Thursday, January 4, 2007

Kids say (and do) the darndest things

Sorry, I can't resist recounting some of the things the Boy and Girl have done recently.

The Girl is disturbingly addicted to CSI (the Las Vegas one). (I guess this is a case of pot/kettle because I have that West Wing monkey on my back). In hindsight we probably shouldn't have let her start watching this show, but we did. She'll be 10 (double digits!) in 13 days. She has not only professed her "love" for Grisom, the main character, but she also now wants to either be a CSI or an ASPCA cop.

This week in art they had to draw a scene from their favorite movie or TV show. Yes, you guessed it, she drew a crime scene. (Yes, I'm waiting for a call from the counselor!) She drew all of the characters and Grisom and Sara were holding hands. The "vic" as The Girl called her, was a girl suspended upside down from a flag pole.

The Girl: She was shot in the head but there was no exit wound. I didn't put the gun in the picture because it is school and they don't like that kind of thing. I didn't make her a rape victim either because it was for school.

The other night while we were watching CSI (I do like it too) the commercial for some genital herpes drug came on.

Girl: What's sexual activity.
Me: (Groan) It's having sex.
Girl: You and daddy have sex, do you have genital herpes?
Me: (Louder groan) No, not everyone who has sex has genital herpes.

Next commerical--lucky me, it was for a male enhancement drug.
Girl: (Giggling) I bet I know what that's for.
Me: (Wishing I could crawl under the sofa and roll time back about 5 years.) Uh, I don't think you need to worry about what it's for.
Girl: I bet it's so men can have better sex.
Me: Seriously, there are somethings you don't need to worry about or be concerned with.
Girl: Are you going to get Daddy some of that?
Me: NO! Now stop it!!!!!

[That evening the Hubs looked the drug up online. Apparently it's a cream. The directions? Apply by hand for ten minutes until "release" three times a week the first week, then 5 times a week the second week. Smells suspect to me!]

The Girl has also suggested for her birthday (she wants a slumber party) she and her friends should stage a CSI crime scene. Yeah, I'm sure that would go over REALLY well with the other parents!!

On the other end of the spectrum we have The Boy, 7. He still believes (and I think he REALLY does) in Santa. He also believes in leprechauns and the Gingerbread Man. These two have been fostered by his teacher. In the spring the leprechauns play tricks on the class (mess things up when they're out of the room, leave little shamrocks and notes all over, etc.). In the winter the Gingerbread Man does this. The Boy's story is that last year one of his teacher's was baking gingerbread men and she opened the oven to check on them and one escaped.

The Boy got the Gingerbread Man story for Christmas and of course we had to make gingerbread men cookies.

The Boy: Mom, DO NOT open the oven while they're cooking.
Me: Ok.
The cookies come out, they're done, sitting on a plate, and we had to run out for a little while.
The Boy: Mom, make sure all the doors are locked so the Gingerbread Man doesn't escape.
Me: Ok.

The Gingerbread Man went to school with him after the holiday break.

The Boy also has decided to collect nutcrackers. In the span of a week he collected three (holiday half price sales). He has named them, Nutter, Nutty and Soul. He sleeps with them.

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