lyrics, can't pick just one to sum it up.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

the glasses, cat lovin' and spiderman cologne

more progress was made today as we hauled a truck full of stuff to the dump. i took the lights off the last tree standing. tomorrow the christmas boxes will go back into the attic and the holiday officially done and packed away for another year.

we also made a trip to home depot to estimate what it would cost to redo some of the floors. we want to put stone or ceramic tile in the entryway and wood floors in the dining room, living room and hallway. there are sooooo many choices. i wish i could get a decorator to come in and say which colors would look best. i really really love the darker wood floors but think it might not be the right look for our house. i know i don't like the really light colored wood. i think probably something in the middle tone would look best. as for the stone, again, lots of choices. i know i don't want smooth shiny floors like in a bank lobby or something. i like the natural stone/slate stuff.

the girl had her glasses on when we entered home depot. when we got home they were gone. we scoured the truck (borrowed from my dad). no glasses. the hubs and the girl went back to home depot (round trip of at least an hour) and no glasses. if they don't turn up, which i don't suspect they will, this will be her fourth pair of glasses in two years. this will be the second pair she lost and she broke one pair. my question you make her "pay" for part of them out of her allowance? take away her allowance for a set number of weeks? obviously we wouldn't make her pay the whole cost, but do you make her pay a portion just to get across to her the importance of them? i just don't know.

moving on. the bro, sil and nephew came over for dinner and to hang out tonight. the boys (my boy and my nephew) ran around playing, shirtless. cracked me up. there's just something about a kid (my nephew) running around shirtless wearing a Darth Vader helmet and carrying a toy chainsaw that just cracks me up. they also rode the razor scooters around the house (thank you target, on sale for $24). they always have such a good time together. i hope they always stay that close. towards the end of the evening the got into the boy's spider man cologne. the house now reeks of it. it is not a good smell. i think they were using it as a room deodorizer.

my sil and i beat my bro and the girl at cranium. it's a really fun game. a mix of charades, pictionary, trivial pursuit and spelling.

then there's my brother and meow (who is in heat). what's that saying, you can love your pets but don't LOVE your pets. meow has a thing for feet when she's in heat. she started rubbing up against my bro's feet. he jiggled them around and now i think he's her best friend.

so, what brings you here?

ok, this is just getting bizarre. is there a celtic underground movement i'm not aware of? i've told you from time to time that on my site meter i can track the city and state people are reading from right? well, if someone has done a google search and something from my site pops up it tells if they follow that link to my web site.

apparently there are lots of people looking for celtic images in the last month or so because the image i found on google images (the one i'd use for a tatt) is bringing them here! and boy, i bet they're disappointed! LOL it usually takes them two page views before they say wtf and leave. at least i assume that's what's going on in their heads.

just imagine---sitting around, searching the computer for a nice celtic symbol, perhaps looking for a new tatt design as i was at one point. (don't worry, i don't really think i'll ever get a second tattoo). the google links bring you to this blog of all things. a blog with a castle on it. what the hell, lets look around here for awhile. wow, this woman is not only boring but apparently the control key doesn't work on her computer because she doesn't use caps. and she thinks she's a writer? how pretencions is she's fucking ee cummings or something. fuck that shit i'm outa here. (and just for the record it is not that i am in any way trying to be ee cummings, it is that i'm just incredibly lazy and type much faster if i don't have to use the caps.)

then there are the "next bloggers" as i like to call them. the people who get here simply but clicking the next blog button at the top. these people are usually in and out quicker than a teenage boy. (you laughed at that didn't you? ; ) ) often they are also from far away places.

there also are people who get here but dumb luck i'm thinking. i wend my way to different blogs from time to time, sometimes i add them to my favorites and read them for a couple of weeks; just lurking in the background. there are also blogs i really like, like mrs. a's. still waiting to see her review of sweeney todd : ) my review of the chipmunks would have to be 4 star; for it's genre it was good. there's a message, there's cuteness, singing (though i loathe loathe loathe that damn chipmunk voice) and there's the guy from my name is earl.

last but certainly not least are my real life peeps who diligently read this. i realize many of them aren't reading this week cos they only read from work : ) and they're on vacation, but they're out there. sweet t is around i know : )

i am curious though as to what brings you here. and, you can comment anonymously if you prefer. i guess what i'm asking for is a readership survey. what do you like/dislike about the blog? don't worry, this probably will not change my content whatsoever, but it gives you a chance to get things off your chest : ) i'm so nice like that huh? lol

Friday, December 28, 2007

taking stock

here was my 2007 to do list and, though it is not yet jan. 1 i will address it since i doubt i will have accomplished anything else before then.

start listening to jazz * (doing if Van counts)---i think i probably like the idea of liking jazz more than i would actually like jazz. i am content with the fact that i learned about van this year and, thanks to, i have discovered a few other groups like cold play and some others i can't name right this second.

find a new author to read * Anita Shreve ---i have read anita this year plus the kite runner. however, i've not read nearly what i think i should have read this year and i'm sure there will be something involving reading on my 2008 to do list.

paint something ---hmmm, i haven't painted anything this year but i did a lot of coloring so i'm counting that : )

lose 30 pounds (I'm pacing myself)---ok, i sort of addressed this already. i don't think i've lost 30 pounds this year but i have lost some and i'm happy with that.

quit smoking ---uh, no but we aren't talking about it earnestly again.

plant more flowers in my yard * Yes, but this will be an ongoing thing. ---we planted a lot of things this year and the hubs built a new flower bed, complete w/ my bird girl of Savannah statue.

figure out how to get music on the Girl's MP3 player she got for Christmas---ok, this i do still hope to do before new year's eve, if only for the principle of the thing.

develop all film and put all pictures in albums ---dammit, no i didn't. this will migrate to the 2008 list.

clean out all my closets ---this actually might happen because i only have one left and that's my closet. this might squeak in and get done by the end of the year.

take a REAL vacation (ie out of town) ---hmmmm, we did go to the beach this year for spring break and it was wonderful, albeit short.

ho hum

after my last post yesterday we got even more done. the boy's room looks awesome (will post pics later). while i was helping the boy in his room the girl assured me hers was clean. i asked several times, as she was sitting in my recliner watching animal planet and/or discovery channel surgeries--are you sure your room is clean. i'm talking big clean? yeah, i just need you to help me organize stuff.

at 5ish when i tied up the last bag of trash from the boy's room and went to the girl's room to look at what a great job she'd done. uh, fuck no it wasn't clean. so an hour later (her room was no where near as bad as the boy's) we finished hers and it looks great too.

after the hubs came home the endeavors continued. i cleaned out the linen closet, no more twin sheets. we edited the videos/dvds. they were in four different places in the house. we have two full boxes of videos to give to goodwill. wow.

after a day like that i was in quite the pissy mood. the hubs was wary of me. he said i do this every year. perhaps i do. i would feel guilty if i didn't do anything while i was off, guilty if i sent the kids to daycare for even one day and yet i get pissy toward the end of the vacation because i've had enough. what kind of mother doesn't want to spend time with her kids?

i think part of it is post-holiday deflation. you get all pumped up and excited for the holidays, then pleeeff, it deflates like the air going out of a balloon. it's like seeing a dance club or bar in the daylight. it looks fun and inviting at night with the lights and glitter but by light of day it looks trashy and cheesy. so the holidays are over.

