strange dreams

last night i dreamt that my former boss was mad at me. apparently i was still sort of working for my old company, though i had been out sick for awhile. when i came back to work said boss, who was never much on confrontation or dealing w/ issues or being a good manager, raised his bushy eyebrows at me when i asked him what was wrong. he said the big boss would talk to me about my absence and then he launched into a critique of my latest article and how i had not checked my facts and everything was wrong and somehow that had led to the collapse of a local economy.

yeah, i know, strange. stranger still was i felt the weight of that bushy brow stare so intensely my heart started racing and i woke up.

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earlier this week i dreamt that texas (the long-lost high school friend) had twin boy toddlers. we have been catching up via email and she shared w/ me the fact that it took her a long time to get pregnant w/ her son (who is now four) and she miscarried last year and they were now trying for another baby. she does not seem frantic about wanting another child, if it happens it happens, and if she is not pregnant before her next birthday (february) they'll stop trying. then i go and dream she has twin boys. odd. i don't know whether to tell her this dream or not. whenever i dream about me (or someone else) having a baby or dream of them w/ a child they don't currently have, they usually have a baby.

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a few weeks ago i dreamt that a former co-worker had an affair with my mom. gross. very gross. i had forgotten about this until i spoke w/ my mom yesterday. she was supposed to come to the girl's soccer game (they tied, 4 to 4) but couldn't because she was too depressed. i shit you not, that's what she told me. she said she's been seeing a doctor who is adjusting the levels of whatever medication she is taking and that the doctor suggests she see a psychologist. (i am not clear on what the differences are between a psychiatrist and psychologist and therapist, etc.) i really didn't even know how to process that information. in my head i was screaming---hello, i could have told you you were crazy years ago (and i'm pretty certain my brother suggested counseling to her many, many times). when i told the hubs he wondered if he (or we) were the cause of her depression. seriously that isn't even a load i'm remotely willing to pick up and carry. ever. her life is her life. i am not doubting that she made indeed have clinical issues and needs medication (i'm realizing this is probably more common in my family than i once suspected) but i also know that whatever it is that she is depressed about right this minute has been brought on by the decisions she's been making all of her life. growing up i always knew my grandma (her mom) took "nerve pills" but i never questioned it or thought twice about it.

this coming weekend we are going to one of my first cousin's wedding in wv. i am sort of looking forward to it because if nothing else it will get us out of town (something we've not been able to do much of). i'm not dying to see the extended family. i am curious if my mom will get over her depression by then or if she will bring that to the wedding.

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we had a good (but hot) weekend. saturday morning was filled w/ errands and karate classes and saturday evening the bro, sil, gameboy and puddin' came over for dinner. poor puddin' was pretty pissed off that we weren't going swimming (pool is getting ready to be closed for the season).

sunday we slept in (our only day of the week to do so) and then the girl had a soccer game in the afternoon. it was HOT. hot and no shade. i know she was miserable out on that field but she did well. when we went for our walk in the neighborhood last night we saw a mama and baby deer. i was shocked. we live out in the county but it's not like we live OUT in the woods. i'm thinking that the back of our neighborhood is adjacent to fields and woods (which we can't tell for sure w/out walking in people's back yards).