yesterday my aunt threw an 80th birthday party for my grandma. i'm really not sure i want to live to be 80, especially since she's been w/out my grandpa for almost 24 yrs and she's frail and senile and a hermit. well, honestly she's always been a hermit, always, and it was my paw-paw who was the out going, fun, sociable one. this is incredibly awful to say, but my favorite grandparents (my maternal gma and paternal paw-paw) are dead. the living ones never really developed much of a relationship w/ me, though my gma goes on and on and on about a road trip we took when i was in college.
anywho---so, the party. it was all family because despite the fact that she's lived down her for about 20 years, aside from her hair dresser, she has no connections. i'm not kidding. she is a hermit. here is the cast of characters (yes, i'm being a snarky bitch but it's my blog): my aunt and uncle (dad's sister) who, at one time i totally hated, they were both drunks, serious drunks, have split up numerous times, but, basically in the last 20 yrs they've held their shit together and despite their oldest son, have turned their lives around. plus, ya know, they turned their garage into a house for the gma. their kids--the oldest is going on 35. omfg. i don't even know where to start w/ this one. it's mean, but i really don't think anything good has ever come from this person. he's always been bad news. he's been in prison (for drugs or dui or bad checks or stealing money from our gma, take your pick) and now works...yes...it's true...he works for the traveling carnivals : ) bwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaahhaaaa. how many people can REALLY say their relatives are carnies? me : ) he. so, he's 35, works 7 months out of the year and the other 5? who knows. my aunt and uncle will only let them stay w/ them for short periods of time (can't say as i blame them) and i think on one of his hiatus's he found a girl, knocked her up and now has a baby. well, my aunt's not convinced it's his, but he claims it. their other son is 30 and has downs and is sometimes the happiest person in the family. he's always loving and excited to see us.
then there's my sister and jose. ok, so it's been several family events now people and still, i haven't heard him speak. i know he understands what he hears because he does laugh at the appropriate times and seems to be listening. all i've heard from his mouth are yes and no. when my sister talks to him she speaks spanish. i just don't get it. it's incredibly hard to get to know someone and give them the benefit of the doubt when they don't speak or respond when trying to be engaged in convo. i still think he's much older than she told us, again, not that it matters but the problem would be why the lie. and it still creeps me out that my neice and nephew call him daddy when he's been part of their lives for maybe 6 months.
you know the rest of the players, my folks, my bro and gameboy (sil was home w/ a sick puddin) my sister's kids and then my crew. my grandma seemed...i guess she was happy. it's hard to tell these days. she's never been emotional or sociable. i did almost pee my pants and thought, omfg what a redneck moment, when she tried to light her cigarette off the cake. nice.
the ex-con cousin spent the evening cornering the hubs and trying to talk him about carnies and getting together w/ us while he's in town (NOT going to happen; i don't even want him knowing where i live) and telling the hubs how he hates the family. hmmm....yeah, feeling's pretty much mutual douchecanoe.
if i step back and look at this motley crew it's disappointing and embarrassing.
after about an hour gma had had enough noise and kids and pretty much tried to duck back into her part of the house w/out a word.
i'm fairly certain my aunt (though she's never said so) thinks we suck for not being more involved w/ my grandma. but, this is an issue i have w/ my parents and other family members as well. if, growing up, certain adults are ambivalent towards you or only marginally interested in your life or make minimal effort towards you ever, why should you be expected to fall all over them showering them w/ love an attention trying to pretend there's a relationship there when there really isn't, just because they're old?