new year's you say? we've never been new year's people. i don't think i've ever been to a new year's party in my life. i like the idea of it. with the kids it is sort of limiting as to what you can do. i don't like the thought of being out on the road with them that night--too many crazies. but even before the kids--i think one year i had an impacted wisdom tooth or something, something painful and oral that prevented us from having fun. of any kind.

and i was kind of a bitch to the hubs yesterday. he really really wants to start another house project. he really wants to update the floors. i really do too but i freak out about money. i love having something new going on with the house. i would love to totally get ahold of my kitchen and figure out how to make it better. there is absolutely no work space near the stove. i don't like myself when it comes to these types of issues. in the big scheme of things it really isn't as big of a deal as i make it out to be.

i think part of my problem, and i'm not saying this is fair or right at all, is that i felt like i worked my ass off yesterday and i was not worshipped enough for it. : ) there, i said it. i like getting credit where credit is due. the conversation could have been something like this:

he says at the very millisecond he walks in the door: wow! this is incredible! is this really the boy's room? how in the world did you do this? AND you cleaned the girl's room? wow baby this is awesome.

me: blushing, yes, well, they helped. i didn't do it alone.

him: AND you did all this laundry. AND you cooked a turkey. c'mere.
(he envelopes me in a passionate hug and kiss)

me: well, it needed done.

him: and it's so sexy that you're still in your pajamas at 6 oclock. let me finish dinner and you go relax.

ok, ok, i know it's silly but a girl can dream right? : )

Thursday, December 27, 2007

de-assing continued

ok, it's about 2:30. so far we have one huge assed box to give away (or possibly sell on ebay). anyone looking for a butt load of power ranger action figures and/or some batman stuff? i had to stop myself from tucking the buzz lightyears (though missing their power packs) into the box for the attic. sniff sniff. my baby's first action heroes. i liked buzz myself. we do have woody in the attic though so i've consoled myself with that.

aside from the give away box we also have about 2 full bags of garbage/broken stuff/paper. we are maybe half way done. with the boy's room. not any other room. not the shelves of martini/wine glasses. not the twin sheets. and what am i doing? blogging. go figure. don't worry though, i have taken before and will take after pictures of the boy's room to share. later. when the work is done. the midst of all this i have managed to also do about 3 loads (and counting) of laundry. and i'm making a turkey. yes, today i should be worshipped as a freaking domestic goddess dammit. : )

let the de-assing begin

hmmm, some of you may be on vacation this week. yes, yes i am too but as some of you know, when you have kids and they too are on vacation when you are on vacation you don't really get a vacation. don't get me wrong, i love my kids. i like being with my kids. most of the time. last night i even tried to play are you smarter than a fifth grader with my fifth grader. we've never watched the show. perhaps we need to because the damn directions made no sense whatsoever. or maybe i'm just not as smart as i thought i was. go figure.

today, being the adult that i am, i have designated as the de-assing day. we are going to clean and unclutter the house. so, it's going on 12:30 and i've done everything possible so far to put this off. i made the boy an omelet (go figure, no cheese, what is WRONG w/ that kid???). i have made a few phone calls. in my haste to start my vacation i failed to realize that school is out on jan. 2. the day i go back to work. i failed to sign the kids up for daycare that day. i have made calls hoping to get them in. you'd think i could since they only need a 24 hour notice if they aren't coming. oy vey, we'll see. the hubs might have to take them with him that day.

i have checked my work email and deleted about 100 useless emails. i have read blogs and had coffee and cleaned out the dishwasher.

being a grown up really sucks balls sometimes. it's one thing when you're a kid and someone tells you to clean your room. you have no choice, you have to do it. but when you are the grown up and you're imposing a cleaning rampage on yourself, who the hell do you get mad at and rail against? and you know that unless you do it it will not get done. does it matter? maybe not. the boy is 8 and so what if about 10 years of pre-him crap fills his closet, preventing him from squeezing one thing of his own in there. is that important? does it really matter that the linen closet is half full of twin size sheets and there's no longer a twin size bed in this house and hasn't been for some time? or that we have about two shelves of wine/martini glasses taking up valuable kitchen cabinet space and, though the hubs desperately wants to be a wine collector and has many (cheap, yet cool labeled) bottles, we rarely drink wine (or anything for that matter).

ok, enough procrastinating. i could tell myself if i don't get this done today then no alvin and the chipmunks for me tomorrow. sniff sniff. but then that's really not punishing me is it? i need a whip cracker today. for myself.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

jokes and music

ok, the ham's in the oven and i danced around foolishly in the kitchen to sexyback. how can you hear that song and not feel sexy and/or want to have sex? (ok, so the kids will be forbidden to ever listen to justin timberlake). anyway--hello, You see the shackles Baby I’m your slave I’ll let you whip me if I misbehave It’s just that no one makes me feel this way....luscious. (though no, i do not want whipped, at least not with like a real whip).

now we're mellowing out to van. the boy loves moondance so we danced around to that a bit. now...i wanna rock your gypsy soul, just like way back in the days of old and together we will go into the mystic....this music just touches my soul like i can't even describe.

dream dinner guests--stephen king, johnny depp, van morrison, vincent van gogh, rod stewart, katharine hepburn, claude monet, ee cummings, anne rice, admiral byrd (went to antarctica), bette midler, johnny cash, patsy cline, cyndi lauper, aaron sorkin (west wing creator) and vincent dinoffrio.

i have to share the boy's latest jokes because we have come such a long way from why did the porcupine pee on the house? because he wanted to see a firequacky.

drum roll please:

what kind of cereal do you eat in the winter?
frosted flakes

what companies do guys like to go to?

what kind of coffee tastes like dirt?
ground coffee

what jungle animals are the calmest?


ya know, you'd think i'd learn about trying to shop with two kids in tow. i thought i was being smart this time by letting them shop for what they wanted before i shopped for what i wanted. the boy used his allowance to get two captain underpants books. the girl bought yet another webkinz. i looked at holiday stuff.

i love me some holiday stuff. omg the wrapping paper and cards and ornaments and stuff! all at least 50% off. however, all of this wonderful stuff is on sale right after christmas when you don't have the freaking money to spend on it! dammit!!! i did get the hubs one of those inflatable yard things cos it was $16. can you believe that? an 8 ft inflatable snowman for $16. i was good though and didn't buy one roll of oh-so--festive-and-loverly wrapping paper. i wanted to. i love wrapping paper. however, i realized when i got mine down from the attic this year that i have about 10 rolls and i know at least one of them is like 5 years old. : ) i have a little problem w/ wrapping paper.

i also bought some clothes w/ my christmas money from the fil. this was the part where i should have realized not to take the kids with me. the boy was picking out all sorts of hellaciously (too funny, spell check doesn't like hellaciously and instead suggests fallaciously, deliciously, hilariously, salaciously and lusciously) ugly stuff to show me and the girl was busy looking at the earrings for the pierced ears she does not have. trying stuff on was even MORE fun, if you can imagine. there's nothing like having two critics in a dressing room. that makes your butt look big mom (uh, like it doesn't look big enough all on it's own), that's too low cut mom, like i didn't realize that myself thank you very much. that's just plain ugly mom. ok dammit i'm done. pants. dear lord i hate pants. is it really too much to ask to have petite pants for women who do not wear a size 12? i'm short and fat and i know i'm not the only one out there so where are the clothes for us???? egad.

