overprotective much?

yeah, probably.

we're not letting the girl go on the sleepover w/ the daycare counselors (see previous post). i'm fairly certain it would be fine but it just seems weird to me.

most of the time i'm pretty naive and the hubs has accused me of wearing rose colored glasses (though it's also one of the things that drew him to me) and i give people the benefit of the doubt and think the best before the worst, but...when it comes to my kids i'm (we're) pessimists.

i think the hubs is this way, always thinking the worst, because he's more of a cynic and realist in general so it's not a far stretch for him to be overprotective w/ the kids. plus, how many news stories do you have to see not to realize that there are freaks out there? did you read about that austrian guy who kidnapped his own 18 year old daughter and held her hostage in the basement for 24 years and fathered 7 children with her? google it. when shit like that can happen in this world, when people can do that, there's just no telling what the person down the street can do.

for my part i think i'm overprotective because my mom wasn't.

i know we have to walk that fine line between suffocating our kids and keeping them safe. i know that if i say no to everything i'm going to turn them into these rebellious people who do things just to spite me. i know this. i try to pick and choose my battles as far as that goes. hey, she went to williamsburg with people i don't know for two nights! she has spent the night with friends.

i just find it odd that people w/out kids want to have kids sleepover. hello, can we say michael jackson? no no i realize these counselors PROBABLY are not anything at all like michael jackson, but i'm sure some of the parents of the kids that hung out w/ him thought, he's michael jackson, surely he's safe.

helen keller, sleepovers and pads

or, things that have conspired to make this a suck ass day.

first. at least three weeks ago the girl was given a project for school. i should say the hubs and i were given a project because this year it seems we are getting graded and not the girl. at the beginning of the year when she was assigned projects she waited until the last minute, would throw something together that i would then type on the computer (and resist trying to edit) and dammit if she didn't get an a or b on the projects. when she was assigned this project, on helen keller, i started nagging her. sadly she is like me in this regard and procrastinates. i get the project details in bits and pieces, usually at bedtime or in the morning when there's nothing i can do about it. the report is due tomorrow. she has to give a 2-4 minute speech as if she were helen. she has a tri-fold board (those science fair boards) that has to contain quotes, fast facts, a time line and pictures. most of that is done. this morning she informs me that she needs a costume for this gig. granted 3 weeks ago she asked if she could wear a flower girl dress she wore about 3 years ago. i told her no, i doesn't fit anymore. nothing else was said. this morning she informs me that the costume is part of her grade. it was an ugly morning. we argued. she glared. she blamed me. it was ugly. so of course for the rest of the day i'm going to be thinking of some way to pull a helen keller outfit out of thin air. i hate school projects.

second. daycare sent home a note this week that two of the 20-something female counselors have invited the older after school girls on a sleepover this friday. do you find that strange? we do. obviously i do not think these counselors are pedophiles or serial killers because i do pay them to take care of my kids during the day, but aside from that i know nothing about them. the daycare is affiliated with a church (that is not why we picked this daycare). i am not stupid enough to assume that because it is a church affiliated daycare that everyone there is lily white. i also realize that as the girl gets older she will not always be with me and that we will have to let her do things we might not always be comfortable with, however, i just don't feel right letting her spend the night with people i pay to care for her during the day when i know nothing about them. the sleepover will be at one of their houses. i don't know where they live. my gut is telling me no (as is the hubs'). yes i'm cynical in this regard at least, but who in their right mind spends all day getting paid to take care of kids and then wants to spend their free time, not getting paid, to be with kids that aren't theirs? the hubs said it's like a restaurant owner inviting everyone back to his house after closing so he can cook for them. what adult chooses to spend their free time with kids that aren't theirs?

third. day before yesterday i was zipping through the drug store and picked up a thing of pads and tampons. i didn't think much about the pads except to make sure they aren't the type w/ wings cos i hate those damn things. i'm always getting the wings stuck to stuff before i get them where they're supposed to be, etc. so i didn't pay attention...that is until yesterday at work when i saw one for the first time. i'm not kidding, the thing is a foot long and two inches thick! i have complete coverage from my belly button to the top of my butt crack. it is ginormous! are you KIDDING me??? i could seriously duct tape these suckers together and make a new pillow top for my king size bed. and no, it is not a depends, seriously, i checked.

My favorite Train album

a few years ago i heard drops of jupiter over the speakers at pita delite during lunch and fell in love with train. since then i've seen them twice in concert and have, i think, all of their cds. while i love most everything that comes out of pat monohan's mouth, i think my favorite cd is my private nation.

1. Calling All Angels

2. All American Girl

3. When I Look To The Sky.... And when I feel like there is no one that will ever know me, there you are to show me

4. Save The Day ....Hey baby, I don't wanna be your Superman I just wanna be your man and I'll be super, baby You'll be standin' in the sun shine I'll be standin' right here in the rain You save me and I will save the day


5. My Private Nation

6. Get To Me ......Go on hitch a ride on the back of a butterfly There's no better way to fly To get to me I look around at what I got And without you, it ain't a lot But I got everything, with you, everything

7. Counting Airplanes ....I don't spend my time with anyone Who doesn't think I'm wonderful Or somewhat cash refundable at times

8. Following Rita

9. Your Every Color ...I can see the red, white and free in you You light the night up like the moon And underneath your clouds, I see the blue You're hopeless 'cause you tell the truth The stars are jealous of your shine If you were mine There's not a thing I wouldn't do ....You're coffee brown and bubble gum pink And oh I think the shade of you is on the brink Of changing all the ways I see the world I could drown inside a single drop Of all the kinds of things you got And all the kinds of things I'm not

10. Lincoln Avenue

11. I'm About To Come Alive....Maybe I'm not but you're all I got left to believe in Don't give up on me I'm about to come alive And I know that it's been hard And it's been a long time coming Don't give up on me I'm about to come alive

No one thought I was good enough for you Except for you Don't let them be right After all that we've been through 'Cause somewhere over that rainbow There's a place for me A place with you

In every frame upon our wall Lies a face that's seen it all Through ups and downs and then more downs We helped each other off of the ground No one knows what we've been through Making it ain't making it without you

as much as i love to write and love music i can never put into words how i feel about music. i just feel it. to me, good music, good lyrics are really poems set to notes. songwriters are poets. i love the turn of a good phrase, the thumping beat in the background. this album has a great mix of slow and faster songs and they're mixed just right. plus, pat's voice is in my range so we sound good when i sing along w/ him in the car! : 0

storage and organization

ok friends i need help. seriously, if i have to bitch at my kids one more time about cleaning their rooms i'm going to fucking explode. i totally realize part of the problem is they don't have enough storage space (and they have wayyyyyy too much shit).

they both have large closets, the kind with the folding slat doors, but stuff is just piled in them. the boy has a toy box in his, filled w/ toys he doesn't even play with.

i'm thinking i need some sort of (inexpensive) closet organizational tool. stacking bins or shelves or something. i am willing to de-ass some of the toys. by inexpensive i mean i'd love to find a way to solve both closet problems for under $100. is this doable or am i out of my mind? they both currently have a huge tub filled w/ stuffed animals and i don't want tubs all over their rooms. also, in the tubs things seem to get lost and forgotten.

any organizational suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

old faithful

as some of you may know the hubs and i started watching lost this year. we are not watching the current season, no, that would have been too easy. no, we have gone back and watched the previous seasons on dvd. we're caught up now. it is quite frustrating because season 4 is underway but we cannot watch it because we missed the first half.

so, this weekend we went back to our faithful friends on west wing. omg. i love absolutely everything about that show. the music, the cast, the stories, etc. we've watched all 7 seasons a kabillion times, but we're starting over again until the 4th season of lost comes out on dvd. yes, we are tv nerd/freaks.

