Saturday, May 9, 2009

why writing is hard for me

for as long as i can remember i always thought i would be a writer, specifically an author. since you can't go to school to be an author i did what i thought was the next best thing and went to journalism school. huge mistake. oh, i learned to produce the written word, but i didn't learn how to WRITE. i don't believe you can learn to write, i believe it is something you are born to do.

yes, you can learn to write better, but not to write. you can hone your craft you can learn grammar and how to show symbolism with phrases and all of the technical parts of it, but the soul, the passion is something born not learned.

i have been told i'm a good writer (not for this blog obviously but in real life) but somehow that doesn't impress me or make me feel good because most everything i've written in the last 20 years has been paid for. it has been dictated, to a certain extent. it has had to follow certain rules and guidelines and topics. so, for me to break out of that and really write something is quite difficult.

i feel like i don't have any pool of knowledge from which to pull a story. whenever i start writing a "novel" it becomes too autobiographical and i could never have all of that printed for the world to read. plus, i feel like i'm trying too hard, trying to make the story come out. it's nothing for me like it is for real writers. i've read about different authors or seen interviews with them and most all of them say at some point the story has to be written and it's more like the story comes to them and they have to write it, they don't go looking for the story.

from time to time i've thought about writing a children's book, but then i don't think they like you to use the words fuck and douche canoe in children's books.

i've thought about writing trashy romance novels, but, as much as i love to read them from time to time, my passion isn't in that type of writing. : ) i just made myself smile at that one. my passion isn't in romance writing. god i'm hysterical.

i think the problem is is that i've just thought too much.


Not Your Aunt B said...

Fondant reminds me a lot of playdough. Easy to use with a roller, pizza cutter, cookie cutters (I didn't use them on the cake though). And you "glue" it to the cake using a thin layer or dot of icing (there might be something better though). I bought some pre-colored fondant at Michaels in their baking section. I had the biggest trouble with the seams (where the two pieces would overlap)- I tried what they said on the internet, but it had poor results. I need to work with it more.

IB said...

I was recently given some advice by a good friend when I suggested I was over-thinking my writing. He said, "let up on the reins a little and try to have some fun with it."

His way of telling me I was trying too hard; like everything I wrote had to be something special, had to have deeper meaning and purpose and be written perfectly.

As soon as I tried it, I wrote 2 posts in a week (first time in months) and I enjoyed doing so. Maybe they are not technically the best things I've done, but it doesn't matter. I had fun and people responded favorably.


cheatymoon said...

This post resonates with me. I majored in creative writing and crashed and burned. I wasn't feeling it. Even though I could go through the motions, I didn't have stories writing themselves through my brain like great writers do.

I hated people telling me that I should write for a living because I did it well. I admire you for putting yourself out there - I like the way you are thinking about what your next job should be (from your last post).

Having the blog is a good outlet for me, but maybe you need to use one for networking - getting exposure, etc.

Have a good weekend. Sorry for the long comment. :-)

Hotch Potchery said...

What if you wrote a story (start smallish) and you use some happening in your life as a basis...then either spin it off like you wish it had happened, or spin it off like you are drunk in a bar and want to make people laugh...that way, you have a starting point, but by the time it gets edited and recrafted, you are far off what really happened.

I only think you would have to do that once or have got to get the ideas flowing.

I am sure you have got the ideas, you have just had so many "regulations" they are caught behind that fence...need to break it down!

OH...what if you wrote a "children's book" using fuck and douchecanoe. THAT could be hysterical.

drollgirl said...

maybe this means you should write something autobiographical. maybe? and maybe in the process you would find you were ready to publish it.

i know what you have gone through recently would speak to so many. SO MANY!

or maybe it would just be cathartic to put it all in to words. it might even help you discover what you want to do next.

maybe? just a thought.

Pseudo said...

I related to so much of what you had to say in this post. I am comfortable with essays and narratives and nonfiction work related writing. But I wish the fiction would come through me.

Not Your Aunt B said...

I am not a writer at all. But, I am a reader and I would buy an adult "children's book"...d is for douche canoe.

Anonymous said...

Happy Mother's Day! I hope you got to have a nice relaxing day today!

Oh, and I would totally buy D is for Douche Canoe, and I can't wait to see the illustrations.


Ali said...

Maybe if you had some clear head space and a clear physical space to write in you would surprise yourself. You've had a lot going on, a lot of change and everything, maybe once the dust settles you'll enter some new phase or something and it will all just flow. I hope that happens,

Fragrant Liar said...

Well the real difference, from my perspective, is that writers write. They don't just think about writing; they write. Beyond that, maybe there are some natural gifts present, but I think most of the world could hone their writing abilities (and passion) with time and practice.

Gal Friday said...

I never knew there was a something called a "douche canoe"!! I'll have to remember that one...
I am always struck by your effortless ,emotional, almost stream-of-conscious style of writing here so I know inside you, you are a natural writer. It hink writing is(like art) something you have to do every day. It sounds like you want to find your "voice" and I hope yo are able to pursue your writing with some satisfaction in the furture.
I used to get paid for illustrations (before becoming a mother)and I never really liked it because of the constraints and what I was told to draw--boring to me. Maybe this is what your "paid" writing jobs felt like to you.

Gal Friday said...

"furture"--I MEANT "future" of many typos in the previous comment-sorry!