Saturday, April 7, 2007

Emptying my head at 5:12 a.m.

Yes, it's fucking 5:12 a.m. and I'm awake. I could be sleeping for another four hours but noooo. It could be that the sunburn, though still tender but not feeling like someone is peeling the flesh off my body, is turning into the itchy-scratchy-peeling stage. For the last four nights rolling over in bed means there will be pain so tonight we've added itching. I must have rolled over once too many because I woke up and sometimes when I do that and hear The Hubs snoring it's hard to get back to sleep.

This evening we went to The Bro and SIL so the kids could color eggs together and we had dinner. Before you think that we were being mean and excluding The 3rd Child it should be known that she, her kids and our Mother went out of town to visit family for Easter, and left my sick Dad at home. : ) He'd planned to go (though the last 2 Easters Mom's abandoned him like this) but is sick. Yeah, this opens a whole other can of worms, but I don't know that I'll get to that in this blog.

Some of you know my Bro and SIL and I have to tell you (and not just because I know they read this) over the last several years we've become much closer. The SIL takes awhile to get to know. She seems very shy and quiet, which she is, but once you really get to know her she too can be a smart ass! She's funny and I really really do like her. Anyway, also not the point.

There was a time that our families did not speak. It was a least 6 years ago or more and lasted for maybe a year. No contact. The fight or fights were over things going on with The 3rd Child and our Mother didn't help the situation. What brought this to mind tonight was that I was looking through one of the SIL's scrapbooks for my Nephew and realized how much of his life I missed. We weren't on speaking terms when he was born, but I did go to the hospital and looked at him through the glass. I can't remember the first time I held him and that makes me sad.

The Hubs and I often talk about how our kids really got the short end of the stick when it comes to having grandparents. The FIL lives too far away and my folks are...well, hell you read this, they suck. Because of this I've always consoled myself with the fact that my kids have my Bro and SIL and that my nephew (though he does at least have one set of grandparents that rock) has us.

The Bro recently had a come-to-Jesus talk with our Mother. Back in the day this would have turned into an email war that she would have involved us all in, however, since she's been banned from personal stuff at work and I think realizes that I just don't give a shit anymore, I hadn't heard about this yet. So The Bro sat her down and laid it on the line, your house/yard/life is a mess. You two need to get yourselves together, get your house/yard together or I'm going to come in and do it for you (basically). He's had the unfortunate issue of having his boss know where our parents live, which I'm sure is embarrassing.

I know there are probably a ton of black marks against my name for this and I don't think The Hubs or my Bro believes me on this but I really do not care about them anymore. I feel sorry for my Dad that she left him this weekend. I feel sorry for my Mom that he drinks--though if it didn't bother her enough to get out when her kids were part of the equation then shut the fuck up and deal with it now. I rarely call them. I have as little contact with them as possible.

Oddly enough I probably feel the most compassion for my Dad in all of this, which is weird because on one level he's probably the one that has hurt me the most over the years. Aside from a few things, I think the reasons I don't like him are just because he's an ass. You know what you'll get from him. But with her it's all about betrayal and manipulation and self-centeredness and it just makes me sick. I don't believe a word she says or trust in the sincerity of anything she does.

Off that subject. Coloring eggs. I love to color eggs. When you have little kids though it seems to be more about how many they can color in the shortest amount of time not really how good they look. I think even when I'm an old lady I'll be coloring eggs and carving pumpkins. (One of many reasons why I think I'll be a kick-ass grandma!)

Progress has been made this week. Aside from fun at the beach The Hubs has tackled the yard and cleaned the carpets and I ventured into no-man's land and tackled the kids' rooms. Between their two rooms I had six bags of garbage (OK not like kitchen garbage but you know broken crap, papers, etc.) a load of stuff to put in the attic (sniff sniff---The Girl is giving up Barbies, my baby is growing up) and probably a trunk load at least of stuff to take to Goodwill. You can actually see the floors in their rooms and make sense of what's in them.

Shall we take bets on how long it will take them to trash them again? I'm guessing less than a week.

We went to a Tenebrea service at church last night. This is how little I know about the Bible and religion and what's going on. Before last night I didn't know Maundy Thursday was the night of the Last Supper and that Good Friday was actually the day Jesus was crucified. Why in the world is it called Good Friday? Why didn't I know these things? I think at this point in life my kids probably know more about religion than I do, which is good, they can pray for me because I'm surely going to hell.

This is also bothering me. Religion. I believe in God and Jesus, but I'm skeptical on everything else. The Bible, the stories, the rules etc. Last Sunday the sermon was on our mission as Christians, which is to tell other people about Christianity. We were supposed to ask ourselves who God put in our lives that we were supposed to reach. Again, I'll get bad marks for this, but the whole time I felt like I was drifting in and out of a Jim Jones sermon and my mission is to get others to drink the kool aid. Um, if God is omnipotent why would he need us to tell people about him? Does God really need a PR department?

The Hubs is excited about an upcoming auction. One of the items up for bid will be a wood chipper. Have any of you seen Fargo? So, if The Hubs gets this small wood chipper next Saturday and if at some point in time I "disappear" I expect all of you to launch an investigation : ) The SIL said don't forget The Girl is a CSI buff so she may be of some assistance.

Global warming is starting to creep into my thoughts. I joke about it but given the mild winter we had, if you can even call it winter, and now it's April and we're having this freak cold spell (it will really piss me off if all the flowers The Hubs has planted--yes he gets most of the credit for the aesthetics of the yard--die) and I fear this summer will be unbearable--or would that be bare-able because it's too damned hot to wear clothes? What's going to happen in the next decade or two? Have we fucked up the planet beyond repair?

So, 6:08 a.m. Do I make coffee and actually commit to being awake for the rest of the day? We've got an egg hunt and a cookout (which may turn into a cook in with the freakishly cold weather) today and we have a few things to finish up on the house first. I could make some coffee and clean off this computer desk area. I think there's a family of dust bunnies living here, an extended family, and you know how rabbits multiply.

I'm looking at The Girl's MP3 player sitting here--still have no clue how to put music on the thing and it's four months after Christmas.

If you sit on the patio and close your eyes, the wind rustling through the leaves in the trees ALMOST sounds like the waves at the beach.

The Hubs' cell phone is beeping. I don't think he's gone one day without at least one call this week of vacation. How much does that suck?

I'm leaning toward making coffee and seeing a sunrise.

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