anyway watching west wing always makes me sad that the real political world is not more like the tv show. i am in a quandary because i honestly and truly do not have a good feeling about any of the candidates. i am ashamed that george bush in our president. i have to think that other countries are looking at us and going, really? that's your best and brightest? y'all are fucking idiots!

the hubs and i talked about this last night. these talks are sometimes difficult because he is a die-hard republican. no, he's not bill oreilly bad else i wouldn't be married to him. even he has problems with bush, though he'll probably have a cow that i've put that in writing ; )

he said that we will never have the best and brightest in the white house because the best we have to offer don't want that job. they don't want to deal with all the rhetoric and politics. i find that very depressing and hopeless. i've always sort of felt hopeless when it comes to politics anyway, but now even more so.

when i think about how hard we work, how hard most everyone i know works, and how people are really trying/struggling to make ends meet and then see people like my sister who get free health care and daycare for her kids and it just pisses me off. i don't want my taxes raised so i can fund more of that. i'm not a hard ass. i do think there are people out there that need help, at least for awhile. but should money be taken out of my pockets because my sister decided to have two kids out of wedlock, knowing full well she didn't have the means to support them to begin with? i stopped having kids, partly, because we couldn't financially afford more. i was responsible. why should i pay for her not being responsible?

ok, i'm putting my soapbox away now and getting back to work.

and she's home!

the girl came home from her williamsburg trip tonight. whew, i'm glad that's over : )

wednesday i was on pins and needles waiting to hear from her and we finally did around 8:30 that night. she was too wound up to really talk to us. last night she was better. she actually called once and the hubs and i were outside mowing and the boy answered the phone and said she'd call back. we talked to her a little while later and she was a little more calm and talked a little longer. she called this morning around 7:30 and they were getting ready to leave the hotel, do some more touring and then head home.

she's been telling us all about jamestown and williamsburg this evening. they saw a glass blowing demonstration, learned about early medicine (she talked most about how they had no anesthesia), they talked about pocahontas (she said she doesn't look anything like how they depict her in the movies) and they got to board one of the first of the three ships that entered the settlement (she couldn't believe how small the ships were). they also had a musket demonstration and she said that was her favorite part of the whole trip. go figure.

it wasn't as exciting as she thought it would be but she said we should go there as a family this year, but when it's cooler.

overall i think she had a great time.

her cat has been insane missing her and has done nothing but meow and follow her around since she walked in the door. poor cat, i know how she feels. the girl barely got off the bus before i grabbed her and almost started crying. yeah, i know, i'm a sap.

she brought gifts for everyone. a copy of the declaration of independence for the boy, a spoon from jamestown for my spoon collection and a puzzle cube thing for the hubs.

hungry like the wolf

i'm really working like a mofo today, srsly, but i have pandora.com playing in the background and am listening to my culture club station. yes, sometimes i am stuck in a time warp but holy awesome 80s batman, what's NOT to like about 80s music????

i started off listening to my justin timberlake station, that boy is hoooooooootttttt, but then i didn't recognize so many songs. my co-workers laugh at me when i ask about a song--uh, ck that is like two years old. forgive me, i'm not hip w/ current music.

so, back to the 80s....i'll tumble 4 ya....really, c'mon everyone sing along. boy george kicks ass. (did i mention i'm on my third cup of java this morning and it is FRIDAY). whaaaaahooooooo! and the girl comes home tonight-----yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh. it's been fun to have the boy to myself and for us to share a day as the three of us and i know the girl has had a blast but i need all my little chicks under the same roof again please and thank you.

before she left the girl was immersing herself in the 80s. she wanted me to put her hair in a side pony tail every day. she was singing the songs, more so than usual cos my kids have always been surrounded by 80s music.

personally i'm wondering if i can pull of leggings and skirts. i see that style is coming back. hmmm. possibly not appropriate work attire but how about on the weekends? donut has already told me that banana clips are a no no. shut up! no, i don't really wear them and haven't since college but the hubs likes the look and i have been known to wear them around the house, rarely.

an evening with the boy

the boy and i had a great night.

first we went to dinner at this semi-new place in town that's sort of like panera but not. sort of like it in the fact that you stand in line to place your order and then they call your number to come get it. we ate outside.

dinner conversation was filled with questions. and by filled i mean like about a million. the boy's favorite new phrase is hey mom....

here's a sample:

boy: if you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?
me: well, daddy and i would like to take you and sissy to germany, where we used to live.
boy: yeah, that would be fun. i'd like to go to italy.
me: why?
boy: because that's where they make pizza. i also want to go to egypt to see the sphinx. (that launched a whole discussion on how it was built and the pyramids, etc.)
boy: i'd like to go to france too so i could hear people say (in his best/worst french accent) bonjour madame.

boy: so, if you could only watch one tv channel, what would it be?
me: hmmmm, i guess tlc.
boy: yeah, me too as long as they also showed some star wars.

me: if you could meet three famous people who would you pick?
boy: ewan mcgregor (young obi wan), james earl jones (voice of darth) and that dude who played luke. what about you mom?
me: stephen king, rod stewart and vincent van gogh, even though he's dead.

boy: if there was only one store left which one would you want it to be?
me: target or bath and body works.
boy: i'd pick target too because they have lots of star wars stuff.

after dinner we went to target : ) actually this had been part of my plan. since the girl is on her trip and got spending money, etc. we thought it would be nice to let the boy get something too. he got a star wars movie (he has the original first three now) and a lego set.

we strolled around target after that, cos you just can't walk in and walk out. that would be so rude. i stopped in the makeup section because of an almay commercial i saw. i know right? anyway, the commercial was about how they have stuff color coded so you know what looks good w/ your eye color. cool i thought. my eyes are hazel. i don't wear lots of makeup to begin with, usually just eyeliner and mascara, a little blush. sometimes i go all out and throw on some eye shadow. so for hazel eyes almay recommends this raisin in the sun eyeliner. ok. got it. (i usually wear blue and had bought some brown that isn't really working for me). then mascara. almay suggests.....green. yes. green mascara. ok. i ALMOST bought it. but dude, i wore green mascara in high school. is that shit still ok to do??? i mean seriously? to work? green mascara? hmm. i passed on that but might talk myself into it. (oh, and did i mention i got a starbucks coffee on the way out? perhaps that's why i just wasted a whole paragraph on makeup??)

we got home, the boy hopped in the bath tub and then...finally...the girl called. i had not heard from her since the bus pulled out of the parking lot at 7:42 this morning. she was wound up. hyper. giggly. barely talking to me. talking more to her roommate. ah...i got frustrated. i just wanted to hear about her day and find out if she was ok and if she said she missed me during that conversation i would have been pleased. she was too hyped up and excited to really talk. i got a little upset. then she called the hubs (remember, he's out of town tonight too). then she called me back to say she called her dad and that she couldn't help being excited. ok i said. i just want you to have fun (and you could say you miss us). it was bitter sweet.

then folks, the fun REALLY began. let me ask...have you ever put together a lego set? have you ever done so with an 8 year old boy who doesn't really like to read the directions? hmph. here's what we made. it took us more than an hour. i am now the fucking lego queen i tell ya. actually, it was kinda fun. i could NEVER design something and create it out of legos, i mean, you know, not something that would actually resemble a real object. but following the directions? yep. we did it. it's a lot of counting and paying attention and the directions are, for the most part, easy to follow. i now have mad lego skilz. you may now bow down to my awesome connective abilities. we left the sticker application for tomorrow though, it was already after his bedtime.

