Thursday, March 12, 2009

sweet peace

my grandma died around 3 am this morning in her sleep. i hope, when it's my turn, that i can do the same.

interestingly enough this year marks 25 yrs. since my grandpa died and she's be lonely for him all this time. also, she died the way her mother died. my great grandma was spending the weekend with my grandparents and when my grandma went in to wake her mom one morning she had died in her sleep.

not sure yet on timing, but we'll be heading to wv for her burial maybe sunday or monday.

i am sad but i am happy for her. oddly enough one of the hard things is telling people face to face about it. good are you today? oh, fine, my grandma died. then people of course want to console you and say nice things and that's when i lose my shit and want to bawl. outpourings of kindness release me.

and random things keep running through my head about the eulogy. i can say my things about her, the things she's meant to me or my memories, but i don't know how to be that voice for all. there's no way in hell i'd be able to read it. hell, the hubs and i wrote our own wedding vows and on the video you can't even really hear what i'm saying because i'm crying---though obviously not the same kind of tears.

i'm glad maw-maw did not linger and i'm glad she didn't die tomorrow. not only will it be friday the 13th but it's also my dad's birthday. that would suck to have your mom die on your birthday.


Anonymous said...

I'm very sorry for your loss. I hope you guys don't have too much family drama at the funeral.

Hotch Potchery said...

When I saw you had posted this morning, I was afraid this would be the topic. I am so sorry, and hope your family holds it together!

Astarte said...

I'm glad for her. It sounds like her last few days were exactly as they should have been. She knew everyone loved her, and that you all were thinking about her, and she was home and comfortable. It probably doesn't get any better than that.

I'm sorry you've lost someone you loved so much. Hopefully the funeral will bring closure and not drama.

Kristin.... said...

I'm so sorry. Thinking of you.

Not Your Aunt B said...

I'm sorry- I know you will miss her and these next few days/weeks will be tough. It's funny the little things that trigger memories and emotion.

But to die in your sleep, at home, surrounded by people who love you- we should all have such a peaceful death. And that she is reunited with the love of her life- that is poignant.

Thinking of you...

Gal Friday said...

I haven't had a chance to keep up with your blog in the last day or so, so was surprised but this news.

I am sorry about the way things have went with your grandmother and your loss, but from what you have written you seem at peace with how she died, and that you didn't have to know her as suffering or lingering.
Like another commenter already said, I hope for your sake, there isn't too much drama with the funeral and afterwards. I did read a little about your father in an earluer post and the way he acts reminds me an awful lot of my father who did the same thing when my granmother was sick and then when she died.

drollgirl said...

i am so terribly sorry. i know she just must have been super.

i lost three grandparents last year and it was tough. very tough.

i hope you will be ok. cuddle up with the hubs and let it all out. it hurts and is so sad and i am tearing up right now.

hang in there.

Antoinette Meaterson said...

oh hun, I'm sorry. I'll be thinking of you.

My mother in law's dad died on her 31st wedding anniversary. That really sucks. Whats kinda funny is that day when her husband bought her flowers, he wrote happy anniversary on a sympathy card, just to be cute. Little did he know huh?

Good luck hun. Take care!

Sherendipity said...

Oh, sweetie. I'll echo everything, everything that was said above.
I'm so sorry.
You know how to reach me. I'll be thinking of you.

Pandora said...

Cry,I still cry for my dad,and he died in 2007.That pain never goes away,even if you know your loved one is better off where they are now.You're really lucky to have had her so long.I am 26 years old,and my dad was 76 when he died,and I didn't have the pleasure to know any of my grandparents (they had all died before I was born).