Monday, December 7, 2009

orchestra, karate and the dilemma resurfaces

thursday night was the girl's orchestra christmas concert and she did great. the hubs took the boy to karate, which was supposed to be over at 6:45, the girl's concert started at 7:00. my mom came to watch and we were sitting in the bleachers waiting for the hubs and boy to show up. the girl kept watching the door. they were late, missed her playing and i could tell, even from across the gym, that she was upset. about half-way through the guys came to sit w/ me on the bleachers. i told the hubs he was going to have to lie to the girl and say it was so crowded that he couldn't get through the doorway (which is sort of true) but that he was in the hall and could hear her part of the concert. afterwards, walking to the car, the girl burst into tears thinking they'd missed hearing her. i think the hubs was a bit stunned that she was so upset by the possibility, so, though he didn't want to lie, he did and swore the boy to secrecy (punishable by harsh punishment if he told) and said he heard her from the hallway. she was appeased.

friday night the boy got his orange belt in karate. he's really zipped through these first three belts, his goal was to have the orange by christmas. i think the girl feels a bit overshadowed by this whole karate business, even though we told her she could take it too if she wanted.

saturday night we went to my aunt and uncle's christmas party and all was well. nobody got trashed, no family drama was created. sometime during the party my mom asked the girl, again, if she'd like to help her with a christmas craft project. the girl said sure. sunday my mom emailed me, asking if the girl could spend the night friday and work on the project saturday. we asked the girl what she wanted to do. she wants to work on the project, but not spend the night. so we decided friday night will be the night we go out looking at christmas lights. i told my mom about our lights outing and said the girl could come over saturday during the day to work on the project. now she's asked if the girl can spend the night saturday. we're having a christmas party saturday so i said no. however, i have no doubt she will keep asking until we have to tell her something. is she really, that obtuse that she just doesn't get it? i told the girl we are behind her, whatever her decision is. i asked why she doesn't want to spend the night. she said because even though she realizes maw-maw is trying to be more involved now, she also knows it's because dad had a talk w/ her. neither of us said anything to our kids about this. the girl just knows. soon we will run out of excuses and will have to tell my mom something.


Pseudo said...

I think your mom knows. I'd say, let her have a couple of visits onthe girl's terms and then if mom persists, be honest.

drollgirl said...

well, glad your man did the right thing (per your suggestion) and that your daughter was appeased! gah. all this stuff is tricky!

and happy the party was not dramatic! yay! but your daughter is rather smart and intuitive and wise to grandma's efforts. but maybe a balance can be struck. she will spend SOME time with grandma (satur-day, not including satur-night) and grandma needs to be satisfied with this. baby steps. best for all in this particular scenario! or at least that is what i think as an outsider!

cheatymoon said...

Yep, you have to let the kids call the shots. I'm sure on one level your mom is testing you to see if you'll "let" your daughter stay with her.
I'm sure you will have to tell the truth at some point.

Penny said...

I am really looking forward to school age kid events...I can't tell yet what Eli is going to be into but man I loved going to my niece and nephews T-Ball games...they were hilarious!

My mom keeps bugging my niece to hang out with her pratically every day. My niece is a sweet kid and says yes a lot of times but my mom is totally taking advantage of her.

Firegirl said...

Like the girl knows without you saying it, your mom knows as well. I guess I would just let it go. Chances are the girl will say something eventually.

As I've repeatedly muttered to myself during dad's last two years: "he's trying. That's him trying..."

Astarte said...

Sometimes lying is good.

Good for the kids in orchestra and karate!!!! He *IS* speeding through!!!! Our kids are still on their yellow, althouth Josie is almost at orange, I think.

About your mom... I think you're going to have to tell her the truth, to an extent. Tell her that *you're* not comfortable with her spending the night there, and *you've* said no. If she doesn't understand, and doesn't talk to you for awhile, think of it as a little vacation.