troublesome thought about rod stewart

most of you know that my true love is rod stewart. i've written about him here a kabillion times, but really, i am at work and don't have time to search for all the posts to link to and prove this fact. just trust me on this.

this morning the boy gave me a rod cd to put in as we're driving to school. (well, i was driving, he was sitting in the back seat cos he's still too young to ride up front). it was not a good cd, it was one of his more recent ones that is a big band cover cd. i hate it really, but it's rod so i have it. the boy asked if he was still alive. egads!

then i thought, omg, i wonder where i'll be and how i'll react when i hear that rod stewart died?

i'll wait for you to quit laughing. i know i'm a freak. ; )

family math

so strange that i'm thinking mathematically since i despise math and all it is.

anyhoo---this morning the girl left for her 5th grade field trip. she was excited and ready to go. i was devastated but excited for her. i took her to school at the butt crack of dawn (7am) and waited around with her while the buses were loaded. i teetered on the edge of tears each time i looked at her, hugged her about 40 kabillion times (to the point where she was getting annoyed with me i think). there was my girl, my beautiful, blond haired, smart, freckle-faced, funny little baby ready for her first big school trip. she got on the bus and didn't even look back (yes, my heart broke a little). i stood there, tears in my eyes and watched it pull away. then i sobbed uncontrollably as i drove home to see the hubs off for his business trip and take the boy to school.

on the way back to school w/ the boy i said, hmm, well, it's just you and me now. kinda weird huh?

he said, yeah, but weird in a good way. half of the boys in our family are here and half of the girls.

yes, that's right. and half of the kids are here and half of the parents, i said. and half of the brown-eyed people and half of the hazel-eyed people.

wow, i just did math in fractions mom! so, what fun thing are we going to do tonight?

we could go to dinner, i said.

he threw out some suggestions and then said, but i'm open, anywhere you want to go is fine too.

who am i?

i'm a virgo.

Virgos are often put down badly by many astrologers and written up as being fussy and narrow-minded. (i don't think i'm narrow minded) But when a Virgo shines, there is practically no sign to match their inner light. An in-tune Virgo is a treat to meet. When a Virgo is confident within themselves they are the most successful, structured and creative of all the signs.

Many Virgos can be found working in the "service to others" industries, ranging from welfare work, doctors, school-teachers through to practising natural forms of healing like massage, herbal remedies etc. (none of these really apply though i'd love a massage)

One of the most magical characteristics of the Virgo is no matter how many times life or romance turns sour on them, they still manage to maintain faith in others, refusing to become cynical. There is ingenuity around this sign, a kind-heartedness, which unfortunately is sometimes played upon by others for their advantage. Virgos can often become victims of relationship power-games, where they are mistreated. Creative and sensitive, Virgos are delicate people who, like rare and special orchids, require individual treatment to fully blossom into their true unique beauty. (can we say high maintenance?) Shy, (i don't think i am) they are happy to allow others to take centre-stage (but i don't enjoy limelight) and often generate their time and energy into making those they love happy or successful.

Virgos are givers and when the chips are down and you need a friend, the one available during those testing times when you need advice or companionship the most, is likely to be a Virgo. Virgos understand human frailties better than most, because they are so deep and reflective themselves. With a Virgo in your life you have someone who understands and cares and any romance or friendship based upon these qualities is certain to be mutually rewarding.

by the chinese zodiac i am a monkey.
Charming, charismatic and extremely inventive, Monkey people are most noted for their intelligence and clever genius in working out difficult problems for themselves and others. (not really a good problem solver)

Cheerful and energetic by nature, they attract many friends with their magnetic personality and innate tact and diplomacy which may dissolve into condescension at times. They are impatient when it comes to getting their way, but their anger cools quickly. (true dat!)

Extremely curious and thirsty for knowledge, Monkeys are never happier than when absorbing facts and information, and possessed of a near photographic memory (LOL, uh, hell no) usually retain all they have learned. For this reason, their inventiveness in tackling thorny problems with the greatest of ease usually earns them well-deserved admiration and appreciation from business associates, friends and loved ones.

Loyal and devoted to friends, Monkeys are ardent and passionate in romance, but they may quickly lose interest in the object of their affection and seek out another. This general fickleness is also seen in their abandonment of projects if not allowed to immerse themselves in them immediately, and in their eating habits they usually prefer a quick snack during the day rather than sitting down to a full meal. (and yet somehow i've managed to stick w/ the hubs for more than two decades---take that fickleness!)

With their considerable talent and extraordinary originality, Monkeys may enjoy luck and in whatever career they choose, but usually excel as troubleshooters, scientists, researchers or inventors. (mmm, no, not so much)

happy earth day

good morning. how are you? i'm much better now thank you very much. thanks for the comments. it's always good to know we're not the only fucked up couple that fights : ) of course i know we aren't but it's still good to hear.

now, on to other things.

earth day. i'm feeling quite guilty. we don't recycle. we used to, long ago. now we live outside the city limits though and we don't get those cool green bins to dump all of your recyclables in. i did email our mayor yesterday and ask what options we had in our town. we live in a small town and our mayor (our first female mayor) also is the organizer of the lego club the boy is involved in. we can drop cardboard off at our fire stations and there's a recycling center in town. who knew? so, i'm going to do some investigating and see if we can make that work. Sue has recently been posting about going green too, though she's way ahead of the curve compared to me.

the girl leaves tomorrow morning for her 5th grade williamsburg trip. they are visiting jamestown, colonial williamsburg and the yorktonw. she will be gone until 8:30pm friday. i'm not liking this at all. yes, i totally want her to have fun and explore and blossom and all that crap, but did you hear me? MY BABY IS GOING AWAY FOR TWO NIGHTS! yes, she has been away longer before, but that was always with a family member. this time we are trusting her to the care of adults i don't really know. yes, i know her teachers and i know some of the moms going, but i don't KNOW them, ya know? i realize this is part of growing up. i realize this is probably going to be the simplest part of growing up, this trip. i realize this is but the tip of the ice berg and some day way too soon for me, she will be leaving us, going to college and making her own way in the world. it scares the shit out of me. go ahead, say it...overprotective much? yes, yes i am thank you.

next thing. sweet t came over saturday and we finally watched sweeney todd. hmmm, what to say about it. johnny depp can sing. really, he can. i loved the cast. it was sort of like having edward scissorhands and harry potter mixed together as far as the cast went, cept winona ryder was missing. i was not too put off that it was a musical. i mean i love the sound of music, moulin rouge, dreamgirls and chicago. i just think it might have been better if it weren't a musical. the story is compelling. i might have to watch it again to fall in love with it. i can certainly say that if johnny depp weren't in it i probably wouldn't have bothered.

the boy is feeling a little left out these days. the girl's going on her trip so of course there are things she needs and things we've gotten her for the trip. when we got her prepaid cell phone (yes, we got her one) he got to pick out some star wars stuff. my mom took the girl shopping sunday and got her a cd player (which, apparently are phasing out cos they were hard to find. ipods/mp3 players are taking over). we try to do special things with the boy to make up for it, but this too is part of growing up. she's older and will get to do things before he does. for those other moms out there, how do you handle this type of thing?

power struggle

i'm in a quiet, shell-shocked mood today; one that comes after a long evening of arguing. ugh, the arguing part of marriage totally sucks balls.

though what starts the argument varies from time to time, the arguing itself has become something of a morbid dance of sorts. do you find this to be the case in your relationships? like you could pretty much have the argument all by yourself because you know exactly what the other one will say?

first let me say that we did make up. we've gotten better at this over the years. i used to be very passive aggressive and just shut down at some point, huff and go off to bed. it could be a day or two before we got back on track. now we typically get it all out (sort of like a cancer) in the open and then make up in the same night. this is not to say that whatever the issue was gets resolved, but we have truces.

