Sunday, November 30, 2008

my relationship w/ alcohol

i am judgemental and hypocritical about alcohol consumption. i do not know how to be a casual drinker--a cocktail or glass of wine here and there--i don't really know how to do moderation. sometimes in the summer i like having a Guinness or two, but otherwise i don't get it. to me, the purpose of drinking is to get a buzz.

my dad is an alcoholic, and though i've long since grown up and moved out of his house, those formative years aren't called formative years for nothing. the smell of liquor, particularly jim beam, turns my stomach. there are so many, many stories i could spill, but won't, about those years. they were not good. i remember one morning, sitting down on an upholstered footstool in our living room to put my shoes on, getting ready for school. the night before my dad must have spilled a drink on it because it was wet and when i got up i smelled like jim beam. i had to change clothes. and that was just one of the funnier (now) things.

my aunt, his sister, is an alcoholic as well, but she's been in AA for probably 20 years. i admire her so much. she's often tried to take my dad, who swears he doesn't have a drinking problem simply because he doesn't have the same drinking pattern she did, to meetings. he'll never go.

i'm fairly certain, under the right circumstances, i would be an alcoholic. in college--well, how do you distinguish a drinking problem w/ typical college behavior? as an adult i've also had drinking issues. not the come home every day and get plastered, but when we have parties or are at parties i do not know when to stop. i have a small window between a good buzz and flat out falling down annihilated. the hubs knows this and is always there to watch over me, guard me, take care of me. when i started travelling for work and would drink away from home, we fought a lot. i didn't understand it really. why did he care if i had a drink or two....or five? because i lose control and he wasn't around to protect me.

there have also been times, years ago, when the hubs drank more than i was comfortable with, and my brother too for that matter. it scares me, men drinking. the hubs isn't a drinker, really. this is not to say he never has a drink--he drinks beer at cookouts or rum and coke at parties, but he doesn't lose control and he doesn't drink in a way that scares me.

one of his customers gave him two bottles of some fancy rum for thanksgiving. the hubs had a rum and coke yesterday and said i might like it because it was so smooth. i couldn't get passed the smell. it turned my stomach and made me think of sitting on that jim-beam-soaked footstool.

5 comments:

justsomethoughts... said...

heavy post, CK.

the purpose of my drinking usually determines what i'll be drinking. and if thats not avail, i usually dont partake. if you want a nice drink and all thats avail is JW red, dont bother.
but do see the world-famous heinous post regarding pretentious wine parties.

creative kerfuffle said...

just--yeah, sometimes it gets heavy around here, but that's life. i did see heinous' post on wine parties--it was funny : )

Sherendipity said...

My biological Father was an alcoholic as well. I think, watching his short comings, was a lot of the reason that I wasn't that drunken student, and stayed out of that kind of trouble, for the most part.
The majority of the reason, though, I just don't like the taste of alcohol. I never understood why people would drink large amounts of something, that they hated the taste of. Well, other than to get wasted.
And, with that, I'm one of those people that can smell a drink and have a hang over the next day....so that keeps me away as well.

And hey, have I mentioned, Hubs sounds like a keeper.

Heinous said...

I like a little buzz to get relaxed but I can't drink to excess anymore, like in college. If it makes you uncomfortable, you should probably pass on it. It's not worth the grief if it's better to avoid it.

Lol @jst...world famous post.

creative kerfuffle said...

shere--i also don't like the taste/smell of most alcohol, but if it is disguised i like it (like dirty vodka martinis or jellow shooters).
heinous--"should probably pass on it" is a good rule of thumb, but in some situations i don't follow that rule of thumb.