losing 30 pounds was one of my goals this year (i will address the others in a future end of year post) and though i don't think i did (cos i don't weigh myself except when i go to the doctor) i think i came close. i have done down two sizes since i was my heaviest, but that wasn't this year, maybe last year? i don't know. anyway, this year i have come to terms more with my body. i would like firmer boobs, but after nursing two kids that really isn't going to happen without surgery and i really am not going to do that. i want firmer body parts, ass, thighs, and hello--stomach, which i realize will not come without work. anyway, just when i was starting to feel like ok, i'm not all THAT bad, my mom showed pictures she took christmas eve and omg, i hate pictures of me. and the creme de la creme is that she took a shot of me from behind as i was picking up some of the kids' toys. yes, a nice huge ass shot. wtf???

it's about 3:30, the hubs will be home soon (he, poor baby, is not off with us this week) and i'm going to make a ham and listen to van, and maybe some justin.

tomorrow will be our cleaning day--i am going to de-ass my house, especially the boy's room. friday we're going to see alvin and the chipmunks w/ the nephew. at some point i have got to get something done to this head of hair. cutting it is the very least that needs done.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

merry christmas!

merry christmas! was santa good to everyone?? our celebration started yesterday. everyone was to be here at 3:30 and, as usual, my folks and sister w/ her kids showed up half an hour early. thankfully my bro and sil weren't far behind.

we opened gifts and ate and played with the kids' toys. i got some really cool stuff--Guinness (my fave beer) mugs, penguin candle, penguin slippers and then there were the other gifts. my mom (bless her heart, cos that's what you say in the south about people you just really don't know what else to say about) got me a large, plastic, winnie-the-pooh snow globe. and my aunt got all of us girls watches w/ 50 million different colored bands and face plates.

after everyone left we got the kids in bed around 9pm. at midnight, after santa had been and gone, they still were awake. we put them in bed with us. four of us in the bed. we didn't get a lot of sleep. every two hours they woke me up, is it time, can we get up? no, go back to sleep. 5 am was the last time i remember them waking me up. we finally got up at 8am. it's funny the gifts i thought would be hits---the fly pen for the girl, the rc car for the boy...but nope, they were most excited about the blendy pens and webkinz and were surprised that santa put (chocolate) coal in their stockings.
and what did i get? : ) almost everything on my list. i got a new moondance cd (van, my love), justin timberlake's sexyback (though the hubs was ready to say he bought it for his daughter rather than his wife), a post secret book and the we are marshall dvd, plus lots of goodies in my stocking. a very good christmas indeed.
it's almost 2pm and we're still in our pajamas but we have cleaned up the after-christmas mess. i think we're going to nap awhile and then go to my folk's house.
i hope you all had a wonderful christmas.

Monday, December 24, 2007

omg pictures!

i figured out the pictures : ) enjoy
The fire is burning, waiting for our guests.

this is the tree in the living room, white lights. this is where santa will leave his gifts. that wall is not pink btw--it's a terra cotta brown.

this is the candy cane (peppermint flavored even) cookie.

here's the fat chicken from famous.

and here's the multi-colored tree in the den.

christmas eve day

meow (aka her royal highness princess meow meow) unwrapped three presents last night. presents have been under the tree for a week and she didn't bother them. apparently she does not approve of the sweats we got maw-maw. the girl just got up and i informed her of what her cat did. ah, she is so like a mother. she made excuses for the cat. first it was maybe she was all psychedelicked (her word) out because rebel (my cat) was chasing her around all night. uh, rebel is a bazillion (ok not really but he's like 16) years old and doesn't chase anything anymore. then she said, well, maybe meow thought she deserved a present and she was opening them to see which one was her's.

we watched dreamgirls last night. omg, jennifer hudson can flat out sing. she has an incredible voice. wow.

it was 72 degrees in the house last night. i turned the heat off. i don't think we're going to have a white christmas. dammit. just once i'd love to wake up the day before christmas to about 4 feet of fluffy white stuff and be snowed in for a couple of days. we'd make snowmen and snow angles and have snowball fights.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

cookies, nookie and captain underpants

Today we made sugar cookies (ok i cheated and used the pre-made dough) and canned icing but we colored the icing and decorated cookies. love love love doing that. i even experimented w/ some red food coloring and peppermint oil and made candy cane cookies. they plumped when they baked so they are like huge, steroid candy cane cookies, but still yummy. i also finally succeeded w/ the white chocolate covered pretzels. yeah me! : )

after the cookie decorating the hubs and i managed to sneak away to our room to uh....test out the mistletoe ; ) (it works btw) and when we came out this is how the boy was dressed:

this, for the uninitiated of you, is captain underpants, the character in a series of kids' books. the boy was wearing his tidy whities and a red blanket as a cape. the girl, not to be outdone, also had on a blanket cape and a t-shirt and undies; she'd taken off her pajama bottoms.

so, tomorrow is christmas eve and the family is gathering here. all the presents are wrapped and i just need to make a quick grocery run tomorrow and then all will be ready. i'm so excited. i think i'm going to go ahead and wrap the other gift for my brother instead of holding it for his birthday because i'm so excited to give it to him : ) i bet, if he's been reading or if the sil has been reading to him, he's dying to know what i got him. i think he should have to open his presents last tomorrow : ) he he he he

baking, grandma and the poll

first the poll. were you all like omg there she goes w/ another sex poll? : ) it was actually sort of limiting because for me my answer varies depending on whether i'm out of town or the hubs is out of town. and i still wonder why masturbating for boys/men is more acceptable than it is for women. wtf is up with that? like we don't have needs?

moving on. friday i tried to make chocolate covered pretzels with the kids. uh, fyi there is a fine line between the chocolate being ready and it being cooked too much and not usable. we got to that point. and another fyi--when the chocolate is passed the liquid point and back to a solid, sticking it in the microwave for 2 minutes doesn't melt it, it burns it. and it stinks.

we did have some success with chocolate covered peanut butter balls but i don't believe my cookbook. this recipe said easy and fun for kids. uh, i don't think betty crocker had kids. they did have fun rolling the balls and we got sizes ranging from large grapes to m&ms--still ok. but the chocolate coating part, yeah, not so easy for kids (or grownups for that matter). the hubs and i ended up doing that part, and you have to work quickly before the chocolate sets up again. they came out fine and are yummy, though the boy (?) doesn't like them. he is the strangest eater. this from a kid who used to eat cheese and grape jelly sandwiches. he eats no condiments, no butter, does not like mac and cheese (i know--what kind of kid doesn't like mac and cheese) and he generally doesn't like melted cheese or spices.

the grandma. so i ended up getting picture frames and a pair of sweat pants/sweat shirt and long sleeved shirt (in the girl's sizes). i'm not confident maw-maw will be pleased as punch with these but then i don't think she's ever pleased as punch with much of anything. when i talked to my mom today she informed me that maw-maw isn't gifting anyone this year. for us, the grandkids that's fine and i'm used to it. for the great grandkids, no, i don't understand. i don't think my kids will notice or pay attention or that this will ruin their holiday, but it still sticks in my craw a bit. (or is it crawl and just what is that?) maw-maw has never been a gift giver--she's always given money. and it's not that i want/need her money but i think it's sad that she's not doing anything for the great grandkids. my paw-paw, her husband, was the gift giver. he loved the holidays. i still remember some of the presents he no doubt picked out when i was a kid--i still have my winnie-the-pooh sleeping bag they gave me when i was five. through the years they (he) gave me a train set, follow me (sears' version of simon) and a snoopy snow cone maker. paw-paw also loved picking out stuffed animals for the grandkids. one year my brother and i got garfield and odie. there were smurfs one year. for easter we all got lambs and there were teddy bears another year. this from a manly man who you'd never think thought a thing about stuffed animals for his grandkids.