second i should also say that we do not argue like we used to. in the beginning we argued. a lot. the hubs says if he had a nickle for every time i threatened to divorce him we could put the kids through college. this was a learned behavior for me; my mom always said that. actually, over the last five years our fights haven't been nearly as hurtful and catastrophic and i don't threaten divorce anymore.

third--we don't argue in front of the kids. not the serious arguing. not the mean, button-pushing arguing. this is not to say they don't ever hear us have words with each other. but, since both of us grew up hearing the knock down drag out fights our parents waged at each other, we refuse to do that to our kids.

the thing is, the hubs and i are both so pig headed strong willed. the issue, whatever it was that started it, gets lost as we try to "win" the fight. we both do it, we know this. i don't know how to break that pattern. i don't know how to actually have a fight and resolve the issue to make changes.

part of the thing is, and i'm sure anyone in a long term relationship can understand this, that everyone at some point feels like they aren't appreciated. that they are taken for granted. everyone feels that from time to time right? each person feels like they're the one making the effort or doing this or that.

sometimes the day-to-day things in life smother you and the last thing on your mind is making your sig other feel special. it's not that they aren't the most important person in your life, but they get neglected. this is especially true when you throw in a couple of kids. the hubs and i need some us time.

random thought friday

it has been made mention this week that i'm quiet. eh. i have a lot going on in my head. like seriously questioning what the fuck i'm doing in this job. for about 10 years now i've basically been doing the same thing, writing the same story over and over again and i'm over it. different business trips, different people, different product, but essentially it's the same thing. and deadlines. i think this is why i procrastinate. it is the only challenge left.

i wish i had the balls to get a different job. it's not just that i hate getting out of my comfort zone but also that i don't work because it's all grins and giggles, i work for a paycheck, and in these here parts there isn't a whole lot of what i do to go around. plus i carry our insurance.

i'm not upset or anything, just thinking, as i do every so often, that this job is not what life is about.

other thoughts.

do you like having your butt rubbed? yeah, me too. the hubs says it's like a meter for him. rub, rub, rub and i get quiet means it's soothing and i've fallen asleep. rub, rub, rub and i back up to him like meow the cat in heat and he knows he's getting lucky. sorry, probably tmi but whatareyagonnado?

motivation...

...i gots none.

not just today but in general. emailing w/ my peep sweet t this morning i realized that i am, for the most part, an unmotivated person. i won't say lazy cos i'm not lazy. i do procrastinate (hence the blog post when i should be working).

the hubs, on the other hand, is incredibly motivated. in so very many ways we are so different, opposites, but not really. we're both strong minded want to be the boss types (the boss at home, i don't care anything about being the boss at work). however, he always has something going on in his head. he's always planning, thinking through a project, wanting to do something. me? i think abstractly and would rather lounge a round a bit and then get to the work.

let's take the yard for example. one of my absolute favorite things to do is to salivate over bulb catalogs. it's almost orgasmic thinking of all the things we he could plant. it must be noted that when it comes to the yard we both do the plant/flower selection, i say where i think they need to go and he does the work. of all the different things in our yard i started one flower bed. he sprays them w/ quick grow stuff, tends them, babies them. i mow. i do sometimes weed the beds too. and i like looking at the progress.

but the hubs is always motivated to get something done. though sometimes it wears me out and i just want to say, uh, hey, could we have a day off one weekend? i also know that if he weren't motivated and didn't push us to do stuff i'd probably be a slug.

the things he's good at make me better and the things i'm good at make him better.

he is tenacious. when he gets something in his mind, some thought or plan or project, he's not right with the world until it's completed. this is very very admirable. much more so than my half-assed way of doing most things and thinking, eh, i'll get to it later.

the boy is very much like the hubs. when he's focused on something he is relentless. take this week for example. he has started planning his halloween costume. (yes, it is six months away). though we all know halloween is my favorite holiday, even i haven't given this much thought. however, the boy is planning his star wars costume. he is wanting to make it now. he talks about it ever. single. day.

if my men were a math equation they would be:

boy/star wars + hubs/yard=happiness

omg she's soooo cute

ok, i know, everyone says that about babies, but hell that baby niece of mine is caaaaaaaayuuuuuttee.

i went to the hospital around lunch today, after all the grandparents had been there and gone. i sat for about three hours just holding her. i got to feed her a bottle. i'm in love with her. briefly i was sad because i missed that whole experience w/ her brother. that was six years ago. when my brother and i were on the outs (because of an issue w/ my sister). anyway, i let that go because there's nothing i can do about that time.

later in the afternoon my sil's sister and her family arrived. i felt awkward, like an outsider. not because of anything anyone said or did at all, just like the odd man out or something. it's sort of the whole idea of when a boy gets married his family "loses" him because he becomes more a part of the girl's family. it's like puddin' isn't just OUR niece.

this is totally horrible to say but i feel like i'm in competition with my sil's sister as far as being the aunt. i don't know why i feel that way. worse, i totally feel like it's something my mom, with all her pettiness, would say/feel and i hate that the thought even crossed my mind. wtf is wrong with me???

anyway, holding her, smelling her...wow. it took me back to when mine were that new. i am totally sure i'm forgetting the bad things, but i really, really loved being pregnant. i loved them being babies. for the last two days i've thought, oh please, just let's have one more. just one itty bitty baby. really folks, it's been consuming me.

the realistic, grownup part of me really does know and understand that this is totally impossible. both physically and in every other way. i mean really. i'm 40. aside from the fact that my tubes are tied 40 is not the best time to have a kid. we have a 3 bedroom house. and yes, i realize kids share rooms all the time but if it were a boy that would be a baby and a nine year old or a girl, baby and a 12 year old. just not good. plus there's the financial thing. we're coming out of the financial dark side and will have two college educations to prepare for.

then the hubs made a statement i hated but in thinking about it i can understand. he said our kids are just now to the point where he'd be ok if he died. no, not that he's wanting to die, but if something did happen to him at this point in life, they are not babies and he would feel at least a little more comfortable.

so we will just shower our little puddin w/ tons of love. i will try not to smother my sil and bro (cos i can feel it just under the surface. good lord just imagine me as a nana!!!)

and hey, even though they aren't babies any longer, my babies are just as totally incredible. remember the "club house" they built during spring break? here it is.

puddin' is here!

last night around 8ish my newest niece was born! : ) my SIL had been running a fever and was dehydrated monday and yesterday the baby decided it was time to get the hell out. my bro called around 7ish and i was on my way to the hospital. a few minutes later i found out they'd wheeled the SIL back to do a c-section cos the baby was stressing out.

turns out the SIL either has some type of strep or is a carrier (i'm unclear on the details just yet) and the umbilical cord was loose around puddin's neck. all told my bro said they were at the hospital maybe 3 hours before she was born.

all is well and both SIL and puddin' are doing great. i didn't get to hold her last night, just look at her through the glass but she's as cute as she can be. 8 lbs 6oz and 21 3/4" long. she has hair but not sure yet what color it is exactly, possibly blond or even red (my sil is a red head).

my nephew is going to meet his sister this morning, though when my bro talked to him on the phone earlier my nephew said he was freaking out about it and not sure if he wanted to see her. he's with the sil's parents now.

happy first day of life puddin'!

yesterday was also the girl's 11 yr. check up. even though she had a female doctor (up to this point she's always seen a man) she was still shy about the exam (NOT internal, not yet). we talked about the guardasil shot and decided to hold off on that until 12 or 13 cos she already had to get 3 booster shots.

