home at last

it's friday and i'm home. got in around dinner time yesterday.

sorry i didn't post much this week but it was a rough time. going into this whole thing i wasn't nearly as nervous about it as i have been in the past. i actually felt good about my content and the attendance etc. i just wasn't pumped about it.

the first few days i was there we were at a separate conference that we partnered with. part of our role in that was providing them with a speaker, one who also was speaking at our conference. the first bad feelings came after hearing her speak. she was horrible. simply horrible. it's always a crap shoot when you get speakers and this time i got the crap.

so we spoke with her afterwards and shortened her allotted time with us, tried to give her some pointers on making it better etc. it was better, but not much. our first speaker, the semi-celeb was ok, but not what you'd expect from a celeb. he was a "dud" as my big boss said. the panels went great, though one guy went way over his time limit.

we will have a conference wrap up meeting monday, yes, i can't wait. i will get beat up on the semi-celeb (though the big boss also said they've had that happen before at other conferences) and i will get beat up over the woman who sucked and i will get beat up for the speakers going too long. our best speaker, the one we brought back from last year, was a hit. when we started planning this i said we should move her off the last day because so many people are leaving to catch flights etc. i was told by just about all of them that no, you have to save the best for last. the queen of evil even said it. and damned if on the last day as we're leaving the hotel the bitch said we should have had her speak earlier! duh. i told her that was what i said in the beginning and everyone shot me down. i can't win with these people.

it was also weird, and perhaps contributed to why i wasn't more pumped about the conference, to have my boss up there on stage with me most of the time. i felt like a sidekick. it also was rough to spend two days at another conference and then jump right into my own.

it's over, except for the spanking i'll get on monday. and now i will have to start planning for next year.

i feel like i might have a touch of something. in the beginning of the week i thought perhaps it was nerves, but it's lingering. i feel achy and drained and i sound like i have a frog in my throat. ribbit ribbit.

more and more i'm questioning my job and how effective i can be at it. i know i do somethings really well, but i think my company expects way too much out of the person in my role. my fear is though that i won't be able to find something financially comparable.