sobering thoughts

tuesday night the girl's best friend's 17 year old brother was killed in a car accident. we don't know anything much aside from that, but it's devastating.

we did not personally know the boy, cos how much is a 17 year old actually going to hang out with his 11 year old sister and her friends, but we know the family casually and it's so sad.

i cannot even begin to imagine how those parents feel. it's unnatural for a parent to outlive their child. then i think about the little girl and her younger sister. this is a life altering event for them. devastating and unthinkable but also a pivotal moment that can't help but change things and influence who they are and who they will become.

i'm trying not to dwell on it but i know the girl is. i know it's working its way around her brain. the hubs heard it reported on the local radio station yesterday and when he picked the kids up from daycare he told them.

last night i had this dream that the girl and i were on some school trip, we were in a hotel and the hall was filled with kids. she was at one end of the hall and i was trying to get to her because these boys were picking on her. then another boy, a friend of her's was trying to help her and he whisked her away into the elevator. when i got to the elevator the doors opened and the boy was gone and my girl was lying on the floor beaten. i picked her up and raced to the front desk to call the hubs and then i woke up.

i don't want to think about this but it's like one of those horrific things that your mind just won't let go. like there's this miniature jack russell terrier running around in my head dragging out these unthinkable thoughts about my kids and cars and danger and my being powerless to protect them forever.