Friday, December 4, 2009

here comes the judge

although i would like to think i'm not, i am very judgemental. i am not racist or bigoted or intolerant. well, i am intolerant when it comes to people making decisions or taking actions that i deem stupid, retarded or not very well thought out.

through the years i've talked about my sister, how we aren't close, how she's done some incredibly stupid things and has made, in my opinion, horrendous life choices. when she got married two years ago (one or two? i can't remember) i was not excited, i didn't think it was a good decision. she barely knew the guy. he didn't (and still does not) speak much english. i was not excited earlier this year when, knowing that she was unemployed and already supporting two kids, they tried and succeeded in getting pregnant and had a baby. don't get me wrong, of course i love my nephew, but i don't think it was a good decision to have a third child given their cramped living quarters and financial condition.

with all of that said, i can see that my sister is trying. she is trying to be a better parent, trying to sever the noose-like ties she's had to our mom...she's trying. she has handled her life much differently than i would have liked for her to, but, it's HER life and not mine.

this week we have just found out that one of my cousins is pregnant. she is my sister's age and her life choices have not been stellar either. about 4-5 years ago she met a guy online and in less than a year they married. it is not the online part that gets me because i know there are people who meet online and live happily ever after and i also know that it is more common now, etc. and i'm not even necessarily knocking the short engagement--ok, well, i guess i just don't understand it and cannot comprehend doing that myself. i also know people who have had a short courtship and are still happily together. but, the guy she married was...awful. jobless, controlling, lived w/ his parents, who also were controlling. it was just ugly. a couple years into the marriage she got pregnant and shortly there after filed for divorce. it was/is an incredibly ugly divorce/custody battle that has dragged on forever.

about 2-3 weeks ago this cousin, who, bless her heart, really is not the smartest of my relatives, announces on fb that she's married again. it is ironic because my mom/aunts pride themselves on being this "close knit" matriarch family system and my aunts found out on fb the same way we did. what is even more bizarre is that she met this guy online before she met her ex online and i guess they have been friends for awhile? i don't know. but she's only met him in person 2-3 times before they went to the justice of the peace and got married. she told her parents AFTER THE FACT. yep--close knit family. now? 2-3 weeks later? she's pregnant, though i have not heard this "officially" and by officially i mean my mom has not told me. we only found out because my cousin emailed the hubs and told him. so, since i haven't heard the official word i emailed my mom this morning and asked if she's heard this cousin was pregnant. we'll see what happens.

i know this is a long rambling story but i guess i'm trying to work through being judgemental. i find it hard to get excited for people who make choices i think are poor. i should be happy for my cousin, but all i can do is shake my head and say holy crap why did she have another baby?

i don't want to look down my nose at my cousin and my sister. it is not their fault that they got the short end of the family brain stick and therefore have made craptastic life decisions. i think that is the crux of it....i am prejudiced against stupid people.


Hotch Potchery said...

I am COMPLETELY judgemental against stupid people. COMPLETELY.

As you know I am one of short courtship, but even when I hear of other people doing it, I think, "REALLY???".

And, I love your decorations, but I couldn't comment on that post for some reason.

Penny said...

I like to say I have equal oppurtunity rights for my judgment. I don't care what your race/religion/ethnic background is I will judge you equally depending on how stupid I think you are.

My husband and I got married after dating for a year, but we are special so feel free to judge other people all you want!

cheatymoon said...

This is a tough one. Unfortunately there are a lot of cases when people are just not working with the full component of brain power necessary to navigate this crazy world. (Doesn't that sound like something a special ed teacher would say?)

I try to reserve judgment, but I find myself very judgy toward bigots and close minded people. Ack, I need to work on it.

Astarte said...

I, too, am completely judgy about stupid people. If you don't make any effort to improve yourself, and make the same mistakes over and over and over, and have no interest in the world around you, just don't even talk to me.