Sunday, June 14, 2009

end of the innocence

"remember when the days were long
and rolled beneath the deep blue sky?
didn't have a care in the world,
with mommy and daddy standing by."

while friday didn't mark the actual end of the girl's innocence or the end of childhood/naivete/etc. i think we are swiftly coming up on it.

the pool party went well, although 8 kids can certainly make a lot of noise. they tracked water in the house and ate 6 pizzas and nearly a whole watermelon but nobody drowned.

the boys were fine. one boy has been my boy's friend since kindergarten and he's been here many times; it was the first time the other two boys had been here, but they too were fine.

three of the girl's friends came and only one, a new girl whom i'd not met before, gave me pause.

my girl is at that weird place where part of her wants to hurry and grow up and experience all the great things waiting. that part wants to talk about boys and gossip and act all mature and worldly and impress other girls. another part just wants to be a kid and swim in the pool and jump on the trampoline and maybe talk about boys but only in a giggly whisper not a raspy desire-filled voice. the new girl that came friday fed into that part of her that wants to be grown right now.

this new girl is my nemisis. a few of her kind have flitted in and out of the girl's life and are probably more a part of it at school than i'd like to think. they are those popular girls. the ones who are conceited and rude and like the lead blonde girl on mean girls--rachel--she got hit by a bus? they are the type of girl i hated in high school, and still hate now. only i have to be nice to them, because they are my daughter's friend.

and the new girl, come to find out, lives in our neighborhood, w/in walking distance. she lives near the 2 8th grade (now rising 9th graders) boys who have lately taken an interest in the girl; she has older brothers (16) and sisters (out of the house). i have never met her parents and they don't know me from adam and yet they let her walk here for the pool party and the girl walked her home.

the girl is giddy w/ the thought of hanging out w/ this girl this summer (and the boys who live near her). i am terrified. i told the girl maybe they could come here and play. she rolled her eyes. i can't blame her, she wants somewhere else to go, she wants to break free. i get it. i really and truly do. but, i am scared. i immediately think horrible things.

i have visions of her spending the day at this girl's house--w/ those soon to be 9th grade boys--either unsupervised or sneaking around making out in the woods (which is what the girl told me one of the other girls has done). i know i'm assuming a lot about her parents--but they've already raised two teens and i know from my parents that you become less and less involved and aware of what's going on and certainly less strict/protective. or i can see worse things--my baby spending the night over there and that 16 yr old brother takes advantage of her.

i know this is soon, like monday or tuesday, going to become an issue. the girl is going to want to go visit her friend, she is going to want to leave the house.

i tried talking w/ her about this friday. i was honest, i told her my fears about her wanting so badly to fit in with the "cool" kids that she'd do just about anything. i told her i thought her friend who'd made out was too young to make out (later the hubs told me he was already sliding his hand down girl's pants at this age--which completely freaked me the hell out, thinking anyone would do that to my daughter) and she said she wouldn't do that. yeah, i know, like she'd tell me if she was or did. i do think she's smart and has a good head on her shoulders, but i also know how desperately she wants to be popular/cool/etc.

dammit why do they have to grow up.


Pseudo said...

Oh, you poor thing. The "popular" girls are always trouble, aren't they? I totally get your fears.

a mouthy irish woman? ridiculous! said...

oh gawd. kee-rist. i can be there in about 17 hours. 15 if show complete disregard to traffic laws.

she/the neighbor girl? is a pissy faced prom girl IN THE MAKING and must be stopped!

we must move quickly!

Fragrant Liar said...

Is there a law in your state against putting a 12-foot tall perimeter fence (with barbed wire across the top) all around your house, like there is here? Cuz I'd go that route.

Not Your Aunt B said...

At least you told her your concerns. It may not stop it completely, but your voice will be heard in her head if anything is about to happen and maybe she will stop. A lot is curiosity too- trust that she is smart and has a good head on her shoulders- but keep talking and protecting her until she is confident. Raising teenage girls is so, so hard.

Hotch Potchery said...

This part of parenting really bites. Try to keep her talking, and know that you are allowed to say 'no' even if it pisses her off--I wish I had done a bit more of that.

cheatymoon said...

1. I love that song.
2. Welcome to my world.
3. Get to know all the parents of the kids she's hanging out with. That is hard to do, I know from experience.
4. Your post could partner with my unwritten post about why the boy is in NYC for the summer...


drollgirl said...

oh god. this must be stressing you out!!! i hope maybe you can go meet the parents? perhaps that might put you at ease a little (or increase your fears!). ugh. i know you can't be everywhere with her, and i think it was good of you to be so honest with her. i am glad she has a good head on her shoulders (many don't!), and i am hoping for the best. god. i have no idea how i would handle this. i know i would not sleep well at night. uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.

the Mayor said...

Middle school (called junior high in my day) is absolutely the pits and the pits on steroids for parents of girls.
I'm one of those parents who have been worn out by the first 3 and have learned not to say, "my kid would never do that". Because they inevitably do because kids are not too good in the judgment department, no matter how smart we think they are.

Strap in and enjoy the ride, hold your ground where you can, pick your battles and the end there are way more fun memories than bad ones.

Pandora said...

I've known girls like this my whole life,and like you,have a very deep dislike,aka hatred,for them.No matter how innocent a child is,there's always some other douchebag kid who comes along and tries to corrupt them.Simply because.

Maybe you should show the girl the movie "Thirteen".It's a good lesson for them to learn.That's if she hasn't seen it already.

Good luck,this must be tough,because you want to keep them safe,but not alienate them at the same time.I'm sure you will figure out a middle ground.