paw-paw was tall, like close to 6' if not 6' (which made their paring even more odd since she was never even 5' tall at her tallest). i know he had hair, dark hair, at one point in his life but i never new him with hair. and hanging out around the house he never wore a shirt. there are all of these pictures of him laying on the floor watching tv or whatever, not wearing a shirt. (i think some how, though the boy never met him--paw-paw died when i was in high school--this is where the boy gets his habit of going shirtless). he ate peanut butter crackers a lot and drank coffee with milk (i think that's where i picked up the habit of doing that). he wore old spice and smelled like pall malls, i loved that smell even though i detested smoking (go figure). he used an electric razor and loved little debbie cakes. he was always so tan (part Cherokee) from working in the yard or being out on mud river. he was handy. he built a fireplace in their living room, built a fireplace in the backyard, a patio a deck and when we came home from germany the first time he put a swing set in their back yard for the grandkids. i don't remember getting in much trouble with him, even though we lived with them the year i was in third grade and my dad was stationed in korea. and i was bad that year. (that was the year i REALLY hated my brother and mom took me to a shrink). i do remember getting in trouble once though, though i don't recall my punishment. my seat at the table in the kitchen was near the floor air vent. we had corn for dinner. i didn't like corn. i thought i was being sly and putting it down the vent. paw-paw sat to my right, the vent was between us. i was caught. yeah, like sitting less than an arm's length away from someone and trying to be sly when you're 8 is ever going to work. : )

Saturday, December 22, 2007

a family blog?

i have been thinking about starting a family blog. i guess it would sort of be like a myspace page but a blog. i don't have the brain power or inclination to figure out myspace so i'm thinking of doing a family blog. sil, what do you think?

obviously it would be the total opposite of this blog cos you know i couldn't say fuck and talk about masturbating and how i hate my family. but i'm thinking like just to update the extended people on what's going on in a nice way. the challenge is that i still wouldn't want to put pics of the kids or us up here (the kids cos i don't want random fruitcakes looking at them and us cos i hate getting my picture taken). then there's the question of whether they'd read it and if i'd be doing it for nothing.

sil--what do you think?

perhaps a crazy idea because just the other day i was wondering how some bloggers write more than one blog, several that i read on a regular basis do that and it baffles me.

one blog i was reading this morning was about teacher gifts and how teachers are sick of getting lotion, candles, candy and stuff w/ apples/teacher references on it. i gave candles, though nice ones, this year. my thought is if they don't like them they can regift them. i don't remember giving my teachers gifts when i was in school and now it's like expected. there's christmas, end of year and at our school they actually have teacher appreciate week. really?

ok, i know teachers make shit money but it's not like they were drafted into that job. they also have the sweetest vacation deal on the entire fucking planet. they work hard, they deserve better pay but don't we all? they put up with the politics of the school system and bitchy parents and hateful kids, but don't we all have similar things in our jobs? they work for the state so it's harder to fire them than it is to fire me so they have that.

one of the comments i read on the teacher gift post today was from a parent who said yes, it's nice to thank the teachers for teaching your kids w/ a token gift but shouldn't they be giving us a gift for our giving them such a wonderful kid to teach? if we didn't have kids they wouldn't have a job. touche.

Friday, December 21, 2007

cumin, a chicken and naked boy

ok, first i have to tell you i'm in a pretty freaking good mood today. i don't know if it was being off work or doing some christmas shopping or what but today was good.

it was made better at lunch. so, i have these three friends (ok, i have more but i'm talking about this bunch of friends) and they are actually my oldest friends aside from the hubs. i met them more than 8 years ago, like 9 or so, before the boy was born. sweet t and famous and i worked together and sneal worked down the hall. we had to pass his office to go to the bathroom and we'd hide out in his office (he had a sofa) when we wanted to duck out of work or hide from our boss.

anyway, we still meet for lunch occasionally, them more so than me because my job sucks balls. yesterday sneal up and emails that he's bringing someone with him, a japanese exchange student or something. sweet t and i just assumed he was being a smart ass as usual.

today sneal brought cumin, a japanese guy he stayed with for a week a few years ago when he spent 6 months in japan. the guy's name isn't really cumin but that's what it sounds like and i'm sure i'd slaughter it if i tried to spell it. sweet t and i laughed cos we thought sneal was kidding. lesson learned. cumin is staying with sneal for a few weeks. for his birthday three days ago--sneal took him to hooters. really? apparently boobs are a universal bonding agent. cumin liked the restaurant (didn't know what hooters were until they went there) and asked the waitress to marry him.

so we exchanged gifts and it was great as always. famous, god i love her, gives the most unusual gifts of anyone i've ever known. to an outsider they'd think wtf? but i have loved, honestly, everything she's ever given me. today she gave us each a fat ceramic chicken. i will post a photo of it later. it is so quirky, but i love it. i think i'm going to have it roost in the front flower bed. sweet t gave me some cool snowmen earrings and some other great stuff : ) (guinea pig MADE me some awesome earrings this year--she's one of my martha stewart friends).

i left the lunch feeling so happy. i love those people, really really love them. we may go a few days or sometimes a week or so w/out emailing or talking and aside from random lunches we don't get together a lot but they are my dearest friends.

after lunch i finished up my christmas shopping. except for my grandma. i picked out a hoody and some pants. did i mention she's tiny? like she could wear the girl's size clothing. it's hard to find something appropriate for a 70+ year old woman in the girl's department. so i shopped for awhile with those in the cart and put them back thinking i'd get the wine. then, when it got time to get the wine i thought, omg, i know why she drinks the screw cap or box wines, there's no way in hell she could use a bottle opener, she'd kill herself. so no wine. (she's tiny and not very strong and has thin skin a wine opener would be the last thing she needs to handle). so i'm back to the picture frames. maybe some paperwhites in a nice pot?

now for the naked boy. sheesh. i don't even know if i have to explain. as many of you know, the boy likes going commando and he doesn't like wearing socks. the hubs and i were hanging out in the living room on the couch and when i walked in the den the boy was sitting on the couch butt naked! total, full on nude. i told him to put some clothes on. he said nobody was looking at him. i said, you can't run around the house naked you freak. ok, i had to apologize for the freak part because it hurt his feelings and i really wasn't trying to scar him, but damn! i have an 8 year old exhibitionist.

psst, guess what?