i know there are some parents who are leery of all the shots given these days. i can't say that i know everything about everything, obviously, but i'm pretty much for giving my kids any shots that are going to prevent something lifethreatening or that will make it less of an issue. i did opt not to give her the hep a shot cos that's for food born hepatitis and as far as i know that is not life threatening.

i have a question for you. last night i dreamt that one of my friends and her family stopped by to visit and she was obviously pregnant (don't panic, it wasn't any of you). i know her husband has had a vasectomy but she was at least 6-7 months pregnant in my dream. for the newcomers, it should be noted that any time i've had a dream about someone being pregnant (myself or others) it has been true. however, i also dreamt that this friend had something wrong. this will sound weird but it was nose cancer. i don't even know if that's possible.

my question is, should i tell her about this dream? would you want me to tell if it were you?

procrastinator extraordinaire

dammit, i really was working earlier today but about an hour ago i had a writer's block and googled lolcats. sweet t sent me a link to this site some time ago but i had not fully explored it. last night i read a blog talking about it and apparently i am way behind the times on the whole lolcat thing. this site cracks me the hell up. here's what wikipedia says about the phenom. did y'all know about this and not tell me?

i just lost an hour of my day reading that site. too fucking funny.

i'm already thinking about the cat pictures we have and what i can do with them.

quiet house (*material updated)

it's 10:15 pm. the house is quiet. uh, except for the snoring coming from the couch (the hubs isn't feeling well. i should clarify, he always snores but normally he's not asleep at 10:15.) the kids are in bed. the tv is off.

i've been poking around the net, looking for new blogs to read. soon i'm going to update that section to the right--the places i go--so you too can have new blogs to peruse. let me know if you have any suggestions.

also, i set up this email addy, creativekerfuffle@yahoo.com, in case you ever want to email.

i found this bit of fun tonight, and since i love the hell out of testy things here we go.
* the next day. of course i couldn't just leave it at ONE word. that just wouldn't do. i've never been known for my brevity.

One Word Meme
You.
Can.
Only.
Type.
One.
Word.
1. Where is your cell phone? purse
2. Your significant other? couch
3. Your hair? curly it used to be more straight but then i had kids.
4. Your mother? manipulative
5. Your father? depressing
6. Your favorite thing? touching and no, just just sexually. i love hugging and cuddling my kids; love hugs from friends; love petting my family.
7. Your dream last night? forgotten
8. Your favorite drink? tea
9. Your dream/goal? novel one day i hope to write something amazing
10. The room you're in? den
11. Your ex? unknown i don't really have an ex cos aside from the hubs i only actually DATED one other person and that was when i was 15. i am defining dating as declaring that you are boyfriend/girlfriend.
12. Your fear? escalators my biggest fears are the hubs dying and me fucking up my kids.
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? retired this obviously is not going to happen.
14. Where were you last night? home
15. What you're not? stupid
16. Muffins? yum
17. One of your wish list items? weed
18. Where you grew up? everywhere i'm an army brat so i can't claim one place for growing up, as if i HAVE grown up
19. The last thing you did? read
20. What are you wearing? pajamas
21. Your TV? off
22. Your pets? asleep
23. Your computer? desktop
24. Your life? happy
25. Your mood? contemplative
26. Missing someone? yes spring makes me think of my grandma (she died the year the boy was born--he was actually born on her birthday) cos the peonies i have from her yard are coming up. i also think of my friend julia (she died a few months after the girl turned 1) because she was always a wiz with gardening and flowers.
27. Your car? transportation
28. Something you're not wearing? bra
29. Favorite Store? target really it's bath & bodyworks but that wasn't one word.
30. Your summer? hot
31. Like someone? yes i like lots of people, who doesn't?
32. Your favorite color? green i like green as a shade/feeling but not to wear it.
33. When is the last time you laughed? today i don't know that there's a day i don't laugh, but the most i've laughed in a long time was saturday.
34. Last time you cried? forgot i did almost tear up when we watched lost night before lost because i thought charlie was going to die, and he very well might.

sensuality

things that make me go.....mmmmmmmmmmmm

sen·su·al
Middle English, from Late Latin sensualis, from Latin sensus sense

1: relating to or consisting in the gratification of the senses or the indulgence of appetite : fleshly2: sensory 13 a: devoted to or preoccupied with the senses or appetites b: voluptuous c: deficient in moral, spiritual, or intellectual interests : worldly; especially : irreligious

1. hike up your skirt a little more and show your world to me....You wear nothing but you wear it so well tied up and twisted the way I'd like to be--crash, dmb



2. the hubs' breath on my face, neck, in my ear

3. Get up, Get up, Get up, Get up, let's make love tonight Wake up, Wake up, Wake up, Wake up, 'cos you do it right Baby I got sick this morning A sea was storming inside of me Baby I think I'm capsizing The waves are rising and rising And when I get that feeling I want Sexual Healing--sexual healing, marvin gaye

4. when the hubs walks by and touches me for no apparent reason.



5. this. ok, not really sensual, but hot.

6. kissing--the most sensual of all things

contentment

it's quarter til 8 on sunday evening and i thought i'd update since it's been a few days. i don't know if it's because it's (sort of) spring (though it is supposed to get down in the 30s at night this week and 50s in the daytime) and we're out in the yard more or that i feel like i've run out of anything exciting to share, but i've not been blogging as much lately.

i poked around today, reading other blogs, looking for inspiration. i ventured outside of my usual reads a bit and didn't find anything fantabulous that struck my fancy.

plus i feel like when i read other blogs it sort of influences my writing. i never started this as a parent blog, but it seems like that's what i've been writing about a lot lately. parenting.

i mentioned that the boy got in trouble earlier in the week right? not raising his hand, playing when he shouldn't be, etc. well, friday afternoon his teacher called me after school. he got in trouble again. first he got in trouble in reading (she didn't know exactly why cos he was w/ the reading teacher) and had to flip his card twice. then, when they came back to class from reading and that teacher told his teacher, she made him flip his card (three strikes a note goes home) and the boy got mad and flipped a chair over. he also brought a star wars figure to class (they aren't supposed to have toys in school).

his teacher called to tell me this instead of sending a note home since he'd had trouble earlier in the week. when i picked the kids up from daycare the boy was very honest and before i could even ask how his day was he told me he'd gotten in trouble. he said the reason he got in trouble in reading is that they didn't have any books on his level and he didn't want to read the ones they had. the girl piped up and sort of defended the boy by saying the reading teacher is a bit strict and she's known for making you flip your card. really, that part i didn't have too much of a problem with. if they don't have books that will entice him or that are too easy for him that's not his fault. the chair flipping/mismanagement of anger bothered me.

so, starting tomorrow though friday the boy has lost his tv privileges. at 8 and 11 i think my kids are too old for spanking, plus, once they were old enough to understand punishment (as in they weren't toddlers when they got swatted on the hand or butt for doing something (sticking fingers in light sockets or whatever) that would hurt them) spankings didn't really work. taking away something (tv, toys, computer, allowance) works better on them.

we'll see how he does this week. cross your fingers.

saturday my bro came over and helped the hubs w/ heavy lifting/manly stuff. they went to pick up our new couch and love seat. our previous one was 11 years old and though you might sit on a cushion next to someone, in short order you'd both sink to the middle of the furniture. plus, there was a big going out of business sale at a local store. plus the new set matches the kick ass recliner i got awhile back. pseudo suede microfiber luscious chocolate. the boy said now the den is the brown room. they also went to pick up my new friend, the yard machine 19 horsepower red lawn mower. as you may recall, my other one died.

