Thursday, December 4, 2008

party tips

it's a festive time of year most likely filled with holiday parties with friends and families and office parties. i've put together a list of things not to do at a party. these are things that i have either witnessed or done at party.

1. if your spouse's boss is wearing an apron with a faux penis on it and he shows it to you, do not grasp it in your hands.

2. do not dirty dance or do the hustle with your spouse's boss.

3. do not listen to your spouse and one of your best friends' spouse's when they say it is fine to show them your ta tas.

4. do not wrestle with one of your best friends as it may cause a lingering bump on your head.

5. strip scrabble is not really an appropriate party game.

6. consuming vast amounts of spinach dip and hurling on your friend's dining room carpet and then passing out in said friend's son's bed is not appropriate.

7. when traveling from one location to another, always check to see who's in your car. it is not appropriate to loudly ask where the bitch is that's been hitting on your sig other all night only to find she's sitting in the seat behind you.

8. peeing on the president of the company's tires as his car is parked right in front of the entrance to the christmas party is not wise.

9. sitting with your spouse, the person you are boinking on the side and their spouse is not recommended. also, you should not dance with the person you are boinking.

10. puking out the window on the way home from a party is not a good idea. your spouse just might make you clean that splattered puke off the inside of the roof of the car the next day.

11. after your office party is over it is not recommended to crash another company's party and sing karaoke.


broad minded said...

i SOOOO want to know which you have done . . . I am guessing 3,5, 6 and 10.

creative kerfuffle said...

broad--HA sweet t could probably fill you in on some but in case she's forgotten these are the ones i personally did: 1, 3, 4, 5, 7, 10 and 11. the hubs is guilty of 2 and 11.

Heinous said...

Sigh, no good times for me. We just have a noon pizza party. It's hard to pull that stuff properly when you're tanked on Pepsi.

Not Your Aunt Bea said...

That is hysterical. Even more funny is the ones you fessed up to doing!

Hotch Potchery said...

Where the hell do you work?

creative kerfuffle said...

i should clarify---not all of these are office parties and none of the office party things happened at my current place of employment because, like heinous, we do non-alcoholic lunch things here.

justsomethoughts... said...

i CATEGORICALLY disagree with so many of these rules about not boinking or puking or pissing or passing out and kareoking and other such forms of TOTALLY acceptable forms of entertaining both onesself as well as others at the party.

AWESOME post. laughing the whole way through. and i couldnt help but wonder which ones youve done :)

justsomethoughts... said...

my apologies. i see youve already disclosed the aforequestioned information.

Astarte said...

OHMIGOD, I about died laughing at this!!! I can't believe you did some of these things!!! We need to party together!!!

Anonymous said...

Ah, memories...

Sweet T

creative kerfuffle said...

just---i'm not saying those things weren't FUN but they do have their consequences--usually puking and injury.

astarte---you are totally officially invited : )

sweet---and THIS year will be awesome cos of the new people who will be there ; )

the Mayor said...

I take it these tips are something you have gained through experience?

I always say if you don't have a list of things you've done you're ashamed of you are not having enough fun.

Sherendipity said...

No, no, no. If someone, anyone, is proudly sporting a penis apron, they are just waiting for someone to grasp it.
I'm just sayin.

creative kerfuffle said...

mayor---some i have done, some i have witnessed : )
shere--see, that's what I thought but the hubs thought i might have made a bad impression. though honestly, i don't think his boss minded.