Wednesday, April 15, 2009

a new leaf

i just realized i haven't posted for 7 days. wow. that must be a record.

the hubs got home safely from florida. though i am glad that part of it is over with, it's never really over and there still are a lot of emotions to deal with. i look back at the month we've had and wtf just doesn't seem to cover it.

saturday we went to my niece's 1st birthday party--today is her actual birthday! happy birthday my sweet puddin. she is so amazing. she got a little shopping cart for her birthday and LOVED the hell out of the walking freedom it gave her. she's taking a few steps on her own, but having that cart in front of her gave her "wings" and i'm sure she'll be walking on her own any time now.

we colored eggs saturday night and i'll try to post pics of our awesome eggs. dying easter eggs is one of my favorite things, along w/ decorating sugar cookies and carving pumpkins for halloween.

easter sunday--we did the church thing, which oddly enough has been quite difficult to bear these last several weeks. i know some people work through their grief with their faith but if anything it has made it harder for me in some ways. i just sit in the pew and want to bawl the whole time. afterwards we went to my folks house.

this brings us to yesterday--when i got laid off. there were 8 of us in this round. i can't say as i was totally surprised but it was still a bit of a shock. this marks the third time in my career that i've been laid off. note to all journalism/marketing students--publishing/media is a fickle bitch. the first time i got laid off was because the magazine i worked for went out of business. i fell into a depression after that one. the second time i was working for a software company in the marketing department and marketing is always the first thing to go when times get tough. this time again in publishing. the magazine is still there but advertising is dropping off the face of the earth and the industry we covered is suffering.

i have so many mixed emotions right now. anger, relief, fear, anxiety, freedom. the way they have restructured things i'm glad i'm not the one left because it will be an even more uphill battle but i am a bit pissed. under different circumstances i would have said i hope my book survives, but i think the powers that be have no clue what they're doing and are making knee jerk reactions and the one person they've kept is not going to be the saving grace. i think it will take me a few days to stop worrying about the job and realize that those worries are no longer mine. i woke up this morning w/ that rushed, anxious feeling thinking about all the things i needed to get done because we have a deadline coming up and then i thought, ha, it's not my problem any more. my main concern is insurance, though i have a little time before i have to really worry about it. i got a severance package and we'll be ok for awhile, i just know that awhile could be longer than i'd like.

i also am not necessarily panicked about my career. i have been burnt out w/ it and perhaps needed the nudge to do something else w/ my life. i have been touched by the out pouring of anger from people in the industry i worked in. i realize much if it is lip service and in a few days they will go on about their lives and not give me a second thought, but it's still nice to hear their support and to see them tweet about it and try to rally around me. it's good for the ego.

the hubs was incredible about the whole thing. we'd been joking about me losing my job and weren't completely caught off guard. the night before (not realizing of course that yesterday was the day) he joked about me becoming a martha stewart and having dinner ready when he got home and dusting and oh yeah, bjs anytime he wants. lol. apparently i will have to now earn my keep in other ways. the incredible part is his behavior yesterday. i called him right after i got word and he was ready to come to my office and help me pack up. i told him it wasn't necessary, i had a few things to do first and haven't even started packing yet (i've been there 7 yrs). 30 mins later he called me from my parking lot ready to help. i hadn't started packing yet. then when i finally did come home he met me there, just needing to make sure i was ok and not losing my shit.

the kids took it ok--the boy was concerned and supportive of me; told us he could stop getting his allowance. the girl's main concern is that she might not get to go to summer camp at daycare (which she's historically bitched about) and that we might not go out to eat as much.

today i'm going to putter around the house, make some phone calls and hunt for a job : )


Pseudo said...

Wow. What a crazy, emotional roller coaster of a month you have had. I will be thinking good thoughts your way.

Pandora said...

That is not good.I mean,can your month get any worse?Ok,it can,but seriously,I feel horrible for you.But I'm sure you will come out better and happier at the end.You sound like a very strong,smart and savvy woman,and you have your readers' support.Good luck with the job-hunting!I'll be sending you some good vibes.

Anonymous said...

Oh dear, I'm so sorry. Your kids and your husband are amazing. Your son sounds so sweet and thoughtful it makes me want to cry....I hope you guys are OK. I say all the time that getting laid off would probably be a HUGE gift to me...but I really don't want it to happen, but it would force me to move on from something that makes me miserable!



Ali said...

Wow you really have had the most awful month. I am convinced that this means that only good things will be coming your way from now on.

I'm so sorry about your job. I hope you can find something else soon.


drollgirl said...

you have been hit with so much this year. i am so sorry that you were laid off, too. crimony. but in some ways maybe this will give you a chance to do something that you enjoy more. hopefully? hang in there. thank god for severance packages, and i hope something good comes your way soon. you deserve it.

Astarte said...

Well, there's your third thing, I suppose - both for the month and in layoff terms. I am SO sorry all of this has landed in your lap at once!!!!! Good that they gave you a severance package - when I got laid off, we got nada. I hope that you can find a job that deserves you.

Your son is amazing. The girl he ends up with will be a lucky one.

Hotch Potchery said...

I read this early today, and couldn't think of any words to type that might either make you laugh, or feel better.

Now here I am 6 hours later, and I still got nothing, other than damn. that. sucks. donkey. balls.

But I did learn this joke the other night.

What is the difference between peanut butter and jam?

(It is pretty gross.)

Sherendipity said...

Well fuckadoodle.
You've certainly had your fill lately, haven't you? Dude, I don't even know what to say other than I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and I'm hoping the light at the end of the tunnel starts to shine pretty fucking soon, or I'm going to have to smack somebody.
Sending love your way.

cheatymoon said...

I guess there is some freedom / relief in being laid off and not having to worry anymore. That's how the other half felt when he got laid off in October. And he switched industries and was able to get a decent job by January.

It's good that you see this as an opportunity and you'll have time to de-stress and take care of you. Your hubby is too funny w/ the Martha Stewart and BJ comments...

Looking forward to seeing you easter egg photos...

Not Your Aunt B said...

I don't even know what to say. I am so sorry. I wish I could come over with a suitcase of beer, snacks, dessert, and DVDs of your favorite shows.

Your family rocks. Hoping this is the last of the shitty stuff to happen. Hang in there.

broad minded said...

all I have to say is if you steal my martha stewart crown then we may have to have a smack down ;)

Gal Friday said...

I am so sorry to learn you just lost your job.
Someone in my family is going through a rough time--relationship ending and loss of income because of this messed up economy and I now I keep learning about other people who are struggling, too.
Who knows what will come out of this, on the other side some day...keep your chin up(so great you have such a spportive husband...who likes his new M.S./B.J. housewife..).