Tuesday, April 21, 2009

spacing out

tomorrow at the ass crack of morning (6:30) the girl and i and half of the sixth graders in her school are piling on a bus for a lovely drive to alabama. we are going to space camp in huntsville : ) (i'll think of you hotch, though i'm sure i have no idea how close you live to huntsville). we will try not to disturb too much of the space program while we are there. i am trying to convince the hubs to possibly do a guest post or two while i'm away. i'll be gone wed-friday.

i am still floundering a bit with this unemployment thing. i have not figured out a good balance of my time yet. there are many things i need to do (aside, of course, from finding a J.O.B.) and things that i want to do and in the mean time i'm fighting the feeling of just not wanting to do anything.

i'm sure a lot more of these feelings will unfold here. i feel like i'm on the brink of something; almost like i've been given a gift, a do-over if you will. i know i have to have a job (with insurance) but part of me also wants to see what this is like, this stay at home mom stuff. right now things haven't changed, but in a couple of weeks the kids will be coming home after school. and then there will be the summer.

in a perfect world i'd get an awesome full time/full benefits job next week, but that's not happening. i also know that the grass is always greener on the other side. the part of me that wonders what it would be like to have the kids home w/ me is getting bonked over the head by the part of me that knows they will quickly get bored and frustrated being home all the time and i will have to find things to entertain them and we will all get on each others' nerves. i know this as sure as i'm sitting here.

the part of me that feels like i got a do-over says that because i was so burnt out w/ my job. i liked aspects of it but i had totally lost my passion for it. the corporate environment sucked the fucking life out of me. maybe i'm being idealistic in thinking that there is a job out there, a company, that would be a perfect fit for me. i also know that when all is said and done i will find a job and even if it is not the perfect job it will be a job.

in the meantime i will try to look at all of this as a learning experience.

i have learned three things this week. three totally random things actually. first, when the grocery store has a big chunk of beef on sale, those chunks that i would have no idea how to cook? yeah, you just have the meat guy grind that shit up and you have sirloin hamburger meat. voila. i never knew.

also--when you're cooking/prepping stuff in the kitchen, put all of your scraps in a bowl rather than keep going back and forth to the garbage can. i'm sure you all knew that already but i didn't and it was a pretty aha moment. like, why the hell didn't i think of that before.

lastly--cats like sitting on the laptop keyboard. blo (before lay off) i would noodle around on the laptop and then close it up and stick it in the dining room or something. now i tend to leave it on the kitchen table, open, so i can check email (because i have become inordinately accustomed to being "plugged" in and can't go too long w/ out checking email or whatever--yes, i'm a loser) and meow has decided this is a lovely warm spot to sit. not so good when i come back and her fat ass has depressed a lot of buttons and i have all these windows open and my screen size gets shrunk and i don't know how to fix it. nice.

bea--i will mail your box o' goodies on saturday or monday (since i'm going to be spaced out until then). don't worry, just because it was a bizarro sex contest does not mean i will send you porn or bizarro sex stuff. uh....unless that's what you want? i think we have some flavored condoms around here somewhere ; )


Not Your Aunt B said...

Hey! I thought the giftie was supposed to be for me *not* my husband! Ha!

Hotch Potchery said...

I did some quick mental mapping when you first mentioned (in a comment on another blog actually) going to space camp, and we are 4 hours away...boo to that. I hope you have fun at space camp, I have heard great things.

I was thinking about sending you an email about your job, considering blo you talked about wanting to change directions...now you have that chance.

Good luck on the sahm thing if that is the route you decide to take, I personally couldn't do it, I am no good of thinking of fun things to do that don't involve beer or sex.

Astarte said...

SPACE CAMP?! Wow, that sounds awesome!!!!! I want to go, too!!!!

You'll get there. I've been at home for over six years now, and I *still* get out of my groove sometimes. It sounds like going to camp will be a good bridge activity.

Anonymous said...

I think you should allow yourself to do nothing, on occasion, if that's what you want to do. I know you're looking at this as a great opportunity to get stuff done, and it is, but pace yourself. You haven't had enough time to really deal with all of this yet, so give yourself a break! You'll get there, wherever that may be. :)

Sweet T

Trish said...

You have been working in a pressure cooker for the last few years. You deserve and NEED some time to decompress!
I remember 1 time when I won one of your contests and you gave me the handmade - in NYC- poster of my name drawn with fancy birds. I love it!

drollgirl said...

hope you guys have a great trip. it might be good for you to have a change of scenery.

cheatymoon said...

Have a fabulous time at space camp, tho you are a better woman than I for volunteering to go anywhere overnight w/ a bunch of middle school kids...

I think the lay-off is a gift and a do-over, and as long as you keep seeing it this way, things will work themselves out as they should. Hang in there...

Anonymous said...

I'm a little disappointed the prize isn't a box of porn...


Surely said...

Ah, I was just like you in 2006. I finally just let go and let whatever was going to happen: happen.

Turns out I stayed home for one year then took a job on a whim that turned out to be a good gig. Clearly, as I am posting this from "work".

"You Must CHILL" would be my advice! (:-D

hahahahha...my word verification is "funrac"

Pandora said...

Ha,my boyfriend is one of those people who walk from the counter to the rubbish bin,endlessly,until one day,I couldn't take it anymore and told him to throw all the scraps away at one time.He looked at me like I was crazy.But he does it my way now.