in limbo

the hubs and i have decided we can probably hold on until may. if i don't have a job by that time we're going to have to start getting rid of stuff, closing up shop and hitting the road. we've discussed it and while in theory moving in w/ his dad in oklahoma would be a good idea, realistically it probably wouldn't be. too much tension; too much emotional bullshit; too much angst. we would have made this decision--when to move--sooner i suppose but lately there have been more jobs to apply for and i've had more interviews. i haven't talked about them for fear of jinxing them, but apparently that's not working either. i had another interview about a week ago and i walked out of it feeling good. one thing about being unemployed for so long is i've started to feel pretty worthless. for someone who has always questioned their abilities anyway, getting a reject letter based on a resume sucks, but getting a reject letter based on what you thought was a good interview sucks even worse. i keep thinking things could be worse. i could work in a city where 41 people were killed in a 24 hour time frame; a wife of one of my husband's coworkers could have been kidnapped in the same city; my brother-in-law could have committed suicide and i could have just found out my mom has cancer. all of these things have happened to people i know and not to me. for this i am thankful but sad and scared for them. ********************* the girl has brought home paperwork to sign up for driver's ed over the summer....a summer that may find us in another state altogether. the bulb catalogs and trays of flowers at the garden centers taunt me. i won't buy or plant anything until i know we'd be here to enjoy the fruits of our labors. though we've cut the grass, mowed, weeded, etc. (and i've got the poison ivy to prove it) we haven't brought out the fountains or the hammock. limbo. out conversations are peppered with....when you get a job we'll do this; if we move we'll have to get rid of this. looking around the house/yard i am overwhelmed. where will i start? obviously we won't be able to take everything if we move. maybe i should just tag everything for sale and open the floodgates. we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. i feel like i say that a lot, if not out loud, certainly in my head. we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. *********************** the boy and i watched 127 hours this weekend. interesting how they turned that incident into a full-length movie. james franco still creeps me out. it was good. the cinematography was breathtaking, however i'm even more convinced that you will never catch me hiking in a canyon, even if i'm with other people. the natural beauty and wonder would be breathtaking, but i'm pretty sure i'm too much of a wuss to be in that environment.