lately i have been thinking about just how long i've been unemployed, maybe more so this week because i am hoping for an interview with one company and i just picked up three freelance gigs. i think about how different our lives have been since i've been home. i know for the most part the hubs has worried about and been stressed out about the financial aspects of it, not just the day to day but the big picture. the fact that we'll have the first kid going to college in 4 years and the second one not far behind. the fact that we really don't want to work until we drop dead from exhaustion, never being able to retire and travel etc. those big picture things worry me too.
but, as the one here day in and day out i also see the positives. the girl has been able to be much more involved with the things she loves about school....national academic league (which meets after school) the only place she says she "fits" because of her nerdiness (her words, not mine). the boy is able to take some karate classes that he wouldn't be able to because of their timing (even though the hubs usually takes him). for the most part all of the chores and running errands and housework are done during the week so our weekends are ours--aside from karate and soccer. i think, at least with the girl, we've formed a bond that might have been missed had i been at work. middle school has been hard for her and while she wears her emotions on her sleeves most of the time, there are things that come out in normal conversation that might not have happened before. not big things, but things that let me get into her head, if that makes any sense.
yesterday afternoon she tried out for all county orchestra. i was a little surprised she wanted to because honestly i don't think it's something she's passionate about. she's been in orchestra (viola) all three years of middle school and she's always made an a in that class, but...she's not fired up about it. she practices at home in spurts. try outs were held at a middle school in our county but it was about 30 mins away. they took the activity bus to the school but parents had to pick their kids up afterwards. we were driving home around 5:15 p.m. and the traffic was bad. i realized that this is how it will be when i get a job. rather than being home either making or contemplating dinner and watching over the boy doing his homework or spurring him on to get ready for karate i will be on my way home from work. then i go to thinking about how everything will change--evenings will be rushed, dinner will be a juggling act, after school care (at least for the boy) will be something to deal with. i can't remember how we did it all before. granted, before when i worked we didn't have karate classes going on or soccer and the girl wasn't in any after school clubs/meetings.
right now i am not overly concerned about the after school care issue. most likely we'd let the girl come home alone after school; she'd be here 3-4 hours on her own. i have no doubt she could handle that. however, i also have no doubt i could leave them both home, every day, w/out there being major issues. i'd be getting phone calls every half hour or someone would be maimed or something. it would just not work. there are a couple of after school care options open for the boy, so i'm not that worried about it. it's the summer that concerns me. i'm pretty sure the girl has aged out of any summer childcare programs; she'll be 14 in jan. i can't leave her here, at home, all day, every day all summer. she'd be stuck in the house alone every day. the rules are if she's home alone there is no bike riding, swimming, trampoline. not a good summer. what do people do with their kids who are too old for daycare but not old enough to stay by themselves all summer?
in my last post i talked about how much i'm dreading the holidays. sigh....it's not REALLY that bad i suppose. no, i don't look forward to spending thanksgiving w/ my folks, but there are other things to be happy about. the hubs is looking forward to thanksgiving with gusto. well, i should clarify...he is looking forward to turkey and the food. for the last two weeks, at least once a day we have a conversation about turkey. i'm not exaggerating. one of the grocery stores had a sale last week and i got a turkey (hubs is cooking it at my mom's house for t-day). the hubs asked why i didn't get more than one. today another store has them on sale so i will be getting at least one more turkey to put in the freezer for the thanksgiving weekend. dude is serious about some turkey. however, he has a goal of losing a few more pounds before thanksgiving, which will be his pad, allowing him to eat on thanksgiving. oy vey do not even get me started about this man's thoughts on weight loss. regardless of how crazy i think he is....he is successful with it. he's lost 40 pounds since august. and not in a crazy, starve yourself crash diet kind of way. he's eating healthier and exercising. a lot. people are noticing his loss and commenting and despite the fact that dude has never lacked in the self confidence department, you can tell it makes him feel good.
this morning i went in to wake up the boy (7am) after seeing the girl off on the bus. it's hit or miss w/ him. some mornings i turn on the light and say wakey wakey eggs and bakey or call him by one of his nicknames and say it's time to get up. he'll either roll over and hold up his hand asking for five more minutes or he'll just get up. this morning he rolled around and looked at me and said he didn't want to be eggs and bakey. that cute sleepy face called to me and i snuggled in the bed w/ him for a few minutes. he snuggled in and just out of the blue said, i'll probably test for my red belt before christmas. dude is all karate 24/7! lol. so we talked a little about karate and then he got up.
yesterday the boy got a package of mexican candy from my friend texas. all kinds of different things we'll be trying : ) the boy took some of it in to school today to share w/ his spanish class. he was so excited. kids love love love getting shit in the mail, and when it's candy? even better. the boy still cannot wrap his brain around why my friend, who has never met him, would send him such a gift. : ) it's kind of sad and sweet at the same time.
even though the hubs knows texas and i have reconnected and i've shared some stories from our emails with him and told him, several times, we email almost daily...this morning he finally said, you and texas just picked right up where you left off didn't you? of course he knows her, the hubs and i were dating in high school when texas and i were bff's, but i guess it just finally sunk in that we're so tight again, even from thousands of miles away.
I so feel you on the home good vs home bad issue.
Right now I am a full time working mom. It sucks. I can't financially afford to NOT work full time but
A - I miss my kids and don't spend enough time with them.
B - I've been so depressed and non functioning that my job is now in jeopardy.
They have suggested I drop to 30 hours and I am so very tempted. I don't know which is the lesser of two evil stresses. The Money Monster or the Bad Mom Monster.
I would be out of my mind with worry if I worked in the summer. And my kid just turned 15. I don't see that getting better. Ack.
So cool that hubby is succeeding in his weight loss and health goals. What is he doing?
My child will not get out of bed for anything. It sucks.
As much as the nursing gig is stressful and gross, I love that it gives me options to work odd hours, and weekends.
I think I have the best/worst of both worlds. Am a SAHM who does all the household stuff. And I'm out of the house three evenings (or more if I pick up extra shifts) a week.
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