Similes are like...

...creative, yet sometimes bizarre ways of comparing totally opposite things to make someone understand a vision you have. Yes, I know that’s not the Webster definition; that would be a comparison; a figure of speech comparing two unlike things that is often introduced by like or as.

The Hubby is always using similes and metaphors to explain things, especially when we’re in deep conversation or an argument. Sometimes these are thought provoking; sometimes they irritate the shit out of me because they make absolutely no sense.

Last night we were just having a conversation about things going on in life right now, how we are not, and do not really know anyone who is, in the holiday spirit; going over the week’s busy schedule; talking about his work/my work; our relationship etc. During this conversation I came up with two similes that I thought were pretty cool. These are specific to me of course.


Life is like Neapolitan ice cream. When things are going bad and it sucks—that’s the strawberry (because it’s my least favorite). You move on and everything’s ok, not necessarily exciting, not bad, it’s vanilla (because it’s boring to me). Then you kick into the hella good times and you’re happy as a pig in shit (another simile), feeling good as a kid in a candy store (another) and that, my friends, is chocolate. Feel free to switch that one up for your own ice cream junkie needs.

My marriage is like a menstrual cycle. Ok, I know it’s gross but I was hella tired when we were having this talk and it made perfect sense at the time. Sometimes the relationship is PMSing, everything pisses you off, usually for no good reason, you’re moody, go back and forth between love me and leave me alone, etc. Then comes the period; this is the fallout from the PMSing and you’re fighting and arguing and nothing’s really good. After that comes the good times, everything’s on an even keel, you’re pretty much happy, etc. I really think relationships go in a cycle, if not this particular one. The Hubby and I can go for almost a year riding on that in-love high, being happy, taking care of each other, all that mushy stuff and then bam, the PMSing starts. We’ll go for a few months of fighting off and on, being testy etc. and then there’s the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe these are growing pains; that sounds reasonable. I mean after 13 years of marriage and basically 22 years of a relationship (GOD that’s a LONG TIME!) you’re entitled to a few growing pains right?

I’d say right now we’re coming out of our period, heading into the good times and the vanilla is edging over into the chocolate. I’ll take two scoops with hot fudge please!