saturday night the bro, my nephew and donut and ninja came over. my sil wasn't feeling well so hopefully she got a little peace and quiet w/ the boys out of the house. it was a pretty spur of the moment thing (else i would have invited you all over) and my first thought really was more about getting the pregnant women together. : )

that was great fun too though. i woke up this morning w/ my sides still hurting from laughing so much. i think i've said this before, but ninja is like one of the funniest people on earth and it's like he doesn't even try to be. the hubs said you could be having the shittiest day ever--get fired from your job, get hit by a truck, lose your house--and then after 30 minutes w/ ninja you'd be like, yeah, this is cool. high praise indeed seeing as how the hubs doesn't generally like a lot of people.

today i tried out my new lawn mower. well, actually i gave her a spin yesterday but actually mowed the yard today. i felt like i was on a first date.

you know how it is, you don't yet know the other person's moods or expressions. you don't know what each look means or if you push this button will they do this. so i'm learning. she's different than my old friend. her seat is smaller (and no, it's not that my butt got bigger cos my bro and the hubs said it was smaller too). she's much more powerful, though why you'd need to speed (really, she can go very fast) around the yard i have no idea. the blades are sharp. the pedals are different. the blade lowers differently. i will get used to these changes. eventually, when i win the lottery, i will have a mower w/ a zero turn radius. you laugh. it would make mowing so much easier. let me explain for those of you still reading. our front yard slopes. a lot. i have never found a way to go back and forth in a straight line to get that nice look you see on well manicured lawns. i just basically keep going around and around the perimeter until it gets smaller and smaller. i tried mowing back and forth today but you have to swing---holy shit i'm not even going to finish this train of thought because it's utterly ridiculous and boring. suffice it to say i have wet dreams about zero turn radius lawn mowers.

sweet t---i got sweeny todd today so think about a time when you'd like to come over for a special viewing : )

i truly am in blog limbo---i can't even think of anything dirty or scintillating to talk about.

the sex talk

oy vey. tonight at school parents got to preview the videos our young, impressionable 5th graders are going to be watching in about a month.

these are not the same movies i saw in 5th grade. first of all, they're videos, which did not exist 30 years ago. we watched films. remember those? these were actually tastefully done. they talked about puberty and the changes that will happen in boys and girls. there is also a video about aids. i thought that one was pretty lame because it really was more about kids saying what they liked and what they would miss if they made stupid choices (aka shared needles or had sex). it sounded a bit preachy to me.

some parents at the meeting were obviously agitated and really worried about dealing with these issues. the school can only say and do so much and the teachers told us that the kids are allowed to write down questions and they will answers some but i guess the questions that need in-depth explaining are referred to the parents. all of this is fine with me because we've been pretty open with the kids about their bodies, sex, etc. they can ask us pretty much anything.

however, tonight she asked something we weren't quite ready to answer. she's never come right out and asked about the sex act. she knows parents have sex and that's how babies are made. we have not given her the specifics. tonight she asked (because of something she saw on tv) how gay men have sex. uh, i'm just not ready to tell her these things.

sometimes i do question things that we've done that can't be undone--like some of the shows the kids watch. the girl loves csi, law and order, etc. frequently there are sexual issues on these shows. we watch them with her and answer many, many questions. she probably knows way more than she should and way more than other kids her age. however, i think the key has been that we talk about it and she's not afraid to ask us anything. i am not looking to the school system to teach my kids about sex so these upcoming lessons do not bother me.

some of the parents at the meeting tonight are obviously not ready for these discussions to take place. aside from not being ready to tell the girl that tab b can go in slot a, c or d or wherever, i'm not too worried about what she's going to learn in school.

let's play catch up shall we?

• the countdown for my SIL's due date is 8 days! in 8 days, give or take a day, i will be an aunt again. i can't wait. i'm pretty excited.
• i've been working a trade show this week (hence my blogging absence). nothing like going from the leisurely days of spring break right smack dab into an incredibly busy time. however, this wasn't one of our major shows so at least i wasn't getting home late every night. however, i did pretty much crash before my usual bedtime.
• i was mistaken for someone younger this week. a vendor i was talking too lumped me in to his age group (i thought he was about 26). he said he was 32 and i said, uh, yeah, i'll be 40 this year. i think he was honest though when he said i didn't look 40. eh, who cares if he was lying, i don't feel 40. well, this week, with all the walking i guess i do.
• i think appliances and mechanical things in your house talk to each other and plot conspiracies. i think my beloved lawn mower is in cahoots with the coffee pot. it died yesterday too. dammit. i never liked that coffee pot anyway but still--this morning it was a bitch trying to get my eyes open and my brain to work without coffee.
• the boy is having some behavior issues at school. i walked the kids into school one day this week (normally we just do the drive by drop off) and his teacher asked to speak to me. apparently the boy is acting out. not raising his hand, speaking out of turn, trying to be the class clown, getting mad when he's asked to flip his card (three card flips and a note goes home). he was given a note monday that he did not bring home. this has happened more frequently this year in second grade. i'm not sure if it's because he's bored in class or that he had the same teacher for K and 1st grade and she adored him and vice versa. although his teacher said he's having trouble w/ other teachers too, not just her. his punishment was that he had to give up all (like 20) light sabers for 2 days. a crushing blow to our budding jedi knight.
• astarte left some interesting thoughts on the sleepy sunday post that i'm addressing here rather than in comments. first on the sister asking me to help decorate. my sister doesn't know how i really feel about her i guess because i'm being two faced cordial to her. she is 12 yrs. younger than me and though i suppose she is doing better now, she's done some really fucked up things in her life and caused a lot of family grief. she also is so much like my mom (manipulative and oh, poor me i have a rough life) and that contributes to why i don't like her. i am nice to her and my parents but they are not people i would pick as friends and not people that i enjoy spending oodles of time with.
• on star wars--i'm with astarte and i totally do not like the new movies. they don't have the same feel and i really prefer the original three. han solo is much better and i still have a hard time w/ ewan being obi wan or one or whatever the spelling is. the boy is so immersed in this world right now. it's all star wars all the time. the original three are on this weekend and i'm hoping at least he'll watch them and like them as much as the second set cos i'm really over seeing annikin being burned alive and turned into darth vadar.
• regarding sex. for those of you with kids--do you have a hard time being quiet during sex? i really do try to be mindful of this (cos apparently i'm pretty vocal) because i still remember being in high school and hearing my parents have sex. it was gross. i think in general women are loud than men. what say you?
• the girl is in full on 80s mode these days. both of my kids (bless their hearts) love 80s music (must be because that's usually what we play in the car w/ them, though they also like some van morrison and maroon 5). she's had me put her hair in a sideways ponytail every day this week. she's walking around singing pass the dutchie and straight up. they both love stray cat strutt and eye of the tiger. granted these are not the best of the 80s songs but it's certainly better than some of the crap on the radio now. if she starts wearing leg warmers (do they even sell them now?) i'm really going to laugh : )

sleepy sunday

little bits of random stuff today as i'm still on my first cup of coffee.

the kids slept in the club house last night (blankets thrown over the dining room table.) it's 11 and the girl is still asleep under there. eh, at least that room is getting used. honestly a "formal" dining room is such a waste. i still want to knock out the wall between my dining room and kitchen and make it one big space. maybe some day. the girl's cat is standing guard of the club house. really, she's been sitting there at the "entrance" while the girl sleeps.

so charlton heston is dead. they said of unknown reasons. uh, really? perhaps OLD AGE? he's like a hundred right? sadly the only things i can think about him are the 10 commandments and planet of the apes. i'm sure he did other stuff right?

my sister, you know, the one i don't really like? asked me to help her decorate her apartment when she gets her tax refund. dear lord. first, that would mean spending a lot of time with her and it would probably be just me and her and i really don't think i could do that. really. second, i don't think i'm a decorator in any way shape or form. our "style" if you could call it one, has been an evolution and our house is full of things we've gathered over the years and things that represent our personality. i think she thinks we can just go out and buy her style in an after noon. i just felt weird about her asking me and i don't want to do it.

