books, the arm and friends

i finished the first sookie stackhouse book. i can't find the second one anywhere. holy shit. today i went to our little used paperback book store and hunted for them. she didn't have them but said she'd call me when she got some in. she also introduced me to a new author..well, new to me..in the same genre as stephen king. so i bought one of his books, robert maccullum is his name, and a book for the boy for his upcoming bday.

i am still reading the heart shaped box (it is ok...i want to love it because he's stephen king's son...but....it's just ok. i preferred 20th century ghost stories...his short story collection.) i also started the memory keeper's daughter. i feel like i've read this book before. it's about a couple who have twins--one has down syndrome and the husband (who's a dr who had to deliver his own twins in a snow storm) tells the nurse to take the baby girl (w/ downs) away before his wife realizes it.

the girl is as voracious a reader as i am. more so i think. she's found a new author and has been searching for a second book by this author. it came out today. she saved up her allowance and asked me to get it so she'd have it when she gets home from school. she just texted me to see if i'd gotten her book. like i could have forgotten. she mentioned it about elebenty billion times this morning. she wrote it on the dry erase board on the fridge. i love her love of reading.

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remember in the spring when i was having trouble w/ my right shoulder/arm? i went to physical therapy...i have some nerve issue and arthritis. it's in my left shoulder/arm now. ah. it has been for about a month. my left index finger has been sort of numb for weeks. i did get a refill scrip on anti-inflammatory meds. they help some. i've been doing all the exercises i learned in pt. they also help some. but, typing...holding things, laying flat, these things hurt like a mutherfucker.

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if you've been reading long you know how i struggle w/ being a friend. i always question my ability to be a good friend, and yet most of the reasons i question myself come from my relationship (or lack thereof) w/ just a few people. i have rekindled a great relationship w/ one of my bff's from high school. i can't even begin to express how good it feels. we had such good times in high school....it was such a pivotal time in our lives....and now she's back in my life, even though we're thousands of miles apart. i can close my eyes and hear her laugh. we email most every day. long emails. catching up emails.

i also have a couple of friends that no matter how long it's been since i've seen them...no matter what we've done in the months/weeks between visits...it's always still good. (sweet t i'm looking at you.) we may only get together for lunch once every couple of months, but there are emails in between. i still feel connected to them.

so, these things have made me think...maybe it's not that i'm a horrible friend, maybe it's just that i wasn't meant to be life-long friends w/ certain people. there's an email that makes the rounds every so often...some people come into your life for a season...etc. and maybe i need to stop and remember that. i need to quit feeling that there's something wrong w/ me or that i'm being left out of something because if i really and truly wanted to be included i could make the effort.