i just realized i haven't posted for 7 days. wow. that must be a record.
the hubs got home safely from florida. though i am glad that part of it is over with, it's never really over and there still are a lot of emotions to deal with. i look back at the month we've had and wtf just doesn't seem to cover it.
saturday we went to my niece's 1st birthday party--today is her actual birthday! happy birthday my sweet puddin. she is so amazing. she got a little shopping cart for her birthday and LOVED the hell out of the walking freedom it gave her. she's taking a few steps on her own, but having that cart in front of her gave her "wings" and i'm sure she'll be walking on her own any time now.
we colored eggs saturday night and i'll try to post pics of our awesome eggs. dying easter eggs is one of my favorite things, along w/ decorating sugar cookies and carving pumpkins for halloween.
easter sunday--we did the church thing, which oddly enough has been quite difficult to bear these last several weeks. i know some people work through their grief with their faith but if anything it has made it harder for me in some ways. i just sit in the pew and want to bawl the whole time. afterwards we went to my folks house.
this brings us to yesterday--when i got laid off. there were 8 of us in this round. i can't say as i was totally surprised but it was still a bit of a shock. this marks the third time in my career that i've been laid off. note to all journalism/marketing students--publishing/media is a fickle bitch. the first time i got laid off was because the magazine i worked for went out of business. i fell into a depression after that one. the second time i was working for a software company in the marketing department and marketing is always the first thing to go when times get tough. this time again in publishing. the magazine is still there but advertising is dropping off the face of the earth and the industry we covered is suffering.
i have so many mixed emotions right now. anger, relief, fear, anxiety, freedom. the way they have restructured things i'm glad i'm not the one left because it will be an even more uphill battle but i am a bit pissed. under different circumstances i would have said i hope my book survives, but i think the powers that be have no clue what they're doing and are making knee jerk reactions and the one person they've kept is not going to be the saving grace. i think it will take me a few days to stop worrying about the job and realize that those worries are no longer mine. i woke up this morning w/ that rushed, anxious feeling thinking about all the things i needed to get done because we have a deadline coming up and then i thought, ha, it's not my problem any more. my main concern is insurance, though i have a little time before i have to really worry about it. i got a severance package and we'll be ok for awhile, i just know that awhile could be longer than i'd like.
i also am not necessarily panicked about my career. i have been burnt out w/ it and perhaps needed the nudge to do something else w/ my life. i have been touched by the out pouring of anger from people in the industry i worked in. i realize much if it is lip service and in a few days they will go on about their lives and not give me a second thought, but it's still nice to hear their support and to see them tweet about it and try to rally around me. it's good for the ego.
the hubs was incredible about the whole thing. we'd been joking about me losing my job and weren't completely caught off guard. the night before (not realizing of course that yesterday was the day) he joked about me becoming a martha stewart and having dinner ready when he got home and dusting and oh yeah, bjs anytime he wants. lol. apparently i will have to now earn my keep in other ways. the incredible part is his behavior yesterday. i called him right after i got word and he was ready to come to my office and help me pack up. i told him it wasn't necessary, i had a few things to do first and haven't even started packing yet (i've been there 7 yrs). 30 mins later he called me from my parking lot ready to help. i hadn't started packing yet. then when i finally did come home he met me there, just needing to make sure i was ok and not losing my shit.
the kids took it ok--the boy was concerned and supportive of me; told us he could stop getting his allowance. the girl's main concern is that she might not get to go to summer camp at daycare (which she's historically bitched about) and that we might not go out to eat as much.
today i'm going to putter around the house, make some phone calls and hunt for a job : )