Creative Kerfuffle

i caught dash hanging out with the abominable snowman the other day. AS has a cool story of his own as it happens. the boy got him in his stocking for christmas. he was much, much smaller. he grows when you put him in water. both dash and AS are living on the edge (or ledge as it were) because they both fit nicely in jasper's mouth and he has been known to carry them around the house.

*************
i am feeling a bit better today. i had a momentary panic attack about the job situation. and, while nothing really has changed, i am still hopeful. and, can i tell you a secret? i have an interview on monday. i AM NOT getting my hopes up at all or putting this info on facebook or anything. i'm going to be low-key about it. an interview doesn't mean i'd get the job. but it's a start.

*************
the kids went to school today (on a two-hour delay) but we are supposed to get ice/glazing stuff starting before dawn tomorrow so my guess is they'll be home again tomorrow.

*************
i called the hubs in the middle of the day, whispered something in his ear and he came home for a quickie before the kids got home. omg. being able to have sex w/out kids in the house is such a wonderful thing. you don't have to worry about what room you're in or how loud you are being or if some one's going to kill the moment by yelling they need something right in the middle of everything. ah....yes i feel better thank you very much.

*************
things that have made me happy (aside from the o's given by the hubs earlier today and the job interview on monday) this week are:

1. we got the lady gaga cd and every one in the house loves it. i think she's the first current singer/artist in awhile that i've really decided i like. i see the 80s madonna in her, but so much more too.

2. the kids and i got our haircuts yesterday. the girl got a real cut (i will post pics on fb). she has long, straight, no-bang hair and has had that style forever. she got it cut once a few years ago, but other than maintenance cuts she's not had a "style." she got a style yesterday, shoulder length, bangs, layers, it is super cute.

3. lost, the final season, finally came back on and i get to oogle my boyfriends sawyer and sayid. yum. however, i was no less confused after tuesday's episode than i have been for the last 5 seasons. wow. i told the hubs, the writers of this show are either geniuses or they are sitting on the biggest stash of the best weed EVER. either way, i bow down to their greatness.

4. the hubs has said he has the perfect business idea for us. he can be the pimp and me and all of my out of work friends can be his hos. yeah, he's so generous like that. ha.

5. the washer started acting funny a couple of days ago. it made a shrieking sound and wasn't spinning right. the repairman came out today. i thought for sure it was a belt. the machine is only about 500 years old. nope. not a belt. the culprit was a damn glove caught between the tub and the outer tub or something. really? he didn't have to do anything, didn't take it apart, nothing, just reached down there and pulled the damn thing out. nice. but, at least i can wash now. yeah me.

it was just a matter of time really. just a matter of time before my happy balloon was deflated by the harsh reality that being unemployed brings. it's not like i have been unaware that we could not survive forever w/out me having a job. granted i am getting unemployment but that weekly check is less than half of my equivalent weekly pay was. we have survived this long thanks to a severance package that we immediately banked and the hubs' mad skillz w/ money and budgeting and finances. he has made it work.

i have kept hoping, assuming, thinking that i would have a job by now. i apply for everything. ok. not everything because i'm not qualified for everything and not everything because i do need to make a certain amount of money, but otherwise everything.

the severance has been our safety net and it is about gone. after that we can cash in the hubs' 401k--by by future. after that there is nothing. nothing. today in my job hunt i expanded it from the local 40 mile radius to the whole damn country. well, let's be honest, we aren't moving to nyc (where there are tons of publishing jobs listed) and we aren't moving to california or chicago or any place that gets more snow than we get here in nc.

i am not opposed to moving. i'm really not. i think the hubs thinks i'm tied here because of my family. i'm not. i would hate to leave my bro/sil and their kids, but i think we'd still be close even if we didn't live close.

and, as much as i love our house and yard, i could move. i'd be digging up a lot of plants before we did, but otherwise, i could leave this house and start over.

part of me would even get a little excited about the prospect of a new city, new state, new anything to mold again. but it also scares me. there is no guarantee that the economy would be any better elsewhere.

my kids would be devastated. this is all they've ever known. they have friends from kindergarten here, kids they've grown up w/. that is something the hubs and i never had. even though now i am glad for the moving around i did as a kid, i also longed for the roots that living in the same town had.

