Wednesday, August 23, 2006

What about my balls?

This week has been filled with growing pains in our house. The Girl is going into 4th grade and The Boy into 1st. These are just two of the fun (and I use that term VERY loosely) conversations we've had.

1. Last night after his bath The Boy is standing wrapped in a towel in his bedroom doorway and stops me in the hall.

Him: Mom, what would happen if I didn't have any balls?
Me: WHAT?!!???!??!?!!? What are you talking about?
Him: (Removes the towel and is standing there butt naked, pointing to his testicles.) These, my balls, what would happen if I didn't have them?
Me: Well...uh...(Thinking to myself WTF is this! Where's The Hubby? Can I pawn this off on him? The Boy is looking at me like he didn't just ask a highly strange question.) Well, if you didn't have them then when you grow up and get married you wouldn't be able to have kids.
Him: But I thought girls had babies?
Me: (Oh boy, I've opened a can of worms.) Well, they do but the Daddy's help them have babies.
Him: Oh, so you mean they press their penis against the girl?
Me: Uh, this is something we can talk about when you're older.

2. The night before The Girl decided she and The Boy are lame because they're the only ones at school and in their daycare that still believe in Santa. Truth be told she didn't believe in Santa last year, though she wasn't ready to let go of it and totally bought in to all the hideous lies we've told her about him and the things we've done to try to prolong their believing. (i.e. writing notes from Santa to them, eating the carrots they leave for the reindeer and even downloading reindeer pictures from the Web making it look like Santa left them a snapshot of Rudolph). She's going on and on about this (among other things like she's the only kid in the world without a phone and TV in her room) until bedtime. The Boy goes to bed and she's still wailing about it so The Hubby and I give each other the look like, ok, this is it, we're going to tell her the truth. On August 21, 2006 we told The Girl, no Virginia, there is no Santa Claus. She bawled. I almost did. Then she turned on us.

Her: Why did you lie to me? Why did you do that?
Dad: Christmas is magical honey, when you're a little little kid that's part of the fun of it.
Her: So you lied about it all? There's no Tooth Fairy or Easter Bunny either? (more sobbing)
Me: Uh, no, they aren't real either.
Her: You LIED to me.
Dad: Yes, we did but that was part of being a kid and now you know the truth.
(This conversation went on for an hour and a half and also covered the TV/phone I don't have any friends issues before it finally wound down.)
Her: So, were you also lying about fruits and vegetables being healthy for me?

Man, she's good.

As for the TV in the bedroom--I am and always have been opposed to young kids (like under 12 or 13) having TVs in their rooms. Any thoughts on this subject?


Anonymous said...

I agree with you about the tv. stand firm on it. you want to know what they are watching plus you want to force them to interact with you. santa killer.

Anonymous said...

The balls thing made me laugh out loud! You can't get anything past the Boy! I remember when the Nephew was little, and in the tub, and yelled to his Mom, "They're turning blue!" He was squeezing his. Luckily I was out of the room so I could laugh hysterically.

Not sure if the Niece and Nephew still believe in Santa. I don't think he does, but she might. You know the Girl will probably tell the Boy...

Stick to your guns about the TV thing. At least wait until she's 13. Otherwise, she'll never leave her room.


Anonymous said...

I wouldn't put a TV in my theoretical kid's room either, but it's easy for me to say as I don't have to listen to any theoretical kids screamin' at me. Ya gotta keep an eye on those sneaky little troublemakers...
...especially now that you've spilled the beans and one of 'em knows that there's no Santa to give a rat's ass whether she's naughty or nice.

creative kerfuffle said...

We're standing firm on the TVs but I'm a little concerned about the Girl watching all the medical stuff now on Discovery Health.

Since the Santa ordeal the Girl has become crafty. This weekend alone I heard no less than 10 times, oh I like that, maybe SANTA could get it for me for Christmas. I think we've created a monster.