Saturday, April 21, 2007

This, that and the other

It's Saturday night and I leave tomorrow for Florida for work. Look for live from Florida blogs if I have time : )

It's been a rough week. I've been bi-polar and The Hubs has been obsessive/compulsive and when those two coincide it's not pretty. He's been obsessing about the yard and I've been leaping from a good to bad mood, which led to several arguments. Good news though we've realized the problem (we're both a bit crazy) and things are back to good.

We got a lot done today actually. Took the kids to Build A Bear, grocery shopping, yard work and house work.

The Hubs painted his little red (which was faded pink) wagon he bought at the auction last weekend. It's purple : ) He got two other things for the yard at the auction, an aerator and a thrasher. I think he just wanted guy stuff to hook up to the lawn mower : ) Of course I am the one salivating over a John Deere lawn mower with a quick turn radius.

Speaking of bi-polar, my sister called me at work yesterday. I don't speak to her much, actually only if we're at the same family get together. I don't call to chat with her. She called because she was scared and upset because she has to have a colonoscopy. I don't know what she thought I could do for her or tell her, I've never had one. She whined for awhile about why does she have all these problems when she's so young and what if she has cancer because one of our grandma's had stomach/colon cancer (like 30 years ago and she's fine now), yada yada yada. I don't think I was very helpful. It's incredibly hard for me to be sympathetic to her. I don't like her. I'm not her friend. She said, "I know we aren't as close as we used to be but when I get scared or upset it makes me feel better to talk to you." I almost threw up. We've not been close for more than 10 years.

I think she was hoping I'd say, "Hey why don't you come over for dinner and we'll talk. I'll go with you for the procedure and we'll be best friends." I just can't do it. Of course I love her, she's my sister. I don't want anything bad to happen to her, but I just can't conjure up any other feelings for her. She has fucked up so many times and though she's held a job for a couple of years now there is always some sort of drama surrounding her and I can't deal with it.

I know this sounds harsh, the way I feel about her. I'm not saying people can't make mistakes. I'm not saying I don't think she really does have a chemical imbalance or serious mental issues (hell, I think it's genetic in the women in my family) but it's the way she handles things that kills me. It's the way she isn't a mother to her children, that at times in both of their lives she's put them in danger with her drugs/drinking/friends. It's the fact that rather than giving them up, which she had the opportunity to do both times, to a better life/family/environment she wouldn't--NOT because SHE wanted them/loved them/was maternal but because she was afraid of what our extended family would say. It's the fact that from time to time she creates drama or illnesses or strife so attention will be focused on her. It's the fact that my parents think of her and her kids and only her and her kids.

Ok, well I think it's West Wing time.

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