i divorced my parents about 3 months ago. lately the hubs has been asking me a question i can't answer. how do i see this ending?
last night one of my aunts (my mom's youngest sister) emailed me and said although she had no idea what was going on she really wished my mom and i could work things out. i emailed her, she emailed me back. in a nutshell she said if i don't make up w/ my mom someday it will be too late and i will be sorry. in a nutshell i told her she only knows the side of her sister that she's been shown and has no idea about what has been going on for the last 3-4 decades. i also told her that if we were talking about a relationship w/ a friend or spouse people would be encouraging me to run, not walk away.
the hubs thinks i will have regrets when my parents die if i don't do SOMETHING. neither of us is sure what that SOMETHING should be, but he's certain i will have regrets.
i asked him if it's really fair to have a relationship with someone based on the fact that you don't want to feel guilty when they die. he said absolutely. i just don't know about that.
i don't want my parents to die and i don't wish any ill will on them, but that doesn't change the fact that i don't like them and don't want to be around them. i don't know how to get around that.
i am not surprised that my aunt emailed me. i figured sooner or later one of them would. i would do the same thing if it were my bro and puddin' having problems. however, all anyone has ever known is my mom's side of things, whether she is talking about the current situation or not, she is and has always portrayed herself as the victim. that is how her family sees her.
i am not going to give my aunt a laundry list of why her sister isn't the victim she thinks she is. part of me wishes people knew how things really were/are but even then i question whether they'd still see mom as the victim. years ago when i told one of my aunts about just a part of my issue w/ them she was initially sickened w/ and then quickly did an about face.
i still go back to the thought that if the hubs was the one i'd had all of these issues w/ over the years, if he was the one causing all the drama and strife and emotional abuse and neglect, etc. people would think i was crazy to stay with him. why should it be any different just because it's my parents? why should i be the guilty one?