(i feel like i'm saying this in my 'one time, at band camp' voice) today i took off work cos i'm going to forfeit so many freaking days anyway and i'm going to have lunch w/ sweet t and famous and sneal. and i'm going to do some yucky house cleaning and i'm going to get all the kids' gifts out to see what i actually have and what we have left to buy.

my closet has unopened boxes from barnes & noble, qvc and i think amazon in it. i have bags from every other store as well. i need to reconnoiter (fun word to say).

yesterday while i was milling around a store trying to get SOME sort of inspiration for the grandma gift (i think i'm getting her a bottle of fat bastard wine cos the name might amuse her) i found the coolest thing for my bro. now my decision is to give it to him for christmas or his bday, which is jan. 3. so far i am probably most excited about the gifts i've found for him this year. the hubs already knows his good gift---digital photo frame, so i can't get too excited about that one. i'm excited about one thing i got him that he doesn't know about, mostly because i don't even think he'd suspect that i'd remember or even get it.

the kids--they like any and everything really, they're kids. i don't know that there's anything we've gotten them that will light up their eyes like the boy's did when he got the mona lisa poster for his birthday. most everything we've gotten them so far was something they said they wanted but i don't know if there's an omg i'm so excited gift in that mix. we'll see.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

7 things you might not know about me

ok, well i know those of you who read all the time or know me in person might nod off on this one--what? another effing post where she blathers on about herself? sheesh--talk about an egomaniac. ok, well, if you don't want to read don't.

here goes--7 things you might not know about me

1. i have shot a gun. ok, rifle or shotgun, like i know the difference. the first time i think was when i was in middle school. we lived in pennsylvania (dad was on recruiting duty) and as part of our curriculum we had gun safety. we also learned about hunting--ok, animals you hunt like deer and pheasant, etc. i don't remember the details. it was weird. anyway, part of the course was to go to a firing range and shoot clay pigeons. i think my science (because yes, this came under the "science" part of school, teacher just wanted to shoot stuff.) the second time was when my dad let us fire one of my grandpa's long guns (rifle, shotgun i don't know) out on mud river (yes, this is a real place in wv) and it almost knocked me down. just for the record--i hate guns.

2. i so desperately want to learn how to cook vegetables that my family will eat. and i'm not buying that damn book jerry seinfeld's wife wrote just based on principle.

3. there are silver linings to the hubs being gone last week, as traumatic and hard as it was emotionally. the first is that i think the girl and i became a little closer. the second is that it had been awhile since the hubs was the one out of town for a long period of time and i realized how much i missed him, love him, need him. sometimes for me there are almost palpable movements in relationships when you can literally feel yourself crossing into a new plane/zone, whatever, and i feel like i did that with the hubs and the girl.

4. i haven't figured out how i feel about religion. i believe in god but i think i adjust my way of thinking about him to fit my life. i don't necessarily believe in the bible. i don't really trust organized religion. i basically believe that god sees what's in your heart, knows you and your thoughts and judges you accordingly.

5. i know i am a horrible and evil, thoughtless person at times. for example. i have one living grandpa and one living grandma (not married to each other). they were married to my favorite grandparents, who are dead. i do not often speak to or see either of them (one lives out of state and one lives 15 miles from me). however, neither do they or have they ever, called/tried to connect with me. in the dark corners of my mind i wonder if i will cry when they die because for me now it's like they're already dead. i know! i know it's hideous and mean and ugly but there ya go.

6. i have a jar of pecan praline sauce in my fridge (it was part of a gift basket) that i'm dying to pour on something yummy but can't decide what that should be.

7. if i ever went back to school, these are the types of classes i would like to take: creative writing; pottery; latin; literature; weaving (decorative arts classes); painting; photography and i would like to take poetry.

about childhood

guinea pig sent me this link to an article on salon about "Childhood's end" When your children grow up, you have to say goodbye to part of them -- and part of yourself. By Gary Kamiya. here's just a snippet of it--he's talking about his 11 year old daughter and how she's growing up--"It's the exploding brain show. Entirely new areas of her mind are blossoming, and you can see the still-coalescing outlines of her grown-up personality start to come into view, like a mask emerging in a vat of molten bronze."

ok, i didn't cry when i read it, i did well up. it's sticking w/ me though. you know how you read something and it just won't go away in your head. yeah, like that. this christmas especially it's different. the girl (10) flat out asked us last summer, she knew last year there was no santa but held on for dear life. this year the boy (8) is holding on for dear life. he MIGHT hold on through next year, but i think this will be the last year of someone believing in santa at our house and it's sad.

the article really puts into words so many things about your kids growing up. i can't write about it anymore right now, i'm going to put myself in a funk.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

wal mart

i've been meaning to post about this for awhile so there's no time like the present. most of you who know me in real life (like this isn't real?) know i hate wal mart. why you may ask? why such a strong emotion for a store?

part of it comes from the fact that for so many years, like almost 10, i have written about independent retailers. their loathing has rubbed off some, but i'm not just a lemming willing to follow the pack over the cliff. i have seen the documentaries, i've known people that work there and know that they step in to communities with the full intent of killing the competition. yes, everyone in business is in business to make money and i'm sure my beloved target, bath & body and costco also want to be the leaders, but they don't seem evil.

the evil empire (as i refer to wal mart) notoriously has been horrible to its employees, especially women. i've talked to vendors who've made the mistake of partnering with wal mart only to realize after the initial high it is almost impossible to keep making money selling to wal mart. they realize they've sold their soul to the devil.

do i shop at wal mart? yes i confess i sometimes do. i hate myself every time i walk in the door. and the stores themselves piss me off. i walk in and immediately slump into a bad mood. it's like they recruit the most ignorant, ass-backwards people to work there. occasionally the hubs and i will remark about an exceptionally friendly, competent cashier and before you know it they're gone. most likely hired away by someone else. the stores depress me. it is like 180 degree difference walking into the evil empire as to walking into target.

i have noticed their new ad campaign. i grudgingly give the evil empire credit for hiring a good ad/pr agency. no more bouncing smiley face (i hated that damn thing). now their ads are about image and family. smart move on their part and they may fool some people with them. but i still hate wal mart.

Max, Dave and the poll

my friend spanx shared part of this poem today. it touched me so i'm sharing it in its entirety here. the verse in italics is my favorite part.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

and now from Dave Barry: "It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity."

and on the poll--do not be afraid of discovery, i can't tell who voted what.

Monday, December 17, 2007

the professor, munchkin and shopping

the hubs is home safe and sound; with facial hair. it is fair to note that he's worn a moustache since i met him when he was 17. one time in the 25 years that i've known him, maybe twice, he's shaved the stash. i prefer the stash. there have been a few times where he's tried a beard or a goatee, but not for a long time. after a week of being in a hospital round the clock he didn't shave much and came home with the start of a beard. it's more than his weekend stubble but not a full beard. i have to say it's incredibly hot. he also found his glasses while he was driving across country, they were under his seat. there's something about the glasses and the stubble/beard together that make him look like a professor. a sexy hot professor.

i saw the first picture of munchkin today. donut had her first ultrasound. we don't now if it's a girl or boy, but it has all the working parts : ) it's hard to say a black and white image is cute, but knowing that it's munchkin it is.

the hubs and i did a little christmas shopping at lunch today and i did some after work while he took the kids to pick out their gift from his dad. i'd say except for a few gifts (like something, anything for my grandma) we're about done. i hate shopping for her. she likes nothing. collects nothing. her life is basically watching cnn all day. she's not into clothes or bath stuff or perfume, jewelry, candles, etc. she shows such little enthusiasm when she opens gifts so it's not like you're even inspired to try to get her something she'd like. any suggestions whatsoever would be appreciated.

i'm going to be off work all next week, actually until after new year's and still i'm going to lose about 3 vacation days and that's with carrying the max amount over (5 days). i have got to find a way to actually take advantage of all of my vacation/personal time next year. this will be the second year in a row i've lost time. maybe if we get everything wrapped up i can take thursday and friday off : ) eh, i doubt it. there's always something that needs attention.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

all is merry and bright

the hubs is home. yes, that is a huge sigh of relief and contentment you hear. he got home around 10:30ish last night. though i loved having the girl sleep with me this week (a switch since it's usually the boy who wants to) it was so good to have the hubs back in bed--and yes, for more reasons than what you're thinking! get your minds out of the gutter ; ) fyi, welcome home sex is almost as good as makeup sex.

