Tuesday, December 15, 2009

vent update

to update my post from earlier today:

when my sister responded to the first email about the sleepover at my mom's she made the mistake of responding to all--which includes my brother, the hubs, mom and my sil. my bro and sil are not her fb friends so they hadn't yet seen the post she made about people being two-faced. this afternoon my sil called wondering what was up w/ my sister and her email. she was irritated.

when the hubs and i talked about it, he got irritated. a little while ago my bro called me and he was irritated. oy vey. before i had really thought about it i some how invited my sis and her kids over to make cookies one day next week. i had a moment of weakness. i felt sorry for her.

i am so conflicted about this whole thing. i wish she and my mom would just leave things alone. i will never have the relationships w/ them that they want. they will never have the relationships w/ my kids that they want.

the devil's advocate in me is saying, ok, she wants our kids to be close, she wants to be my friend. how would i feel if i wanted to be someone's friend and they didn't want to be mine? that would hurt. i don't want to be cruel to my mom or my sister and really and truly, though from time to time i get really pissed at the things they do or say, mostly i just feel sorry for them. but does that mean i should MAKE myself be their friend? MAKE myself spend time w/ them? i don't really think that's fair either.

i like the distance between us. i like that i don't see them that often. w/ all of the family birthdays and holidays and the random dinner or cookout, that's plenty of togetherness for me. they want more. i think that they think we (we being me, the hubs, my bro/sil) get together all the time (which we don't) and that we are purposely being mean in excluding them. i don't think they realize, or will ever see, that part of the reason we did become so close is because when my sister was going through the worst of her problems we were the only family each other had.

my sister is trying to play this card of caring so much for her kids and wanting them to be close to their cousins. frankly, and i know this is ugly and harsh, but, i don't like her daughter. sadly it's not even her fault i don't like her--it's just her personality. she is very much like my mom and sister, needs to be the center of attention, whiny. it's sad and horrible of me i know. my nephew? the wild boy? love him. he's funny, has an outgoing personality and he's just in his own little kindergarten world. he's all boy. and the new baby--well, he doesn't really have a personality yet. the point is, she's never cared about her kids' well-being or involvement w/ anyone before because she was always up my mom's ass. they are peas in a pod those two. they were all about one another and when they got sick of each other and are trying to pull apart and latch on to someone else they're realizing that nobody waited around for them, instead they moved on. and, it is not like my sister ever calls and says, hey, let's get the kids together to play this weekend or let's go to a movie, etc. not that i'd want to, but she acts like she's been working at something she hasn't been and then gets pissed because she's ended up empty handed.

the hubs says it's a trade off--her kids got the grandparents (my folks) and our kids got cousins and an aunt and uncle. frankly my kids got the better end of that deal.

so--here we are, christmas is next week, everyone is upset, i've committed myself to a day of baking w/ her and the kids and i hate it. i understand why the hubs and bro are so pissed but i hate it for their sake that they are because i don't want it to ruin or overshadow their christmas. and to top it all off--the entire family is coming to our house for christmas eve.

1 comment:

Not Your Aunt B said...

Alcohol. Lots of alcohol. It's smart to offer an olive branch before a major holiday. You may be crazy tired of her by the end of the cookie baking (and therefore even less patient by Christmas Eve) but for that I suggest a sugar coma.
I have a nephew whose parents are nuts (no one likes them at all) but we just don't click so I don't really go out of my way to do anything with him. It makes you feel bad because they're a kid and you're the adult, but chemistry is chemistry no matter how you look at it. As long as you aren't unkind toward the kids (who have no control over their mom or grandmother or being influenced by them until they're a certain age), I think you're ok.