Tuesday, April 12, 2011

in limbo

the hubs and i have decided we can probably hold on until may. if i don't have a job by that time we're going to have to start getting rid of stuff, closing up shop and hitting the road. we've discussed it and while in theory moving in w/ his dad in oklahoma would be a good idea, realistically it probably wouldn't be. too much tension; too much emotional bullshit; too much angst. we would have made this decision--when to move--sooner i suppose but lately there have been more jobs to apply for and i've had more interviews. i haven't talked about them for fear of jinxing them, but apparently that's not working either. i had another interview about a week ago and i walked out of it feeling good. one thing about being unemployed for so long is i've started to feel pretty worthless. for someone who has always questioned their abilities anyway, getting a reject letter based on a resume sucks, but getting a reject letter based on what you thought was a good interview sucks even worse. i keep thinking things could be worse. i could work in a city where 41 people were killed in a 24 hour time frame; a wife of one of my husband's coworkers could have been kidnapped in the same city; my brother-in-law could have committed suicide and i could have just found out my mom has cancer. all of these things have happened to people i know and not to me. for this i am thankful but sad and scared for them. ********************* the girl has brought home paperwork to sign up for driver's ed over the summer....a summer that may find us in another state altogether. the bulb catalogs and trays of flowers at the garden centers taunt me. i won't buy or plant anything until i know we'd be here to enjoy the fruits of our labors. though we've cut the grass, mowed, weeded, etc. (and i've got the poison ivy to prove it) we haven't brought out the fountains or the hammock. limbo. out conversations are peppered with....when you get a job we'll do this; if we move we'll have to get rid of this. looking around the house/yard i am overwhelmed. where will i start? obviously we won't be able to take everything if we move. maybe i should just tag everything for sale and open the floodgates. we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. i feel like i say that a lot, if not out loud, certainly in my head. we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. *********************** the boy and i watched 127 hours this weekend. interesting how they turned that incident into a full-length movie. james franco still creeps me out. it was good. the cinematography was breathtaking, however i'm even more convinced that you will never catch me hiking in a canyon, even if i'm with other people. the natural beauty and wonder would be breathtaking, but i'm pretty sure i'm too much of a wuss to be in that environment.


Gal Friday said...

After a while, I can imagine it becomes harder and harder to play that "but it could still be worse" mantra in your head. You have done your time, living without a second income--I felt *sure* you would somehow find another job.
It is downright scary out there with the economic situation.
The way you described your "limbo" made me shiver.

Thinking of you(who is NOT worthless!!),

Unknown said...

I play that game too...the what am I complaining about, at least I'm not that guy...game.
Only sometimes does it help.

I feel so bad for all the uncertainty in your world right now. Maybe preemptively getting rid of some stuff will help. That way it's more about letting go of the stuff weighing you down and less about income.

Do you read Miss Britt? She's chucking it all living in an RV for a year. I'm not suggesting that, I'm just saying she's written about letting go of the objects and how empowering it can be.

Hugs honey...hang in there

Anonymous said...

It certainly couldn't hurt to start selling/getting rid of some stuff. That way if you have to move, that part is done, and if you don't (MUCH PREFERRED!), then you'll have cleaned out some stuff and made some cash. It's the right time of year for yard sales and probably Craigslist/eBay, too.

Wish there was something I could do besides pray!

Sweet T

Anonymous said...

Oh my... I assume you guys have a master plan about which direction you will go to? Hubby's job is regional, right?

I don't know what to say except that I can remember being in this limbo - having to pack all of my things into a truck and move several states away with nothing planned for livelihood or living situation. As scary as that sounds... I found the whole situation liberating (but it was also 15 years ago in a different economy.)

I know you'll figure it out and land on your feet. Try to stay calm. xoxoxoxo

(Thanks for stopping by my fb page yesterday - I've been in my own kind of limbo. Ack.)

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry that you are having to go through all of this. I keep rooting for you that everything will pull itself together and work out alright for you. Hugs my soul sister.