sh@* that's in my head

i still find it hard to believe a facelibra page, smdsays, has been made into a tv show. i haven't watched it so am unfairly passing judgement that it is most likely terrible.


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floundering this week. everything has been off. i think this is how earth must have felt when all the tectonic plates started moving around. wtf is going on and what will this end up looking like? part of it i'm sure is being a little low that texas is gone. i didn't realize how big of a deal her coming and leaving would be. another is...the clock is ticking on our future. the freelance has really slowed down...as in i haven't had any for a couple of weeks. the unemployment will end in april and things will be dire even before then.


up until now i have held on to some sort of hope. i am talented. experienced. educated. surely i will be hired. but really? almost two years and nothing. to say my ego has been dealt a huge blow would be an understatement. i'm to the point where i am second guessing that i am even capable of writing a fucking blog let alone getting paid to write in real life.


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earlier this week the girl performed in her all-county orchestra show. this was extra-curricular so it took tons more practice than she's used to. extra hours after school. the day of the performance was a full day of practice. the performance was awesome, though the hubs and boy thought it was long because they had three groups performing. it was almost 2 hours of orchestral music. afterwards she was one hot mess. as she walked up to us i could tell she was about ready to cry. she was tired, pissed off and hungry. the girl gets all kinds of sideways when she's hungry. she bitched the entire way home that night, like 30 minutes straight. omg i was ready for bed.


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the boy has been invited to the circus today. he's quite excited. we've never taken our kids to the circus. i'm not a big circus person. they went years ago w/ daycare. the animal horror stories i've heard over the years prevent me from being able to muster an ounce of excitement or desire to see a circus. the mom called yesterday to invite him for today. she said they'd pick him up around 10:30 or 11 am, go to lunch and then the circus. she came early. i'd just gone to my room to throw some clothes on (hello, it is sunday morning folks). she rang the bell at 10:15am. i answer the door w/ my hair looking like holy hell, a sweatshirt and jeans on, no bra. love.ly. yeah. of course she is looking all put together and nice. she and her hubs are both doctors. i don't get the impression that they are pretentious in any way and her son has been here and is very nice and polite. they bought 10 circus tickets. 5 more than they needed. they are taking 5 extra kids to the circus and lunch.

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the other day when i took the boy to karate the karate master's wife was there and we chatted. she is a very nice person. she and her husband are foster parents and we've seen different kids come and go from their home. we talk about the foster program from time to time. each time they get a new kid she says this one is their last; they're in their 50s (but look to be 10 yrs younger) and have been doing this for decades. there is one boy that i think they will end up adopting in the end. he's lived w/ them off and on for years. now he is w/ a family who is thinking of adopting him...it's a year long process. while she hopes he gets adopted, mainly because the family is white and so is the kid and she thinks he'd have a rougher time if they (a black couple) adopted him. but, it is obvious she has so much love for this boy.

the sad thing is...once kids in the system reach 18 the states wash their hands of them (unless they have a documented mental illness, then they can stay in the system until they're 21). how can anyone expect a person who's spent their life passed around from family to family to be able to function on their own at the age of 18? obviously if they've stayed in the system their whole lives something hasn't worked out. there are issues. why isn't there a group home type setting for these kids? a place that eases them into the real world? that teaches them a skill or trade, everyday things they need to know about banking and money and cooking and taking care of themselves and being productive members of society? for some reason this sticks in my craw.