Wednesday, August 13, 2008

how not to be a ho

so, as you may know, the girl starts middle school in a few short weeks. i (we) need to start now on how to raise her not to be a ho cos frankly, neither my parents nor the hubs' parents did a very good job of this.

the hubs is the youngest of four kids. his eldest brother married his high school sweetheart pretty much right after high school so he had no ho-ing time. plus, he's the ugly sibling so he wouldn't really have gotten laid anyway. next is the hubs' sister and she's a total ho. his other brother really wanted to be a ho, and maybe was a little in high school, but he was too crazy to be much of a ho. then there's the hubs. lord help us. before me, he was a ho. when we were friends but not dating, he was a ho.

my family. (he he--i bet the SIL is glued to the screen now!) : ) my bro, not so much a ho (at least that i know of) though had he not married the sil he might have been one. my sister--it goes without saying.

and now me. hmm. i used to defend myself and dispute the fact that i was a ho. i didn't want to admit it to myself because it's just so sleazy. but as i'm raising a daughter i want to do the exact opposite of whatever it is my parents did raising me. granted, (and much of this ties into the whole what would i talk about in therapy post) some of the things that happened in my childhood will never happen in my kids' lives. i can't speak for my bro, but looking back, i don't think we were raised with a healthy view of sex. at least for me it was forbidden, dirty, taboo. and despite my attitudes now (i still harbor a lot of these issues) and what you may think of me, i'm not a sex fiend. i love dirty humor. it cracks me up. i have a horribly dirty mind.

what type of views on sex were you raised with?

my sex views were heavily tied into my self worth, self confidence. so, in college, when i had sex w/ guys i did not (at that time) see it as one night stands. i saw it as them liking/caring about me. obviously now i know that is not true, but i was so naive. you may say, well, everyone goes a little wild in college. unkay--you know you've gone too far when at one point you try to write down the names of all of your "dates" and one ends up being the guy with the baseball hat.

it is nothing i'm proud of. i don't feel more experienced or knowledgeable about sex for it. frankly barely any of it happened when i was sober. none of them got me off either. it wasn't about the physical pleasure for me, it was about the perceived feelings they had for me. all of this is hindsight of course.

so, not quite the scintillating entry you were thinking eh? my concern is that i don't want the girl to be another me. i have to believe we're on the right track w/ trying to instill in her a sense of self confidence. i think that's the biggest thing. (i had NONE). and for her not to succumb to peer pressure. and for us to be open about sex in general and not make it seem like such a secret, bad thing.

so--what are your thoughts on not raising a ho?


Astarte said...

I think that girls who are confident in themselves, and have an open relationship (of some sort) with their parents will be less likely to be hos.

I myself was a ho, and I can tell you it was because I was 1) abandoned by my father and had no male relatives at all and 2) was being abused at home. I was looking for love and attention, and that was all I could get. I didn't sleep around just to do it, really - I had serial boyfriends, whom I slept with, plus the occasional boyfriend #2. Once I got to college, I slowed down, because my bf and I were together for three years, and I was faithful. After we broke up I got around a little, but not much. Most of my ho-ness was in high school.

creative kerfuffle said...

i think you're right on the self confidence thing.
and, tho i had a dad in the house, it wasn't that great.