get some coffee, it's going to take awhile or how to have an awesomefuckingevening for $2

the past couple of years my mom has taken to having the grand kids spend the night one weekend around christmas time to make cookies. honestly, up until about 5 minutes ago i've always been incredibly cynical about this because as you may know, i don't really like my parents that much. anyhoo--another post entirely, best left for apres holidays i'm guessing.


this meant that last night the hubs and i were CHILD FREE. oh sweet lord. really, we get a CF night about once a quarter. i think the last one was in august for the hub's birthday. and really, this too is another post because the main reason we don't go out more is that our kids have never had a babysitter, other than family. i have issues. issues w/ people i don't really know watching my kids. my babies. again, that's another post.


we dropped the kids off and headed out for the night. don't get all excited. we didn't go to a strip club (that was for his birthday) or visit a sex shop (also for his birthday) or have sex on the couch in the garage (that was...for no special reason).

first, we went to the mall. i think the last time we went to the mall CF was about 11 yrs ago, before the girl was born. i don't do malls. i think part of this is because when malls became the "in" thing for teens, we were living in germany and i missed out on the whole craze. plus, since shopping (except for christmas shopping) really isn't something i get off on i hate malls because you have to go to a different store for everydamn thing. i like going to one store to get everything done. we walked around the mall a bit. there was an elvis impersonator singing christmas carols. too funny. then we went into my favorite happy place. bath and body works. and though it was crowded and the shelves needed some serious stocking, i think i said, at least twice, out loud, this place makes me happy. i fuckinglove lotions and potions and lip glosses and all that stuff the bath and body works carries. i was in scent heaven i tell you. we picked up two cute little lambies for the kids' stockings and i got about $50 worth of lotions and soaps. omg. score. cost to us? NOTHING. you see, the hubs has a lot of customers and some of these customers give him gifts for christmas, though i think this particular gift was for thanksgiving. go figure. this gift was a gift card for the mall. any shop. yes. i totally used part of it for my lotions.

then we went in spencers. whoah. i haven't been in spencers probably since i was in college (shit, like 20 yrs ago). they've changed. the store was much darker than i remember. and omfg they sell sex toys and riding crops and handcuffs and SEX stuff in spencers. we were the oldest shoppers in there by a good 15 years. the teen boy in line in front of me was buying a dildo; he made the point of saying (like anyone cares?) that it was for his girlfriend. the hubs said he was probably buying it for himself but i don't know. and plus, uh, when the girl is a teen if a guy buys her a dildo for christmas? omfg i think the hubs would kill him. i didn't buy a dildo. cos seriously, they looked like novelty items not like anything that would really work well ya know? i bought a twilight poster, for the girl, for christmas. she's going to pee her pants.

we visited a few more stores then went to dinner.

japanese steak house. you know the ones--where it's like watching food network iron chef right in front of you : ) yeah. yummy good meal. our cost? $2. yet another gift card from yet another one of the hubs' customers paid for our awesome meal.

by this time it was about 10:30 and on the way home we talked about what was left to get for the kids for christmas so we stopped at the evil empire (yes, wallfuckingmart). we picked up a few things there and headed home.

there might have been porn on the big screen; there might have been sex somewhere other than the bed; there might have been some mary jane. i really can't recall. i woke up euphoric : )