don't you hate it when you write an amazing blog post in your head, usually right before you fall asleep, and you say to yourself, oh, i'll remember that and blog in the morning? what? you don't do that? well, i had this amazing post in my head last night before drifting off and i can't put all the words together quite the way i had them in my head.
i have this feeling of being a little like alice in wonderland after she's fallen down the rabbit hole. she sees the door she's meant to go through, but she's the wrong size. while there is a bottle of liquid on the table and a key as well, there are other bottles and a whole ring of keys. i feel like i have spent my life drinking from that bottle and trying different keys and i'm getting so close to getting that door open.
it took me forever to find the rabbit hole to fall into to begin with and then just as long to realize i needed to drink the potion and find the right key. this feels like a journey i've been on all my life. there is something underneath the surface that i'm about to discover. at least i hope so. i feel antsy, expectant. like once i find the right key and open that door i am going to discover exactly what it is i am supposed to be. a writer? a better person? a better mom? i don't know what's behind the door i just know it's good. big good.