today we put up not one but two trees. we went out shopping thinking we might get a new one to replace the one that has been a thorn in my side for way too many years, but alas i just couldn't bring myself to spend the money on a new tree right now. i have to say, both trees look great. we have so many special ornaments, as i'm sure most families do. that really is my favorite part of decorating the trees, looking at the ornaments and remembering where each one came from. the old tree that i hate (the bigger of the two) is in the den with colored lights and the smaller (6.5 ft) is in the living room with white lights.

my question is about kids' ornaments. i don't think we had any left from when i was a kid so i can't answer this question, but when you moved out of your parent's house did you take the ornaments you made as a kid or did they keep them? if you have kids that have moved out, did you let them take their ornaments? i don't have any ornaments from when i was a kid and i don't even think my parents have any. i'm mixed on what i'll do when mine move out. (i know, i know, i have at least 10 more years to decide this but i do think ahead. like i already know that i want my grandkids to call me nana instead of maw-maw.) i think about these things and so cannot wait to be a grandparent.

the fil is doing really well. he's up, walking around, doing laps around the nurse's station etc. he may even get to go home tuesday or wednesday. once he recovers from this they do still have to deal with the aneurysm though. and, his doctor said that each of the kids need to have a test/scan/mri something for aneurysms because this is a fluke. the fil's aneurysm is in his left leg/groin area, just like the mil's was and the doctor said that is a 1 in a million thing so each of the four kids is much more likely to have it too. yeah, like i didn't have enough to worry about with that genetic pool. congestive heart failure, diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and now aneurysms? talk about getting the short end of the genetic stick. i'm hoping my genes will have diluted that for the boy and the girl.

hey, i want to thank all of you for being so supportive of me and the hubs this week. your thoughts, prayers, words of comfort have really meant a lot. once again you've proven that i have great friends (and i'm counting my sil and bro in this too cos even if we weren't related they'd be my friends).

i'm going to wrap some presents now.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

three more hours

the hubs is due home in about three hours. i'm winding down from a pretty busy day. though we started late, we got a lot done.

first stop--post office to buy stamps and actually mail christmas cards. it's funny but you just take for granted that people know about stamps. i had the kids help me put the stamps on (they don't even remember stamps before adhesives) and i had to tell them where the stamp has to go on the envelope. so, hey, i taught my kids something today.

second stop--we dropped a trunk load of stuff off at good will (remember those bags that were sitting in my bedroom floor? gone)

then i did something pretty stupid. i took them to the mall. i don't normally do malls. i'd say they've been in a mall MAYBE once a year since they were born, if that. anyway. i was looking through my purse and realized my bath & body works bygof coupon expired today and i'd already missed out on one before. so i thought we could just dash in there and be done. hell no it didn't happen like that. we walked in and i wanted to look at steve & barry's because it's a store i'd heard of but never been in. it's clothing apparently. they were advertising everything for $8.88. really? the hell you say. so i made them go in. the boy said it smelled in there. i immediately thought oh hell (apparently hell is my word today), this stuff is cheap, most likely made in china, which means it's probably rolling in formaldehyde--that's what the smell is. we scanned through the "aggressive shirts" as the boy calls them. the t-shirts w/ the smart ass sayings on them. i was walking and just glancing but when the girl asked me what head and and orgasm were (something on a shirt) i knew it was time to go. i told her i didn' t know. i know, a cop out but i'd already taught them about stamps and didn't think we needed to get into these topics today.

after that it was heaven--i mean bath and body works. i love this store hellaciously much and would so love to spend an ass load of money in there. the boy said that place smelled too but i made him suck it up cos i needed at least 20 minutes in there.

then they decided they wanted to walk around the mall. ok i thought. for the most part they'd been good. i'd warned them before we left that a) the boy had no allowance left to spend and b) we weren't shopping for either of them, we were christmas shopping. they wanted to look in a toy store and a card shop (that carries webkinz). stupidly i let us go into both stores. it was torture for them but we walked out with nothing. i decided to treat us to barnes and nobles. my final gift from my secret santa at work was a b&n gift card so i wanted to use it. we milled around in there for awhile. i told them i'd buy them each a book (not too expensive). the boy picked a captain underpants book and the girl, after much debate, picked the hobbit. i wonder if she'll actually read it? god i hope so, that would be so cool. i never could get through it but thought i should. maybe this will make me read it. she loves series books. she's read the harry potter books, all of them, i'd say at least 10 times through. i used my gift card and got an anita shreeve book. i love her writing.

then a drive thru mickie d's cos the kids were fading fast and it was near dinner time. grocery store after that then home to straighten up a little. now i think i'm going to build a fire, put my pajamas on and chill out till the hubs gets home. i know he'll be exhausted he's had fog and rain all day. we might even have hot chocolate. i've become a hot chocolate snob though. although i used those little pouches i can't make it with water anymore. you know, add the mix to hot water? no. i use milk. it's an amazingly better cup of hot chocolate.

i don't know nothin' bout birthin babies miss scarlett

i was going to reply in the comments section about being in the room w/ donut but i got to typing and it was just too much.

(update--the hubs is in tenn. he's on his way to jackson---feel free to sing the johnny cash song here. i'm a johnny cash fan, and was before i saw walk the line---which is an awesome movie and makes me want to do joaquin, hell i even love the sound of his name---but i don't actually listen to his music on a regular basis. the hubs is in for rain for most of the trip, rain and fog.)

ok, back to babies, my favorite thing. for those of you that know me in real life, it may surprise you to know that when i went to college my first thought was to be an ob/gyn doctor. i wanted to deliver babies. don't worry, i got NO WHERE near reaching that goal. i had not researched this idea at all. i was not even remotely prepared. i just remember walking to that registrars office w/ the catalog of courses more excited than a kid that just got the sears catalog out of the mail box (remember those?). all of these classes? really? i can learn about this and that and ooh, jewish studies and geology? seriously nobody can tell me no? i read the catalog, my pulse racing. it was like finding everything you wanted to buy on sale 75% off right in front of you. cytotechnology---the study of cells, oooo, that sounds cool. anyway....i got swept away just like i do (omg epiphany) at a sale, buying things i don't really need but i have to because it's $2.78, it's 50% off i have to buy it. i decided to enroll in the college of science and get on track to become an ob/gyn.

the first semester of a freshman this really doesn't matter cos you're taking basic classes anyway. generic stuff. however, it was the biology 101 that did me in. specifically it was the 8 a.m. lab. not only did i not do 8 a.m. well but we had to do things like dissect a sheep eye and prick ourselves to see what blood type we were. i did none of those things. i skipped a lot of those labs, like 95% of them. i'm sure i flunked that part of the class. thank god i did well in the book part and pulled a b or c out of it for the semester. however, that taught me that i couldn't be a doctor.

so that's when i switched to the college of liberal arts and the rest is history.

the epiphany i had before is this---whether it's alcohol, peanut butter m&ms, college classes (and yes i really took jewish studies and wanted to convert for a bit and geology), sale racks, etc. when something is right there in front of me, immediate satisfaction, i do not know when to stop/say no. is that an addictive personality? i think yes.

ok, back to the babies again (sorry, i know this is a long post). i am not only incredibly (is there a bigger more expressive word? if so insert here) excited about being in the room w/ donut i am moved beyond measure. (and am still available in april if the sil makes this decision too! hint hint) i was in the room when my niece was born, and despite not being emotionally attached to my sister, it was a moving experience. it is one thing to know there is a baby in there and to know where babies come from but to actually witness a life emerging from another life---at that moment you simply cannot not believe in god. it really and truly is a miracle. simple fact.

and i know donut is not a religious person and it's not about religion but having kids changes something in you i think. i makes you realize there has to be something else, has to be something after this, has to be something bigger.

