i could do it

this week a headhunter called the hubs about a possible job. we don't know how headhunters get the hubs' information because we haven't put it out there, haven't contacted any agencies, but over the years he's had a few call him for jobs specific to his industry.

the headhunter said the job was in nashville and though it would be for the same money, it would be a step back on the totem pole. i started researching nashville. started trying to wrap my brain around the whole moving thing and i honestly think i am at the point where if it happens i could do it.

there are numerous things to consider--the fact that this is the only home my kids have ever known, my brother and his family are here and i would hate leaving them--but of all of those things my biggest fear about moving is the house. aside from the sentimental ideas, the thought that the hubs and i would grow old here together and our kids would come here for holidays and my grandkids would sleep in their parents rooms when they came to spend the night, etc., i am petrified of the financial burden of having a house payment here and having rent/mortgage wherever we'd move. we had two house payments before (albeit one was a trailer payment and much less than a house payment, but still) and that nearly killed us. that nearly killed us when we both had jobs.

i was starting to get a little, tiny, tiny bit excited about the thought of nashville--though still filled w/ so many fears because it's a much bigger city, where are the best schools, where are the good neighborhoods, etc.--when we discovered the headhunter said nashville but meant knoxville--200 miles away and much smaller. i changed course and started researching that area. not a great move.

the lure of nashville was that because it was so big there would potentially be more job opportunities for me. knoxville seems to have about the same economy we have here and overall moving for the same money, a step back career wise and similar economic climate didn't make much sense.

the process has made me realize though that i can move. if i didn't have a house payment i'd seriously start looking elsewhere in a heartbeat.

i am not afraid of something new. i am not afraid of taking a few steps back to take huge leaps forward. i just do not want to start at the very beginning. i've come to far to go that far back.