Monday, March 9, 2009

friend or family?

i think i mentioned that saturday my bro/sil/gameboy and puddin came over to hang out right? well, my sister called while they were there to give us her latest update on my grandma. when my mom and sister give updates there is drama. saturday they were getting their oil changed in preparation for a wv trip (i.e. the inevitable funeral). it was this type of drama that caused me to panic last week and run off to the hospital in the middle of the day, only to find out maw-maw's status was as it had been. she's terminal. she's dying. i don't know how much more dramatic you need to get than that. i've come to terms with it. i love her and will miss her and it will be sad but she's doing this on her terms and i'm ok with that.

this morning the hubs calls my sister--yes, he is an instigator, he likes stirring shit up. he asked her whats going on; she said she'd just been out applying for medicaid. not that you stupid bitch(no he didn't say that but he should have) what's the daily update on your grandma. i'd already talked to my aunt last night and knew they were bringing maw-maw home, w/ hospice care, today.

after the update my sister tells the hubs that she's mad about saturday. that she's been trying to fit in and yet we still don't invite her to our house. first of all, this is not quite true. when we have family get togethers, which we do from time to time just to be nice, and invite my folks we invite her family as well. however, when i just want to hang out w/ friends, i do not invite her. she is my sister. she is not my friend. i love her. i do not like her as a person. my brother is a different story. i would be friends w/ him even if he weren't related to me. while i think we've been brought closer because of the things we've gone through w/ our parents/sister, i think even if nothing had happened we would be friends.

for the most part i am so over my parents/sister. i am not angry, i am not upset and i don't expect anything from them. i am nice to them and involve them to a certain degree in our lives but i don't want to be any more submerged in their lives than i already am.

and plus--uh, why the fuck would i invite her over? she's like a spy for my mom so anything we talk about would go right back to my mom; her husband refuses to be engaged in any conversation and she doesn't watch her kids and my nephew terrorizes the dogs or gets in to stuff and my niece needs to be the center of everything (much like her mother).


Anonymous said...

That is interesting...I consider my sister and I friends...but we ended up that way due to really shitty is interesting to think about if there was another one of us....I wonder what would happen with that one?


drollgirl said...

oh lordy. family scenes are such a pain!!!! my younger sister is a dream. i just love her to death. and then i have an older sister and an older brother and they drive me up the FUCKING WALL. oy. i wonder when your sister will get a clue. ever?

Not Your Aunt B said...

I love my sister. We would be friends if we weren't sisters. But she also doesn't have annoying kids, annoying husband, and isn't living off the govt while she's unemployed and pregnant. Harsh, I know. But, you shouldn't have to hang out with her if you don't like her- the family stuff is enough as it is, no?

Having a beer and goldfish for you. We totally lack good adult snacks in this house. And your brother makes me want a brother. Are they less drama than sisters?

Antoinette Meaterson said...

Eesh. Tough. And who tells people that.."Oh, I was just applying for Medicaid" like it's something people do all the time (well it is, but you know what I'm saying) I'm embarrassed by the fact that we qualify for it. (And here I am saying so out loud.)

My sister is awesome. The one just younger than me. The 18 year old is off her damn rocker and the baby is a goofball. I feel your pain. I really do.

Pandora said...

I think it's awesome that you've been able to realise just because these people are your parents/sibling,that doesn't mean you have to cater to their every whim or have them be all up in your life.I know some people who hang on to 'bad' family,purely because their family,but being that family is the worst thing for them.Congrats,and I hope everything goes well with your Grandma.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes families are so strange. My husband's family do not understand that you can't force relationships. I mean, if we enjoy your company, then we'll spend lots of time with you but it's not a non-negotiable obligation that we socialise with you on a regular basis. They're pretty annoying though. It's good you are able to set boundaries and not get sucked into their crap.

creative kerfuffle said...

tracy--i think part of the reason my bro and i are close is because there were issues, not only w/ our parents, but w/ our sister.

drollgirl--i don't think my sis will ever get a clue. she's playing at being a grown up.

bea--goldfish and beer are perfectly acceptable snacks : ) and, at least as far as mine goes, brothers are less of a pain than sisters. however, the hubs has 2 bros and a sis and one of his bros is just as dramatic as the sis, so i think it's just luck of the draw.

tonie--yeah, she has no shame at all. i mean she's outlined public aid as her PLAN FOR THE FUTURE! sheesh. i don't have a problem w/ people needing it or getting unemployement or using it as a stop gap, but not when that is your entire PLAN.

penny--fyi, i do read you but for some reason can't put you in my blogroll (which is were i put my daily reads). don't congrat me just yet on being able to separate the family stuff, in my HEAD i can do that but sometimes the guilt creeps in and i can't.

ali--welcome! : ) setting boundaries is the easy part, it's staying inside them that gets to be difficult sometimes.

Astarte said...

You sound SO HEALTHY about your family, I'm really impressed. I feel that way about my mother. She's my mother, and I have to be polite, but I would never call her a friend, and would have nothing to do with her if we weren't related. In fact, now that I've lived far enough away from her for long enough to get some sense of her as a person separate from me, I can honestly say that she is not someone I would want to hang out with at all.