Saturday, May 19, 2007

Coming clean

I think sometimes, since I use this blog to vent, that The Hubs gets a bad rap or rather you just see one side of the story. Granted over the last 4 years or so I have not been nearly as bad as I was starting out. Looking back at the things I said and did in the beginning of our relationship I'm sometimes amazed he's still around. I was (and still can be from time to time) a bitch. I know right, you can't even imagine that I could be a bitch huh? : )

For example. Before we were married I had moved out to live with him in OK. I of course should get props for this because we hadn't seen each other for a year or better, he called me on the phone said we needed to either make it work or not, he drove here, got me and I moved there. It was an adventure. : )

Anyway, after I was there for maybe a month he was out of town for a night or two. I was waiting tables and ended up going out to a club with a coworker (female). She had a friend there who had a friend so there was drinking, dancing and flirting. This was Oklahoma folks, cowboys and two-stepping. When we left the club there was talk about going back to their place to keep partying and I did follow them into the apartment complex, thought better of it and turned around and went home.

I lied about pretty much all of this to The Hubs (who was not The Hubs but the Sig Other at that time). I said I didn't dance with anyone, then I said I did, but just fast danced, I didn't flirt, etc. It became pretty obvious to him I'd lied the next time we went to that club and one of the guys kept trying to get my attention.

And this is just one of the examples of the times I fucked up and lied about it; when there's been alcohol involved and I crossed the line. Granted I've not done this type of thing since then, but I've not always been the most honest person, hence one of his concerns about me being out of town (or in town and not with him) and drinking. Of course the other concern is my lack of control when it comes to alcohol and the things that could (and have) happened to me when I get to that point.

There's a reason for everything. I'm not the helpless victim of an overbearing husband. I'm someone who's done a lot of questionable, dishonest, dangerous things who's been fortunate to have someone that cares enough to keep pulling me back from the fire even though I fight them kicking and screaming all the way.

No comments: