Tuesday, April 28, 2009

good day sunshine

today is a good day. i've started mentally labeling my days. good days vs. bad days. i am emotionally all over the place with this joblessness thing. so far the bad days have out numbered the good days. i have pulled away from my friends, haven't blogged as much, have had only the most necessary contact with people in general, ya know, outside of my immediate family.

i still feel like a raw nerve (hence the reason for pulling back because the slightest thing sets me off), but today it is better.

i had a second meeting w/ a guy who wants me to do some freelance writing for him. not only does it mean some money it boosts my ego. i have never been a very self confident person and i think a lot of my self confidence has come from my job. when i am in a job, even though i feel like a fraud, i do feel like i know what i'm doing. so, to have someone hire me to write something made me feel good. i have about a month to do it, which is plenty of time.

i have been having vivid work-related dreams. in one a former boss, who i respected a lot and liked as a person, hired me and some other co-workers for a company he'd just started. in the dream he told everyone in the company except me what the company was really about and what the project really was. i was left in the dark and felt betrayed.

in another dream i went back to my former office and one person (who's a friend of mine) would talk to me, everyone else ignored me. i started looking around and people who were laid off in january and people laid off when i was were rehired and i wasn't.

i will make a more concerted effort to get back to my blog reading and commenting too. i know you have all been waiting w/ bated breath for my pithy comments ; )


Not Your Aunt B said...

Glad you are having more good days then bad. It just sucks not to have a job, but that is cool about the freelance gig.

cheatymoon said...

Hang in there. Congrats for the free-lance work. I think I've said before that I can identify with the feeling like a fraud.
It's so weird how much of ourselves get wrapped up into what we do for a living...
Hope to see you commenting soon, but don't put yourself under too much pressure!

Hotch Potchery said...

Congrats on the freelance gig, that is pretty cool!

I am also one to pull inside myself when things are a bit bleaker than I would like...we are patient!

drollgirl said...

i am glad today was a good day. yay for you!!! and you've already been offered work?!?!? FUCKING RADICAL!!! that is an ego boost AND cashola!

and your dreams are pretty easy to interpret. it is so nuts that work is such a huge part of our lives and it is so enmeshed in our brains and psyches and dreams. you are going to get over this. and i hope super things are in your future. like right away.

sorry about that last sentence. VERY SCOOBY DOO.

p.s. that big penis book is a riot. i almost want to buy it, but would rather someone else shelled out for it. :)

Pandora said...

I hate it when your real life starts creeping into your dream life.Whenever I'm stressed out in real life,I start having these awful nightmares about the weirdest things.

I'm glad you are feeling a bit better,although I think it will probably take a long while for you to feel completely on track again.And it's completely understandable.I don't know how I would've handled the same situation.

And yes,I do look forward to your comments,their the best!

Anonymous said...

We missed you, but take your time we understand. tracy

Anonymous said...

Bring on the pithy comments!

Sweet T

broad minded said...

yes we understand. but we are also very capable of stalking. so remember that.

Gal Friday said...

Yay!! The free-lance job sounds like something good(maybe it'll lead to more work?).
I understand about self-confidence and how at least a job you know you can do well(even if it sucks the life out of you day after day)offers you some of that. When you are without a job, you are withut a..title.
You are still YOU, though, job or no job.
My verification word for this comment is "extra"! :-)

Sherendipity said...

Dreams can be a bitch. I've been having some doozies lately.
The wound is still fresh, you'll be back in the swing of things in no time.

Kristin.... said...

Gal Friday is right. You're still CK, whether you're working or not. I like you no matter what. And I"m sure that makes EVERYTHING better, now doesn't it? :)