Friday, December 14, 2007

god reads my blog

ok, maybe not but i said i'd had enough and he heard.

today is like 180 degrees from last night. the fil made great strides today, so great in fact that they moved him out of icu and into a regular room. he's coughing, so the fluid on the lungs is working its way out and, thankfully, he's lucid.

the hubs left the hospital this morning, went back to the house, got some sleep and is now on the road on his way home. he's somewhere in arkansas tonight. he'll stop and spend the night and get home sometime tomorrow evening. omg i am so ready for him to be home. i'm so relieved his dad didn't die. i'm just so relieved.

work, eh, we had a christmas lunch, it was fine, the word is spreading at work that donut is pregnant. and, to borrow the girl's favorite saying...guess what? I get to be in the delivery room!!!!! OMG i'm so incredibly excited. i can't wait. i can't believe we have to wait like 6 more months. she's starting to show : ) too fucking cute! we laughed today when they were recognizing people who've been at the company for 20 years. we've both been there five years (almost 6 for me) and wondered if we'd be up there in 15 years being recognized. i said, uh, munchin will be 15. omg, the girl will be 25. (i'm going to faint). the boy will be 23. omg. my babies can not be that old. ok. lord help us if we're still at the same company. sadly, there aren't many other options. so i just realized that the boy will not be able to date munchkin--he'll be too old for her (that is if she is a her). 23 and 15, uh, no.

the boy just got home from his fun-filled day. the boy has a best friend that lives near us. they were in kindergarten together and have been thick as thieves since, despite the fact they haven't had the same class since then. they have the special handshake and they get along so well. and here is the sweetest thing---they are still at the age that it's ok for boys to hug. when we go to school events and they see each other they hug and do this crazy handshake thing. it melts my heart. they are in lego club together (once a month) and they hug when they see each other. i love it. so today J's mom picked both boys up from school, took them bowling, out for pizza and then to her house to hang out for J's birthday.

while they were doing that i left work a little early and picked up the girl. we went to dinner, a sit down dinner not drive thru. this year, since she's 10 ya know and NOT a kid, she experiments w/ ordering from the adult menu. tonight she got nachos (sans all the stuff that makes them good). she didn't like them. oh well, she tried. it was kinda neat to go out to dinner, just the two of us. she talked about school (she might get to be one of the two class representatives for student council--three people are running and the other two are boys). we talked about different things, quizzed each other on spelling words. then we did a little christmas shopping.

i'm so stoked because i got my brother....ha ha....not telling ya cos he reads this sometimes (or actually i think it's the sil reads it to him)....a gift that i can't wait to give him cos i think he will like it a lot. and if not he'd better just lie and say he does : ) he he

tomorrow we'll be cleaning, maybe doing some shopping, getting ready for the hubs' return. sunday we're putting up the tree. he said maybe we could just lower it through the hole i put in the ceiling : ) yeah, he's a smart ass.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

thanks, i've had enough now

you know how the proverbial they say god only gives you what you can handle? well, in case he's reading--uh, thanks i'm done. my cup runneth over.

the fil isn't doing as well as they'd like. he's on the verge of pneumonia, which is really not a good thing at this point. he doesn't recognize people. well, he recognized the wife; thought the hubs was his grandpa. later this evening he recognized his daughter and asked where her mother was, that he needed to go where she is. it's not good.

the thing that's killing me is not being with the hubs through this or whatever else happens. he's torn between staying and coming home (more bad weather expected over the weekend between here and there). as much as i want him to come home so i can do something, anything, i really want him to stay there. he needs to be there. i can hear it, whatever it is, in his voice and i hate not being able to comfort him.

after talking to him this evening i pretty much lost my shit. i called my brother. i guess some people would call their parents or a friend but i needed to talk to my brother. not that he can fix anything but he always knows what to say. it's strange isn't it, or maybe it's me, that when we're really in the thick of things we turn to men. i rely on the hubs and my bro a lot for emotional support. i know for the most part it is because of who they are and what they mean to me, but i think too it's an intrinsic (again, at least for me) or instinctive thing to turn to a man. ok, that sounds weird, not turn to just any man, ah hell, if you don't know what i mean i can't explain it.

the whole issue with the girl and her being upset about the student council thing played on my mind today too. it's not just this incident, this was just the icing on the cake, coupled with the fact that i dealt with it on my own. she's always lamented about not being popular. she's so incredibly sweet and smart and beautiful and (can be) thoughtful i just can't imagine why she's always had such a rough time socially in school. i so try to encourage her to embrace who she is, be happy with herself and be herself, but i don't know how to make that happen. i don't want being popular to be important to her, but it is. today at lunch i went christmas shopping. as much as i hate labels and the importance kids place on them i bought her some clothes at old navy. i convinced myself it was because they were on sale and she needed them (despite the fact that they'll be christmas presents) but i could have just as easily bought them elsewhere.

this has been my day since 5pm:
1. reporter from sister pub comes to me to let me know his story mentions one of our vendors, and not in a good way--the same vendor i had issues with less than a month ago who threatened to sue us if i didn't remove a story from our web site

2. roadmap for the issue that ships to the printer wednesday keeps getting changed majorly by sales dept.

3. spent 15 minutes on the phone trying to fix #1

4. spent 30 minutes on the phone w/ my publisher discussing #1 and #2 (both of these while picking up the kids from daycare)

5. sat in the parking lot at tarjay wrapping up #4 so we could buy a present for the birthday party the boy is going to tomorrow after school.

6. arm is starting to act up again. guess the cortisone shot wore off.

7. oh, and it's dec. 14 and we don't have the tree up yet and i'm no where near finished christmas shopping.

now for the rest of my evening--it's thursday night so the kids are watching csi. i have an ass load of laundry to do but will be happy if i get one load done so the boy has some pants to wear tomorrow. i have to wash my comforter because one of the cats hacked on it. i need to change the litter box before i throw up. oh, and i need to eat something for dinner (the kids had frozen pizza).

the kids are calling for me to come watch the show with them. i guess the litter/laundry can wait an hour.

pass the dutchie please.

heartbreak kid

when you're a parent there are few things more heartbreaking than having your child cry on your shoulder because they've been disappointed. i joke around that the girl is a drama queen (and she is) but this week she ran for student council secretary for the fifth grade and lost. it is a popularity contest at this age, heck, at all ages, and she didn't win.

she sobbed about how she's not popular and how unfair it is that the people who did win won just because they are popular. what do you say to that? i tried to make her feel better--failed miserably i think. (the hubs is so much better at these things; maybe it's actually good that he's not here this week and she's come to me) it's hard for me to remember 5th grade and what hurt me then. i asked her if she thought i was a good person and if i had accomplished things (thinking about it now, probably not a fair question since i'm her mom sitting right there) she said yes (of course) and i told her i wasn't popular in school. my friends and i were the smart kids (i know, hard to believe huh??? : ) ) and we did our own thing. i don't really remember being worried about being popular.