so i sit here, wondering what tomorrow will bring, trying to cope w/ two kids who are bored out of their mind because it is day two of no school and possibly no school for the entire week if the weather has it's way with us. the boy is clamouring to play monopoly, again, the girl keeps saying she is bored and wants to go out, somewhere, anywhere (which would certainly involve spending money) and i just want someone to call and give me a fucking job already.

i said--hey, we should go outside and play in the snow.

he said--are you fucking kidding me?

it should be noted it was after 1 am in the morning and we were under the influence of something or other and there was 6-8 inches of snow on the ground.

we got the snow they were predicting we'd get--about 6-8 inches and it's just started snowing again. the two birthday parties scheduled for today were postponed. we have not left the house. for me this has been a perfect day. it was leisurely. it has been cozy. the girl and i made breakfast--french toast and bacon and fruit. we lolled around, the four of us. around noonish i took a shower and rather than getting dressed i put my fluffy, comfy pajamas on. i read, and later finished, my life in france, by julia child (more on this later). the hubs baked sourdough banana nut bread and blond brownies while the boy beat the girl and i at a couple games of clue.

the kids ventured out earlier in the day but the snow was too fluffy to sled. they've been in and out a few times, and are out again now, trying to sled again.

i love days like this. if push came to shove and we NEEDED to get out and about we could, but we didn't have a need and we just stayed here. the smell of bacon from breakfast turned into the smell of baking goodies and has now turned into the aroma of onions/cheese/potatoes for scalloped potatoes for dinner. looking out the windows at a white blanket of snow, the occasional bird landing on a branch and the quite crispness winter brings--it all makes me feel good.

as i mentioned above i finished my life in france. it was a great read. i am not a cook at all, not very good at it, but reading julia child's story in her words was just fascinating. she lingers over things and describes the details and aromas and what wine they had with what food. her love of cooking and the process and the research on everything she did was mesmerizing, even for a non-foodie. it makes me want to cook, to live in france and it makes me wish i knew her (she died in 2004). i think i might even put her on my list of people i'd like to be friends with, along with katherine hepburn and stephen king.

so, while i am basking in the warmth of being in the bosom of my family, realizing that in the moment i am recognizing how wonderful the moment is--the girl turns to me and says...."this is the most boring day ever."

ah---it's all a matter of perspective my love.

************
and dash? he disappears from time to time. he is just the right size to fit in a cat mouth, which i'm guessing is how he gets transported from place to place. today he ended up on our bed (yes, that is my new sapphire comforter) and his transporter (jasper) was laying nearby.

this really isn't a post about the rocky horror picture show, but when i put the title up there, and frankenfurter's voice popped into my head i couldn't help sharing the picture as well.

the weather forecast for my part of nc is calling for SNOW. not just 1-2 inches, but (depending on which news cast you watch) 3-10"! i am excited. i'm all a flutter inside. giddy like a school kid. i spent the morning running around picking up prescription refills, gassing up the car, last minute grocery shopping (not because of the snow really but because we were out of a few things). you can't get snowed in w/out some peanut butter m&ms folks.

i am anticipating being house-bound for the weekend. there will be some sledding and playing in the snow and watching movies and sleeping in and....just...being. at least i hope so.

*************
i haven't talked much about the job front...well, the lack of a job front. each week i send out 2-3 resumes, mostly applying for jobs i know i'm qualified for, or am at least marginally qualified for, but am not really excited about. i need a job and if i get one of these jobs i'm not excited about that will be fine. however, i have about 3-4 resumes out for jobs i think i might actually like. i am really, really trying not to get my hopes up, but it's hard.

before this layoff i felt like i had marketable skills. i have a degree in journalism, a marketing minor. i've plied my skills for nearly 20 years. i think, despite my lack of punctuation here and my run on sentences, etc., that i can be a gifted writer/editor. however, i am quickly learning that those skills are not as revered as they once were. people assume anyone can write so they want you to have those skills as well as possess an in-depth knowledge of something else, like aerospace or consumer products or entertainment or health care.

whatevs--i will find something. and if not my dream job (whatever the hell that might be) then i'll do whatever i have to do.