we've watched a lot of lost this week. we're in season three about halfway done. i have never watched a show that has twisted my brain so much. this show keeps me guessing at every turn and i'm always surprised. i'm perplexed actually. it's like there is absolutely no logic to any scenario until it has been totally unfolded for you and then you're like, oh yeah, ok.

if you've read for any length of time you know i'm not a cook. it's ok, i realize i have other talents. anyway, last night i made (from a box of course) these betty crocker mashed sweet potatoes. for the record i do not ever make boxed mashed potatoes. that's just wrong. (boxed any other kind of potato ok, but not mashed). mashes sweet potatoes are soooo yummy. just in case you were looking for something quick, new and easy to add to your food lineup.

what else? oh yeah, spike tv is airing all of the star wars movies. oy vey i'm so damn confused. why couldn't george lucas just stick to the three he first made? clones? sith? i don't know who's who. now we have samuel l. jackson and ewan in harrison ford's realm and it's freaking me out. the boy knows each and every one of these characters and has each color of the light sabers and when we play "in my world" games we are all characters from the movies. he wants to light saber battle all of us all the time.

spring break 2008 comes to a close

well, ok we have tomorrow, but it's sort of done now.

let's recap shall we? (not for you cos i'm sure you're probably bored to death of this but for me cos this is something i'll want to remember in a decade or so when i have alzheimers.)

last friday night the girl went to the movies w/ a friend and we hung out with the boy. cool to have one kid at a time.

saturday the girl and i went to my SIL's shower and then we hung out and had dinner w/ them. i think we're becoming dinner snobs cos we ate at this buffet place and really, i don't think i like those types of places so much now.

sunday (see i'm already forgetting things) i think we just hung out and did yard stuff.

monday the kids each had a friend over and we got screwed by home depot when they installed french doors that were supposed to be custom but were not. the patio doors were the last that needed replaced and home depot told us (after their guy came to measure) that we needed custom doors cos our hole was not standard. (yeah, i said hole, go ahead, laugh. i did.) they told us custom doors to justify the extra $400 they were raping us for. (the doors are loverly--they're the kind with the blinds in the glass. soo coooll). so the hubs spent the rest of the week communicating nicely with home depot corporate and the store and for all that they're sending us a fucking $100 home depot gift card. fuckers. the doors look great though, even though they were not custom (they simply were not the size in stock at the store). fuckers.

monday also was movie night--me w/ the girls and the hubs w/ the kids.

tuesday was art museum in the capital (or is it capitol?) city. i loved it. i think the hubs enjoyed it. the kids have proclaimed it their least favorite thing of the whole week. unkay, so i'm raising cultural idiots. perhaps someday they'll grow into art.

wednesday was ice cream and the library and target.

thursday was the park. our local park that's like five minutes from the house that we've been to a million times before. this ranked as one of their favorite things this week.

friday the boy had a sleepover at my folks' house with his cousins. the girl has aged out of these as the boy is the next oldest grandkid and he's 8. (then there is my niece who's 7, my nephew who's 6 and my littlest nephew is 4--puddin will be the baby cousin when she comes in two weeks or sooner : ) ) last night we just hung out, painted our nails (except for the hubs of course), let her stay up really late and she sat on my lap most of the night. funny huh? too old for a sleepover w/ the cousins but not too old to cuddle on mom's lap. god i love that.

today we picked up the boy and went to sciworks. it's this totally cool science/hands on museum and there's an outdoor park/farm/wildlife area (which we didn't get to do cos of the rain--yeah, it's been raining off and on all week) AND a planetarium. omg i love the planetarium. the museum is very cool and won as the favorite activity of the week. i think we're going to get season passes. the kids were less enthralled w/ the planetarium than the hubs and i. we loved it. they liked it for the first 30 minutes (it lasted an hour) but then they were getting bored. overall though, it was very cool.

still raining when we got home. the kids went to play in their "club house" (this is blankets hanging over the dining room table) and the hubs and i went to play in our room ; ) and then we took a nap and now i'm making dinner/blogging.

this has probably been one of the best weeks we've had (at least in my book) in a long time. i loved going to the beach last year on spring break, it was awesome. but this week has been just as awesome. it really does make me want to quit my job and hang out with my family all the time. of course i'd probably not like it if i did it every day. plus the hubs would still have to work and we really couldn't make it on the one salary so we couldn't go anywhere so it would end up sucking a lot.

tomorrow evening i have to do a work thing and then monday launches me right into a hellaciously busy work week w/ another market. dear lord i don't know if i have the energy to look at product, once again, and say ohhh, ahhh, yes that's soooo innovative. excuse me, i just threw up a little in my mouth.

in sync

many of you who either know me in person or have been reading for awhile know that the hubs and i have been together forever for the better part of 25 years. we met when i was 14, started dating when i was 15 and got married when i was 24.

this longevity affords us many perks, one of which is mostly being in sync with each other's thoughts. people have often remarked at our ability to finish each other's sentences. it is pretty cool and something i mostly take for granted really. this does not mean we are always on the same page or that we are always happy and the perfect couple--that does not exist in any relationship. however, we are pretty good together.

this week we've both noticed our uncanny ability even more. perhaps it's because since last saturday we've all spent more time together, mostly just the four of us, than usual. whatever the case, the hubs and i have had like a vulcan mind meld thing going on this week.

tuesday on the way back from the art museum we stopped for lunch.

the girl was talking about something and mentioned it was april. at that very moment i thought, shit, it's april first and we haven't even played any april fool jokes on anyone. just as i was trying to think of something to pull on the kids the hubs looked at me like he was reading my mind and told the kids he was going to have to leave tomorrow. the boy's first thoughts were, uh, ok but you're still going to record star wars for me friday night right? then i said that actually, since my company is up for sale we were going to be moving to montana (i know, we're horribly mean parents).

the girl's first question was where is montana. (yeah, great fifth grade geography huh?) sadly my answer was it's one of the squarish states out west. the boy immediately burst into tears. the hubs and i looked at each other like wtf?

boy, why are you crying? because if we move to montana i won't see john anymore (his best friend, the boy that came over to play the other day). he was devastated. seriously little dude was beside himself. the hubs was like, uh, wtf, when i was going to move away you were worried about star wars but if we're all moving you just care about john. kid's are so weird.

anyway, that is just one of about a million examples of how in sync the hubs and i have been this week. i'm sure it would be funny to hear our conversations.

me: i'd like to go to...
him: yeah me too and look at those...
me: oh, yeah, i really like those too. they'd look good...
him. yes, i think so too.

spring break update:
yesterday we went to the library (i checked out a trashy romance novel and i've almost finished it), did a little shopping and got ice cream and cooked out and i took a nap.

today i took the kids to the park (then it started raining) and we've made cookies. the hubs is making wings tonight and we'll probably bake something else soon. i might also take a nap : )

farewell my friend

we met nearly six years ago. the yard machine lt, 17.5 horsepower riding lawn mower. i remember the day exactly. we'd just moved into our house. our first (and probably last) house. we finally had a yard. a big yard. a yard that just could not be mowed with a regular push mower.

i went to our local big box home improvement store and picked her out. i don't even think the hubs was with me. he was back at the house doing something or another--basking in the glow of the huge backyard or something.

i have mowed many a lawn with that trusty green machine. no, she does not turn on a dime like a john deere. she does not have a cup holder, bagger, or any other gadgets, but boy, she could flat cut some grass. raise the blade, lower the blade, up and down the front yard, all across the back. she started showing her age last summer. she got a new battery. she started smoking. it was sad. we had high hopes that she'd be ok this season. the other weekend when we mowed, she was gasping her last breath. she stopped and started. the hubs changed her oil. charged her battery. tried everything he could think of to nurse her back to health.

