goodbye old friend

although i knew this day was coming it was harder than i imagined. my cat, rebel, died last night around 8 o'clock.

you'd think i would have been more prepared. he was 17. he was decrepit. he'd been having more and more bad days; days were he seemed confused, lethargic (as compared to just napping a lot) and unsteady on his feet.

saturday the hubs picked him up and brought him to bed with us. sunday morning the girl went looking for her cat and brought rebel out to me, saying he couldn't walk. she laid him on the chair, and honestly i didn't really put two and two together at that point.

from there it went down hill. the hubs and i took turns holding him all day yesterday. he moved only slightly, seeming totally drained of energy. the life was slipping out of him. the kids held him a few times and throughout the day each of the other pets, at one time or another, came up to him and either nuzzled or licked him or just sat on our lap w/ him. he was saying his goodbyes.

then he just slipped away.

i expected to be upset when he finally died, but i didn't realize how hard it would hit us, especially since we knew it was coming. last night was the first night in 17 years that i didn't have a skinny, long-haired gray cat sleeping on me. this morning was the first time in years that the hubs took a shower without a gray cat meowing at him to get in and turn the water on so he could stand on the side between the curtains and drink from the faucet.

this is the first time since i was in college that i don't have a pet. yes, we have four other animals, but the dogs have claimed the hubs, the girl has her cat and the new kitty is a free spirit and hasn't claimed one of us as his own.

my first pet was a runt beagle puppy, chloe. i got her the summer i graduated from college (1990). when she first met the hubs and we moved in w/ him she wouldn't look at him, but that quickly changed and she became as much his dog as mine. when we moved to nc and got our own little house we got rebel, who was a tiny gray ball of fuzz named smokey. the hubs named him rebel. he and chloe were best buddies; really the only other animal rebel ever befriended. chloe would let him nurse on her when he was a kitten. they curled up together to take naps.

we had to put chloe to sleep five years ago and that about killed both the hubs and i. she was my baby before i had babies. and now, her long-time friend, our long-time friend, is also gone. we'll bury him this afternoon, in the backyard, beside chloe.

goodbye old friend.