however, i can empathize to some degree. this is completely retarded of me and in the big scheme of life i really really don't care, but yesterday my employee told donut that her husband thought donut was cool. i wanted to ask, uh, does he think i'm cool? but didn't. that pricked a little bit. yes, very very childish and stupid and as i said, i really don't care, but if just that little thing made me just a little jealous or whatever, i can imagine how devastated the girl feels about not winning her position.

she has taken to sleeping with me this week now since our girlfriend talk. it's actually sweet. i was in bed asleep by 11 last night. she laid there beside me playing electric sudoku.

the kids got out my fridge poetry magnets. here is the girl's sentence. for some reason this really moves me.
she draws conclusions on a bed of lettuce with invisible ink.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

i got my present

guinea pig couldn't find the christmas list post so here's the link. the big present came in today so once i plow through the directions i hope to start peppering awesome photos in the blog. i might actually read the owner's manual for a change.

i've been pretty animated most of the day but feel like i'm coming down. getting sleepy. it's like i hit a brick wall at the end of the day.

the fil is not doing as wonderfully as he was at the beginning of the day. this morning they took him off the ventilator, but are considering putting him back on it. they've given him a breathing treatment trying to get him to cough but he hasn't. he has a lot of fluid on his lungs. i could hear the worry and distress in the hub's voice this evening. i'm sure it's not helping that the brother, aunt and sister are being what seems to me complete asses. the hubs really is very laid back and, for the most part, low maintenance, so when he's surrounded day and night by drama and high maintenance it doesn't work well. i hope he can just keep his cool and not blow a gasket while he's there.

this whole situation gives me pause. in most situations when a spouse is ill you naturally defer most everything to the other spouse. like that person is the one the doctor's talk to, that person is the one that gets to stay in the room, be around the most, get taken care of and empathized with because they are the spouse, they are the one. but does that apply to johnny come lately spouses? i mean if you have four grown children, the youngest of which is 42, and you've been married to their aunt for lest than two years (and up until three years ago you really didn't have much to do with her) does she really get to be involved or be concerned like your kids' do? i don't know. they, the kids, have a life-long relationship with him. she, who i am starting to like less and less, saw an opportunity to take everything in life her sister had and ride the gravy train, does not have as much invested in this man in this family. maybe i'm wrong. maybe i'm being hateful. it just pisses me off.

and before, when i said that she said the stuff would be split 6 ways and it pissed me off? it's not because of the stuff. they don't have anything i want. well, that's not true. i want some family pictures. the thing is, after their mother died, the fil gave the kids nothing of hers and he gave things to her sister (who is now his wife). no sentimental token, nothing like, hey, i know your mom would have wanted you to have this knickknack or quilt or SOMETHING. and now the four kids will divide their parents' life with their two cousins who don't have a dime in this race? really? i would think it should be like, ok, her kids get her mementos to divide up, the things she had before she married the fil and my husband and his siblings should get the stuff from their parents right? i'm talking the family heirloom things. the money (which i have no idea if there is or isn't any) doesn't matter, split that a million ways i don't care. it's the family things. anyway, it's not for me to say and it's not like we haven't discussed this before. the whole situation has prompted the hubs and i to be specific about things we want each kid to have, whether or not either of us marries again.

the girl is working on her sunset (she has to paint one for school) and then we're going to watch a christmas classic, santa claus is coming to town. bass and rankin knew their shit when they developed all of those shows. they still are the best. although i also love me some emmet otter's jug band christmas.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

MMBCMS of the FL

this will mean absolutely nothing to any of you so feel free to skip this post, however i have to preserve this for myself, in my old age when i can't remember shit.

in high school my friends and i made up a name for a club. we thought we were so incredibly smart and witty. we were the smart kids in school and we knew it. of course we were not the popular kids in school but we convinced ourselves that we were still tres cool because we were so damn smart and secretly the popular kids envied us.

mind you there was no actual club, but had we wanted to have a club it would have been the mega mondo beaner choil meese society of the flueish language.

mega mondo (uh, hello, it was the 80s these were our adjectives)
beaner--because one of my best friends was mexican (that was before hispanic was the pc word)
choil--this is a stretch--because we saw this on electric company. remember back, think of the things they did on EC was show profiles of two faces facing each other. they'd make words that way. one profile would say straw and the other would say berry and then they'd both say strawberry. so one day, no lie (yes, we used to say that too), on EC there was a blooper and the one profile said ch and the other said oil and together they said choil.
meese--who knows about this one--we were playing with words, meese, plural for moose?
society of the flueish (nonexistent) language

wow---believe it or not we didn't even smoke weed back then

holding my own

my fil made it through the triple bypass, though there for a while i was getting frantic. once they got in there they found something wrong with his valve and had to fix that before they could even start the bypass. i was freaking a little. talked to the hubs about a million times today. it doesn't help matters that they're in the same hospital where his mom died. the hubs sounded fine most times i talked to him, tired, stressed but holding his shit together. of course i wouldn't expect anything else from him. he's one of the strongest people i know to be honest. several times today i did lose it, cried a little quietly at my desk. oddly enough it was usually started when one of my friends tried to comfort me. why is that? anyway, he's out of surgery and so far so good. i realize this is just one of the hurdles. he made it off the table. now he has to make it through recovery. of course during the not knowing today my mind wouldn't let it go, kept thinking the worst, worrying it. like when you've lost a tooth and your tongue keeps going back to that tender hole in your mouth involuntarily? (the girl btw, has lost three incisors since the hubs has been gone). i just knew the hubs would call and tell me he'd died on the table.

then, like that wasn't enough the wife (aka the hub's aunt) brought up their wills. wtf???? i think i might just have bitch slapped her right then and there had i been there. she had the audacity to say that if she and the fil both died the stuff would be split six ways. six--meaning her two grown daughters would get a portion. really? really are you not fucking kidding me??? yes, we've pretty much known this would be the case, we assumed this would be the case, but if my fil has actually changed his will to include his two full-grown nieces after all of this shit that he's put his four kids through i will really puke. i could totally start a rant on this but i won't. i will be thankful he is ok and leave it at that. for now.

last night i actually crawled into bed at 10:30. i have not done that in like a million years. the girl was still awake so she came and slept with me. normally when the hubs is out of town one or both of the kids end up in my bed. she came and laid beside me and we talked like girlfriends. it was so incredibly.....wonderful. i kept thinking to myself that i needed to capture that time and bottle it. we talked about school, about her running for student council and how unfair it was that the popular kids always won. we talked about the hubs being gone and how we missed him. she said it was nice to talk to me without her being in trouble. that sort of made me sad. like the only time we talk is when she's in trouble? it's not, but that's her perception i suppose. we talked about stuff. it was sweet and i loved it. she spooned me and told me she'd help out this week. i wish i could wrap that moment up and keep it forever.

though the house has fallen back into the every day needs picking up mode, i did strip all three beds and put fresh sheets on them last night (even the boy's!).

i'm stressing a little now about not having my christmas shopping done. i went out at lunch today to do some but the 70 degree weather, combined with the not knowing how the fil's surgery was going sort of kept the christmasy shopping mood at bay.

so to recap the last few days--one hole in the ceiling, two bum legs (bruise on one and i think i pulled something in the other when i went down---my bro is getting way too much of a kick out of this!), three lost teeth, two cub scout meetings and as if my emotions weren't running high enough with that--i started my fucking period today. probably explains why i couldn't make up my mind what to wear and cried twice today. yeah, gotta love it.

ps--i just posted a draft i started a few days ago, my christmas list. scroll down if you care/dare : )