Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Family matters

I've blogged enough about my own dysfunctional family (and probably bored you to tears) and aside from the Bubba Ass (one of my brothers-in-law) post early on in my blogging there haven't been many references to The Hubs family. Perhaps one day I will regale you with my descriptions of them, but not today.

Today the topic is Spring Break and the fact that my Father-in-Law (FIL) and his wife have said since last year that they're coming here that week. This in itself had its pros and cons. The pros being that the FIL has only been to visit us two times in the 16 years we've lived here and the last time was more than 7 years ago so we were looking forward to having him here. He's never seen the house, hasn't seen the kids in a couple of years, and The Hubs really wanted him to see what he's made of his life, especially since his Mom died before we moved into the house. The cons are that less than a year after my MIL died a couple of years ago my FIL married her younger sister. This has been a hard pill for just about all of us to swallow. The Hubs went to the Vegas wedding and has listened patiently as the Aunt has basically moved into his Mom's house and redecorated/remodeled the whole thing. She basically stepped in at the last minute and took all the marbles so to speak. So it was going to be a con that they would be in our house as a couple, uncomfortable, etc.

Last night the FIL says they can't come now because he doesn't have anyone to keep his dogs and he doesn't want to pay to board them. He did offer to send us money (about the same he'd pay to board his dogs) for us to come to OK. He said it would be easier that way. Uh, yeah, easier on him because he wouldn't have to board his dogs (which we'd have to find something to do with our animals) and he wouldn't be driving across country with two kids.

I'm stunned. Stunned that he can be so inconsiderate, selfish and unfeeling. Stunned that since my MIL died he's put himself above his kids, has shoved a marriage they understandably had issues with down their throats and basically will not compromise on anything. He won't visit his only daughter because he doesn' t like her husband (Bubba Ass) and the fact that one of her daughters has bi-racial babies. I don't know if he was like this before the MIL died and she just shielded everyone from it or if he's just turned into an ass.

The Hubs said from day one that something would come up and they wouldn't come, but he didn't think he'd wait until 3 weeks out to cancel. Thank GOD we didn't tell the kids because that would have added a whole other level of pissed off to my plate. The Hubs, being his stoic self, says it's ok, but it kills me for him, really kills me for him that the only parent he has left is doing this. If my MIL were alive I do believe she'd kick the FIL's ass.

We will go to OK for Spring Break if for no other reason than guilt. The Hubs feels like he didn't see his Mom enough when she was alive so he feels like this is something he has to do. In the big scheme of things I don't mind. I used to like my FIL a lot. I had a lot of respect for him because he really was a doting husband to my MIL and in general he was a good person, friendly, fun and sometimes more of a father than my own. So it will be fine going out there, my anger will have dissipated by then. It will be hard though. Seeing my MIL's house transformed, seeing the Aunt there. It will be hardest on The Hubs though. He's the baby of his family of four kids and, in my opinion, he was his Mom's favorite.

I'm just so disappointed with and fucking pissed at my FIL.

I went off some last night, probably not a good idea because The Hubs was in his own zone with the whole thing, and technically I do have the right seeing as how I've been listening to shit about my family (albeit warranted) for decades. I needed to vent but not to him really, it's his Dad, you don't talk shit about some one's parents when they're feeling low to begin with.

It really is amazing that The Hubs and I turned out as wonderful as we are (don't choke!) considering the gene pools we emerged from.

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