alas, the poor girl had a seizure today and did not recover.

as the hubs was basically pronouncing her dead, the boy came out and asked him what was wrong with the mower.

she's broken, the hubs said.

well, you could just get mom a john deere, the boy said.

if only. sniff sniff. ah yard machine, you will be missed. (especially this summer when we're push mowing this fucking big yard.)

the first time i got drunk

i honestly don't remember it well at all, however, there are pictures to prove it. it was beer i think, german beer (cos we were living in germany). there were two couples there and me. there are pictures of me lying on the floor, glassy eyed. pictures of me in the bathroom. i don't remember getting sick but i probably did. i think i probably asked to taste the beer, just out of curiosity, and that was my undoing evidently.

i was wearing blue, footed pajamas. i was four or five years old. one of the couples was my parents and the other was people they knew from back home, another guy in the army. (who later ended up divorcing that woman he was married to--who was my mom's neighbor growing up--and marrying one of my aunts.)

so, my parents were probably about 24-25, i was the only child at that point. i've heard other people joke about giving their dogs or cats alcohol and getting them drunk. laughing at how they responded to the foreign substance in their bodies. this is what my parents did with me.

now, one could argue (if one was stupid and really wanted to even try to justify this action in any sort of rational way) that my parents were young. it was the 70s, people weren't as aware of the effects of alcohol, yada, yada, yada. they were drunk and didn't see the harm in letting their 4-5 year old taste the beer. from the pictures though it was more than a taste. and they took pictures. apparently they even shared these pictures or told other people about it because i remember, many years later, hearing that my grandma was pretty pissed about the whole thing and my parents didn't understand why.

this is just one of many, many things that happened in my childhood that, once i became a parent, made me go wtf? so when you've read all these posts where i've berated my parents, perhaps you'll understand that it's not all me just being a horrible daughter. i honestly have tried to forgive and forget but i struggle with it all the time. as far as i know, neither my brother nor sister experienced the things i did as a kid. luck of the draw of being the oldest i guess.

movie review

last night i went to the movies, at night, with girlfriends. yes, i know! you'd think, ok six chicks---they're going to see a chick flick right? uh, no. we went to see stop loss.

to be honest i wasn't sure what it was supposed to be about before i decided to go, i just knew it was a movie and going with friends and, as i've said, this is a rare thing for me. before i get to the review i will say that it will be a long, long time before i go to a night time movie in a real movie theater again because that shit cost $9!! can you believe that? in our little town we have a $3 movie theater (it is not plush and fancy but hey, it's $3) and the hubs and kids all got in to see horton hears a who last night while i paid $9 for my ticket alone. (the seats WERE incredibly cushy and big though).

ok, the movie. i'm curious to know which of my friend's idea it was to see this particular movie, not that i'm going to kill them or hold it against them or anything, i'm just curious. i will not spoil the movie tell you the ending but i will review it for you.

the story is that there is this platoon of soldiers in iraq who are about to end their tours and some of them are getting out of the army, so they think. there is this thing called stop loss--that is where, during times of war, the government does not have to actually let you end your stint in the army; sort of like a backwards draft. so, whether you want to reenlist or not, you're back in the army. it sucks. i'm an army brat, the hubs is an army brat, both of our dad's were in viet nam and i think stop loss sucks balls.

i did tear up a time or two because i kept seeing the story from the mother's perspective and kept thinking that when the boy comes of age, if there is a draft, we will move to canada. the hubs is violently opposed to this. (we're on different sides of the fence on this one.) however, i never really felt invested in these characters like i could have been if the movie had been done better. i've seen jarhead, with jake g. and it was so much better. not the same story, but i mean as far as modern day war movie goes, jarhead rocked.

one thing that irritated me about stop loss is that it was full of cliches. no doubt soldiers come home every day and they're fucked in the head; how could you not be? but there was the typical drunk soldier; the one who can't imagine any type of life but the army and violence and killing; and the one who can't deal with the killing he did and just wants to be a peaceful, non-soldier now. they rednecked it up way too much (cos several of these boys were from texas) and there was beer drinking and target practice a lot. let's get drunk and shoot some stuff up and that will make us feel like we're still soldiers. then let's do the typical guy fighting--the kind where they are so close to each other and care so much about each other but they can't say it in words so they get mad and beat the shit out of each other? yeah, that kind.

ok, enough trashing. i still had a good time and it was interesting in that i didn't know what stop loss was, didn't realize how many soldiers (like 81,000) had been stop lossed since the war started and how incredibly unfair it is.

if you're torn between seeing this movie or jarhead, see jarhead.

and broad and donut, don't get mad cos i didn't love the movie : ) i loved going with you guys!

oh, oh wait. there was one really funny thing that happened before the movie started. they showed a trailer for nick cage's upcoming movie. it's all action packed and drama and guns and in thailand and dark--thriller trailer right? then they flash the name of the movie on the screen and all six of us busted out laughing at the same time (there were all of 3-4 other people in the theater)--the name? bangkok dangerous. roflmao.

spring break art style

today we went to the nc museum of art. i had such high hopes for this excursion, especially because of the boy's interest in art.

first we saw modern art. mmmm, yeah, the kids didn't get that so much. this was a challenge for me because i don't "get" a lot of modern art either but some of it is very cool. the boy made comments like, 'i could do that,' (which i've often thought myself) and 'i don't get it,' (to which i tried to tell him that's the great thing about art, especially modern art because it can be whatever you want it to be). that made things a little better because then he started seeing things in the pictures.

the girl was less enthused. she said this wasn't her thing. the egyptian and roman sections brought other comments. there were statues and pots and reliefs, etc. the first nude statue they saw was quite humorous. the girl walked by shielding her eyes. then neither of them could resist closer inspection. it was a male and anatomically correct, well, except his penis had broken off. so they laughed at that. then their was the female statue and the boy had to walk around it and exclaimed that they even put butt cheeks on her. the girl said showing the breasts was soooo inappropriate. i just shook my head. they were growing bored.

the hubs found some impressionist paintings--even a monet. not one of the more well known ones, but a monet nonetheless. it was beautiful. the boy was mildly impressed with that. there were also some andrew wyeth paintings, also lesser known ones, but still impressive to me. the boy said overall it was ok but he thought we were going to see famous paintings. he's still stuck on the mona lisa.

then we went to the outdoor exhibits. these had more interest for them, at least a little. we were outside, they could get close to them. plus i gave them the video camera by that point so they were doing their own walking tour of the grounds. here are a few of the things we saw.

yes, that is a butt and legs and yes, they thought that was pretty funny too. i think that maybe when the museum has a travelling exhibit that has more "famous" things in it we'll go back, but until then i think we'll stick to more hand's on museums.

the hubs and i realized that this is the first time we've been together in a museum since i was in high school (in germany) and he took me to paris for senior spring break. we visited the louve, among other places.

so, despite the gas it took to get there and back, the 75 cent post card i bought of the monet we saw, the lunch on the way home and the yard stick of gum from the outlet stores on the way home, it was a relatively inexpensive day and, though they weren't thrilled with the art, i think the kids did have a good time.

(sorry no inside pics--they weren't allowed.)

pics for you

remember the evil house i told you about in savannah? here it is at night and in the daytime. still creeps me out.

these lovelies are from my front flower bed.
and this is the baby blanket i crocheted for puddin'. : ) i know one crochet stitch and can't follow a pattern to save my life so this is what i would call a true creative effort.