why i am a candy ass

lucky you, two posts in one night. what can i say? the hubs crashed on the couch as soon as he got back from his work trip today and though i'm drained my brain is all a flutter.

i am a candy ass because i have to go to nyc thursday-monday for work and aside from sunday and part of monday i will be alone. check the calendar--i will be in nyc on valentine's day. alone. i really and truly do not like valentine's day in general. it is a shit fest of retail motivated mush and if you have to be told by the consumerism machine to tell me you love me then you really don't. having said that, it sucks balls that i will be alone. room service anyone? pathetic.

aside from being away from home on v-day, i'm a candy ass because i hate being in ny by myself. i turn into a helpless idiot there. nevermind that i've lived in a foreign country and managed to find my way around just fine thank you. nevermind that i've been alone (and even driven in) big cities like chicago (ok, so ONE time i drove the wrong way down a one way street) and atlanta. i've flown to and been alone in cologne. but nyc freaks me out. i love it on principle, love it for the city of energy and history and culture it is, but i hate being there alone. i hate hailing cabs and not knowing where i'm going. and if one more person tells me, but it's set up on a grid, it's soooo easy to get around, blah blah blah. not for me. i don't get it. i just don't get it. i feel like a lost child in that city. i feel like everyone looks at me and says, oh gawd, she's not from around here. though i doubt new yorkers would say that. fucking tourist is what they'd say. but i'm not a tourist, i'm not there for fun, it's work. ugh. i just dread this trip so much.