Wednesday, March 11, 2009

excuse me, i think that's my lung on the floor

i have a cough. i think my lungs might have dislodged themselves and are trying to escape my body. i think it is because the hubs and i are for real talking about quitting smoking. for the last two nights i've slept most of the night in a recliner, hoping for some coughing relief. tonight i took some nyquil, hoping to avoid another recliner night (because i will never be one those couples who has separate beds or separate rooms) but damned if i'm still not coughing. i took an over the counter cough/cold thing last night and every four hours today. i also have eaten a bag of cough drops. they aren't very filling.

a week ago the girl was invited to submit an application for the national junior honor society. she had to list all of her activities and leadership positions. hello--6th grade here, what leadership positions. i am not opposed to activities and i know colleges look at that shit, but isn't the fact that you get good grades enough? anyway, i assumed she wouldn't get in because we didn't have much to put on her application for activities and leadership. but low and behold today she was invited to join the NATIONAL JUNIOR HONOR SOCIETY!!!!!! : ) i'm a bit proud : ) i've always known she was smart, but confirmation of it? i'm so proud and happy for her. there is a breakfast swearing in ceremony at the end of the month. : ) this is me, being happy for my brainiac : )

we went to see my gma this evening. i think we're looking at maybe two days left w/ her. she hasn't been awake all day. she came home monday. her brother came to see her yesterday and she talked to the other one on the phone last night. my aunt said after that she just seemed to relax and basically has slept ever since. she hasn't eaten in about 2-3 days and hasn't had anything to drink in a day. you cannot rouse her from her sleep. she is breathing and comfortable. she looked so frail and small in that bed. her chest heaving up and down, face sunken in. asleep, probably dreaming of my paw-paw. i hope i do not out live the hubs by 25 years. i'm not sure i could bear it. but she did. and now she's ready to go.

one of the many things my dad said last night is that he wants me to write my gma's eulogy (and i guess if possible read it). when the hubs told me that i immediately said no, i can't. i've never written anything like that. what do you say? how do you celebrate 80 years with words?

driving home from work today i had the revelation that despite the fact that my gma is dying and my parents and sister are trying their best to out-drama one another and the fact that i'm still so behind at work and deadlines are looming and the fact that i might soon need a lung transplant because i'm quite sure when i next cough and mine go flying onto the floor the dogs will scarf them down i am feeling peaceful and happy.


Hotch Potchery said...

I am really sorry about your grandmother. That really sucks. Ahh, the eulogy. I fall apart in sad situations, so I couldn't do it, but you are a good writer, so I am sure if you change your mind you will do her justice.

Quitting smoking? I hope Mr. P joins you. His coughing makes me want to throw up a little it sounds like it hurts so bad.

And yay to smarties!

drollgirl said...

you are pretty amazing for being happy despite all the turmoil around you! you could hold seminars and get the rest of us grouchy lazy asses off of our asses!!!

and i wish you luck with the quitting smoking. maybe it is akin to me quitting EATING (one of my favorite things to do!) i know quitting smoking is brutal. my bf tells me from time to time that he is going to quit, and now i just roll my eyes as i have heard it so many times. argh. one of these days i hope he really does, and you too!!! and your hubs!

Pandora said...

I wouldn't want to outlive my boyfriend either.I know we're not married yet,but I can't imagine life without him.It would be too much to bear.

I think you're the best person to do the eulogy.Just imagine what utter drama your parents and sister would try to make out of that situation if they were to do it.At least you would do it with respect and sensitivity and love.There isn't really a wrong way to do it anyway,because if you really love someone,and don't make it about yourself,anything you say will be perfect.

Pandora said...

PS.Congrats on the girls' achievement!I hope you spoil her a bit for this.

broad minded said...

I agree that you are the best person to do the eulogy - maybe the bro could read it though?

congrats on the girl - that is awesome.

and for the cough, try a spoonful of honey.

Astarte said...

Hello, if you don't write it, your DAD might! Ack!!!!!! You're a great writer, and I think you should definitely do it, if you feel at all that you can.

Hooray for the girl!!!! Smartypants! And we'll all be able to say that we knew her when!

Anonymous said...

I joined an online support group to stop smoking. I stopped cold turkey after about 12 years. I was up to around a pack day. I know another online time suck is probably not what you need but it helped me. I have also heard good things about Wellbutrin...


cheatymoon said...

I have a lot of drama going on right now, and I wasn't even going to comment on blogs tonight, but I wanted to here because I can relate to a lot of what you're saying.

1. I too, am coughing like crazy, although I quit smoking 4 years ago (good luck with that - it's worth it!)
2. Despite all the stress and the drama and the being sick, I feel fairly content and happy.
3. If you do decide to write the eulogy, I'm sure you will do a brilliant job.

Good luck. Will be thinking of you!